September 2001

Conventions, Old Friends and Stories

From the Scale...
I'm back from my vacation and all is well. First, yes, I cheated like a mad woman on my diet. All 6 days. Pizza, muffins, French toast, sodas... the works. I tried to be good but, that really didn't would out too well in a gaming/hotel situation. Fortunately for me, I have only gained one pound back. So, I'm back up to 311 and have to work my way back down under 310.

However, I'm not really considering this a loss on my end. Just as Atkins predicted, I had some 'interesting' side effects to going back on that many carbohydrates. I was tired a lot. I was hungry a lot. I had the munchies when I wasn't hungry. I had tummy problems with lactic acid. It was harder for me to sleep. All sorts of interesting observations. It's actually a relief to get back to a regimented diet again.

So, I'm not too upset on the backslide. I gained a pound and learned something valuable.

Old Friends...
It's been great having Cherny here. We haven't seen each other in 6 years but, the moment we met again, it was like no time had passed. We just totally understand where we are coming from and what our relationship is. I've missed him and I'm going to miss him a lot when he goes back home.

He was all worried that my friends wouldn't like him. He was worried for nothing. My friends liked him. He liked them. It was a good situation all around. He was also worried about fitting in at the convention. No worries there either. We had a blast in all of the games we were in.

There's a lot more that I want to say about Cherny and his visit, but I think I'll leave that to the private part of my journal.

The Convention...
Wow. For a small convention, I really had a good time. Cherny and I got into every game we signed up for. Cherny pretty much let me lead us around the convention because he figured he'd have a good time where ever we wound up and we did.

Friday. We arrived around 1pm, got a great parking spot, checked in and set up. We got our convention badges and spent a couple of hours just hanging out, sitting back, relaxing and meeting up with friends and convention friends. Then, we headed to our first game of the convention.... RobA and DaveW's "Villains & Vigilantes" game.

Let me start off by saying... I don't think I've botched so many rolls in one game -ever-. But, despite that, I still had a great time. There was a guy in the game, Jesse, not handsome nor ugly - fairly average looking with nice blue eyes, who immediately started flirting with me. At the time, I had assumed it was just my character. Cherny laughed at me later. Apparently, Jesse was really trying hard to get my attention but it wasn't working too well because most of the guys were trying to get my attention.

Did I mention that conventions are great for the ego? So, a good time was had by all and we got to sleep way too late.

Saturday. This was the biggest game day for us. We signed up for and got into Rich's Mummy game. The game was fun but I was getting rather annoyed at some of the players. One would constantly be running off to go do things sole. The other three would talk over each other, not listen to anyone and interrupt everyone without a thought. I'm much more used to a cooperative group. However, in the end, we did kill the two evil vampires. Cherny surprised Rich on the idea of blowing up the vampire's haven with us in it. I survived though. Oh, kudos to Rich for bringing references from "Myths Over Miami."

The second game of the day, starting at about 8pm, was a pick up game of Exalted. Rich ran that one, too. Exalted is White Wolf's answer to a fantasy game. It is a very pre-World of Darkness, anime style fantasy world. It really wasn't that bad. Granted, I made a "face" type character and much of the game was combat but, I still had a good time. Cherny played fighter types all weekend, so he had plenty to do. The game ran really late and by the time people were leaving our room... slowly... chatting... I was telling them, "I like you... get out." I had to repeat that about six or seven times before they got the hint than I really... REALLY... wanted to sleep.

Sunday. This was the best day for me. We had no games until the Dreams of Deirdre Cthulhu LARP at 6pm. It was the most popular LARP of the whole convention. I was given the role of "Mrs. Claire Robinson." Yes, there were many jokes about "Mrs. Robinson" but I didn't mind. I was an ancient soul who needed a rest and this turn on the wheel was just going to be a simple woman with simple goals. Only, that was not to be.

My romantic counterpart in the game was "Shawn Riley," an immortal, whom Claire had spent several lifetimes with as a lover. Shawn was still very much in love with Claire and wanted her back. So, there were many instants throughout the game where all hell was breaking loose and Shawn would ask Claire something like "Are you really happy?" or "How can you be with someone who doesn't know you like I do?" It was a delicious blend of professional working to stop the evil and romantic tension. It was a really good game. I even got nominated by the group for a prize for role playing. That was cool. (Of course, DaveW and RobA took home awards.)

Now... let me tell you about the man playing Shawn Riley. His name was Newt and he was a dream. Oh... my... 6'2" with eyes of blue... slender, well built, handsome with an engaging smile and wonderful personality. In short... this guy was GORGEOUS!!! I had to go thank the GM for assigning him that part. I think the GM was amused. I know Wendy was. The only bad thing... he lives in Reno. *argh* But, I did get an email address from him. (*hmmmm* Reno's not TOO far of a drive...)

Cherny was beating on me for not inviting Newt back to the room. I really wish I had invited him out for coffee.

