October 2001

Big Dragons in Little China

I spent most of Sunday working on my DunDraCon game. Yes, yes. I know DDC isn't until February but in order to be considered a "Good Omens" production, you have to create your game and play test it with the Good Omens group. When 5 or 6 Good Omens GMs are running at DDC, it's best to play test it early.

I made a whole lot of progress. I finally figured out my plot. Here's the teaser I'm putting in the DDC program: Big Dragons in Little China: The cursed Blood Dragon statue has been stolen from Little China's Museum of Chinese History and there are rumors that the near mythical Little China underworld leader, Wen Chung-Li, is looking for a very special person for a very special purpose. You and your friends are about to experience some 'very unreasonable things.' Can you find the stolen statue, stop Wen Chung-Li and figure out what -is- it with all these dragons before it is too late? Modern pulp horror/comedy. Must have seen "Big Trouble in Little China" more than once.

So far, I haven't written much of the plot except the most basic motivations of the bad guy Wen Chung-Li. It consists of: Cursed Dragon statue - Former dragon... make sacrifice and ritual to statue to break his curse and make him an immortal dragon again. Sacrifice made in the year of the Metal Dragon (2000) and the victim must have been been born in the year of the Fire Dragon (1976) Note: At least 5 of the PC characters will fit the bill. *evil GM laugh*

I spent a lot of fun time coming up with the character concepts for the game. I've got four fight archtypes, four mystic archtypes and four social archtypes. Officially, the game is for six people. I think I can handle up to eight if I'm pressed. I had the most fun casting the roles and looking for pictures. Now, all I need to do is get the stats from Dave and figure out everyone's special ability.

Fighter Archtypes (Jack Burton, Wang, Eddie)
Sam Dalton - Fed Ex driver - portrayed by Bruce Willis
Jane Dixon - Taxi cab driver - portrayed by Minnie Driver
Li Chen - Manager of Jade Dragon Resturaunt - portrayed by Jet Li
Kai Chen - Owner of Jade Dragon Resturaunt - portrayed by Ziyi Zhang

Mystic Archtypes (Uncle Chu, Egg Shen)
Kenneth Wong - China town importer - portrayed by James Hong
Ling-Su Tao - China town museum curator - portrayed by Pei-Pei Cheng
Brad Taylor - Rich student of Lore - portrayed by James Van Der Beek
Jillian Kone - Rich student of Myths - portrayed by Aaliyah

Social Archtypes (Grace Law, Margot Litzenberger)
Seth Wood - Social Worker - portrayed by Jimmy Smits
Debbie Williams - 24/7 Rec Center manager - portrayed by Christina Ricci
Joseph Snipes - Investigative Reporter - portrayed by Gabriel Byrne
Michelle Judd - Down on her Luck Detective - portrayed by Kim Basinger

NPCs (Lo Pan, the Three Storms)
Wen Chung-Li - NPC Underworld boss - portrayed by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
Dragon's Claw - Earth, supernatural enforcer - TBA
Dragon's Claw - Air, supernatural enforcer - TBA
Dragon's Claw - Water, supernatural enforcer - TBA
Dragon's Claw - Fire, supernatural enforcer - TBA

Just for fun, I looked up some Chinese hells that I can toss at the players:
The Hell in which are hills stuck full of knives.
The Hell which has an iron boiler filled with scalding water.
The Hell of cold ice.
The Hell of trees stuck full of swords.
The Hell where men's tongues are plucked out, as a punishment for the sins of the tongue.
The Hell of poisoned serpents.
The Hell of cutting and grinding to pieces.
The Hell of sawing into pieces.
The Hell with iron beds.
The Hell of blackness and darkness.
The Hell of being cut to pieces.
The Hell of boiling oil.
The Hell of the upside down sinners.
The Hell where people are skinned alive.
The Hell of the oily dragon.

I wasn't going to say anything this week about my weight loss because there wasn't any. I didn't go up or down. I have to admit my urge to lie about this was huge. When I discovered that I didn't lose anything, I took my slippers off so I could register a 1/2 pound loss. Then, I felt guilty on that because I promised myself that I wouldn't lie. Not to me. Not to anyone. That's when I started thinking about not making my usual weekly entry. Finally, by the time I got to work, I had convinced myself to stick to what I had started.

