Bethany opened one tired eye as she finally realized that the pounding she heard was not just in her head. As fun as it was, it had been a very long day and night before. I'm gonna have to drag Shannon into a snowball fight sometime soon. That was fun.... The pounding continued and Bethany recognized Jake's irritated grumbling. It's not the smartest thing in the world to keep the chantry's strangest and most effective chief of security waiting. He was likely to break your door down if he had a mind to do so.
"Come in." She croaked, voice rusty with sleep.
The door opened and Jake squinted into the darkened room. "Bethany?"
"Yeah? Sorry, was asleep." Bethany mumbled, trying to focus herself enough to be coherent.
"You really need to start getting your messages. I'm gonna talk to Jack about getting voice mail for the chantry. I've got a message here from your father. I'll leave it on the table."
"Message from my father?" Bethany said to herself. The adrenaline hit her system as she realized what the words meant. She sat straight up. "My father?! Jake, what do you mean my father called?" But Jake had already left.
She got out of bed and started pacing the room. Her mind raced in a hundred different directions. She didn't know what to do. The memory of the last time she spoke to her father replayed itself in slow motion for her.
"Honey, he wants to talk with you. He thinks I'm trying to keep you from him." Marion Versaw said, holding out the phone to her daughter. Bethany just shook her head 'No.'
"I'm sorry, Peter, she doesn't want to talk to you. ... No. ... Yes, I know it's Thanksgiving. In fact, I do have guests.... (sigh) All right, I'll try." Marion turned to Bethany again. "He says 'please' and 'to remember it is Thanksgiving.'"
"Yeah and I'm thankful that he's there and not here!"
"Honey, please. Do it for me, so we can enjoy the rest our day without him calling again."
Bethany glared at the phone for a second. "All right. I'll talk to him. But only for a couple of minutes."
"That's all he's asking, Beth."
She took the phone as her mom patted her on the shoulder. "What?"
"Bethy, how's my little girl? Happy Thanksgiving!" Her father's voice was warm and friendly.
"My name is Bethany and I'm not your little girl anymore. ... But, Happy Thanksgiving to you, too." She quickly added after seeing her mother wince at her words.
"So, how are things going with you?"
"Just fine, Father and you?" Bethany rolled her eyes as she played the 'Let's be polite' game.
"Oh, just great. We had another break-through. Things are looking up."
"That's nice."
"So, how's your band doing? I hear you guys are pretty good."
"The Dreaming broke up 6 months ago and I haven't seen my friends since then."
"Oh." (long pause)
"Um, Dad, I think should get back-"
"No, no. We just started talking. And I-I miss you Beth. When are you going to come visit me?"
Bethany's heart almost broke at the sound of the pain in his voice. No! It was just a trick. It had to be. She couldn't trust him. Not now. Not ever. "We've been through this before. I don't want to see you. I just don't want to." Her voice was tired. She knew this was going to happen. He'd been trying to get her to see him for the last 4 years.
"Don't you miss me? Even a little?" His voice was so small, so hopeful, Bethany couldn't lie to him.
"Yeah, Dad. I miss you a little."
"See, I knew it. I knew you missed me. You started calling me 'Dad' again." Bethany mentally cursed herself. She had promised herself that she'd stay formal. Too late now. "We could start over again and be a family again. And I could show you my workplace and introduce you to my friends and -"
"No."
"No? Why? You just said you missed me."
"I do miss you. I miss the you that you were before the drugs, before the women, before you did what you did to me. No. I don't want to see you."
"You can't hold that against me forever, Beth.-"
"You wanna bet?" She interrupted harshly.
His voice was less friendly now. "It was a mistake. A simple, little mistake."
This a new one for Bethany. He had never called what he did a 'simple, little mistake' before. It shocked her. "You call trying to rape your 14 year old daughter a 'simple, little mistake?' 'A simple, little mistake?!' I don't believe you. And you expect me to want to see you? No. No way, no how, no sir!"
"Beth, just calm down. I just meant that we could start over. That was four years ago. Maybe it's time you let it go. I have. Why can't you?" He sounded so patronizing, it just infuriated her.
