October 2004

Deadlines
So, the final deadline for the Grants Pass extensions ended on Oct 1st for the Write Away community. I had a very disappointing three submissions. The submissions themselves were definitely not disappointing but the number of them were. Especially after all of the talk of people promising to write. Well, I was somewhat prepared for this. Once I figured out that the Write Away community was filled with, for the most part, people too junior/insecure to submit work, I started planning the next phase of Grants Pass. I will be opening it up to the Webrats group, to personal author friends and people on my Friends list. I will hopefully get a better turn out.

Fortunately for me, after talking with Rory and Jim about the anthology and its theme, their excitement and interest in it has me gearing up for it again. Especially the story ideas they have for it. I will be putting out the second call for submission sometime this month. Fortunately for me, I don't really have that much of a deadline. I'm mostly waiting on the schedule of a couple of known authors to open up so they can write for me.

In other writing news, I've been slightly stalled on my Dragonlance gig, waiting for editor information. It just came to me and I will be finishing up my stuff within the next two weeks or so with about two weeks to spare on the deadline. Most likely, most of that writing will be done during the week I am recovering from surgery. Maybe, I'll even dig out my final notes on Regressor's Evolution. Wouldn't that be a change of pace?

Last Friday, I had my shrink appointment. Everyone going through the lap-band surgery has to go to at least one shrink appointment to make sure they are mentally and emotionally stable enough to have the surgery and be successful afterwards.

This was a much more interesting and pleasant shrink appointment than any of the 20/20 shrink appointments. The doctor was friendly, open and engaging. She laughed a lot. She talked to me about what she called the "vomit discussion" and counseled me on what she thought I would have to look out for. Over all, I am, apparently, a pretty sane and stable person. She believes I am suffering from some weight related depression but, she believes much of that will go away as the weight comes off.

She goes to one of the lap-band support groups and recommends I join a couple of lap-band yahoo groups where people discuss what's going on with them, schedule "soup dinners" for chat and clothing exchanges and is generally available it a patient needs it. Also, she has her own lap-band, so she knows exactly what I will be going through soon. That is pretty cool.

One of the startling things I've discovered is that I really loath the idea of giving away my clothing as I get too small for them. Not because I think I'll get fat again (though, there is a little bit of that) but because I really love my velvet clothing and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to find such clothing in smaller sizes. Yes, this is probably a silly fear, but it is there nonetheless.

KITTENS! I can't believe I have had my foster kittens for two weeks and I haven't talked about them, yet! There are indeed seven of them. Two Siamese females, one Maine Coone-like male, three gray and white males, one gray and white female. I haven't really named them. I've been calling them things like "my pretty girl", "the runt", "climber" and "the shy one." They are ten weeks old, are all healthy and happy. It is a good crop of kittens if I do say so myself. Hopefully, I will have the energy to get pictures soon.

Work lately has been interesting but stressful. We have been in a "security stand down" for about 1.5 weeks. Lots of test case scrubbing/writing, threat models and beating on the product specifically from a security point of view. This has been really neat. However, until yesterday, I was the only one of my team who had not found a new security bug and that was putting a lot of stress/guilt on me. That whole "I suck! Why am I even a test engineer?" thing. Fortunately, since I have now found a couple, I'm feeling better. Plus, I have a new avenue to investigate tomorrow.

Next week, we start the two week priority one Japanese pseudo-loc test pass. Some how, this has snuck up on me. I, for some reason, though this started on the 18th instead of the 11th. This is going to make my life interesting since I'm going to be out from the 14th to the 24th. Those first three days are going to be frantically busy for me. I have to finish writing a International test kit template, present it and run a bug bash. Then, be out for 7 working days to come back to a week of poking people for there International test documents.

I guess it is a good thing I'm going to be able to sporadically do email during my recovery phase.

Tarot Card for the Day: Four of Cups, Inverted

The Day After
My lap-band surgery went off without a hitch. We got there a little bit early because I overestimated the morning traffic in that direction. Got there, got all checked in and ready for surgery with an hour to wait. Heather was really good at keeping me distracted and smiling which I really appreciated. I was most nervous about the anesthesiologist because I don't like needles and my veins like to collapse. He tried to put it in my hand even after I pointed out the vein I'm usually most successful with for getting blood out of me. Fortunately, he used a local anesthetic so I didn't feel him missing. After that, he switched to the vein I suggested and all was well.

By 9:30am, I had gotten over my fear. I was just hungry and tired and I wanted it done. I guess that is why my blood pressure was so good. When the nurse came to get me, I was totally ready and not nervous. I had three people descend upon me as I lay down on the operating table. Two were sticking patches on me and one was having me breath deeply of some pure oxygen while talking to me. The pure oxygen made me light headed very quickly, then slightly nauseated.

