Well, Admiral... I drank with Yahnna last night but I'm not really hung over. It was an odd sort of bonding moment between she and I. I'm afraid I lost it a bit. Cried on her shoulder. I was just so tired of running and I miss all of you so badly. I don't want the life I had before but I give anything to not be chased by an insane Dark Jedi or Admiral Zaraiath.

I learned that Yahnna really loves her family and misses them, too. She didn't tell me any details because she wants to protect them. And we both agreed that Admiral Zaraiath on the side of the Rebellion would be a good thing but, from what we've seen, it would never happen. And we're both sure that we're at the top of Stygoss' bad list. Yahnna thinks he wants to turn me to the Dark Side. That thought scares me a lot. I wonder if he could do that sort of thing without my willingness....

Actually, no. I don't wonder. I don't want to know.

In two days, we should meet up with the Rose. Yahnna's worried about bugs and spies. Me, too. But we both decided that we'll deal with that when we get there. Until then, we'll worry about us.

End Log: 78135.261.09:14

Open Log: 78135.264.13:13

Admiral... *Her voice is shaky. It is obvious she is crying.* It is all my fault. I just talked to Val. He yelled at me for coming to save him and the crew of the Rose. He made me think on that message he sent me. When I really thought about it, I could feel that it was a feeling of leaving. But, when I got the message, I didn't feel that. I didn't. Honest.

He yelled at me, telling me that know Stygoss knows I've been trained now. That I should have left. That the Force would have been better served in the long run. He's so upset with me. I didn't know what to say. He just kept saying I screwed up. That because of this, he has to accelerate my training. That Stygoss is gonna to come for me now. If I hadn't have come to rescue him, Stygoss wouldn't know.

Then he told me that I had to 'grow up soon' and learn how to make 'hard decisions.' I didn't have a choice. Otherwise, people were going to die.

I failed him. I failed me.

*More sounds of Duvessa sobbing in the background before recorder is turned off.*

End Log: 78135.264.13:18

Open Log: 78135.264.13:49

I don't believe him! *Her voice is still raw but not shaky.* We saved his life! And the lives of the Rose crew. Where does he get off being so mad at me?! Like Stygoss didn't already know he was training me. He did the brain squeezey thing to me every time I saw him! If me asking Yahnna to go save them from impossible odds had been so wrong, we would not have succeeded! Yahnna could have told me no, too. I would have listened.

He wasn't in the Chaser when the Rose was firing on us! He wasn't the one who got his brain fried! Everything was happening so fast. All I heard from him at the time was him calling my name urgently. If he said my name, why couldn't he have said "Go away!" or "Run!"?

You know, it's possible that I'm the one who did the right thing here. Maybe he's the one who's wrong. I'll bet Mister High and Mighty Jedi Guy never thought of that!

End Log: 78135.264.13:53

Open Log: 78135.264.15:29

Admiral, is it possible for someone to grow up over a couple of hours? *Her voice is different - weary, yet stable sounding.* I've been a wreck since Val chastised me. Alternating between sobbing hysterics and self righteous anger and everything in-between. However, about twenty minutes ago, I got the urge to decrypt that one little bit of the Jedi journal I had copied down earlier but never got back to. I wonder if this is the reason why. It's called, "The Jedi Code." It reads like this:

There is no Emotion. There is Peace.
There is no Ignorance. There is Knowledge.
There is no Passion. There is Serenity.
There is no Death. There is the Force.

At first, I thought it was some sort of poem. Then, I wondered how a person could live like that. No emotion? No passion? Isn't that what living life is about? Then, I thought, maybe this is a caution against wild reactions. To act, instead of react.

*soft sigh* It made me think about what I've been doing. Ever since I left home, I've been looking for a surrogate father. Someone who would be there to praise me when I did good or scold me when I did bad. Someone to lean on when I didn't feel strong enough. I've been continuously looking for my own... self worth... through the words of someone else. First, my father... then Val... then Yahnna. I've never looked to the one person who really matters in this case. Me.

It was a startling revelation. One that made me realize why Val was partly correct in scolding me. When I urged Yahnna to help me save him and the rest, I was doing it because I was thinking of how I would feel if Val were gone and how I would show Val that I could... that I was worthy of... his training, by rescuing him from the clutches of the Empire.

While I am still not convinced that saving him and the crew of the Rose was the wrong thing to do, I know now that my motivations were wrong. I must keep in mind the over all picture. My actions do affect others. Sometimes in very big ways.

*pause* It's time I grew up. I have no choice. I don't have anymore time to be a child, daydreaming or wishing her way through life. I will stand on my own two feet and learn to listen to my own praise or scolding. I will learn what Val has to teach me. Even those lessons I don't want to learn. In the end, it will be me, guided by the Force, that will continue on.

End Log: 78135.264.15:35

Open Log: 78135.265.06:01

It's a few minutes before sunrise, Admiral. In a moment or two, I'll step outside, go to that mark that Val pointed to and wait for him. I don't know what my training will be, but I will do my best to learn it well. I really wouldn't be surprised if my first lesson was to be one of patience, followed up by a lesson on being blindsided. But, I'm ready, Admiral. For the first time, I feel as if I really understand what it is that I'm supposed to do. Wish me luck, my friend. I'll let you know how it goes.

