Dreamlines... Realities Within, 2005.

10 January 2005: Bad, Bad Girl - Whiile visiting my friend Heather, I get into quite the mood and go out of my way to be wicked with the help of my friends Heather and Lori.
4 February 2005: Bug Hunting - I am on my friend bug hunt with my squad but there are some oddities that I simply accept. My friend Ben is there with me, giving me advice on hunting bugs.
13 March 2005: The Snake - I and my brother are together shopping. I have trouble with a snake that I have bought and I find help from an old mentor of mine.
21 March 2005: Exploring Campus - This is one of those incredibly cool dreams that I don't like waking up from except to remember them. I am on my dream college campus, playing a long running LARP. While people are after my character, I explore the buildings on campus and enjoy the architecture immensely. Along the way, I have the rare chance to see what the original campus looked like. Guest appearances by Ben and Rory.
6 Apr 2005: No Escape - Super Creepy Dream. The less said about it, the better.
16 Apr 2005: The Choice - I got to visit my friend Ice in DC. He wants me to help him play a game. It involves a live action assassination game in a hotel where, like lazer tag, you can take multiple hits.
1 May 2005: The Dreamer - This was a disturbing dream for me. So much so that it took me a couple of days to write it down. I am part of a dream study in Seattle. I am discovered to be an amazing dreamer who predicts the future. However, as it turns out, I am not just dreaming, I am creating and am making all of these things come to pass - including the end of the world.
3 May 2005: Tacoma Screw - Interesting and strange dream this morning. It reminds me very much of a pseudo-birth dream in some instances. I am being chased by an animated construction vehicle. I instinctively flee to a remote farmhouse where I discover that this has all been planned for and I can escape through a secret tunnel. Ben has a cameo role in it. He continues to represent the archetype of the creative facilitator for me in my dreams.
18 July 2005: Beach Sand Diner - This dream involves me being on the Gaza Strip and bad things happening because the President has been cause in another scandal. It was a pretty vivid dream and seems to play on my fears of what will happen with the Supreme Court in the near future. This is one of those dreams made creepy because I woke up with weird bruises that match the struggles in my dream.
5 August 2005: KDJ - I met up with an old friend at a party who I had not seen in a long time. As we were catching up, I stopped being able to hear him. I think that my subconscious wanted to inform me of something.
16 August 2005: Rising Waters - I think I can safely say that ocean floods are becoming one of my Dreamlines... dream theme for me. I think they represent the creative force of my imagination. Maybe just my ability to create. This dream showed me the most accurate imagery I have ever seen of what goes on in my head all the time - how I am flooded with ideas.
17 September 2005: The Fountain - One of the clearest examples of my subconscious mind worrying over something and finally making up its mind then expressing it in a dream. I loose my boyfriend in an event I cannot prevent. Then, later, he suddenly comes back to me - only to break my heart once more.
28 October 2005: Self Serving - After finding out that I am bait for zombies, I discover I'm not as high minded as I thought I was.
4 November 2005: Brother in Law - After My brother-in-law is after me to do horrible things to me. I flee to a friend's home who helps me by keeping all of us in the dark. (Note: My BIL is an extremely sweet man. I have never had any problem with him at all. I'm not sure why he would be the bad guy in this.)
10 December 2005: Sex Dream - I was blessed with an extremely hot sex dream last night involving a friend of mine whom I really am attracted to. There doesn't seem to be much to this dream other than sex.
27 December 2005: Sunnydale Dance - I and my boyfriend Xander go to a dance in Sunnydale but immediately discover something very wrong with things. A demon is sucking the creative force from all of the students there.

10 January 2005
Bad, Bad Girl
I'm at a party with Heather and Lori. I think it is supposed to be Heather's house in Sacramento. I am being very wicked, flirting with taken men, teasing others so they fight over me. The party continues on for some time, then it is morning and I am supposed to go home.  However, when I look outside, it is snowing hard and I see someone have an accident.  "Looks like I get to stay here longer."  

This apparently means that Lori, Heather and I go to the Mall/Casino.  We are hungry and decide to go to the food court. While we are in line for food, I hear the girl at the cash register say to Lori, "Looks like it's daddy's day off." Meaning we are sneaking out from our father's care. I find this incredibly insulting and resolve to teach this girl a lesson.  