Monday ended up being a throw away day. The Star Wars LARP that got postponed from Friday night played. I went because I knew that GregE and Ralph were going to be in it. But, once I was there, I pretty much gave up the game for lost, since 80% of the players were 16 years old or younger. There was not going to be a whole lot of politicking going on. I was right, too. It became very hack and slash. Fortunately, I was being a crime lord who didn't really care about anyone but herself. Oh, sure... I favored the rebels some... but favor only goes so far.

One amusing thing that happened just before the game started, was me meeting up with Heidi and RobS and their daughter. Rob, apparently, is still not speaking to me based on some argument we had some 5-6 years ago. I don't remember what it was about. Reliant related, most likely but I just can't remember. I don't know if Rob remembers or not or if he's just being Gaelic and stubborn. He didn't even acknowledge my presence. I had a small talk with Heidi and gave her my email address. If she contacts me, great! If not... I did try. It was a bit weird, though. I will admit that.

Another amusing thing that happened at the beginning of the game was, Jesse, from the V & V game, who I spent a lot of time "bumping into" for the rest of the Con, came in and made a pass at me. It would have been a very amusing pass... had I been more of a Red Dwarf fan. Since I'm not, it left me really confused and I think he was harshly rebuffed. I would have rebuffed him anyway... but I would have been nicer about it. There was also the fact that I was completely in character and I thought he was, too. So, I'm feeling mildly guilty and amused by it all.

Coming home and relaxing was a great feeling. It had been an awesome convention but I was really ready to be away from strangers.

In the Muse...
So, you all know about my vampire ticking time bomb. That ticker has faded out within the echoes of the explosion of three part story that -must- be written based on the characters and some of the events from the Cthulhu LARP. I am sunk. The characters have names and the stories are half written. I have no choice in the matter anymore.

Cherny and I spent a lot of time discussing the stories and how they would go. The night and events of the Cthulhu LARP would be second story in the 1890's. The first story would be built on the brief outlined past from 120 years before and the third story would be set in the modern day. The first two stories will be tragic romances. The third one will be hopeful. At least, that's the plan.

In fact, I think I'll go work on the first one... after I email Newt.

Tarot Card for the Day: Six of Pentacles, Inverted

Stalker? Me? Nah...

*happy dance* Newt wrote me back! (Not that I'm excited or anything.) He didn't say much except to say that he has company for the balloon races until Sunday and won't be able to get back to me until Monday but he was glad to hear from me. *bounce*bounce*bounce* Cool beans. That's good enough for me.

Just before I got that email, I was idly wandering through the web and decided to see if he had a website or anything like that. Nope. Ok. So, I entered his name, city and state in to the people search thing and much to my surprise, I got a hit - for an address and phone number... but no email address. Did I call? Hell, no. That's just a wee bit too stalkerish for me. I'm not even certain it's the same guy. Besides, I don't know what I would say anyway. I'd get all tongue-tied. But, he is only 250 miles from me if it is the right address. That's not too far to drive. *grin*

Did I mention that this guy made a huge impression on me?

To tell you the truth, I'm surprised I was brave enough to ask for his email address and to give him my card. Usually, I get way too intimidated. Maybe it was the fatigue toxins messing with my brain or maybe it was the fact that I met him at a gaming convention so I was a wee bit more comfy. Maybe it was both. I don't know. I'm just glad I did.

You know what? If nothing comes of this, that's OK. I'm just enjoying basking in the fun of really being attracted to someone again. That hasn't happened in a long time. I had forgotten what it feels like. It's a wonderful feeling and that alone makes it worth it.

I have been writing like a mad woman on the stories born from the DoD Cthulhu LARP. So far, I've got about 2300 words down. Dubbed the White Feather stories, I've finished my first past on the first short story, set in 1794 and I've begun the second short story, set in 1910. This second story is going to encompass the events of the LARP and about a week in either direction. The third story will be set in 2001.

I'm having a lot of fun but I'm having a little trouble working on how to write the second story. I don't know if it should be all 1st person or a combination of 1st person and Universal. That's always been one of my weak points in writing, sticking to the right POV.

I'm not sure if I'm going to post these stories or not. Maybe I'll actually submit them somewhere as a single combined story. I think I'll have to toss them at the writing group before I do that, though. Maybe they can help me come up with a better name for them.

Amazingly enough, it looks like I have Friday night free. I'm going to try to have dinner with Wendy from one of my favorite bands, Delicious Blue - a band who keeps me sane at work. I'm going to try to make it to their next performance on the 21st. I think that Friday will be open, too. Wendy's been having a little bit of a hard time of things lately with men and moving. I think a girl's night out would do her some good. If that doesn't pan out, I'll write all night. *grin* Saturday and Sunday are going to be dedicated to gaming - the Casting the Runes game then, the CAST game.