"I can't let it go because it was my life that was ruined. It was my trust that was broken. It was my belief in what a father should be that got ripped away from me that day. And you got off Scot-free! No. I don't want to start over with you. I don't trust you. I don't even like you."
"How can you tell if you like or don't like me? You know nothing about me. The only contact you've allowed is on the phone. I've been doing real good at my job and my life. A father can't be blamed for wanting to share it with his only child. I want to start over. To get to know you again and have you get to know me again."
"Yeah, and have you hurt me again? No. I know all I want to know about you. All I need to know."
"Beth, you can't keep me away forever." His voice was soft.
That frightened her. Something in the way he said that echoed menacingly in her head, 'You can't keep me away forever...' "The hell I can't! You come near me and I swear I'll kill you! I can do it. Don't try to contact me again. I don't ever want to have anything to do with you!!!" Bethany slammed down the phone and yanked the cord out of the wall. She looked at her mother. "The only thing I want to hear about that man is that he's dead. Otherwise, I don't want to hear it." She ran out of the room.
Marion following her crying daughter to her bedroom. "Honey, what happened?" She asked as she put her arms around Bethany.
Bethany tensed, then leaned against her mother, her tears making the fabric damp against her cheek. "Dammit Mom, it's been four years! Why does he make me feel like I'm 14 again? Why does he still scare me? I'm almost 19. This isn't right!"
"I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. All I can do is be here and to support you in whatever you do ... no matter how weird I think it is." Bethany smiled at that.
"Thanks Mom. I needed to hear that."
"Well, believe it. I'm here for you. Always. Now, let go make sure dinner is cooking and not burning."
"OK." They walked back into the kitchen, arm in arm, to enjoy Thanksgiving together.
Bethany stopped pacing and picked up the message. It just had his name and a Portland phone number. She put down the message and went to take a shower. When she was done, she yanked on a pair of jeans and a shirt. She picked up and put down the phone twice before finally deciding call. She dialed the number and listened.
"Hello? ... Hello?" It definitely was her father's voice. She quietly hung up the phone.
Bethany dialed her mother's number with shaky fingers and only got the answering machine. "Mom, it's Bethany. I need to talk to you. It's important. Here's my new number [number]. Call me soon. Love ya."
Bethany looked around her room and spotted the 9mm beretta she had cleaned a couple of days before. She had wanted to go and get some shooting practice in because of what had happened to her with the technocracy. Now, this was a bit more personal. And there was nothing else pressing her. She grabbed the holster and put it on. Then she checked the weapon and put it in the holster. It felt strange. She threw her jacket on over the gun. She suddenly felt very self-conscious.
When she got to the range, she looked to see if she knew anyone there. She didn't, so she set up and began her first shots. Damn, am I rusty! Her first shots were all over the place. After practicing for a while, she was doing a lot better. She noticed Jake walk in and set up. He pulled the biggest gun she'd seen in a long time from his holster and began firing. It made huge holes and didn't seem to have any kick-back.
When he was done with his first clip, Bethany looked at him and asked, "Can I try that one?" Jake just looked at her, put in a fresh clip and handed the weapon to her.
Bethany took careful aim using both hands and fired. The gun kicked so hard, Bethany smacked herself in the forehead. "Ow. Do you have something little smaller than this?"
Jake took his gun back. "I think the beretta you're using is big enough for you. I think you should stick with it."
"Maybe so." Bethany said, rubbing her bruised forehead. She continued practicing for an hour longer and then went back to her room.
There was a message waiting her on her answering machine. It was her mother. "Hi Beth, it's your mother. Just returning your call. You sounded kinda upset. I'll be home the rest of the day. Call me soon."
Bethany dialed her mother's number. "Hello?" She almost breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of her mother's voice.
"Hi Mom, it's me"
"Hi Honey, how ya doin'?"
"Um, OK, I guess."
"Well, what's up? You sounded upset when you called. I was out shopping. You worried me a little."
"I guess I'm a little worried myself."
"Why?"
"Mom, did you give Dad my phone number?"
"Goodness no, child! Why would I do a thing like that? I know you don't want to see him. ...Why?" Marion sounded very surprised.