When it is my turn at the counter and she says it to me, I burst into tears, crouching and crying.  Heather and Lori try to console me, not sure what is up but know I'm planning something. They give her dirty looks. When I stand, I am angry and still crying. "It's daddy's day off because he's dead!" I spit at her. "He died on Thanksgiving!"  The girl is mortified and tries to apologize but as I am not consolable, she leaves the issue to her manager to deal with.  

I tell him maybe she should have etiquette lessons and that not only will I never shop there again, I will tell all my friends what happened. Then, I flounce off with Heather. We hold our demeanor until we get into the casino then we start laughing. "Oh, you are a bad, bad girl!" Heather tells me.  

"I know, I wonder what other trouble we can get into."  

"How about gambling?" Lori is back and she hands me a stack of gambling tokens. It is clear she got them from the manager I was just yelling at. "Here's your hush money..." She kisses a second stack of coins. "... and my commission."  We all laugh and Lori is very pleased with herself.  

We start looking around the casino to see what mischief we can get into.

  FADE

4 February 2005
Bug Hunting
I was part of a military operation that was going to take on a ship of "bugs" a la Starship Troopers. I am in full camouflage gear and I have weapons. We are sneaking through the boat, heading to the cargo area.  The "watcher" me notices that I don't actually have any weapons but, the way I hold my hands says I have a submachine gun.  

Ben is one of my squad mates. He tells me to make sure I hit the brainstem of these creatures because they are fast and vicious. I nod. I'm nervous. This is my first bug hunt. We seem to be on an old fashioned galley as we sneak through in our ultra-modern garb and gear. We come to the opening to the hold in the floor and the Commander, Michael Ironside, starts issuing the squad commands with hand signals.  

First, the hold is opened and a smoking box is dropped into it. This is to smoke the bugs out because we, being smart, don't want to go down into the hold - their territory - blindly.  A second smoking box is dropped but it gets stuck in the hold entrance, blocking the entrance and making the smoke worse for the bugs.  

I stand there, nervous but ready, holding out my hand in the shape of a gun. I have two fingers extended to show that my weapon is still the submachine gun.  The Commander comes over to me and asks, "What the hell is this?" He gestures to my ear. Incongruously, I find that I am wearing a pair of dangly gold earrings with my fatigues. I have no idea why I am wearing them but, when I go to take them off, the Commander tells me to leave them on. That we will deal with them later.  

The bugs are now battering the smoking box that is blocking the entrance into the hold.  Ben shifts back to me, "You never know what you're gonna get. If it's the big bugs, we might be in trouble. If it's the little ones, just stomp them. Alright, it looks like it's gonna give way. Get ready."  I nod once to him and raise my weapon, waiting for the bugs to come flooding out.

FADE

13 March 2005
The Snake
My brother and I were walking through the mall. It's early in the day but, for some reason, most of the stores we want to do to are closed. We stop by a restaurant for a bagel and juice. While there, I look at one of my purchase of a tiny snake that is very unhappy with me. I don't know how to handle it and I ask my brother for help. He gives me one of his bags to put it in because, for some reason, the restaurant is closing.

He and I leave, knowing that something is wrong. Something is following us. I see that the snake is free within the bag and this really upsets me. I don't want it to escape but nor do I want it to hurt me. He tells me to get on the bus with him. While I'm getting on, I see my old boss from PlaceWare, Greg. For some reason, he really reminds me of Terry Quinn (Locke from Lost).

He has me sit down, then to goes and gets Greg. Greg comes over and I tell him of my problem with my snake. Greg takes the snake out of the bag that is now twice as big as it was before and shows me that the snake cannot harm me. He lets the snake bite him a couple of times and shows no pain or fear. Then, he hands the snake to me. I hold it, trying to keep it from biting me but it does bite me and there is no pain. My fear was for nothing. I calm down and the snake calms down.

Greg and I get off the bus and go into this 2-3 story lighthouse. Inside, it seems like an old mansion. It is dusty everywhere. But, as we go through it, the lighthouse renews itself and suddenly, everything is ready for a celebration. I let my snake go to wander on its own. Greg looks at me and smiles. "See? This is where you need to be." I nod and agree with him.