Then, I was waking up being told everything went well, I was a stellar patient and I should suck on these ice chips. I think I asked the nurse her name four or five times. I could remember asking the question but not her answer. I still can't remember it. I think it might have been Benet? In any case, I was doing pretty good. When I went to go change, I saw my little scars and fact that my whole torso, from breast line to below my bellybutton, looked yellow from the sterilizing stuff they wipe on.

I called a bunch of people, when I was coherent enough, to let them know that I was OK. After I got home, my day consisted of me eating Popsicles, jello and broth. I took one nap and all was well. Jim, Nate and Leigh Ann came over to visit me and the kittens. It was good to see them.

Last night pretty much sucked for sleeping for me. I could only be comfortable if I laid on my back but I can't sleep on my back. Also, the pain started waking up and reminding me I had just had surgery. I had to go and take the maximum amount of pain medicine I was allow to get to sleep.

This morning was worse. They said the day after would be worse than the day of surgery. Boy, were they right. There are no sharp pains per say but everything hurts, even my back and tummy feels so heavy. I may have to sleep down stairs tonight so I can get some decent sleep. As it is now, I'm awake but wish I wasn't. I'm a wimp when it comes to non-erotic, non-consensual pain. I think, I will be taking today really, really easy.

Tarot Card for the Day: Five of Cups

Grants Pass Redux
I'm putting out the second call for the Grants Pass Anthology.

Submission Guidelines
The Grants Pass Anthology
Submission Deadline: 15 January 2005
Payment: Contributor copies if the anthology sells. I'm still working on that.

The below journal entry was written in May of 2003 by a girl named Kayley. The protagonist of your story has either read it themselves or was told about the post in passing. During the month of June 2004, society as we know it in America collapsed. It took about three weeks longer for the rest of the world. During June 2004, the following things happened:

Mother Nature showed her nastier side all over the world with a series of natural disasters: In America, hurricanes on the East coast; Tornadoes and fierce storms in the mid-west; Earthquakes and storms on the West coast. Storms, volcano eruptions and earthquakes also happened elsewhere, all over the world.

During all that, the plagues came. Three of them. Rumor has it that these were part of biological terrorist acts that went out of control. The first one is an advanced form of SARS that breaks out in Austin, Texas; Paris, France and Tokyo, Japan. The second one is a fierce strain of Tuberculosis that breaks out in Sydney, Australia; Hollywood, California; parts of South Africa and South American. The third is a form of the super Flu which seems to break out in every capital city of every member of the United Nations. These disease take days to kill, sometimes a week. Almost no one survives them once infected. By the end of July 2004, 99.999% of the world's population is dead. [As a side note, that still leaves about 600,000 people alive.]

I am looking for stories that start no earlier than Jun 30, 2004 and involve dealing with the apocalypse and the thought of a possible haven in Grants Pass, Oregon. Your stories do not have to travel there but, the idea of Grants Pass and the journal entry should be one of the plot points. Please note, this is not a supernatural thriller. The end does not come because of nuclear war. There are no special powers, no mutations or the like.

Submission Requirements
1. All stories are to be no more than 5000 words long. If your story is longer than 5000 words, please send a query and we can discuss it.
2. Send submissions to gaaneden@gmail.com with the subject of GRANTS PASS: [Title Name].
3. All submissions are to be sent in plain text in the body of the email. Emails with attachments will be deleted without being read. If you have formatting, use standard plain text formatting techniques.
4. All submissions are for first time North American publication rights - "first time North American publication rights" to a publisher are for a first-time use of a text. This means that all other rights--e.g. foreign language rights, publishing in markets outside North America, reprints (albeit with giving credit to the first publication)--revert to the author.

Journal Entry
May 26
Grants Pass
This post is semi-in-cheek and semi-not. Occasionally, it amuses me to think about these things. The short version of the my thought is: When the end of the world comes, meet me in Grants Pass, Oregon.

I'm not saying that end of the world is coming. I don't know if it will happen in my lifetime or if at all. But, as a writer, I often ask "What if..." What if something like Skippy the Super flu virus happens? What if something like "The Day After Tomorrow" happens? What if we are invaded or World War III happens? Better yet, what if, for some reason, the government and known society collapses due to a great loss of life and/or immense structural damage ... and I survive it? Then what?

Well, my plan, as of now, is to meet Monte in Grants Pass. Why Grants Pass? Because I have dreamt of this several times. In my dreams, I've always ended up in Grants Pass and that's good enough for me. Why Monte? Because he is a good friend who indulges my whims when I present him with such mental exercises. Also, because he has become one of my dream symbols representing Survival. Just like the few times I have dreamt of Ice, he has represented Leadership and Yony has represented Desire.