"Have you seen him at all recently?"
"No, it's been about two years since I last talked to him."
"Are you sure?" Bethany persisted.
"Yes, I'm sure. What's happen?" Her mother started to sound concerned.
"Nothing, yet. Really. Dad called me."
"And?"
"Mom, I haven't seen him in 6 years. I haven't talked to him in four. And I have an unlisted number. How did he get my number? How did he find me? And why?"
"I don't know. Maybe he hired a detective or something."
"Christ, I don't need to deal with this right now!"
"You think he's going to try to patch things up again?"
"I dunno. I really don't know."
"What are you going to do?"
"I haven't figured that one out, either."
"You're probably not going to want to hear this, but maybe you should talk to him."
"Why? I don't want to."
"Are you going to live your life in fear of him forever? Honey, maybe he just wants to talk to you. You're 23 years old, not 14. You're an adult and you can take care of yourself, right?"
"Yeah." Bethany admitted begrudgingly.
"All you have to do is call him. I mean, if you don't like what he says, you can always hang up on him. It's not like he can hurt you over the phone." She sounded so calm and logical.
"Yeah, I guess I sound like a child." She smiled, embarrassed. "I guess I've hated him for so long that it's a habit. I have to admit that I still don't want to do it, but I'll think about what you've said."
"I know you will. Other than that rather nasty little shock, how have things been? You know, you don't call me enough."
"I know, I know. Things have been relatively quiet here, but time just seems to slip away." Bethany hated lying to her mother, but no other way to protect her.
"So, what exactly is it that you do for a living, again?"
"I - I cat-sit and house-sit for people who have more money than brains. Other than that, I hang out with my friends and help out some at the children's shelter."
"Oh, that's new. When did you start doing that?" Her mother sounded pleased and very interested.
"Oh, about 6 mo- weeks ago. I met someone who works at one of them."
"Tell me about them."
"Um, listen Mom, I'd love to tell you more but I- um. It's almost time for my shift. I gotta go. I'll tell you more later." Bethany hurriedly tried to get off the phone before her half-truths got too complicated.
"Oh. Well, call me soon. I miss you." Bethany cringed at the disappointment in her Mom's voice.
"OK, I will. Maybe I'll try to visit for Christmas, if I can. Love ya. Bye."
"Love you, too. Bye, Honey." Click. Damn. I need to start calling her more often. And maybe I will go see her for Christmas. But, right now I need to do some checking. Bethany set off in search of Jake.
She finally found him in his office. He looked like he was doing some paperwork. Bethany knocked on the door frame. Jake looked up, saw Bethany and then put his pen down.
"Is there something I can do for you?" He sounded irritated, but no more than usual.
"Can I talk to you for a second?'
"Yeah, sure. How's your head?" He asked referring to the bruise on her forehead.
"Oh, OK." Bethany self-consciously touched it briefly.
"Well? I'm waiting." Jake began tapping his finger.
"Um, how would someone go about getting the number to the chantry to get in touch with someone they haven't see or talked to in about 4 years?" Bethany blurted out the question.
Jake stopped tapping his finger and leaned back in his chair. "That's a good question. Why?"
"Because it's happened."
Jake eyes narrowed. "Tell me." he commanded.
"My father. I haven't talked to him in four years. I don't know how he found me or why. We didn't exactly part on good terms."
"Oh?"
"I told him I'd kill him if he ever tried to contact me again."
An eyebrow raised briefly. "Oh. Is he one of you? A mage?"
"No, not that I know of. At least he wasn't the last time I saw him. Then again, I wasn't a mage at that time either."
"Hmm. I'll look into it." Already, Jake seemed a million miles away.
"Um, I don't suppose you could look into his background and find out about him for me?"
"Huh? No. No, I can't do that." Jake looked at her disappointed face. "Can't you get one of the other mages to help you with that? You know, like Jack?"
"Oh, yeah. Jack would help me." Bethany sat there a second, trying to figure out how to ask Jack for help.
Jake cleared his throat. "Is that all? I do have work to do. And you just gave me more."
"Oh, sorry. Thanks for the help."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Jake muttered, already diving back into his paperwork.