Honestly, it's not a big deal that I didn't lose anything this week. I was expecting it, sorta, because I didn't exercise and I had been feeling fairly under the weather most of the week. I should be happy that I didn't gain anything. What's the difference between last week and this week? I didn't exercise and I raised my carbs to 40 per day. So, what I'm going to do this week is exercise and stick to the more strict 20 carbs/day. We'll see what happens from that.

It's really hard for me to expose myself like this. But, it's necessary. EVERYONE has an off week in dieting. EVERYONE has plateaus. The Atkins program is working for me but I shouldn't sugar coat any bumps along the way. I am not the only one with problems. I should expose the problem and the solution. So, that's what I'm doing.

I've been storyplotting on Marrach for a few weeks now. It's not bad. It's not great. It has its really good moments that make it all worth it. It has its really bad moments that make me want to quit on the spot. Now that James isn't storyplotting anymore, he's commented to me that he has a lot more free time now to do with as he pleases.

Occassionally, I think about chucking it all away, too. I wonder what I would do with that time. Would I write? Would I read or watch TV? I don't know. I won't know for a while because I'm not ready to chuck it yet. Most likely, I would just find a new online addiction.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Pentacles, Inverted

Abstract Thoughts

I have decided that Life has a very cruel sense of humor. One of my co-workers brought in a chocolate cake and -man- was I craving it. I managed to hold onto my Willpower with a wee bit of peanut butter. I was so glad to leave the office so I didn't have to face that temptation. I got home, opened my freezer to get my dinner and came face to face with a chocolate ice cream cake. I guess my (skinny) roommates were in the mood for it. All I could think was.... "I hate you all." I closed the freezer door and went back to my room.

I've decided to run "Big Dragons in Little China" using Matt and Rich's Storyboard system. It will be a lot simpler to run that way. Rich has given me a lot of tips to use for a convention Storyboard game concerning magic and psionics and such. It should be cool. Also, Alex is going to let me co-opt one of his Friday night D&D games to play test the game with our D&D group. That's set for the 26th. I suppose that means I really ought to plot out the game now. I have a deadline.

I've started walking with a co-worker at work now. We walk for 30 minutes and are shooting for a MWF schedule. So far, so good. It is easier walking with someone in the morning. I've taken to privately calling it my sanity walk. But, I don't think I could do it daily. Not unless I walk TTH by myself. I like Jules but I don't know if I'd want to walk with her on a daily basis.

Damn Johanna for introducing me to Alchemy. It's sucking up way too much of my time at work and home. Man, it's addictive and challenging. I've gotten as high as Wizard 2nd Class so far. I suppose this is just revenge for me introducing her to Bejeweled - another highly addictive game.

It looks like the economy in Silicon Valley it picking up and getting better. You know how I know? My commute is starting to suck again. It was taking me 60-75 minutes to get to work. Then, when everything crashed, my commute dropped to 30-40 minutes. That was really nice. Now, I'm back up to 40-50 minutes again. Bad economy, less jobs, less cars on the road. Better economy, more jobs, more cars on the road and my commute sucks more. Kind of a bittersweet realization. I'm glad the economy is picking up again. I'm sorry my commute is back to sucking.

I'm armed with six recommendations for Realtors. After my friend, Ryan, lets me borrow his "House Buying for Dummies" book on Sunday, I'll start calling them and interviewing them and seeing if any are suitable to my needs. Scary stuff! Can I really deal with buying a house and all that comes with it? I think I'm most frightened by the whole down payment thing. I don't want to wipe out my savings and my 401K. I hope there is something that can lower my down payment to something manageable. I'm not sure I want to do a mortgage AND a loan but from the sounds of it, I won't have any choice.

You know, these days, Marrach is one hell of an emotional roller-coaster. One minute, I'm having a ball storyplotting and entertaining people. The next minute, I'm ready to chuck it all away because of some bloody politics or crappy treatment by the Skotos staff. I'm beginning to see where some of James' complaints came from. From now on, I'm not going to deal with anyone except the lead SP. That way, I won't be attacked, questioned and belittled at every statement.