FADE

21 March 2005
Exploring Campus
Ben, Rory and I were attending a very old university. I was thinking of running a game of TAG (the Assassination Game) for everyone on campus. I met up with Ben at a well established café. It had the feeling of one that had been around for a very long time. We talked for a bit about school and gaming. I left and on the way home, I stopped and talked to an Asian girl I knew. We were part of a long running LARP. The LARP was one of those games that ran for weeks at a time during certain hours. I was a human in the game. She was a werewolf. Rory and Ben were vampires. In game, I knew something that I shouldn't. As I arrived home to my dorm, I knew they would be coming for me. I stayed in my dorm room for a while, hiding out and planning on pretending that I just wasn't there, just in case they were going to do some bad to me. Then, I decided that I wasn't going to be a sitting duck and decided to wander the campus.

It was a beautiful campus. One I had been to in my dreams before. The sun was shinning, the flowers were in bloom. People walked to and fro. I waved at Robert as I went by. I entered one campus building and started exploring it. When I got to the forth floor, it was my dorm building again. The fourth floor had a different layout than the rest of the building. I was stopped by one girl when I entered an area. "What are you doing here?" She asked. "I was bored. So, I decided to explore. Are there any stairs that way?" "No, just there and back the way you came. But the way you came is easier."

I immediately did not want to go the easy way. So, down the center set of stairs into a theater where they were doing set building. Rory was there, using a power saw. I stopped to talk to him. He told me I was lucky because his character had been coming after mine but he got distracted by the theater set building. I laughed at him and told him that was fine by me. "Oh, well, I'm not the only one looking for you, you know." "I know." I waved at him and continued exploring the building.

The architecture was just beautiful and there were so many twisting passage ways. "This is perfect for a game of TAG. Perfect. Though, I would have to referee the first one. It wouldn't be fair for me to know the building so well and be the only one with the experience. I'll run the first one. Then, the winner of that game will run the next one. THEN, I will show everyone what I'm made of." I thought as I walked along the rampart next to a parapet wall and onto a covered stone bridge.

*flash to black and white imagery - a memory of my first real life game of TAG at University of Portland of me coming down a hallway to surprise the last two players, shooting both of them in the back at the same time with two fisted gun-fu, John Woo style*

As I walked around the building, I came upon a part where they were doing renovations. An old man in white was sitting there. He was mumbling to himself. I looked around and I could see more than what was actually there. I should see the campus of the past and the old architecture. The foreman came to talk to me about the renovations. The old man grumbled at the new statues that were going in. He looked at me. "You saw how it should be. I know you saw. Now, you're just like the rest." I nodded at him. "I know. I'm sorry. I started thinking too hard. I stopped seeing when I started looking." The old man turned away.

I turned back to the foreman to explain and saw Ben coming towards me down the stone patio. He was moving in slow motion as the rest of the students bustled about him. Suddenly, I remembered we were playing the game and his character was after mine, too. I spun around and sprinted up the stairway in slow motion with Ben coming after me.

FADE

6 April 2005
No Escape
It was a camp out or convention at a place in the woods with log cabins. I've forgotten most of it except for some of the unsettling parts. The less disturbing parts involve a bunch of us crowded in a cabin to sleep. I was sleeping next to a mattress. A woman sleeping on the end of the mattress decided she didn't want my stuff so near her and just moved it. I ended up confronting her about it later. My confrontation took the form of me having to put one hand on a picture she was looking at and lifting her face with my other to calmly tell her what she did was very rude and that she should not do it again. There was something very... unsettling about me leaving a handprint on her black and white photo.

After that, I went to find Alex at the log cabin hotel to ask if I could crash in his room with him and Johanna. He said sure. This is the part that becomes... creepy. I leave and I get lost in the hotel. I am going through a labyrinth of halls until I find a room with a guy who looks like a live action version of the Neil Gaiman's Sandman. In the room are rows and rows of people who are bound to what looks like toilets. They have IVs hooked up to them, too. Each one is wearing some sort of black and white clothing that reminds me of what people are buried in.