Tarot Card for the Day: Seven of Pentacles

Grinning Fool

I didn't get to see Wendy on Friday cause she was busy. So, I hopped over to James' house to watch movies with Dave and James. Laurel was EQing. We watched "Replacement Killers" and "The Usual Suspects." James had never seen the latter. I have to say, Kevin Spacey did an incredible job in "The Usual Suspects." For a person with a fairly bland look to him, he is an incredibly versatile actor. I really liked him in "American Beauty" as well.

Also, I got the whole household to agree to come with me to see Delicious Blue on the 21st. I had Dave download "Cassandra" and listened to it. They all liked it. Though, I have to admit, I'm pretty sure that Wendy being gorgeous and having a beautiful voice doesn't hurt them wanting to go see her perform. So far, three of my male friends have asked about her attachment status. I have to ask her if she's interested in that right now.

The rest of the weekend was devoted to gaming. My once every 6-8 weeks LARP come Table Top game, Casting the Runes was on Saturday. It wasn't bad. Only minorly confusing when we decided that we were going to start a second group of vampires back in the dark ages and flip between CtR: Modern Nights and CtR: Dark Ages at the GMs' whim. I think from now on, we are going to just do one per session.

The best part of the day had nothing to do with gaming though. After I arrived, Rich looked at me and said "Jenn, I have to compliment you."

"Why?" I asked, curious.

"Well, I can tell you are loosing weight. It looks good."

I was a grinning fool for the at least the next half hour. I love compliments like that!!

Sunday was the CAST game. Anabeth, my Ventrue neonate, was granted status and she hosted the evening I had a pretty good time. No breaches of the Masquerade on my territory and I even got nominated for the extra XP award for role playing. Even better, I won it. The GM had the big, bad nutso Lasombra drop in and chat with Anabeth when she patrolled the hotel after one minor incident. He dropped a couple of hefty clues in my lap that I happily trotted back out to the court.

The other thing, someone finally tried to auspex the antique necklace that Anabeth always wears. It's been passed on from Sire to first embraced Childe upon their release for at least 5 known generations. It's got some heavy magic on it. Anabeth doesn't know and can't use it. (Un?)Fortunately, the Tremere who got interested in it, failed their bid to see anything interesting on it. Of course, the GM isn't sure what kind of magic it is. So, we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

Afterwards, several of us headed out to Mr. Pickwick's, a British pub and restaurant. Most people had the bangers and mash. Unfortunately, the third ingredient in bangers is breadcrumbs, I had to forego them and have the shrimp that was rather tasty. Next time though, I think I'll save up my carbs so I can have the bangers. Alex let me have a taste and -wow- they were really good.

Surprisingly enough, despite my cheating from Monday and Tuesday when Cherny was here and me cheating on Saturday at the CtR game, I still lost another 1.5 pounds. Yeah! I'm down to 309.5 and that lets me go order my DVDs. So, my next goal, goal #2, is 300 pounds and my reward will be all the Bujold books on my wishlist. I think that will suffice nicely as a prize.

There are a couple of things I have learned recently. First, I have found a new protein bar that is as good as (and occasionally better than) the Atkins bars. They are called "Carb Solutions" and they all have 2 grams of carbs each. Their flavors that I have found are: Peanut butter and jelly, Chocolate toffee hazelnut and Chocolate almond fudge. They are surprisingly good.

Second, I have discovered that my tastes for certain foods have changed. Saturday, I ended up going over my allotted carb count because I gave into the urge to have one of the hostess snacks that I brought for everyone else. However, it didn't taste nearly as good as I remember them tasting. In fact, it tasted pretty fake and plasticky. It was really weird. I used to -love- the oatmeal cream pies but now, my thought is *ew* because it tasted so yucky.

In a way, it makes me sad, because a lot of my childhood likes are being rewritten. But, in a way, it makes me happy. I really am training myself to eat much better.

Tarot Card for the Day: Seven of Pentacles, Inverted

Confused & Feeling Guilty

Everyone is talking about the national tragedy. That's not going to stop me from talking about it and my confused feelings. I didn't even know anything had happened until after I got to work and started reading journals and started getting emails from people telling me that they were OK. I don't have a radio in my car. I generally don't listen to the radio when I'm getting ready for work.

So, hearing about the four hijacked planes and the suicide attacks on the twin towers of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon was complete shock to me.

My initial reaction was one of disbelief and cynicism. "Yeah, right. I'm sure it's not that bad. I wonder when they are going to make it into a bad movie of the week." But then, I started reading the news reports and seeing the pictures.... and I felt... nothing. For a while at least. I don't know if I was afraid of crying or afraid of losing control. I just don't know.

People were going on and on about how it was a tragedy. Some were hysterical. Some were just unable to function. I kept hearing about businesses shutting down in SF, just in the case the last missing hijacked plane was headed to the West Coast to attack the TransAmerica building. I watched them and I didn't understand. I was disassociated from it all. I don't know why.

Part of me whispered, "This is a damn dangerous world. We should have expected something like this. We've just been lucky so far."