Bethany hummed as she set out for Jack's study. She suddenly realized what tune she was humming. It was the song her father used to sing to her every night before she went to bed. It was what first got her interested in music.
~~~
"Sing it again, Dad!" Bethany pleaded.
"No, it's time for bed." Peter's smile contradicted his stern voice. Bethany knew she'd win tonight.
"Oh, please, Daddy, please? I love when you sing to me. Especially our song." Bethany opened her eyes wide and smiled at him.
Peter looked at his daughter and sighed dramatically, "Alright Pumpkin, just one more. What shall I sing? 'Hush little Baby'?" he asked teasingly. Bethany shook her head. "Amazing Grace?"
Bethany wrinkled her nose. "No. You know, our song. 'When You Walk.'"
"Oh, that one. I don't know if I remember the words." He smiled impishly.
"Daddy!" Bethany squeaked impatiently.
"OK, but you'll have to help me." Bethany nodded. Peter took a breath and began. "When you walk through a storm..." Bethany's 8 year old soprano voice joined in. "Hold your head up high... and don't be afraid of the dark..."
~~~
Bethany shook her head to dismiss the memory. She just wasn't ready to remember the good things about her father. It had been too long. She needed to find out what her father had been up to for the past 6 years before she was willing to talk to him again. The lessons life (and the Technocracy) had taught her, told her to be very, very cautious.
Bethany found Jack in his study, working on something. He looked up and saw Bethany in his doorway. "Hi Bethany! What's up?"
"Um, I-. Could you help me?"
"Sure, what do you need?" Jack gestured to a cluttered chair for Bethany to sit down. "I need you to find out the background of someone. What he's been doing for the last 4 to 6 years."
"That's a hefty request. How detailed do you want it?"
"Just general. Where he's been, who he works for. Stuff like that. I only have his name and home phone number."
"That's OK. I can do a lot with that. Who is he?"
"Peter Versaw." Bethany said, handing over the note.
Jack looked surprised. "Your father? Why do you want me to check out your father?"
"Let's just say we didn't part on good terms. And that he's finally called."
"So?"
"I told him, I'd kill him if he contacted me again."
Jack whistled and looked uncomfortable. "Well, gee, I don't know if I should tell you anything about him or where he lives if you're gonna kill him."
Bethany looked chagrined. "No, no. That's not what I meant. I don't want to kill him."
"That's not what you just said."
"No. That's not what I meant. My mom thinks I should talk to him."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I just want to know what's he's been doing for the last six years. I haven't talked to him in four years and I can't figure out how he found me. Jake's not happy about it either. How did someone who hasn't since or heard from me in four years find me and get the number to the chantry?"
"Good point." Jack looked thoughtful for a moment. "What's he do for a living?"
"I really don't know. He was working for some big company."
"Doing what?"
"I dunno know. Tech, I think."
"Is he a sleeper?"
"Huh? I think so."
"Hmm. Maybe technocracy."
"What? No, I don't think so." Bethany was shocked at the idea of her father being a member of the Technocracy.
"He might not be technocracy, himself, but if he works for a big tech company, he probably works for them. And it would make sense, they would have the information on how to find you."
"Damn. I never thought of that. Why? Why would they tell him how to find me. He knows I don't want to see him."
"I don't know on either point. I could speculate. Of course, the Technocracy would love to get there hands on you again, that's why they would help." Bethany shivered at the memory of her last experience. "And if your father is working solely on his own... You said it'll been four years. Maybe he's figured you've cooled down by now."
She shrugged her shoulders. "So, you'll help me?"
"Yeah, sure. I'll tell you as soon as I know something."
Bethany wandered for a while, lost in thought and finally ended up in what she privately called 'her' music room. She began practicing on the acoustic guitar. Dissatisfied, she moved to the electric guitar and then to the clarinet. Finally, she pulled out her favorite instrument, her wooden flute. After playing on it a while, she finally gave up. She sat there for a couple of moments staring at the flute, then lifted it to her lips and began to play the song that had been plaguing her all day.