End Log: 78135.265.06:04

Open Log: 78150.004.18:11

Hello Admiral. No... the date isn't wrong. No, I didn't just skip 15 years of log entries. Well... um... at least for me, I didn't skip 15 years of log entries. Oh, it's confusing. I have to start from the beginning - as usual.

I went outside to the spot that Val told me to wait on, calming and centering myself, trying to ready myself for what was to come. It was a beautiful sunrise. I don't remember the last time I watched a sunrise. I enjoyed it fully. But, even as I enjoyed that sunrise, I had all of my senses alert. I was so sure that Val was going to attempt to blindside me.

So, it was no surprise when I felt someone coming up behind me and heard the sound of a lightsaber lighting up. I spun around, lightsaber jumping into my hand and bringing it into the 'Guard' position as I ignited it. Only... it wasn't Val standing there. It was DeLorik... Darth Stygoss. At first, I thought that Val was playing some sort of horrible trick on me. He had told me not to move from that spot. But, I very quickly realized - No, it really was Stygoss standing there, lightsaber in hand, ready to do battle with me.

All around me, I started hearing alarms. Ships were taking off. People were yelling. But, none of that mattered. I think for the first second or two, my brain froze. Then, I remembered Val's words. We were going to have to deal with Stygoss. Kill him if necessary. However, I also had learned Val's last lesson well. There is a time to fight and a time to run. I was all for the running at that point, but he was between me and the Chaser. I had no choice. I decided to fight, intending to maneuver myself towards my ship.

I believe the word for my attack was... Pathetic. My lightsaber was still on the shipboard setting - half length. Stygoss didn't even bother to move. Then, he parried the laser turret blasts from the Rose without even looking away from me. Talk about out classed. I heard the engines of the Rose and Chaser start up and my mind began to panic. They were going to leave without me! And I still couldn't get onboard.

That was when I saw Val arrive from around a building. He was just walking along, carrying a bag. I think... he had gone out for breakfast. He turned ash white as he saw me and Stygoss together in the beginnings of a duel which would have left me in pieces on the ground.

When Stygoss saw Val, he turned to me, smiled and whispered, "Another time." Then took off running straight at Val. Val stood there, stunned. I've never seen anyone move so fast in all my life. It was inhuman! Finally, Val seemed to snap out of it and suddenly, they were dueling it out. It was... it was... I can't put what I saw into words in a way that would do it justice. There were a series of incredibly fast blue and red motions from the lightsabers. I'm so glad I gave Val the lightsaber parts the day before.

By this time, Dev was flying the Chaser low and towards me, yelling for me to get on. I leapt to the loading ramp as it was closing. The last thing I saw was Val and Stygoss duking it out as I rolled into the ship. I knew that Jela'han had taken all of his stuff off the Chaser already and that Yahnna had spent the night elsewhere. I figured the both of them could fend for themselves as Dev shot us off the planet with TIE fighters chasing close behind.

We saw there a Star Destroyer in orbit. It was the Tyrannic. That was a change of pace but everything else wasn't. I wondered how they had found us so fast. There must have been a bug on one of our ships, just as we had feared. We were set upon by a number of TIE Fighters and I got a fast lesson in shield manipulation while Dev flew his heart out, Decker shot them down and Geehan fixed everything he could.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.

We were skimming the atmosphere of the planet when we were hit badly, losing our weapons, part of our engines and our shields. I thought we were dead. Dev decided a wild jump into hyperspace was the best thing he could do to save our lives. He was right.

It was the worse hyperspace jump I had ever had been . Time seemed to stretch out. We managed to be there, getting into hyperspace and staying there for about four seconds before we were tossed out of hyperspace again, caught up in a very bump hyperspace wave.

Immediately, we were contacted by a Mon Calmari ship calling itself the New Republic Redemption. Yeah. I know. I was wondering what they meant by 'New Republic,' too. But, they hailed us with our own encryption code. So, I answered it. We were told to stand down and to prepare for boarding. With the shape our ship was in, I figured we had jumped out of the pan and into the fire. But then, I heard Yahnna's voice. She told us it was OK and we should do as they asked. Her voice sounded strange... a little rougher, more tired. I wondered what she had gone through.

They trackered us in and we all went to meet Yahnna at the air lock. It was the strangest thing. Yahnna's hair had ... grayed. And she had a nasty scar on her neck. She wasn't alone either. A strangely calm man with black hair and gold eyes was there. He was dressed sort of like... those Jedi garments from Ord Mantavi.

I think the first words out of Yahnna's mouth were something like... "Welcome aboard... the war is over. We've won." I'm not sure. It's a little hazy. But... I had to make sure it was Yahnna. She looked so different. I asked her was it was that we drank the night of the christening of the Chaser. Othlass. She answered right and commented that it was nice that I learned something during my time with her.

