November 2001

Sense of Community

Today marks my two year anniversary with my company. Amazingly enough, I don't really feel like I've been here that long. In fact, I still feel like I just started a few months ago. This is both good and bad. I'm not tired of my job. I like what I'm doing. I like the people here. But... (you all knew there was a "but..." coming) I don't really feel like a part of the company. I still feel as if this is just one more transitory job.

You would think, that after two years, I would feel much more settled and secure. I don't. I don't know why not. I don't know if this is a product of my upbringing as a military brat - always knowing that all homes and friends were transitory - or not. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I've never really had a sense of belonging because I don't really -belong- anywhere.

There are only two places I have ever felt a sense of community. The first one was when I was in college, in AFROTC. There, I belonged. I was with like minded people and I was proud to show off what I believed it. Proud, young all-American people with good hearts and strong spirits. Of course, this community rejected me 2.5 years later.

The other place - the Gamer community. A group of like minded, highly intelligent (for the most part) people with twisted, creative imaginations and dreams. People who generally look beyond the exterior to see the interior of a person. People who appreciate a good geeky joke, a bad geeky pun or a truly twisted, but unique, thought. Of course, the rest of the world views this community as a group of anti-social, occasionally dangerous, way-too-weird misfits.

Maybe, this lack of a sense of community with most of the rest of the world is why I am so uncomfortable with this "new" sense of 'American community.' The one that is so much filled with "US" vs. "THEM." I am uncomfortable because most of the time in various communities (religion, politics) I reside in the "THEM" category whether I like it or not.

I am not a black or white person. I see shades of gray in everything. I have this damnable ability to put myself in the other person's shoes and see their point of view. That makes it very hard for me to become one of "US" or "THEM" because I can sit back and say, "You know, he has a point... on this aspect of [topic under debate]."

This inability... or conscious effort... not to draw deep lines in the sand has inadvertently caused me to draw a box around myself. One that few can get it. It gets lonely. But, every time I step out and try to join one of the more mundane communities of the world (religion, politics), I find myself either disappointed or repulsed. I can't really seem to find that special something that makes people feel like they really belong.

Truly, I don't want to always be the person on the outside looking in, but I can't figure out how to reconcile who I am with the world around me.

JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Hey Trey written by Trey. A member of the Webrats and one heck of a writer. He doesn't update daily but when he does update, it's pretty darned good. He'll really persuing his dream of being an author. One of those journalers that I quietly look up to.

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Pentacles, Inverted

Sleep? We don't need no stinkin' sleep!

As you can tell, I had a -very- busy weekend. Recently, I decided that I needed to start making changes in my life. To start daring more. To start taking more chances and to turn towards the road less traveled for me. These changes have been as simple as driving to some place I was familiar with by a different and shorter route... and as complex/scary as throwing myself into a social situation of 30-40 people where I only knew two people and both of them were recent acquaintances.

I think this daring and these changes will be good for me. Making me stretch my social wings and forcing me from the complacent box I have trapped myself with it. We all need change. Stagnation is death. Death of the soul and creativity than anything else. I feel like I really need this and that's why it's not quite as hard as I thought it would be.

One of my first major changes to my routine was to join another LARP. Sure, that doesn't seem different on the outside... but it is. I joined a LARP with David and Lori of Dreams of Deirdre. I knew no one but them. I forced myself to meet new people, to experience new things and to explore a new area of Palo Alto (University Ave).

The LARP, Amaranth - City of a 1000 Broken Dreams, was a blast! I'm playing Neva Whitney, Toreador fantasy author with fame. I've discovered right off that it is too amusing to have a bitchfest with other Toreador, cattily commenting on everyone and everything. I also have started my way on to the road of unofficial harpy as I was asked to witness an oath between a Tremere and someone that I still haven't figured out who he is.

The LARP is very Friday, but I have already told the GM that there was no way I would make every Friday. I have another Friday game and generally, there will be times I'm too tired. But, it's nice to know that I'll have something to do on Fridays if I want it. Especially with all of those new people.

Casting the Runes was on Saturday. It seems, we have lost a couple of people due to pure bitchiness and the inability to deal with people who have their own opinions that aren't afraid to stand behind them. Yes, that -was- the outside voice and I am absolutely unrepentant about it.