Recently, I mentioned this to Ice and invited him to meet us. If anyone is going to survive the end of the world, it would be him. Then, James jumped in and said it sounded like a plan and he would meet us there, hauling fuel. Suddenly, it occurred to me that maybe I should just let others in on this plan. Obviously, not everyone who reads this would survive an apocalypse. Maybe I would not survive it. My want for immortality says I would but that's just me. In any case, if the apocalypse comes, meet us in Grants Pass. Think about what you would bring. Think about coming to be part of a surviving band of people from all walks of life.

Sure, this is a silly mental exercise but there is no harm in thinking about it. How would I get there? Would I go by car, more secure and sheltered but braving the ruined roads? Motorcycle for the maneuverability? Bicycle for the lack of dependence on fuel and ability to easily bypass obstacles but more exposure and slower travel time? What would I bring with me? Fuel? Food? Water? Weapons? Probably all of the above. I think REI would be the first place I would raid.

I think, I would try to get in contact with certain people by cell phone and by IM as long as electricity lasted. Mostly to see if they were still alive and coming. Of course, if the end of the world is like "The Stand" and Mother Abigail is saying we should come to Colorado, well, I guess Grants Pass would be the meeting and staging point for it. It is better to travel in groups, I think. Especially if you have both human and animal predators out there.

You can't tell me that some survivor (probably male) wouldn't get it in their head to become some sort of warlord and try to take over their own little bit of land. You know it would happen. Personally, I'd rather band together with people I already know than some random tough guy who has figured out how to rule through strength and fear. Though, not that all warlords are bad. Generally, things go better when there is a clear leader in a group. Someone with the ability to make decisions in a minimum amount of time. But, it is how they come to these decisions and how they enforce them that makes a difference in the leadership of a group.

Still, coming up with a way to protect and feed a group of people during and after some sort of apocalypse brings to mind some interesting ideas. Some of it goes back to my parents' lessons on wants versus needs. Needs would be paramount - food, shelter, protection. Wants would have to be indulged when it was possible and safe to do so. But, one person's need could be another person's want. It can be very subjective. That's where we come back to the importance of leadership. Someone must be the parent and the bad guy for your own good.

Now, I'm randomly babbling. In a time of crisis, having a plan can make the difference between life and death. If an apocalypse comes and you survive, think of me then head to Grants Pass. Who knows who else might read and remember this. My whimsy could turn out to be very practical.

Tarot Card for the Day: Five of Cups, Inverted

"God Pounds His Nails"
Have you ever heard the pounding of a coffin nail being driven home on a dream? Or the shovel full of dirt being dumped on the grave of a desire you know you will never be able to have? I never did. Until today. There was always hope, an out, a way. No dream is ever barred from the person who wants it bad enough. It sucks when that kind of naivety dies. It sucks worse when it is personal.

I've spent the last week at home, recovering from surgery. I told myself that I would be productive during this time, too. I would write and I have. I've finished all but one part of my Dragonlance gig. I've read the submissions for my Grants Pass anthology. I've plotted out the next writing project. In short, I've led the life I've always wanted to lead (skipping over the pain of the surgery that is) and I've been really happy. I could really imagine myself doing it. Taking a year off to write and being successful at it.

Then, I got the paperwork for the assessment on the condo and I called the people I was supposed to call. It is a really high assessment as assessments go. My part of it is almost 20% of the value of my home. I called Zach, the mortgage guy, about it and his voice actually squeaked when I gave him the numbers. He doesn't think I'm going to be able to refinance my home in order to absorb the whole thing. I may be forced to go with the variable loan that the condo association was able to put together. This means it will cost me about $500 each month over and above what I am currently paying for my home now for the next seven years.

Pound! For seven years. Pound! An extra $500 a month. Pound! That makes my monthly house payment with my mortgage and my condo association dues over $2000 per month. POUND!

You hear that? The whimpering wail? That is my dream of writing fulltime dying a horrible, reluctant, reality induced death. Suddenly, I'm wondering why it was so fucking important to by a house. What is it that I'm going to get out of it? Sure, this would be no big deal if I had a partner to depend on but I don't. The only person who is going to take care of me is me and it sucks. But, I have to face up to this fact.

I am so upset, angry and scared right now.

Seven years. That seems like a lifetime to me. Suddenly, I'm wondering why I don't just sell this damn place and go back to renting for less than half of what it is about to start costing me to live in this place. Over $2k/month for seven years! I love this place. I love living here but Christ! I can't even imagine working in one place for seven years.