She introduced her companion as Kari Gowa-Také, who knew someone I knew. We were all escorted to some rather nice quarters to clean up and rest. There were two strange things about my quarters. First, there was no computer access allowed. At all. Second... there was a set of full ceremonial Senatorial robes laid out for me... in my size, even.

When we were all called together again for a meeting, I saw that both Decker and Dev were in ceremonial dress military uniforms. Geehan looked pretty much as always. Just cleaner. We were greeted by a Captain Melan, Yahnna... who was being addressed as Commander, and a Lt. Martinez.

Admiral... during our 4 seconds in hyperspace, 14 years, 3 months and 9 days had passed us by. The hyperspace wave had kept us in a sort of suspended animation... or something like that. I'm not sure. I'm still confused. But, that means, in 7 days... chronologically... I turn 33. But... biologically... I'm still 18. That's so strange to me.

And so much as happened!

The Moffs, under the permission of Emperor Palpatine, were ruling by a Doctrine of Fear set up by Grand Moff Tarkin. The Senate had been dissolved. The Empire created a battle station the size of a small moon. Yes. The hyperdrive we ran into on that asteroid belt was part of the ... um... Death Star design. It could destroy planets. The Emperor destroyed Aldaaran as an example and with it, Bail Organa.

Then, a man named Luke Skywalker managed to destroy the Death Star.... he's a Jedi. A real honest to goodness Jedi! More about that in a second.

The Empire build a -second- Death Star. It just boggles the mind. This time, when it was destroyed, Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader were killed. They started telling me something about a Grand Admiral Thrawn... but it was just too much information. I'm going to have to spend a lot of time catching up on the last 15 years. I guess I know a little of what Travers was going through now.

Oh! You'll never guess who the New Republic... that's the name the Rebellion took after they won... the New Republic president! It's little Leia Organa! Her name is Organa-Solo now. Apparently, she married a rather brash pilot named Han. For some reason, Yahnna always looks a little uncomfortable when that name is mentioned. But, can you believe it? Leia wasn't even up to my knee last time I saw her. I even babysat her once. She became the youngest Senator in the history of the Galaxy. That's cool. And to think I used to baby-sit her.

Now... this guy, Luke Skywalker, has set up a real Jedi Academy. I don't know if he's using any of the stuff we brought back from Ord Mantavi, but if he is... that would be just too cool. It turns out that that Kari is a Jedi Knight. I think that's a mid-level Jedi from the academy. Guess who his teacher was... Master Valerian.

Yes. Val's still alive. He escaped from Stygoss. You don't know how glad that makes me. I was so afraid I'd never see him again.

Let's see. Maire and Meric are alive and well. They have a daughter named Shannon. Yahnna has a daughter named Nina... and I hear she is wanting to set up Dev with her. Yahnna says most of the crew of the Rose is still alive and they get together to drink upon occassional. Jela'han is apparently a very wanted criminal. The Martinez questioned me closely about him. I felt bad telling him what I knew but I ... couldn't lie.

Also, Admiral Zaraiath is now a Grand Moff in what's left of the Empire... which has about 300 systems in it. Part of me really wants to drop him a line... just to say hello. I don't know why. I just do. Maybe because... he's a connection. But, I doubt he'd remember me now, nor would he care that I'm alive. What happened with him happened just yesterday for me... but was 15 years ago for him.

Oh, yeah! I'm sure you know this, but my family's alive! My father's still the Duke of the Sluis system and my brother is one of the full Senators. Bruce is still the other one. They're going to be here on my birthday! I'm really happy about that. I've missed them. I've so to tell them and I can't wait to hear what they have to tell me.

Oh... and then there's Stygoss. The Tyrannic was his personal Star Destroyer... given to him by the Emperor himself and charged with the task of ridding the Galaxy of all hidden Jedi and potential Jedi. After we jumped into hyperspace, destroying part of that planet and the Star Destroyer, Admiral Zaraiath and the rest of that Task Force came into the system and cut the Tyrannic into shreds. Apparently, Stygoss was insane and they had to deal with the monster they created.

I could have told them that he was insane.

*pause* Though, Admiral... they never found his body... and that makes me nervous. Really nervous.

Yes, I know. If he was still alive and was as insane as we all think he was, he wouldn't have just sat back while Skywalker created his Jedi Academy. Nor sat by while Val became a Jedi Master. Nor would he have let Yahnna live. But, that's all logical. Stygoss wasn't logical. He was insane. There is a part of me that is very much afraid that he is still alive.... and clinging to the haul of the Chaser. *nervous laugh*

In any case, I have a couple weeks here on the Redemption to relax and reacquaint myself with the Galaxy. Kari is going to speak to Val about me having a chance to talk to him. I want to ... I would like to talk to him again. I never got a chance to thank him. And... if possible... I would like to be able to go to this Jedi Academy... if I could.

We shall see what we shall... won't we.

Admiral... I'm so glad the war is over. The last six months have been hell... but incredibly valuable. I guess, now that they are over... I don't regret them. Not at all.

End Log: 78150.004.18:30

(c) 2000 - Eden Blackthorn