I've been pondering running away again. Just up and moving to some place new with new people and new things to do. New job. New home. New neighbors. I'm craving change in the worst way. Maybe that's where my sudden urge to buy a house has come from. I guess I'm harkening back to my childhood days of military travel when I moved every three years and had a chance to start over again with a clean slate. There's only one problem with having a clean slate. I have to leave some good friends behind. Also, I doubt that I can find another set of gaming groups as good as the ones I'm playing in now. Change is good but so are friendships and security. I want a lot of things but I guess it seems like my wants come with too high of a price right now.

Music is my sanity savior. I've been so tense and grumpy lately that I'm on a hair trigger with my tears. It's just one of my ways to release stress. Both good and bad. Good because I'm releasing stress. Bad because it just happens anywhere, like at work. Oy. "Allergies... really." (I have allergy attacks enough that that excuse works.) In any case, I've been listening to a playlist I put together I aptly called "Bubblegum." I have music on it from people like Smash Mouth, Britney Spears, the Bangles, Til Tuesday, Madonna, Ricky Martin, Robert Palmer, Santana and Duran Duran. It's all very happy and "up" music. Wonderful for the moody. It's hard to stay grumpy when you are bouncing around in your seat it some bubblegum pop.

I would like to note that I think TaxiOut Taxi is a total rip off. It is an $18 minimum for dinner with a $25 minimum for lunch. Add $8 per restaurant they go to. Then add an 8% processing fee. Finally add 15-20% for a tip.

For dinner at a minimum it's: $18 + $8 + $2.08 + $4.20 (15%) = $32.28
For lunch at a minimum it's: $25 + $8 + $2.64 + $5.35 (15%) = $40.99

That's for the minimum! Can you believe it?

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Pentacles

Sponsored by Webrats

All of the Webrats have had a question posed to them. If you could write a TV show, what would it be? I thought about it for a while, my mind bounced from idea to idea. Finally, I decided on a series I started writing some time ago... Swan Sottall . It was some nice, fun popcorn writing. What kind of teaser can you write for a serial that is about extraordinary events happening to ordinary people and them rising to meet the challenge? I like to think of it as a cross of "True Lies" with "Twin Peaks" with "X-Files" with "Millenium" and a LOT of wishful thinking. I know, a VERY odd mixture of concepts.

I created two logos for it - a live action version and a drawn version. Orginially, this was going to be a written serial. I even got three and 1/2 episodes done. Unfortunately, the episodes were running between 2500-5000 words each. That's a bit much for a weekly serial.

I had 5 interwining storylines.

Storyline #1: It involved Jennifer, a writer and LARPer, whose LARP character in a spy game was Swan Sottall. Her novels were also about the spy Swan. During one of the games, Jenn/Swan runs into a real spy, Devon, who is supposed to met up with another spy. Confusion and mixed identities and Jennifer is mistaken by Devon and all the bad guys as the spy with the information. A whole twisting plotline with Jennifer, James (her boyfriend) and Devon. Action oriented.

Storyline #2: It is a romantic ghost story that involves Alex, Johanna, Lisa and Robert. One of Lisa's ancestors whose betrothed was murdered. The ancestor didn't know that and, thinking that her betrothed ran off with another, the ancestor committed suicide. So, the ghosts have been seeking each other for a hundred years. Lisa is courted by the betrothed. Robert is attacked by it. Johanna has visions of the past and the ancestor contacts Alex for help.

Storyline #3: Jane and Mike. Another action-love story involving a friend of Mike's who is a smuggler who decided that he couldn't deliver a biological agent to terrorists who wanted to use it on the SF Bay area. Jane gets kidnapped and held hostage for the container, prompting a rescue by Mike and Eric. Also, the lead terrorist falls in love with Jane while she is his hostage.

Storyline #4: You know that unknown spy in storyline #1, the one that Jennifer is mistaken for? Well, that spy was carrying a military grade AI in a removable hard drive. Casey, Greg and David find it and end up 'raising' the self aware AI. Eventually, -someone- figures out that this self aware AI is in the hands of civilians.

Storyline #5: Elsewhere. Mason and his assistant Sabine. They are aware of all these circles and the ripples they are causing and how they are interacting. Occassionally, one or the other will pluck a string and influence something that is happening in one of the storylines. Usually to help out someone on the good guys' side. They are combating something they only call "Chaos."