I turn and run. This was really scary to me. There was no fun chase scene. It was just like one scene transitioning into another. No vicarious thrill of the chase. I was simply caught. I ended up back in that room which was now a forest. The dark green of the foliage is a creepy compliment to the already frightening scene. The man is there, telling me now that I found it; I had to stay for a while. I know I can't escape. I know it. There is a fearful resignation to it.

I am moved, I don't know how, to in front of one of the white and black toilets. I am nervous and unsure. I ask if I should pull down my pants and am told no. I'll just go through my clothing. It won't bother me a bit because what is going to happen to me is a form of sensory deprivation. The only words I actually remember hearing him speak are, "Four weeks should do it for you. It will be just like a vacation." He approaches me with medical tubing to tie me down. The dream fades with me looking at his face and the tubing in his hands.

I woke up extremely unsettled from this dream.

16 April 2005
The Choice
I was in a hotel visiting with Ice. He was playing some sort of live action assassination game and he did not have a team to back him up. He wanted me to run his command center. I reluctantly agreed. I had come here to visit with him. Not be in some game. At first, everything was in shambles. We were building towers from PVC pipe and I had to set a fan on the computer so it wouldn't overheat.

Then, as the game went on, things got better. We hooked up with Monte, a sniper and Ryan (RatontheRoad), a mercenary. Ice and Monte were off taking out targets all over the hotel while I coordinated things from the command center which was an open cube in the hotel lobby. Very unsecured but I defended it. At one point, when some people sat down too close to us to rest, I asked them to move. They wouldn't. So, I shot them with a silenced gun, saying "Take a death then." They moved pretty quickly after that.

This isn't to say all was smooth on CnC. At one point, I set off a grenade but had forgotten to actually place it in its spot and almost blew up command central. Ice's main talent seemed to be seducing females of the other teams, drugging them, then locking them up. Monte sniped people. Ryan, I believe, was just backing me up while causing his own havoc.

Another team got wise to Monte and trapped him in the elevator. I laughed as Ryan returned from whatever he was doing. "He'll be out of that elevator in no time. Out the ceiling and up the ladder." I shook my head as Ryan laughed. He fidgeted a bit with his gun standing near me while I worked on the computer and talked to Ice on the headset.

I didn't know that Ryan was standing there, debating a choice in his head. Our team (Ice, Monte, Me) was winning at this point. Another team decided it was because I was doing all the coordinating. They offered Ryan a lot to take me out in either death or capture. Preferably capture for interrogation. He really enjoyed working with me and with the team. The choice was a difficult one to make. He had been asking about officially joining the team and no longer being mercenary. I woke up before he decided what to do about me.

1 May 2005
The Dreamer
I dreamt that I was part of a sleep study in Seattle. They set my bed up so it was very comfortable. Almost like a cross between a bed and a hammock. They strapped all sorts of electrodes to my head and hands before I got into the bed. After the first night, the scientists doing the study were surprised at the numbers. I was the "most amazing dreamer" they had ever seen. Apparently, while I slept, I talked in my sleep and made some predictions of future events. I did not remember this.

This went on for several nights and all of my predictions came true; Predictions of earthquakes, assassinations, accidents and storms. By this time, I wasn't just sleep talking; I was sitting up in bed having conversations with people about the predictions while I slept. The group asked me to stay on for a couple more weeks. I agreed, fascinated.

The next night, I sat up and predicted the end of the world as we know it in December 2012. There would be all sorts of natural and non-natural disasters to cause this. When the scientists questioned me on this prediction, as it was a well known apocalyptic date, I identified myself as the Dreamer, not Jenn, and explained that these were not predictions they were real because I was dreaming them true. I wasn't just dreaming, I was creating. By this time, my eyes were glowing pure white.

I woke up during this explanation, forcing the Dreamer from the forefront and, finally, I could remember what had transpired. I was horrified. All those deaths, disasters and damage occurred because I made them happen. Suddenly, I understood so much more about the world. I yelled at them, "How could you have let this happen? How could you have awakened the Dreamer? This is why the Mayan calendar stops in 2012. They were Dreamers, too. They Dreamt the end but rather than destroy the world, they chose to destroy themselves. But, I am descended from them. I am one of the Dreamers!"