Maybe I hadn't processed it. I don't know. I started to wonder why I wasn't in tears like everyone else. What was wrong with me? Was I so damn heartless and cold? Later, I read more about the World Trade Center, I realized I was crying as I read the articles. But, I didn't know why I was crying. No concept would form in my head. I guess all I was getting was the sense that this all was a BAD THING.

It was lunchtime. I was sitting there, thinking about it, wondering what the pilots were thinking as they dove into the buildings on their suicide missions. I wondered what the hapless victims felt - having spent their last minutes captive on a plane controlled by terrorists. How the hell the terrorists got the resources, plan and gumption to do this. Why the hell we didn't catch it before it was too late. Also, I wondered again why I wasn't falling apart. I was confused and feeling really guilty.

Then, I got the phone call that put all of my thoughts and priorities in order.

I have many friends in the military, the government and the intelligence community. Some of them in fairly high places. I try to keep tabs on them when something major happens. This friend called me up, drunk and sobbing, like I had never heard them before. I found out they were supposed to be in a meeting at the Pentagon today but, it being a typical Monday yesterday, they were utterly unable to get a flight or to make the meeting today.

The plane that crashed into the Pentagon plowed right through the section that their meeting was held. Many, if not all, of their friends are dead as a result.

What do you tell your friend, who is a million miles away, when they sob "The bastards killed them. All my friends. I was supposed to be there, too. I'm the only one left alive."? I could have lost my friend. It could have been that easy. If a flight had been available. Gods, this was close... too close.

If I wasn't feeling guilty before, I sure as hell am now. I talked to them for 30 minutes, calming them, listening to them, crying with them. Suddenly, I understood the enormity of this attack on our country. All of the people hurt, killed or who have lost someone as a result of this. Now, I'm beginning to wonder if this isn't the beginning of World War III.... the one that is going end the world as we know it.

No matter what happens, this is going to affect the course America takes in the future. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Oh, yeah. Happy 30th Birthday, Ice.

Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Pentacles

Life Goes On... Sorta....

Emotions are running high all over the place. I have been seeing some interesting, and occasionally extreme, reactions in myself and my friends. Me, personally... I am calmly sitting on a quiet need for revenge. I guess you could say I'm a pragmatic pacifist. I understand that there will be violence. While I don't like it usually... in this case... I am all for it. But, the least amount of violence to accomplish the goal. That means that once we know for sure who the culprit is, we do a surgical strike, get the guilty parties, bring them back for punishment. I am not for carpet bombing randomly. If we do go to war, at least we will stick to the military and terrorist targets.

Also, I've noticed my increased urge to eat. A lot. When I'm not hungry. I am emotionally detached from this as much as I can be to protect myself, but I can tell that it is affecting me a lot. All I can do is make sure I have enough of my allowed food around me to eat so I don't totally sabotage myself. I'm also noticing my want for escapism. To game or read or listen to music. Annoyingly enough, I can't find the words to write on my stories. It's like my creative juices have been sucked from my mind.

My friends... they are reacting in a lot of strong ways. One friend is still processing it and is very morose. One friend, surprisingly enough, is more on the side of the Islamics - stating that there is another side to the story. While he doesn't condone the violence, it is American interference in foreign affairs that has made it come to this. Another friend is ready to join the military and fight the good fight. Another friend is calling for a surgical strike to get Bin Laden, then torture him ala "Clockwork Orange." (I'm against torture. I'd rather just have the bad guys killed so they can't escape or order more attacks.) Another friend is certain that this will open to the gates to allow America to become a Fascist state. Many flinch when they hear a plane overhead.

One thing is for certain. There is a lot of anger and a need to regain a sense of control. However, every one of my friends has stated an abhorrence to violence against American Arabs. They aren't the enemy. Most of my friends would be willing to fight against a lynch mob. I'm really glad to know that. Still, I worry for people like Mary Anne, who is in a much less diverse area of the country.

On a slightly twisted and amusing side... this being a laugh or cry situation.... some of my friends made some amusing 'what if' comments. Like... "What if we had a Sicilian president? How would he handle it?" I could just see it... "This Bin Laden guy, he got a girlfriend? Dead! Parents? Dead! Dog? Dead! Goldfish? Dead! Plants? Dead! All dead!"

I don't know why that is funny to me. It just is. I guess listening to the way my friends told it to me last night. Maybe it was the food coma from going out to eat at Outback last night. (Mmmmm... meat!) It was good seeing them. I needed to get out and away from the news.

Most of all, we are all picking up the pieces, solving problems and trying to go on with day to day life. Friday is a world wide day of mourning. There is the Babylon 5 LARP this Saturday and I think some people are going to want to game in order to forget the horror for a while. I know we all are a lot more subdue than before and I sense an inner strength of resolve that we will get through this one way or another.

Tomorrow morning, before work, I'm going to drop by the blood bank to donor blood. I'm not O+, the universal donor. I'm A+. I'm hoping that that I do qualify and that they will take me. I'll have to remember to take my food for recovery. I've been meaning to donate blood for a while now... I just had not gotten around to it. Now, there are no more excuses to be had.

Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Pentacles, Inverted

Babylon 5 Weekend

Pretty much, this entire weekend was taken up with Babylon 5. Friday night was a much needed night at home. So, I played around with my new powers on Marrach where I have now become a StoryPlotter - one of the people who runs plots for the players and I put in some Babylon 5 tapes to start getting me in the mindset of the Babylon 5 universe for Chuckling Cthulhu's Babylon 5 LARP on Saturday.

I did the same thing on Saturday morning before the LARP. I web surfed and watched Babylon 5. Since I was playing a rogue telepath (and everyone oocly knew it because of my complete adoration of the telepaths in Babylon 5), I pulled out my tapes that had stuff about the telepaths on it. I ended up cutting short the last episode "The Corps is Mother. The Corps is Father." in order to go out to lunch with James, who was looking just dashing in his black BDUs.

The LARP itself was a blast!! The costumes were awesome. Especially the Minbari costumes. But I felt really sorry for the Narn players in all the makeup and bald caps. Me? I was just dressed business-like. Nothing major. I spent a lot of time with T (that is his whole name) who was playing Max Stein, the owner of the Steincorp Station that we were all on. I've played opposite him before (DundraCon, two years ago) and, just as I remembered, he is a blast to role play with. It was interesting that he decided that even though our characters were no longer romantically linked (that was how he discovered my character was a telepath), his character really did care about mine - especially since Max Stein is a rat bastard. There were some nice scenes.

Also, I proved the old adage "stories come from people being stupid or making mistakes" by -not- being stupid and fleeing when ever the hidden psi-cop, pretending to be an IPX agent, would come in holding the P12+ mind munching archeological artifact in his hands. Apparently, I missed out on some delightful torture. Which is sad, but such is life. Also... the psi-cop (played by THE Dr. Kevin Jones) was murdered less than an hour from the moment he stepped onto the station. So, I really didn't have a chance to interact with him. A shame, because Sisra and Max were walking down the hallway towards him, with Sisra completely whacked out on painkillers, when the psi-cop was knifed in the back.

Sunday was a day for sleeping in. When I did finally get up, I was still pumped from the LARP, so I popped in the last 6 episodes from Season 5 and watched the conclusion of the B5 series. I totally blubbered throughout "Sleeping in the Light." I generally do. But, I think, it was also a cathartic release from the stress of the terrorist attacks and the hormone hell my body has been going through (I'm a week early).

You know, I really, really want them to get off their butts and put B5 out on DVD.

Got on the scale this morning, ready to wince because of my unexpected early period and the usual water weight gain. Instead of wincing, I got a really nice surprise. 305. I lost 4.5 pounds. I was suspicious. So, I got off the scale and did it again. Same result. Cool! I've lost 18 pounds now in 7 weeks. That's an average of about 2.5 lbs per week. Perfect!

So, I thought about it. I did not cheat at all last week. I did exercise twice. Plus, ever since I've been drinking that gallon+ of water a day, I haven't really had a problem with water retention in my fingers or ankles. Also, I didn't notice it this week. So, super good on diet, exercise and water = decent weight loss. Yah!

Here are some more tips and thoughts on what I do to help stay on my program.

• I do take a multi-vitamin 5 days a week. One-A-Day Maximum. I leave it at my desk and take it when I eat my breakfast. Also, I take an extra 500 of C 2-3 times a week. Mostly when I remember it and feel like it. A friend of mine has recommended glucosamine/chondroitin for my joints but, I haven't gotten around to getting some to see.

• I do drink my 1 gallon of water a day. I have a 28 oz glass on my desk. I have to finish it before lunch. Then, I have my soda. If I don't, I save my soda to later. If I don't finish the second 28 oz glass by the time I go home, I can't have a soda that night. I only drink water. That way, I am sure to get in my 64 oz of water. If I do have it, I'm allowed to have a soda - if I want it. I'm discovering that I don't want a soda a lot of times.

• Peanut butter is your friend - in small doses. Peanut butter is great for that need for something sweet. 7 carbs per 2 tablespoons. So, you take a teaspoon and take a small scoop of peanut butter. It will be between 1.5-2 tablespoons (I've measured). I recommend the honey nut peanut butter or smooth peanut butter. Crunchy peanut butter has a softer consistency and is not as easy to just lick like a lollipop. You end up biting it more than licking. So, it doesn't last as long. That's why smooth is better. Denser, easier to lick and savor.

• If you like the taste of peaches, you will adore Diet Rite Peach soda. No carbs. No calories. No aspartame. No sodium. It has so much of a peach flavor that I actually feel a bit funny not chewing something at the same time as tasting it. The diet Raspberry is still my favorite but it's nice to have choices.

Tarot Card for the Day: Ninth of Pentacles

Red Tape & Paper Trails

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

*mutter* I'll be glad when I go back to actually testing again.

