There are some days, Admiral, when I wish I could turn back time and never even start this mission. There are some days that I'm glad that I have embarked upon this journey. Right now, I'm vacillating between the two. *sigh* It seems that I'm using my journal to just vent more and more. In a way, that's good. I can get rid of my anger and frustration. In a way, that's bad. Jedi are supposed to keep a reign on their emotions at all times. Some days are harder than others.

So. What's happened since the last time I spoke to you... oh... just six hour ago? More than I care to relate... but, I think it's best to tell you anyway.

First of all, that Mon Calmari that I remember from my rescue really exists. I wasn't hallucinating him. He's joined us, sorta... accidentally because of helping us. I, for one, am glad he's here. He's insightful and smart and rather valuable... as you'll hear later.

This morning, when we were all at breakfast, Meric stood and basically said that there does seem to be a spy on board and he's the only one who has to go through with the mission. In 48 hours, we have to tell him if we want to bail or continue on. I'm going where ever Val goes. If he bails, so do I. But, you know what, I know he's not going to bail. That's not like him. In any case, there is no more option.

Val immediately began my training again, even before we left the commons. He suddenly whirled on me and pulled a strike to my forehead, then put me in a lock, telling me that I had to be ready for the unexpected at all times. I have to admit, I was still feeling a bit woozy from the drug detox that I had just gone through. But, he's right. I do need to be more aware and ready. Then, to the cargo bay for obstacle training and Bo stick training. I sucked at the obstacle course. My balance was way off. I think from the drugs. But, by the time we went into Bo stick training, I was feeling much much better. He got through my guard only four times the entire training session and he wasn't pulling any punches at all. This makes me happy. Also, I took this session so much better than before. I wasn't breathing as hard. I wasn't as tired. I felt really good, actually.

After that, I headed back to the commons area to see if anyone needed help. I ran into Shawn. I haven't really talked to her at all. She's very quiet. She was playing a card game against the computer. She started explaining it to me but it was over my head. The one thing I got from her was that she was very, very smart and an absolute math expert. She tried to explain to me how all card games were nothing more than complex mathematical formulas.

After that, I asked her if she would show me what she does on the ship. She's the computer expert with a computer jack to her head. She keeps all of the computers on board running fine. I started asking questions... like, who else had access to the computer room, could communications be routed through the computer room... it was very complex, but it could. I asked to see a log of it... Shawn realized what I was getting at and pulled up a log.

That's when we found that a block of time was missing. The code had been altered. Someone had sent a message out while we were on Doret V. Shawn was surprised. It was specifically designed to fool her maintenance programs.

*voice softening* She jacked back in to investigate and something happened. Something... deleted her program... her consciousness. She's in a coma now. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been so inquisitive. I feel so helpless. I want to help her, to make her well... but I don't know how.

I freaked out, searched for Val, got Meric, who freaked out. Then, all hell broke loose... the Colonel discovered that someone had put thermo-grenades on the Iridium Rose and the Spanner, which Geehan ended up disarming with 13 seconds to spare. Told you he was valuable. It was a very tense couple of hours. There were 34 grenades on the Rose and 7 on the Spanner. We would have been atoms it those grenades had gone off.

After that, Meric decided that all but a skeleton crew where going to go to the Spanner and use the .75x hyperdrive to get to Ord Mantavi in three hours instead of three days. It was obvious that we had to get there as soon as possible. Only Meric, his wife Maire, and Annison Six stayed on the Rose.

There was one thing that happened that frustrated me to no end. When Meric was asking if people were going to stay or bail, the Colonel said something about Shawn being able to hear the Captain. Shawn's in a coma because of me. I wanted to know what he was talking about... but he wouldn't tell me. He only made cryptic remarks like "Shawn doesn't blame you. She thanks you for finding the anomaly." And he kept tapping his head. It was like... he was intimating that he was in telepathic contact with her? Then, he walked away. I really wanted to belt him one. I have to admit it. I did. The impulse was there but I squashed it, hard.

*sigh* All I know is a bright, strange young woman is in a coma because of my line of questioning.