The scientists asked me about stopping the apocalypse and I shook my head. "You have resurrected its memory. You are all dead already because I've killed you. I've already Dreamt your deaths and there is nothing I can do about it." I gathered my things and left the hospital, trying to figure out how to avert the coming end and how to put the Dreamer asleep again.

3 May 2005
Tacoma Screw
I was living in a small rural town where a large construction vehicle called the Tacoma Screw, had come to life and now ruled the town. It looked like a cross between a bulldozer and a crane. It could cause a lot of damage if it wanted to. I was the nanny for its favorite child. Something had happened to that child that was actually the fault of the Tacoma Screw but it would not acknowledge that. Therefore, it blamed what happened to the child on me and I was on the run.

I don't know why but I headed out to an old farm at the base of a plateau. Sneaking around I got into the house. There was an old man there, Ben, who demanded to know why I was there. I could not explain why I knew this would be a safe house but I knew it. I told him that I was in trouble. I was blamed for something I did not do and I was being hunted by the Tacoma Screw.

Ben sighed and sat down. I know he and I talked for a while but I don't know what of. I do remember two cats coming in to play. Suddenly, he raised his head, gestured and said, "Remember. Go to the fireplace." I stood, knowing the Tacoma Screw had tracked me here and that Ben was going to do everything possible to stop it from coming any further.

I hurried to the living room to the fireplace and moved the chairs away from it. While I was doing this, I was having flashback memories to being shown this a long time ago. I pressed the corner tile and a chair came out of the floor. As soon as I sat down in it, it lowered and dumped me into a very dusty room. I was very confused as I was seeing the room as it was many years ago when I had been there before and I was seeing it as it was now. I heard a commotion upstairs and knew I couldn't tarry.

Looking around, I found a pair of my own sneakers I thought I had lost a long time ago. Then, I found a bag to put the bottles of stored water in and food rations. In the back of my mind, Ben, as a much younger man was explaining that we could not fight the Tacoma Screw now but there would come a time that we would. It would be dangerous. We had to set people in high places. We were the people to do that. It was the most dangerous for us. If something ever happened that made the Tacoma Screw want to kill us, we were to return here.

I found some glow sticks and knew I needed them but I didn't know why until I turned and saw the tunnel. Again, Ben's voice came back to me. "It won't be an easy climb. But, it is the route to freedom. This tunnel reaches a ladder." There is a brief scene of iron rungs attached to a tunnel wall that goes straight up. "You will have to climb to the top." There is a brief scene of me climbing the rungs, one by one. I am tired, pausing to cling to it to rest. There is darkness above and below. "Once to the top, you will have to break through the thin layer of dirt and grass that will have grown over the exit." There is a brief scene of me breaking through the ground, punching my way through and climbing out to lie, gasping on the top of the plateau. "Then, you will be free." I roll over, panting and look at the beautiful blue sky with fast moving clouds.

18 July 2005
Beach Sand Diner
I was sitting on the top of a small set of ruins on a beach in what I believe was supposed to be the Gaza Strip. I had come here specifically to visit these ruins. I do not know where it was coming from but I was listening to a radio. The cultured female British voice was speaking of the latest President Bush scandal. Apparently, the latest accusation was that President Bush was nominating Supreme Court Justices based on who the country of Israel was telling him to choose. It was a huge fracas.

I was looking around the strip. I saw a diner made of sand that made me think of Rick's from Casablanca. I watched a handsome man in a green suit jacket meet and greet people at the door. The sand diner owner walked back inside. At this time, the female radio voice came back to me, "The Palestinians are protesting this obvious manipulation of the United States by Israel by kidnapping and or assassinating Americans in the Gaza Strip. All Americans in Israel are cautioned..."

Right then, as I was watching a man walk up to the beach sand diner, a shot rang out and the man dropped. A couple of other men ran up and dragged him away as the diner owner came to the door and watched, unsmiling. I turned and saw a black car. My view telescoped and I could see a man in black sighting me with a rifle. I immediately dropped over the edge of the ruin wall I had been sitting on and fell to the ground about six feet below.