If you are interested, here are the first few episodes:

• Episode 01: Let the Games Begin
• Episode 02: Voices from the Past
• Episode 03: Thy Will Be Done
• Episode 04: Girls' Night Out

This was a great weekend for me. I spent Saturday at the Renaissance Pleasure Faire with Alex and Johanna. I had not walked around like that since I broke my leg almost a year ago. I was pretty happy that I managed to do as well as I did. 6 hours of semi-continuous movement. There were some really amusing shows to watch like "Broon and Moonie" and "Bold and Stupid Men." Also, I bought my frivolous thing for the faire... a green ostrich feather fan. Very pretty and useful. It did get hot.

Sunday was the CAST game. Amusing but nothing too exciting for me. We had some good scenes. Madera freaking out. Marie dying. Piper and her small problems. Anabeth is just quietly weaving her little web and watching all that is going on. So, a good game. Pickwick's was a nice treat afterwards.

Happily, I've reached goal #2. 300. Hopefully, next week, I will be under 300 lbs for the first time in years... literally. My true goal for this year has been to be under 290 pounds before I visit my parents for Christmas. I'm within 10 pounds of that goal. 11, actually, to be precise. The thought is really exciting for me. I won't turn away more weight loss than that but, I will be happy with that goal.

It's funny. Now, I'm trying to figure out what treat I should give myself for goal #290. Should I buy my new mattress? Should I buy music? Should I go for a manicure and pedicure? Maybe that. I'm not sure. I'll figure it out over the next week.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Pentacles, Inverted

Money Problems

If you know me, you know that that title is both surprising and outrageous. If you don't know me, for someone who has been out of debt nearly 2 years and is an engineer in Silicon Valley, that title makes no sense. Right now, I fucking furious. There is no other way to say it.

In the past two days, I have had one annoyance money problem and one big money problem that makes me want to punch something.

First, yesterday, I opened my bank statement to discover one of my checks bounced... but really, it didn't bounce, I have overdraft protection, so the money was taken from my savings account. I was shocked. I was appalled. I had no idea what happened.... until I saw the check that bounced and then I knew exactly what happened.

I loaned Alex and Johanna some money to get them out of a tough situation. I had tried to transfer that money from my savings to my checking account via the automated phone system. At the end of the transfer, I got told that the transfer could not be completed and it dumped me into the customer support line. I talked to a nice lady there who looked at my account and told me that it really had transferred and not to worry about it. So.... I didn't.

Apparently, the money really had not transferred and the check I gave Johanna bounced in a big way. Fortunately, the overdraft protection held and it just pulled money from my savings. However, it pulled only part of the amount I wanted transferred and charged me a $7.50 fee for it. As you can imagine, my checkbook is a freaking mess now. I couldn't balance it to save my life. I really don't know how much I have in my Savings and Checking and that pisses me off.

Also, rather pissed off that I was charged for something that I thought was taken care of, I called the bank. They apologized and are refunding the fee. Unfortunately, the record of the bounced check stays on my account because it did happen - despite the fact that it wasn't my fault. Great. Just when I'm about go looking for a house where they comb your financial records. Just perfect. At least, I'm getting the fee refunded and that's on the record, too.

THEN, this morning, I go to fill my gastank. I always use the same credit card for this. To my surprise, it was rejected. Not once, but twice, and have $6000+ open on this card. I had to switch to my internet card so I could get to work this morning. Once in, I called Associates Visa and talked to an extremely unhelpful and bored customer service person.

When I asked why my card was rejected, he told me "I see that your account is 26 days past due." Yes, I missed a payment because the bill disappeared in one of Donna's cleaning sprees. So? I haven't missed a payment in years (literally) and I've been a good customer for years (literally). I would just pay it off when I got the next bill.

Apparently, this isn't good enough. Apparently, 'new management and policy' now cuts off your card if you miss -A SINGLE- payment. WTF??? When I disapproved of this and told him that the company's policy was unrealistic, he asked me if I wanted to close my account. WTF?? Not "I'm sorry you feel that way." Not "I'll pass on your concerns." Not a single bloody thing to try and sooth the situation. No. Just "Do you want me to close your account, ma'am?"

Yeah. You know what? I do.

That's when he told me, "Be aware that you will have to pay the full amount of the balance within 4 days or the account will be considered delinquent and will be sent to a collection agency." No, he couldn't put the balance on another card. He could only do a check over the phone and there was a $10 processing fee to boot.