The game itself was pretty good. Honestly, I was really afraid that I was going to be bored off my arse. But... being sent into Chicago certainly livened things up. Apparently, the GMs expected some death of the PCs and we managed to pull off our primary and secondary goals and got the hell out of there. It was amusing. Rich was pulling up NPCs who used to be PCs from other games like: Bill, Lane and Cameron.

Oh, yes. One of the other characters removed all of Isabeau's frenzy signs at her request, then also gave her an appearance of 5. His line was: "Making things ugly is easy. Beauty takes real skill." Amusing. So, it looks like I'm going to stick with it a while long.

Sunday, I skipped the CAST vampire LARP to go to the Dreams of Deirdre's Call of Cthulhu LARP. (I hear that I missed a doozy of a game though.) I was highly amused at my character. We were playing around the civil war era and my character was a mail order, geisha trained, Japanese bride. Who was also knowledgeable in the occult and magic. My husband was, while a bit rough around the edges, as kind and as gentle as he could be with me. So, while I didn't love him, I did care for him. I was most distressed because he had been possessed by an Oni (evil spirit). I had the spirit trapped within him.

One of my goals was to de-possess him and destroy the Oni. I did this in a spectacular manner. I had 3 of the 4 spell casters in the room helping me while having convinced one or two of the soldiers that a great evil was coming and they would have to help me. They would 'know when the time was right.'

It was all in great fun. Unfortunately, while I succeeded in all my personal goals, the well meaning Reverend and the well meaning Shaman accidentally destroyed the town by reading a spell from the book that I was trying to get away from them. I got shot while trying to stop them. So, I drowned when the Mississippi flooded its banks.

It truly was a Call of Cthulhu ending.

Much to my complete astonishment, I lost another pound. That is a total of 30. I'm 293. The reason I am so stunned is that I totally cheated like a man woman this week. Monday was a really bad day, so I decided "Screw it! I'm having pizza! It won't kill me and I won't be surprised when I don't loose weight." I was totally prepared for the consequences of that action.

Turns out, what I really wanted was the cheesy bread. I had a slice of pizza and chowed down on half of the cheesy bread. Tuesday night, I finished the cheesy bread and had spilt pea soup - the only cream soup I can actually have on this diet. Wednesday, Halloween, I indulged in two chocolate chip cookies.

But, I did exercise 4 times this week to make up for it some. So, I'm thinking that helped a little. This means I am only 4 pounds from my year end goal. So, if I'm really good - only 1 to 2 weeks away. Only... I know I'm not going to be good next Sunday. David and Greg and I are all going out to La Fondue on the 11th as a celebration of them still having jobs and as an early celebration of my birthday. There is no way I'm going to be good that night and not indulge in my favorite white chocolate and amaretto fondue. I'm betting I'm going to be sick the next day but, oh, well. *laugh*

The holiday season is the hardest for me. But, I think I'm doing OK for now. I am just planning for my 'feast' days - La Fondue, Thanksgiving, maybe a special meal around my birthday and Christmas.

I'm in a serious mental debate now... I am seriously considering ditching my house idea for another year and going for Lasik surgery first. That is sounding better and better every time I think about it. I have been wearing glasses since I was in second grade. Contacts since I was a junior in high school. I dream of being free of glasses.

Three of my co-workers and one of my friends have all had the surgery done and -love- it. My co-workers all went to the same place. I'm beginning to think that I should make an appointment there and see what my options/chances are.

Call me nuts. Tell me I'm having a mid-life crisis 15 years early. Shake your head in amusement. But... (and you all knew that was coming) I want to dye my hair black and go for a more 'gothic' look. A definite change in appearance. Black hair (maybe with a hint of purple or blue), pale skin, red lipstick. Not industrial or freaky Goth. I want to change my appearance to a more romantic gothic look.

I don't know why. I just do.

You know what is stopping me? 1. My trip to North Carolina for Christmas. I think my family AND their neighbors would freak out. 2. My glasses. I'm not willing to wear my contacts right now and I just don't like wearing make up with my glasses and part of the look I am thinking of requires some make up. Thus, the great House vs. Lasik debate.