"The ruins in the Gaza Strip are now closed to all foreigners. All foreigners must vacate the ruins in the Gaza Strip." The woman on the unseen radio announced. I completely ignored it, trying to dig my way into the ruins for shelter. The wall fell away like wet sand. The more I pulled away and the bigger the hole became, the more certain I was that these ruins would collapse on me.

I turned from them, just in time to see a heavy, panting man in a white suit bearing down on me. I yelled and kicked at him as he grabbed for me, speaking in a language I did not understand. I put up such a fuss that the man disgustedly stopped. I was too much trouble. He walked away as I walked and sat there, panting until a little boy walked up to me. He silently held his hand out to me for me to go with him. I shook my head. He raised his hand again, insistently. I pushed him away. As I did so, I saw the man in the white suit watch. His mouth thinned and I knew he was going to get the big guns now.

I stood and began to run towards the sand diner but it was in wet sand and the tide was coming in. My feet sunk deep into the sand. I had to struggle for every step. I knew I would not make it to the diner before they came. "Americans are dying all over Israel because of the actions of their president." The voice of the British woman floated over me as I struggled.

I looked up and saw the diner owner watching me as I worked my foot free and took another step towards sanctuary. "Help me." I quietly begged at him. To my surprise, he looked left and right, then hurried over to my side, his hands out, reaching to help me from the sand trap.

FADE

5 August 2005
KDJ
We all were at a party that occasionally broke out LARPish antics. At one point, I came out from under a table to shoot an imaginary gun at Albert while he lay on his back and tried to fire back. I'm pretty sure I 'won' that one. Andy threw an imaginary chain over Casey's head as Casey threw a couple of invisible shurikens over his head. Andy pulled his chain back and Casey plucked his weapons from it.

I turned to see Kevin. He turned and saw me. Neither of us expected to see each other. He was looking good if slightly different than I last remembered him. I think both he and his hair were shorter. I was chatting with him, catching up, I asked him now he and his wife were. He tried to tell me. I could see his lips moving and I know he was trying to tell me something important about his wife. I couldn't hear anything because of the noise around me. I woke up with him trying to convey something important or urgent to me.

16 August 2005
Rising Waters of the Mind
I dreamt that I was in a grocery store and one of the workers there had badly insulted a friend of mine. Heather, I think. I jumped all over him because of it. I yelled at him in front of his boss who was behind him. She stepped in when he started getting snippy with me. I left the store feeling self righteous and proud for sticking up for my friend.

When I got home to my pretty white home on the beach, I saw that the ocean waters had risen dangerously in my absence. I hurried inside, looking around to see if any shoring up had been done. Some had. It made me relax a little. I saw my dad sitting outside on the stoop. He was on the phone to Mom. "No, honey, the water hasn't reached the house. The big rock out back seems to be in the way." I looked and saw that he was right. Somehow, the large rock was not only breaking the incoming waves but it was stopping the flood waters from coming too close to the house. "So, we have nothing to worry about."

'You shouldn't say such things.' I thought. 'That's when everything goes to hell.' I was right, of course. At that moment, the rising ocean brought in a large rock to crash against the standing stone that was guarding the house. That knocked away the standing stone's barrier and the flood waters came rushing in. "Dad!" I yelled. "We have to get inside. We have to do more work!"

When I got inside, I saw water leaking in and started blocking the holes. My mom came in and started helping. I saw the waves rush towards us and the house. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. The water was so beautiful; blue and clear. It made me gasp for air. It was half way up the house now, waves rushing around us. I felt like I was in fishbowl instead of a house. I saw one particularly large wave come crashing towards the window with the blue stained glass crescent moon and put my hands up to help support it. The wave slammed against it and cracked the glass.

I was about to yell to my parents to get me some duct tape when I saw that the ocean was becoming even more wild. However, it wasn't because of a storm. It was because of what was coming out of the water to ride on top: Sea foam horses drew a water chariot driven by an Atlantean from the water to gallop by; a futuristic Nemo sub surface briefly; water cars sped on; a dragon dipped low enough to be sprayed with foam and a beleaguered man in a row boat powered by the window that was now half covered in tide waters. It seemed like the parade was endless and most of the figures where vaguely familiar.