Finally, I told him to just send me another copy of the bill and that I would write a letter closing my account when I sent in my final payment. He told me that was fine.... then, he asked me AGAIN "Do you want me to close your account, as of this date, per your request?"

Yes. Close the (bloody frickin') account now. I got off the phone and cut up my credit card right then.

So much for customer support or service. So much for Associates Visa wanting to keep their customers. I don't need a card with a company that has no leeway for things like late mail or lost bills. Cutting off a card after one missed payment is just bad business and is going to drive a lot good customers like me away. I'm taking my business elsewhere.

This stuff just pisses me off because up until two days ago, I had a clean record financially. Suddenly, I now have a bounced check and, because I'm betting that unhelpful wretch in CS for Associates Visa doesn't get me my bill for four days, I'm going to have a bill going to a collection agency on my record. Dammit. This might push off me looking for a house for another 6 months so I can smooth out my record again.

Dammit. I just remembered that I have both of my ISPs have an automatic debit from that card I just cancelled. Just one more problem to deal with and fix.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Pentacles

Being Barked At

Well, I did it... barely. I am under 300 pounds! 299.5 to be exact - but a half pound is a half pound is 1750 excess calories burned off. *happy dance* Goal #2 reached! The only sad thing I've noticed is that if I want to continue to loose 1.5-3.0 pounds a week, I really do have to stick to the much more strict version of the Atkins plan. That means no more than 20-30 carbs per day. Not great, but livable.

I did exercise 3 times this week, too. Mostly because I went out to dinner on Friday and Sunday. Friday night, I was with Laurel. Sunday night, I was with Greg and David. Both nights, we went to Hungry Hunter. Both nights, I invited my companions to walk there and back with me instead of driving. It is only a smidge over a mile. Both times, my companions happily agreed to walk. So, I got my exercise in. That was cool.

But, one not so cool thing did happen. Sunday night, as we were walking back and I was just beginning to think that walking places wasn't such a bad thing to do after all... I got barked at by a car with male teenagers. *sigh* Such a small thing to put such a huge damper on my mood. I know I'm not the most attractive woman around but darn it! why the heck do guys have to be so fricking rude and inconsiderate? I know I wasn't the most polite teenager when I was that age but I was never deliberately cruel.

This one small incident has give me two conflicting emotions to deal with: anger and fear. Anger because I am doing something about my weight and because they were so needlessly cruel. It wasn't right or fair or nice of them to do that to me. Unfortunately, I have no one to vent my anger at this to. Not the culprits anyway.

The second emotion is fear. The reluctant question has become... "What If I lose the weight and they still bark at me?" What if it's not the weight? What if they are telling me that I'm ugly and worthless? You see, my weight has always been an easy barrier to hide behind. 'Oh, they don't like me because I'm fat.' But... what if 'they' don't like me because I'm me? It's a much harder emotion to deal with because it strikes right at the core of my self esteem issues.

Am I being sensitive? Yes. I know it. But, I have reason to be. Hopefully, I'll be able to turn this thing around and start working on being more positive about me and who I am.

I spent a lot of time this weekend on "Big Dragons in Little China." I've finished all of the characters now - stats, special powers, backgrounds and role playing hints. All I have left to do is get a list of all of the Chinese New Years and Year of... dog/boar/etc.., then write up the story of Wen Chung-Li becoming flesh, the prophecy born of his cursing and .... oh, yeah... the actual plot line. Whoops! I should do that soon, since in 9 days, I have my first play test.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Pentacles, Inverted

All About Anthrax

Below is an email I got from a coworker whose sister is an RN. This is what she has to say about Anthrax. With all of the nervousness going on, I thought it wouldn't be a bad thing to pass it on.

From: "Elayne Crain"
Subject: Thought I'd nip any anxieties in the bud if possible. Let's talk about Anthrax
Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2001 09:03:14 -0400

Hello all:

There are three different ways to contract anthrax. And let me just say first -IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO ACTUALLY CONTRACT THIS DISEASE. YOU CANNOT GET IT FROM A PERSON, ONLY FROM THE BACTERIA ITSELF.

OK now:

Inhalation anthrax: feels like a viral respiratory illness (sore throat, mild fever, muscle aches & malaise). Note that this is a typical winter cold thing - that's what makes this a great terrorist threat. Everyone will panic this winter. This is the most lethal of the 3.

