Elea had just made it back from wedding ring shopping with Donnan to her room in Reynald's castle. She quietly closed and barred the door. Leaning tiredly against it, she realized that she had not had a moment's peace since they left for the temple.
"I need a vacation." She muttered, walking over to the table. Someone had thoughtfully placed a platter of cheeses and crackers there. She uncorked the bottle and took a sniff. "Mead. Just what the doctor ordered." After pouring a healthy goblet and sitting down heavily in the plush chair, she realized just how exhausted she was. Elea gulped down half of the strong, sweet mead without really tasting it. Thoughts of the last 3-4 weeks floated through her head.
... Her father was not some raping brigand who was dead. In fact, he was the noble Reynald Braddon, Duke of Furyondi and Veluna.
... But wait, her father wasn't Reynald, it was really Bretonius who changed timelines to protect his daughter. Only, no one knew that. Both Reynald and Sharlynn thought Reynald was really her father.
... Racist, a Lt. of Iuz knows her true identity and who she was and that's why he tormented her dreams. But wait! Which true identity? Reynald's daughter or Bretonius' daughter?
... Bretonius is death. Killed in magus death duel with his twin brother, Edward.
... Bretonius' tower was now hers.
... Oh, and by the way, you're heir to a seat on the Council of Seven, the ruling council of Mages of the North kingdom.
... And Matthew, ruler of Metrik is an idiot, with a woman who should have had balls for a wife and will be the heir to the Duchy of Furyondi and Veluna if I don't do it. Oh sure, Matthew would grow up to be a fine gentleman and ruler but not with that witch of a wife, Morena, around.
"Ah, and don't forget about the Time Wardens - all powerful beings who have been watching us all our lives." She muttered sourly, gulping down the rest of the mead. She poured herself another full goblet and sat down, letting the warmth of the liqueur flow through her body. She was very specifically trying to not think of the one thing that was really bothering her but it kept coming up in the swirl of recent events in her life.
Taking a sip of the mead, she felt the first of her tears stream down her face, adding the tang of salt to her drink. "And Donnan is getting married." She whispered to herself, looking into the fireplace. Elea let that sink in, stabbing into her heart, probing it, like one probes a sore tooth to feel the pain.
She had no idea that she would feel this way. None at all. She used to tease Donnan about his lovers, encourage him even. But this was different. Those girls were flings, forgotten within days. This was marriage. Valaria would not be forgotten in a few days.
At first, she thought her internal resistance to his marriage was a sense of duty. Between the two of them, if they married and had a child, they could united all of the North Kingdom. She had asked about that, what if that was a duty they had, but as he pointed out, if he and Valaria had a son and that son married Elea's prophecized daughter, -that- would unite the North Kingdom as well.
After that, Elea knew she was resistant to the marriage because she was jealous and afraid. Valaria would replace her in Donnan's heart. How could she compete with a Time Warden? One who was always there and had always been there? She could not and she would not. Donnan's happiness came first. "And he's clearly happy with her."
Elea felt the flood of tears renewed as she took two more shaky swallows of her drink. "He doesn't love me." She knew it. "I'm his buddy, his pal." Donnan and she were best friends. They would trust each other above all. At least, they used to. There was trust between a husband and wife that none could compare. She got up and dug through her bag, coming up with her diary. Flipping it open, she pulled out the one line note she had received from Donnan a few weeks before.
"I believe in you. - D" was all it said and all it needed to say.
'Why didn't I just tell him that I loved him?' She thought bitterly to herself. 'Because you were afraid. Besides, what would he have done? Told Valaria to bug off? In your dreams, woman.' It would have been from left field. Donnan would not have known what to do. 'Of course, he could have just said, "That's nice." and ignored it.' That was what she was most afraid of. She would have told him and he would not have cared. It was rejection that she could not deal with at all.
So, when he asked her to stand with him at his wedding, she said yes. When he asked for help in choosing a wedding ring for Valaria, she said yes. It was her duty and honor; out of her friendship and love for him. She would stand by him always and never let him know her pain.
"I am alone now." She whispered, tears blurring her vision completely as she sunk deeper into her misery and self pity.
The pain was so strong now. It threatened to swallow her whole. Between the pain of her loss and all the new responsibilities and events - Heir to the Duchy of Furyondi/Veluna; Bretonius' death; Owner of Bretonius' tower; Heir to a seat on the Council of Seven, she felt herself crushed. Everything had happened so quickly. It made her want to run and hide.
As that idea blossomed in her mind, it seized her with all the strength of her fears and pain. She could run away. Reynald had Sharlynn. Donnan had Valaria. She had no one. She could run and hide. Leave all of this behind her.
A strange calm came over her now. She wiped at her tears, drying her face. Elea set down her empty goblet and stood up, looking around the room as a plan formed in her mind. She could write Donnan a note, saying she was called away by the tower. Something important that she could not discuss. Apologize for missing his wedding.
"I'm not sure I could have lasted through that, in any case." She would leave, tonight, when everyone was asleep. It would be so simple. To walk away from all this and never turn back. No more pain. No more responsibility. She took a breath, pushing away all her emotions, not really thinking and began to pack her bag.
Continue on to: 10. Words of Wisdom