I had one of those weird dreams Wednesday night. It was really vivid. The write up is a little short and doesn't really convey the scenary of the dream. The city and roads where really, really vivid and vibrant to me. I can still remember parts of it. Especially the scene where the lizard (Narn) guards confront us as we try to flee the city.

Charon - In a war between two life long enemies, as my city falls to the invaders, I am captured by my mate's enemy and made to become his slave.

This is going to be one of those busy-busy weekends. Tonight, I'm going to be hanging with friends at the Britannia Arms Pub in Cupertino for dinner and to watch Delicious Blue. Yah! I can't wait to see them. I'm pretty stoked. I like Wendy a lot and I am interested to see what their stage presense is like.

Saturday will be Port Townsend. I actually double booked myself for Saturday with both Port Townsend and the Aberrant game. Mostly because I completely forgot that I agreed to the Port Townsend game. I enjoy both games but I've been playing Port Townsend longer and I don't see Logan or Dr. Kevin Jones nearly enough. Did I mention, after the B5 LARP, I got to ride in Kevin's jet without wings? Finally, a luxury sports car that I really like. It was much more comfy and drove much smoother than the porsches I have tried out. Of course, I can't remember the make or model of it. Mercedes Z3... I think.

Sunday is the regular CAST game and to tell you the truth, I haven't done anything for it. If I get 'a round toit' I'll update my investigative report on the Tundress plot. Other than that, all I have is a bit of teasing of the Tremere with the magic pendant my character wears that she doesn't know is magical. Really, CAST is a come, play and forget game. At least, for the moment it is.

Been writing back and forth with Newt. He seems like a pretty neat guy. I wish he lived closer, though. Talking with him has made me start thinking about the White Feather stories again. But, I know I really need to write up a new Edanya tale and a new Castle Marrach tale. I'm about 2 weeks behind in that. I just done have the writing bug right now.

Also, speaking of being behind... I have completely dropped out of my "Poem of the Month" thing that I've been doing. I've missed August and I'm not getting anything for September. Not yet, anyway. Maybe I can make it up but, I don't know, my poetic well seems to be dry. It used to be so easy for me to sit down or day dream or think up a poem. Now, it's like pulling teeth. I wonder what's changed.

Looks like I get my Tuesday and Thursday night back and I have to find a new guilty pleasure to indulge in. Big Brother 2's final episode was last night. Will, that charming, conniving, arrogant, lying, deceiving bastard who played one hell of a game, won the grand prize of $500,000. Nicole, who I was only so-so about, won 2nd place at $50,000. Honestly, Will, the charming bastard that he was, deserved to win.

I'm going to try to NOT get hooked on another reality TV show. However, admittedly, "Lost" is looking a bit intriguing. If you were dropped some place in the world where you didn't speak the language, were limited on money and time, how would you get home? At least, I think that's the premise. Contestants are dropped in the middle of somewhere in the world and have a certain amount of time and resources to figure out where they are and how to get home again.

Having travelled a lot, this is my kind of reality adventure contest. One that I would even be willing to compete in if I ever had the chance. I am going to have to check it out.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Pentacles, Inverted

Raving Fan Girl

Wow. What a full weekend. I have not had nearly enough sleep to make my happy. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Still, it was a darn good weekend!

Friday night was spent watching Wendy with her band, Delicious Blue perform. It was me, James, Laurel and Dave. We ended up sitting right next to half of the Dreams of Deirdre crew. That was cool. We chatted a little bit about gaming and conventions but mostly enjoyed the music. Delicious Blue was SO good. You know how you go to see one of your friends perform and you really hope they don't suck so you don't have to lie to them? Well, Delicious Blue sounded just as good as their CDs! I mean, I was really blown away at just how good and professional they looked. Wendy really does have an awesome singing voice. Like a raving fan girl, I made Wendy sign my CDs when I bought them. She was pretty amused.

I think some of the most fun came from watching Paul, the keyboardist. He is a tall, dark haired guy that is just a shade off from being handsome but that didn't matter. His personality really shone through. He was so into his music, dancing around as he played the keyboards. We awarded him the "Most Active" band member. It's really too bad that he's moving away.

Wendy and I have a tentative dinner date for later this week.

Saturday was taken up with Port Townsend, Squeakus Maximus and Aghardid. The Port Townsend game was good. It was an ending to the demon that was feeding on Delphi and a cleaning up of as much of the plot as we could. Of course, this means that the Society of Leopold now knows of us in Port Townsend and Janice, Johanna's character, is in bedlam from being forced to drink fey blood.

However, as much as we all love Logan and he's a good GM, the stars of the evening were Alex and Johanna's new kitten, Max, and Kevin and Colette's 85 pound 'puppy' who came for a visit. When I first saw Max, he was -so- tiny, my brain had trouble wrapping around the fact that the kitten was alive and not a toy. Max has the most adorable squeaking meow in existence. He is just so cute, it's enough to give you diabetes. He's learning to play, uncoordinated as he is. He's figured out how to lunge and bite, sorta and how to back up. I can really understand why Johanna and Alex have lost their hearts to him.