I know I'm panicking. Well and truly. Maybe Zach will have some good news for me on Monday but right now, I feel like my world is ending. Like I'm going to have to do something I don't want - get a roommate or move. Or, I don't know. I just know that what I'm currently going through is pretty damn awful. I don't want to give up on my dream but there is no way I can take a year off with that kind of monthly house payment. That's over $24,000 a year, just to live in my home. That's just insane. Hell, that's almost as much as my condo cost me.

(Calming down some.)

You know, when I first heard about the assessment, I didn't think it would be so bad since I was told it would be about a third of what I'm going to have to pay now. When the first round documents came out, the numbers didn't register. Now, they are. Boy, howdy... are they ever registering.

This whole thing is complicated by the fact that this is the second time this HOA has worked to do the much needed new siding and other upgrades on the complex. The first company who was hired did such a bad job of it that a bunch of places got damaged and the HOA had to sue. We won a settlement but now, on top of the siding and windows that need to be redone, all of the outer structural damage that happened to a bunch of the condo buildings has to be fixed, too. So, my home is fine (only outer damage, no interior damage like other places) but enough places got damaged by the first siding company that the HOA must fix them.

Granted, every condo in the complex is going to be worth a lot more when this is all done but in the meantime, things just feel super sucky. Maybe Zach will be able to work something out. He is a whiz at this sort of thing. Still, it's hard not to panic when I don't have someone to turn to who can tell me if this will be OK or not.

Tarot Card for the Day: Six of Cups

Happy Halloween
I've finished up my writing gig for Sovereign Press now and it feels really good. However, the nerve wracking waiting period has commenced. All of those first time on a project worries come out. "What if they hate my work? What if I suck? What if they reject everything? What if..? What if..? What if." I know, silly insecurities but this is my first game book writing gig. I wanted it to be really good. I want the editors (including Margaret Weis!!) to be pleased.

But, now that this is done, I'm supposed to be turning to finish up working on Regresser's Evolution to get that finally off my plate. However, I have this really odd urge to clean instead. No writing. Just a really deep clean of my home. I'm not sure why. Anyone who knows me knows that I dislike housework and, in general, do just enough cleaning to keep my home from being scary. But, right now, I want to wax floors, dust and move everything to clean under it. I thought this kind of cleaning came in Spring, not Autumn.

(About an hour later...) ARGH! My kittens have fleas! How the heck that happened, I don't know. The only thing I can think of is that someone had fleas on their shoes when they walked to the back room. It had to have happened in the last couple of days. It also explains why my kitty, Esme, has been scratching so much more lately and why she's been coming to me meowing querulously like she wanted something from me. She did. She wanted me to make the itching stop. I feel like such a bad kitten mommy.

No wonder I've been getting the "I need to clean vibe!" I've got to go pick up some Advantage for her and find out if I can put Advantage on the kittens. After all the kittens are gone, I'm going to have to flea bomb the heck out of this place. Man, I'm going to feel like -I- have fleas now.

It finally happened. I finally succumbed to the persuasive charms of Jim, Shane and Leigh-Ann. I have joined NERO Seattle as one of their plotters. It's only taken about five months but they have sufficiently piqued my interest to overshadow my hesitation of jumping into a new project. I met all of the Seattle NERO staff and watched a staff meeting go on. It was interesting. Then, I got to introduce myself, give my background and let people ask me questions.

It looks like I will be writing and/or assisted writing all of the race packages for NERO Seattle. Starting with the Dwarf package. Then, I will be moving on to the Dark Elves. There will be 14 race packages in all. The first thing I want to for them is to set up a race package template so that the same type of information will be in ALL of the race packages. Then, I will start on the rest. Next, I will been brainstorming plotlines with the other plotters. Until I know more about the NERO universe, I won't be running any plots. I will only be NPCing and learning as I go along. The final thing I think I will be involved in is to help create a cohesive NERO Seattle universe bible. Or maybe that will be a plot bible. I'm not certain.

Get the feeling I'm going to be doing an awful lot of writing for NERO Seattle? Yeah. Me, too. Kind of cool, huh. I get all the writing credit and it counts towards the good in my professional writing portfolio. I'm pretty jazzed by it all.

This weekend was all about dates, too. A rare thing to be sure. Friday night, I went on a double date where I set up a couple of friends whom I thought would get along pretty well and I think I was right. If nothing else, we have a series of media events planned for the future. Much anime and Sci-fi will be watched.

Tonight, after canceling a trip to Pioneer Square with Leigh-Ann because I had to go into work this morning. (Plus, I've been really tired lately.) I had a date with a guy I met on OKCupid. It was really good. Surprisingly good. Dates like this usually don't go so well. So, I'm kind of bemused.

Tarot Card for the Day: Six of Cups, Inverted