Gastrointestinal anthrax: sore throat, difficulty swallowing, fever, swollen glands, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, bloody diarrhea. Not so lethal but, yuck, I wouldn't want it. Note again this could be the flu (season starts soon).

Cutaneous anthrax: a skin lesion that starts like a chicken-pox-looking thing and turns black in 1-2 days. BUT in order for the anthrax to get into your skin you have to have a cut or scrub it in to your skin until it bleeds. I would not advise that :)

Now what to do:

If you're at work or whereever and something happens like a letter, package, etc. has something in it
1. Put the object in a sealed container (like a ziplock bag or Tupperware)
2. Wash your face and hands with soap and water. NO bleach or any exotic things and DON'T scrub your skin. Just everyday good old soap and water washing like your mom told you to do before dinner.
3. Clear the room and close the door.
4. Call the police.

If you don't have a sealed container thing - cover with a blanket, sheet, coat, table cloth, whatever and walk away.

If you get stuff (which statistically won't be anthrax, probably baby powder) all over you. Put all your clothes in a plastic bag and take a shower (see above bathing instructions).

The police or health dept will send you to a clinic or the ER. They will do a nasal swab - not too bad, did 25 yesterday and no one complained - and put you on 2 days (48 hours) of antibiotics. Take them all and follow up with your doctor in 48 hours. It takes 48 hours for the culture to come back, so don't call every day and make a nuisance of yourself. Just get your doctor to call after 2 days.

REMEMBER - the point of all the hoaxes is to panic the country and ruin our daily lives. If you have to add ziplock bags, soap and water and a quick nasal swab to one of your days, it is not necessarily the end of civilization as we know it. Panic and despondency are the things that do that.

Not every ER and police and govt. agency will be completely ready - so give them a break, remain calm and be sensible. If you really have a problem, call the Center for Disease Control in your area.

You remember those three cop cars I saw back in September? I wonder if I wrote about that. In any case, I came out of my house to find three cop cars parked in front of my neighbor's house. I wondered then if there was a reason for it. I found out that there was.

It seems that 'something' happened with the children (ages 3, 7, 9) that caused the State to remove the children from their parents home and give them to the husband's parents. Whatever it is, it is requiring the husband and wife to go to parenting classes.

Donna thinks it has to do with the wife because she's a bit high strung and could often hear her yelling at the kids while the husband seems really laid back and loving of the kids. I don't know. It's all speculation. I just find it interesting in a 'train wreck' way.

Lori and Dave from the DoD crowd have invited me to play in an OSIR game on alternating Wednesdays. I am all for it. I was utterly shocked to discover that someone beyond me actually watches "Psi Factor" upon occasion. Personally, I really like the show when I actually remember to watch it. We will each have three characters: A case manager and two specialtists. Sounds like fun. I'm already thinking of a nun character.

Also, I'm happy about this because it gets me into a new group of people to socialize with. Change is good for me. So is newness. I know these people on the acquaintance level. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better.

I have to admit, I had some rather selfish thoughts when they asked me if they should invite James and Dave to play. I didn't want to let them because the DoD crowd were MY friends first and I wanted to know them better first. Fortunately, I got over that little 4 year old mentality issue and said, "Sure! They'll love it." Everyone needs to mix old and new blood in gaming groups. Beside, some familiarity is not bad. I know James will go for something flamboyant and Dave will probably do his usual dark and broody type.

In any case, it will be something to look forward to.

The latest dream: Polar Bear Puppies - A cute little dream where I apparently own two polar bears who think they are puppies. A cameo appearance by my friend James.

I am darned proud of myself! We had a company picnic and I didn't cheat even once. I had only the foods I was allowed to have: deviled eggs, cheese and a cheeseburger. I was a good girl and I didn't even suffer.

JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Nekkid, Clueless & Feelin' Good written by the bodacious Melanie. She is an awesome writer, the head cheese of the Webrats (of which I am a proud, if slacker, member of), has a bodacious Brit of a man and is a woman who writes on various topics from the heart wrenching to the amusing to the sublime. Definitely one to read.

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Pentacles

Patriotism or Fear?