I turned in astonishment and saw that my parents were just going about their business as if nothing was happening. I suddenly realized that they couldn't see what I could see. 'This is all in my mind. This is my mind. They can't see these stories that rush over me every day. My world is of the fantastical every single day and they never experience it.' I suddenly felt both privileged and very sad.

FADE

17 September 2005
The Fountain
There was a big party going on in Palo Alto. We were in the backyard and there was a large fountain there. Very pretty. Somehow, my boyfriend, Jeff, fell into the fountain and drowned. There was nothing I could do to help or save him. It was a very dark time for me, literally and figuratively. I was very sad for a long time. But, life moved on. I came out of my darkness and started to enjoy life again.

There was another party at the same house some time later and another friend falls into the fountain. This time I am able to help him but, when I pull him out, it is Jeff! I was very surprised and pleased. We rejoiced in each other and took up our relationship where it left off. But, as I had moved, I could not see him as often.

I walked to his new home but was distracted by a little boy who had found a couple of newborn kittens and needed help with them. I showed him how to care for them, then when on the help Jeff move into his house. There was a break, then a shot of me walking by the house with the little boy again. The kittens were 8 weeks old and were in terrible condition - fleas and matted fur. The little boy told me he couldn't keep the kittens anymore and asked me for help. I got a cat carrier and took the kittens to the vet, asking them to care for them and I would pay for it when I got back.

Then, I made it to Jeff's house. Only, this time, there were a lot of people there. Russians. Very friendly. Jerry seemed to be the guy in charge of the motley crew. I asked him what he was doing here and he told me that he was to meet his sister's fiancée, Jeff. I was understandably confused. I went into the house. He was there on the couch sitting between a very pretty woman and a much older woman. He was talking to several people and was generally the focus of attention.

I got his attention and pulled him away into another room. I asked him what was going on because I didn't understand what had happened. We were happily dating and now he was engaged to another girl? He explained to me about finding the girl, how she was sick and how he had helped her. The feelings between them had grown. Then, the family had insisted on a weekend of solitude to know if they were a good match. "We were. There were long, loving glances. Times we would get lost in each others' eyes. Yes. We did finally make love. We made love like we were stopping time."

At that point, I fled him in tears. He went back to his new life/family and I was out in the yard by that fountain where he had died and I had saved him. I cried for a while until Jerry came out to talk to me and comfort me. In the end I left. But I found myself coming back again several times. Though, it wasn't Jeff I was looking for. It was Jerry I wanted to see but was afraid of either running into Jeff or being rejected once again.

FADE

28 October 2005
Self Serving
I was in a car with a bunch of other people. We were fleeing to a military base. We get into a hanger and get out of the car. The military people want us to get into an open air tram looking car that reminded me of an amusement park tour ride. Then, I found out we had to travel across the zombie filled base to the helicopters. I am less than thrilled at this. A visibly pregnant woman sits next to me, looking nervous and my thought is, "Well, I don't have to outrun the zombies, I just have to outrun you. In fact, one easy hip check and you're the sacrifice to distract the zombies."

Then, I shake my head. I'm not that self serving. I get out of the open air tram and go back to the car to find that a very fat military man has taken my seat. He nods at me, his eyes cold. I realize that everyone in the tram is bait for the zombies. It occurs to me that maybe I need to be a bit more self serving if I'm going to survive. If I don't get on those helicopters on the other side of the base, my chance of survival drops dramatically. I look back at the tram and start figuring out how many of them I can overpower or out outrun.

FADE

4 November 2005
Brother in Law
This was a pretty disturbing dream. I was at house and my brother-in-law (BIL) was there. He was a man who had brutalized me before. This time would be no exception. However, this time, I fled, running down the road. I ran to Ruth's house where she and Ryan lived. I begged her to help me, to hide me because my BIL was coming for me and, this time, I thought he would kill me.

She immediately let me in and turned off all the lights. I hurried through her house and found a closet to hide in. I could hear him talking with her as soon as he arrived. He told her he had seen a prowler around the house and wanted to make sure it was safe. Ruth had no choice but to let him in.

I remained hidden in a pile of stuffed animals until Ruth came into the bedroom with a boy maybe four years old who curled up next to me to listen to a story. (My cat apparently curled up next to me, pressing to my tummy.) He saw me and his eyes widened. I shushed him gently and told him that a bad guy was out to get me and we had to be really quiet.