In any case, we all went to the Spanner. It was dinner time, so we ate... and Rachael, Rran and Waithe passed out. As I was looking to help them and find out what happened, Yahnna called me to the bridge. Turns out she had had them drugged because they were on her top three list of suspects as the spy and she figured that this was the safest way to deal with them. I have to admit, it was effective but, what if one of those three aren't the spy? She's just incapacitated three members of the crew.

I asked her if Val knew what she had done since he's in charge of the Rose's crew. Yahnna didn't know. I wanted to tell him and she forbade me. Then, she called him to the bridge to talk about it and kicked me out. *sigh* It made me furious. She had just told me what was going on and now she was going to tell Val but I couldn't hear her do it? I didn't take it too well. Not at all.

Which is why I'm here. I know I am reacting badly to things right now. My whole life is in turmoil. I'm projecting my anger. I figured the best thing I could do was to get out of the way and cool off. Reflect on things. I'm sure Yahnna had a good reason for doing what she did and I'm sure I'm going to owe her an apology for my behavior. This -is- her ship. She -is- the Captain.

It's been a hellish... erm.... challenging six hours. I think I'll take the time I have left to relax, reflect, meditate until I am needed. I'm sure Ord Mantavi is going to be quite the adventure. One that I'm looking forward to.

End Log: 78135. 198.15:36

Open Log: 78135. 198.21:42

I don't believe it, Admiral. We found the spy and it was someone I did not suspect. M3-B3, the protocol droid. Well, I had suspected the droids, at first. I wanted them examined... but I was really only thinking of A2-D2 and C-13. It never, ever occurred to me that the -cook- was the spy. And I remember having some 'private' conversations with Val about things in front of it. I should have stuck to my guns.

Well... if you thought the last six hours I told you about were interesting... wait until you hear about this next six hours.

We dropped out of hyperspace at Ord Mantavi onto the one main island that was left. It's only about 70 kilometers across. We set down and went exploring. It was -wonderful-! A beautiful, small paradise. I opened my self to the Force and it began to guide me to the East. I tried to follow it as best I could. I would loose the Sense and then find it again. Just as I lost it the second time, wondering which way to go, the Spanner flew over my head to the South East and set down about a kilometer away.

It turns out, Geehan found an underwater passage to what the Force was guiding me towards. I have to say, I'm pleased that I was so close, even if Geehan found it first. He is, as I said, an impressive being. I had traveled about three kilometers on foot, guided by the Force. I think that was a decent exercise of my abilities at this stage of the game.

It was under a cliff face in a broken dome. There were three small domes within it. One was a storage area. One was a small dwelling and one was a dormitory. I had chosen to investigate the center dome. It was the dwelling. It had belonged to a man named Xeron. His home was very neat and tiny. I found his body... well, not his body but ... hmmmm.

It's hard to explain. On his bed was in the indentation of a body and all of his clothes were there, too. It was as if Xeron had laid down for a moment and his body - just his body... suddenly disappeared, leaving his clothing... his pants, tunic, belt, robes. I don't understand it, yet. Perhaps his journal will explain it more. Val and I were quite excited to find the journal... and I found parts to make a lightsaber - though, neither Val nor I actually -knows- how to make one. I'll have to watch Val do maintenance on his to see if I can get a clue of what to do.

There was also a picture of a girl, maybe 13 years old. I felt that I had to take it. I think it might've been Xeron's daughter. When this is over, I think I'll see if I can find his descendents and let them know what happened to him. It's only right.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to do as thorough of a search as we wanted. There was an explosion on the Spanner, that was M3-B3 blowing up the hyperdrive just as the Relentless showed up on the scanners. Yahnna was shouting for us to get back to the ship. She had found a tracking device in M3-B3.... which explains how the Relentless found us so quickly. We scrambled as best we could. Yahnna decided to take us underwater to hide from the Relentless ... which is very well named... and the TIE-fighters it sent after us.

So, now we're hidden in some coral reef, under the ocean of Ord Mantavi with a storm, TIE-fighters and the Relentless overhead. There's nothing more we can do for the moment.

I'm still wondering how we're going to get out of this and hoping that the Iridium Rose is OK.

End Log: 78135. 198.21:55

(c) 1999 - Eden Blackthorn