I was going to rant about people being "faddishly patriotic" but after some of the articles I've read recently about people being barred from planes due to the books they brought to read, I'm starting to get nervous about the United States knee-jerk reacting itself into another McCarthy era of black lists and rampant paranoia. I'm wondering if all of the sudden displays of patriotism are due to a real thought of being patriots or done out of a "If you aren't with us, you're with them" mentality - that includes the fear of being accused of being 'one of them.'

The fact that people are having to watch their words and actions due to fear and not consideration is something that has gotten my attention. I have always been patriotic. So, I have felt no need to do any more displaying of my feelings than I have before. It didn't take 6000 people to be murdered for me to love my country. However, it has only take a few weeks of watching the reactions of our nation for me to wonder where it is going now and who is going to take advantage of the national fear.

The worst part is... as much as I want to be an optimist, I can really see this country being thrown into a pseudo-military state with people being detained based on 'security concerns' and those people in power, who are not exactly scrupulous, using this tragedy to forward their own agendas of environmental and religious expansion.

These are fears I have. Each time I read the news or watch TV, I have to wonder what new policy is going to surprise me next. It is not a feeling that I like.

I lost 4.5 pounds last week. Very encouraging as compared to the 1/2 loss the week before. That puts me just 6 pounds from my end-of-year goal. Believe me, I'm not going to quit once I hit 289. However, I do have to keep in mind that I am going to have two "feast" days before I go to visit my family in December: Thanksgiving and the Birthday Fondue that Greg and David usually take me on. There is no way I'm going to not enjoy myself those two days.

You know what? Feast days are not a crime. As long as they are rare treats for celebrations, I am fully of the mind that they can be enjoyed. Now... it's all of the other holiday parties that you have to look out for.

I did discover two things this past week. First, peanut butter really IS my friend. The last couple of weeks have been pretty hard for me and I couldn't figure out why that was, as compared to the beginning. Then, when I -finally- remembered to take in my new jar of Honey Nut peanut butter (smooth) and actually had it there when I wanted something sweet... my sweet cravings dropped. No, really. They did. It's like a psychology blanket. If I have the sweets I want (peanut butter, Carbolite dark chocolate), I don't crave them. I don't feel deprived because if I really -want- them. I can have them. Strange, huh?

Second, I realized a very obvious "duh" rule about going to things like company picnics and parties. That is: Out of sight, out of mind. I didn't have any problem with wanting to cheat at my company picnic because I filled my plate with 'legal' food, then went to sit with my friends who happened to sit far away from the food (avoiding bees) and when I sat down, I had my back to the food. I didn't do it on purpose. So, while we were all happily munching away, I wasn't sneaking looks at the buffet table, silently wishing to dive into the chocolate brownies. I ate until I was satisfied and I didn't have any illicit thoughts.

It's amazing what you can realize in tips and hints on weight loss when you aren't looking for them.

JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: This journal spotlight is of Dragon Vocalese by the wonderful and creative Julie. I have been reading Julie long enough to dream of her and to influenced by her dietary habits. I am giving Julie the lion's share (or should that be dragon's share?) of the credit for getting me into the Atkins program. She sings. She cooks. She reads tarot. She writes! What more could a girl ask for? Read her. You'll like it.

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Pentacles, Inverted

Feeling Overwhelmed

"WASHINGTON (AP) - The House approved legislation Wednesday to give police new search powers in response to last month's terrorist attacks, including the ability to secretly search homes, tap phones and track people's use of the Internet."

Ok. I'm totally not happy about this. It looks like I'm going to have to start some letter writing to my Rep and Senator. This is not cool.

Work is stressful. We have so much to do it isn't funny and not enough time to do it in. I just want to start throttling marketing people when they start talking about pre-empting the competition by wanting to announce new features before them. The problem is... I'm testing those new features and THEY AREN'T READY!! So, why the hell are we announcing them???!!!

Then, the new team lead is pissing off the other people who are working with me on the newest version of the product. I -think- it's a language barrier, but I'm not sure. In any case, she's not listening to them and she's contradicting stuff the team is saying. I know that some of the team don't have a good opinion of her.

I think I need to talk to da boss about this, but I'm afraid of making too many waves.

I have so much writing to do. But, what do I want to do instead? Frivolous writing on characters I may never play. The top four need to be done by 10 November. That's actually a lot for me. Mostly the plotting for BDiLC is what I'm worried about.