Shannon stood outside the music room and watched Bethany as she switched from instrument to instrument and settle finally on the flute. She could feel the tension in her friend's body and emotions coming off of her. She couldn't help it. It had been distracting her since this afternoon. It had gotten to the point that Shannon couldn't really concentrate without putting some effort into it. She wondered why Bethany hadn't come to her for help, yet. Obviously, something was bothering her.
Bethany stopping playing. She'd been playing one of Shannon's favorite songs, "When You Walk." Shannon felt the sudden surge of anger and frustration explode as Bethany grabbed her flute and flung it across the room. Shannon had had just enough time to do a quick entropy spell, ensuring that the flute would land in the over-stuffed chair, unharmed.
"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! What do I do?!" Bethany asked the air.
"About what?" Shannon asked as she entered the room.
Bethany jumped. "Nothing." she said and looked away.
"Ah. Are you OK?"
"Fine."
"Really? I guess throwing your flute across the room after playing a rather nice song is completely normal." Shannon closed the door and leaned against it. "Are you sure that everything's OK?"
Bethany went over to the chair and picked up her flute. "No. Everything is not OK." She said, hugging the flute to her. "I'm confused and I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do."
"What about? Maybe I can help you."
"Shannon, I know you believe that even the greatest evil can become good, so, I know what you're going to say in this case. In fact, it's what everyone is going to say in this case."
"What? What are you talking about?" Shannon was starting to sound a little irritated and concerned.
"My father called."
"Oh. What happened?"
"Nothing, yet. He left a message. I haven't talked to him."
"What are you going to do?"
"That's the question of the hour. I don't know. My mom thinks I should talk to him. Jake's upset that someone who I haven't been in contact with for four could find me and get the number to the chantry and Jack thinks he probably has connections to the Technocracy."
"The Technocracy? Why?"
"Because he found me and got the number to the chantry. I just don't know what to do. He hurt me bad, mentally and physically, but it's been almost 9 years. I'm an adult. I should be able to face him. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I want to. And the stupid thing about it all, is that I keep remembering this one good memory of him singing me to sleep!"
Shannon crossed the room to hug Bethany. "Why didn't you ask me for help? I've known that you were upset since this afternoon."
"You have?"
"It was kinda like a nagging distraction telling me something was wrong and I finally decided to look in on you. That told me that you were upset, but I didn't know why. And you weren't in danger, so I didn't try to contact you. I was going to wait until you came to me."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that would happen."
"Why didn't you ask for help?"
Bethany was quiet for a moment. "Well, you know how you think I smother you and that I try to protect you too much? ... It's kinda like that except, I seem to keep running to you to solve my problems or to be my crutch, like I did when I talked with Randy about our relationship. Sometimes I think I depend on you too much."
"But if you really need me..."
"Yeah, if I really need you, you're there. But what am I going to do now? I suppose you're going to tell me to talk to my father."
"Is that what you want to do?"
"Yes... no. I don't know. I'm just delaying the actual decision for the moment until Jack comes back with his report. I'm having Jack look into his background to see what he's been up to for the past 5 or 6 years."
"And then?"
"If he's completely mundane and just has a damn good private dick, I don't know..."
"And if he's technocracy."
" And if he's technocracy, I'll have to kill him." Shannon took a step back from Bethany. "Because he'll be a danger to me, my mom and my adoptive family." Bethany continued softly. "I won't let myself be a danger to this chantry because of my father. I just won't."
Shannon looked a little pale at Bethany last quiet statement, and said nothing. She just took Bethany's hand and starting leading her out of the music room.
"You understand, don't you? I won't let him hurt you or anyone in this chantry if I can stop him." Bethany's eyes searched Shannon's face, looking for understanding.
"I do understand." Shannon's face and body portrayed nothing of what she was truly feeling except that she understood just how important this chantry, and she, were to Bethany.
"We'll just have to wait for Jack's report. ... Hey, have you eaten today?" Shannon asked, changing the subject. "I bet you haven't. Let's get something to eat and see a movie."
Bethany smiled. Trust Shannon to bring her out of her funk. She could put her worries on hold for a while. "Sure, we can do that. Thanks. ... Shannon?"
"Hmm?"
"When's the last time you saw snow?" Bethany asked grinning.