On the other end of the spectrum, when Colette came over to see the kitten, she brought her puppy with her. An 85 pound Rottweiler named Anghared (I'm sure I'm butchering the spelling. It's Welsh for 'Beloved.') She was so big and so active, it was amazing. But, she's fairly well trained for a 9 month old puppy.

Kevin and Colette had to get the dog from Germany so the dog could still have its tail and ears. I never knew that Rottweilers and Dobermans had their tails and ears bobbed. I thought that was how they were born. I was pretty shocked to find out otherwise.

Oh, yeah. Kevin has a Mercedes SLK 330. If I were to by a luxury sports car, that would be it.

Sunday was the CAST game. It's an easy game for me to play. Unfortunately though, I'm getting thrust into the exact same role that I was in when I played Kayley - the crisis coordinator position. Mostly because I'm good at that sort of thing. I wanted to go in a different direction. Less concerned with court politics. More interested in the affairs of the humans. Maybe I should go for the Harpy position. I don't know. Something to get me out of this management role.

However, on the good side of things, I've just been brought into the most powerful coterie in that game. We'll see how that works out. It's always good to be friends of the Illuminati

In other psychotic news, I'm actually kicking around the idea of running a quarterly Babylon 5 LARP - troupe style. I adored Chuckling Cthulhu's B5 LARP, so much, it really makes me want to run one. But, not a standard LARP. A series of one-shot games. I would be inviting certain people from the CAST game, from Dreams of Deirdre, from the old Bedlam's Rest game, from the Berkeley group... a bunch of different people who usually do not LARP together. I think that would make for a fantastic game.

The Eight Week Review. So, I've been on the Atkins Program for 8 weeks now. I have lost a total of 20 pounds and I've settled into the diet pretty well.

Pros: Easy to maintain. No hunger. Consistent weight loss. No medication. No side effects. Does not require exercise but exercise helps.

Cons: It's expensive - meats and veggies are expensive. It does not teach you how to eat properly for when you go off the program (though, they state this program is for life). Drinking the gallon of water daily will be hard for a lot of people. There is still a -lot- of controversy over the health risks of this diet.

Over all thoughts: If you have the willpower and money, this program is really good. I am never hungry. I eat when I want and as much as I want and there is a steady, consistent weight loss. But, I do miss the carbs in foods like pizza and chips. I think I will be able to stick with it for a long time. Once I do go off of it, I will stick to more of a modified version and if I start to gain weight, move to the strict version for a couple of weeks.

I have to admit, at 303 pounds, I'm getting really excited at being really close to reaching goal #2. I have not been under 300 pounds for years. This will be a huge accomplishment for me. Part of me is still really scared that I'm just fooling myself. Part of me is afraid to hope. Part of me can't help but hope. Losing weight is a very personal and sometimes traumatic thing to deal with.

Tarot Card for the Day: Ten of Pentacles

Clutter & Pet Peeves

Johanna's been talking about needing to clean up her house a lot. This, of course, reminds me that -I- need to clean up my house, too. Though, I don't have a whole house. I just have two rooms. *cue guilty look* But, boy, let me tell you... I'm very good at 1. Pack-ratting 2. Stashing stuff. So, not only have I got a LOT of crap, I have it stuffed everywhere in my rooms.

The mantra is: Simplify... simplify... simplify...

Of course, I need a whole PILE of 'round toits' to get anything done. Just like Johanna, I am inherently lazy. If I can get to everything I -want- to when I want to, I'm good to go. The trouble is, there isn't too much I -want-... So, I have piles of STUFF everywhere. Admittedly, it's getting embarrassing.

The next time I'm up by James' place, I need to browbeat or beg him into taking me to IKEA, which is fairly near where he lives. I really, really need 2 new bookcases and a DVD/CD rack. So far, that's my most convenient excuse for not cleaning up my rooms. I have no place to put anything. Truly, it is a good excuse. It's hard to clean up and tidy everything if you have no place to put things.

Still, the little voice in my head complaining about things is starting to get louder and louder. With good reason. I'm back to actually thinking about moving... but this time, I'm pondering buying a house (again). I've gotten so far as to looking into HOW to buy a house. I've asked Michael, who is in the process of buying, and Ryan, a friend who closed on a house about 3 months ago. I've also email my work, asking them about possible Realtors.

I have to admit, this time, I am going to keep it really quiet from my room mates. Donna was so stressed over me looking for a new place to live last time that I really don't want to do that to her again. If it doesn't work out, she doesn't have to be stressed. If it does, she won't have to be stressed out until it is for sure and a done deal. Sneaky, but less stressful for them.

I have a new pet peeve. Actually, it's an old pet peeve brought to life again recently. You all might not know this, but I'm a fairly patriotic person. My family has a history of military service, as do I. I believe in God and Country. I know we aren't perfect, but we do try. Those citizens who lamblast the US always piss me off because if the US wasn't the country that it is, they would not have a voice to raise in complaint. There is a quote somewhere that I always remember, though... It goes something like this... "I do not agree with or like what you have to say, but I will fight for your right to say it."