Rory saw me at this point and asked me what I was doing. "Hiding from my brother in law."

"Why?"

"Because, he's going to kill me if he finds me."

"Oh. Let me see if I can distract him." Rory walked off.

I climbed out of the closet I was in and snuck through the house. My BIL was sure I was here in the house but with the lights all off, he couldn't see very well and couldn't figure out where I was. I could see him. We passed so close to each other. I kept to the other side of a pillar from him. He kept reaching about, sensing me but he could not reach me.

I turned away to flee and found myself inside a barn/garage. Right where I was supposed to be as I explained that the animal we were tracking was very shy but dangerous when cornered. We spread out looking under the cars and around the barrels. I crept around one car and came face to face with my BIL. Yelping in surprise, I turned to run as he reached out to grab me.

FADE

10 December 2005
Sex Dream
A small group of us were sitting around in a lab, discussing the end of the world. We were scientists and researchers. We had just figured out that "something" was going to end the world in 10 minutes.

"Dammit! I don't want to go out feeling like a virgin." I said and looked at Jack.

Jack looked at me, a little surprised. "I would be happy to help you not feel like a virgin."

Suddenly, we were in each other's arms, kissing and petting like a couple of teenagers. While we were doing this, the lead scientist said, "Oops, we have 10 hours. Not 10 minutes."

Jack and I looked at each other. "10 hours is much better to make sure you don't feel like a virgin."

"I agree."

"I had no idea you were attracted to me." We had moved to another room. It looked like a medical room. He was naked and so was I. Neither of us had a condom but both of us were paranoid enough that if the world didn't end, neither of us wanted me pregnant.

I admired his body as he snipped a finger off of a pink kitchen glove. We were kissing again when he looked down and frowned. "It's too small."

I looked down and nodded. The makeshift condom was too small. "We have 10 hours. Let's go back to my place. I have condoms there."

We were dressed again and walking outside. It was autumn and the leaves were brilliant colors. I sat down on a bench. Jack knelt before me between my legs. We had some hot sweaty sex right there on the park bench until some other people came along. "Let's go. Now that I know you want me, I want to let you know how much I want you."

There were some confusing images of us traveling to my home, stopping to have sex several times along the way. When we got to my place, he unlocked the door for me. As I walked through, he said to me, "You know, I really had no idea you were attracted to me. You really should tell me."

FADE

27 December 2005
Sunnydale Dance
I arrived with everyone else in a school bus - Winnebago vehicle. We were all teenagers and very excited to be going to this dance. It was a race to see who would get to the door first. I stumbled going down the stairs but did not fall. However, this knocked me from the spell I was under. I got a bad feeling about things and stopped to look into the window of a door and see what was inside. It looked to be a normal school dance with people sitting around drinking bad punch.

"Shall we go in?" my boyfriend Xander (of Buffy) asked.

I nodded. "I guess so."

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

"I don't know but I do, too."

"Come on." He took my hand and we walked into the dance. It hit us like a ton of bricks about ten feet inside the door. We were next to the stage and we literally saw a heavy blanket of energy fall onto us like a veil. It knocked us to the floor. We couldn't do anything but stay there and watch. On the stage, behind us, we could feel this huge looming figure but could not see it. Through the energy that covered us we could see that everyone was covered in these veils and it seemed to be feeding off of them and their creative energy.

Cordelia walked up carrying a sketch pad. "What are you two losers doing?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just lying around. You?"

"Sketching! I've already made three beautiful drawings so far."

I could see her energy veil glowing red then pulse energy up to the looming demon behind us. Cordelia's veil turned blue again and continued to suck on her. She walked away in a daze. I looked at Xander and he looked at me. "Time to go?" I asked.

"Time to go." He agreed and we both crawled on our hands and knees to get out of there. As soon as we were out the door, the weight was lifted and we ran back to our Winnebago, laughing and feeling very free. We jumped into our bed and Xander started kissing me. It felt really good. Another guy in the bed rolled over and grumped in a "get a room" way. We just laughed and shifted away from him, continuing to kiss and pet each other.

FADE

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