Writing list

I don't want to do anything. I just want to hide. I'm really feeling overwhelmed all of the sudden and I don't know why.

JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Today's spotlight is on the Coffee Bean Goddness herself... AKA Dee. Dee is a wonderful lady with a great personality. She can cook like there's no tomorrow, loves football - especially the Raiders! Dee has had to deal with some heart wrenching stuff in the last year but still manages to remain optimist and with a zest for life that's hard to beat. I really enjoy reading about Dee and I think you will, too.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Swords

Changes & Stuff

You all might have noticed the new URL. Well, Verio, who bought out Best.com some 2 years ago, decided to migrate all of the Best customers to their site. Fortunately, they still do support the best.com URLs and email address. Unfortunately, not everything I've uploaded since last week made it through the transition. So, if you find any broken links, let me know. So far, the migration has been pretty cool. They upped my website space from 25 Megs to 100 Megs and dropped their rates from $30/month to $25/month. I now have web access to my email - if I want it and I still have telnet. All good things.

Amusing but mildly twisted dreamage that I forgot to mention last week: Daddy? - A dream that proves I've been watching way too much Angel lately.

I lost another pound. Yay me! That's 294. Just 5 pounds from my year end goal. I was looking at my progress and, so far, it seems to average about 5 weeks per 10 pounds. All doable. If I kept like that, I'd be under 200 by this time next year. However, I'm not shooting for that. I've decided to be sane and not too over confident. I think I'm going to shoot for 50-60 pounds for the year 2002. I already know that the more weight I loose, the harder it will be to loose the rest.

But, on the fun side of things, I've decided that Goal #4's treat will be a new PDA/Visor/Handspring thingy. I've decided I need one. I have so many email addresses, snail mail addresses, phone numbers and birthdays to keep track of that I can't keep track of them all. Also, I've decide that I really miss my red hair. So, Goal #8's treat will be permission to allow me to start dying my hair again. That will be a great treat for my half way point.

This weekend was -really- busy and next weekend will be the same. This weekend was AD&D on Friday night (which is going to morph back into the Star Wars game), Saturday was Sekt Valir, which - for the first time in a LONG time - wasn't particularly exciting or interesting to me. Mostly because we were focused on another player, wrapping up his loose ends and dealing in a situation where my character pretty much wasn't allowed to speak.

Sunday was the special CAST game where we had a fairly anticlimactic shift in power as the Prince stepped down and a new Prince, Christian (no surprise there), stepped up. The only competition for the throne was thrown for a loop when an old enemy of his past was mentioned to be in the SF court now. He was too busy fighting off freaking out and killing every one to campaign for the throne.

Personally, I think it would have been more interesting OOCly if Bone had taken the throne. But, ICly, I didn't want him there at all. So, Anabeth is happy.

In the meantime, I'm frantically writing for Castle Marrach. We are having a huge festival from Nov 2-Nov 10. I'm in charge of all of the events from the 2nd to the 8th. Fortunately, I don't have to do much more than schedule the events and arrange for the props and prizes. Though, I do have to perform as Edanya on the 8th. I'll be revealing a new series of stories: Tales of the Newly Awakened. This series will be about stuff that has happened since the new awakenings have begun. So, it will involve events and characters in the game now. Should be fun. Thus... I am writing on that story as we speak.

I also have less than 2 weeks do finish writing and plotting for "Big Dragons in Little China." I have seven players now. Three from the Fremont RP group. Three from Dreams of Deirdre. One from Berkeley. This should be a good mix of people who don't normally game together. I'm pretty excited about it all. I just hope it or I don't flop badly.

Oh, yeah. I guess I really don't need to worry about my credit. Discover just sent me a platinum card. I was hoping for $10K credit. I got $25K credit - not that I would use that much! But it is really nice to have. So, I can start shopping for a mortgage now. Then, go shopping for realtors. Then... *gulp* shopping for houses.

JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Irregular Rambles by Johanna. She's my best friend and frequently, my partner in crime. She's married without kids - so far. But, she does have a cat, a dog and a new kitten. She writes, she games, she smoozes, she sews wonderfully and her truffles are heaven. I love her to bits. She's got a wonderfully ecletic view on life. Check her out.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Swords, Inverted