The new proliferation of flags all over the place is a happy occurrence to me. I've always liked the American flag and I do believe with treating it with respect. So, when I see a ragged, frayed or torn flag flipping in the wind on the antenna of a car, it totally sets my teeth on edge. If you're going to display the flag, DO IT RIGHT, DAMMIT! There is a serious etiquette to these things.

"The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning."

This means when it is frayed, torn, faded or ragged. There should be more for a flag than just displaying it. There should be maintenance and care. There should be thought and respect. I -know- I'm not the norm here. Call me a rebel but that's what I believe. Then again, I also used to think going to church was for worship as well instead just idle chit-chat. (People wonder why I can't stand the hypocrisy of organized religions...)

Red, white and blue ribbons are better. They last longer and there is no disrepect when they become frayed or faded. Also, I'm betting they are a lot cheaper, too.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Speaking of doing something right, I'm giving blood tomorrow morning. It's been a long time since I've done that.

Tarot Card for the Day: Ten of Pentacles, Inverted

The Moving Top Ten List

Here is my top ten list for why I'm looking for a new house.

• 10. It's the only way I'm going to end up cleaning my rooms at this rate.
• 09. I want to be able to walk around naked.
• 08. NO roommates.
• 07. I can get a pet.
• 06. I don't want to fight for a parking spot anymore and I want to park in my own driveway.
• 05. The housing market is looking more sane now.
• 04. Tax breaks.
• 03. It's time to start putting my rent money into a home where it's like I'm paying myself.
• 02. The rates are down.
• 01. Donna has begun to try and convert me to whatever brand of Christainity she is into.

#1 is the big one of this group. The moment that Donna became 'born again' I have been dreading this. But, I promised myself that the moment she began to try and convert me was the beginning of the end of me living in this house. In the past week, Donna has handed me the same postcard invitation to come watch some football star speak at her church three different times. She says the same thing each time. "Oh, look. It's to 'Our Friends' at [insert our address]." She hands it to me and smiles. "What do you think?" This last time, I commented dryly, "I think you have handed to this to me three times this last week." I didn't hint my irritation at it.

I'm afraid that this is only the beginning. This is not a feeling I like at all. I do not want to be harassed in my own home about religion. I have enough trouble as is with my own family. At this point, I have three books on Christainity that my Mom and sister have sent to me. Two of them, I actually promised to read because it was my Mom's birthday.

All this just really upsets me. The next time Donna does or says something to me about Christainity or on the vein of converting me, I'm going to have a small talk with her and ask her to cut it out. Maybe that will be a stop gap until I can move.

I donated blood on Friday morning. It wasn't too bad. I didn't get too mangled. That's good. But, I was so tired afterwards, that I came home a slept for 3-4 morn hours. Weird dreams. Unpleasant ones, too. I think Johanna's newest CoC LARP idea got to me. I was dreaming of being a prisoner who wasn't too worried about her situation until it came time for her interrogation. Then, it was me, realizing that I could be executed for what I knew. I woke up as I was telling Johanna that I was afraid and that I didn't want to die. She was trying to sooth me, telling me that it shouldn't be that bad. *shudder* Bad. Bad. Bad.

Friday night was the Forgotten Realms game. Dave and James have dropped out. No real surprise there. Looks like they are now playing 7th Seas instead. Mike and Missy have joined, though Missy will start up next time. Johanna's on her "I'm not sure I want to game anymore" kick. So, it was a pretty quiet game with Howard, Bob, me, Mike and Alex. I think I'm on the right path to figuring out something on the Godstalker problem. Who knows. Otherwise, we seem to have a small Red Wizard of Theyh problem.

Saturday was my monthly Sekt Valir game. Rich was sick all week, so he decided to turn Sekt Valir on its collective ear. It looks like we are morphing from a traditional Fantasy game to a non-traditional Fantasy superhero game. This is how the world transitions from the 3rd Age into the 4th Age. We all were told that we would be heros of the 3rd and 4th Ages with greater heros and greater but less diabolical villains. This came in the form of spirits and spirit hosts (the PCs).

Now, my character has three spirits bonded with her - the Nature spirit of Winter with Winter-like powers (Ice storm, Ice cage, chill, Voice on the Wind), the Totem spirit of the Unicorn with Unicorn powers (Sense purity, neutralize poison, transform into a Unicorn) and the Ancestor spirit of a Child with Child like powers (A child's logic, a child's joy, Hide n Seek, a child's cry for help, a child's sense of truth). Amazingly enough, the Child spirit is the most powerful. Suddenly, Eris has non-healing combat abilities and really don't know how to use them. That led to an amusing scene in the middle of combat of her trying something, then figuring out just how stupid an idea that was and spending the rest of the combat keeping from killing the bad guy.

So, the morph in the Sekt Valir game looks promising. We are keeping the fantasy theme but twisting it slightly. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Pentacles