I guess it is all part of my want to change, to dare, to dream, to be. I have always loved the romantic gothic look but have always been too afraid to try it out. I'm tired of being afraid. I want to dare. I want to do it because I can!

This month is National Novel Writing Month and several people have asked me why I didn't join it. Yes, I have the talent. Yes, I have the ability. Yes, I have all sorts of ideas to write on. But no, I don't have the time and I'm not really willing to make the time right now. Maybe I'll pick up a novel dare in March or April or so... Maybe when I'm not so freaking busy.

Don't get me wrong. I like being busy. But, I'll admit, it is playing havoc with my writing life. Still, I am writing for BlackGate. My newest review is going to be on the Star Wars Dark Side Sourcebook. Cool! Huh?

JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Thought Experiment written by the incredible Karen. This journal has officially gone on hiatus while Karen works on her home, her novel and her family (not necessarily in that order). I have met Karen and found her to be one of the most charming women I have ever had the pleasure to read and meet. She is going to be keeping her archives online and I urge you to go and read them if you haven't already done so. She talks about writing, life, her relationship with her family, her wonderful husband, Par, and her too-cute-for-words son, Jeremiah.

Tarot Card for the Day: Five of Cups, Inverted

Sandcastles Against the Tide

Hiya. It seems that the road less traveled isn't so lonely after all. I got a couple of cool responses to my November 1st posting from Cherny and a new acquaintance, William. Both basically told me that it's OK to not be part of the mainstream. Better to be true to oneself than to fake it and be miserable.

William's email was really intriguing to me. He's not only a Sagittarius, he shares my birthday, too. A distant, but kindred, spirit. Some of his thoughts really struck a chord in me.

"... I enjoy my job and think I do well at it, but sometimes I get the sense that it's all built on sand and the tide is coming in. It's not what others say it's just a sense that I don't really belong, it's not what I was meant to do. ..."

Wow. This is so evocatively me at times that I could be worried that William is inside my head. So many times I sit and think and wonder if this was all that I was supposed to do. Did I miss an important cue somewhere and miss an adventure I was supposed to have? My mind rails against the thought that I am 'just' a QA Engineer and writer. It rails against the thought that I just might be mundane.

I don't know if this is a Sagittarian trait or just me.

Panicking can commence. 3 days before my "Big Dragons in Little China" play test and I'm only partly done plotting. *argh* I hope this isn't an utter and complete disaster.

Unfortunately, I have had to quit the Aberrant game due to lack of time and the constant clashes with other events. I emailed Rob, Dave and James about it. James ran into me on AIM. He mentioned that he'd miss me. I told him that I was sorry and that I didn't really want to quit. Then, he caught me off guard and told me something like, "I have to disagree with you based on the fact that you did quit." *OW*

It surprised me and pissed me off a lot. But, rather than argue with him or mince words or anything like that, I did the smart thing and told him that I wasn't in the mood to mince words, so I was going to do something else. I still don't know how he meant that statement, but it still hurts. We all have to make choices we don't like and do things we don't want to do. I feel like he was telling me I was lying to him and that hurt.

There have been a series of layoffs all around the bay area lately. Greg, David and Wendy all managed to dodge the bullet. Lori and Johanna did not.

Lori's entire QA department got axed. So, she's working on a contract QA group idea to work at your office or at home, sending in bug reports. I think it would be a little difficult but it sounds like an interesting concept. I hope it works for her.

Johanna's place is really close to going under, so she got axed, too. I'm not sure who is more worried for her - me or her. I was OK hearing about Lori because we aren't that close yet. With Johanna, I have a knee-jerk reaction of concern, worry, etc. I mean, this is Johanna we are talking about - a woman who has held my hair as I paid my dues to the porcelain goddess after drinking too much. She's my best friend and if I had the ability, I'd take care of her forever. (Of course, I think she'd get pissed at my smothering after a while.)

Now, all of this has brought back the fear that my job is just a sandcastle waiting for the encroaching tide. I know I shouldn't worry. Christ, we grew 50% profit-wise last quarter in a sucky economy. We are talking about hiring people again. Including another QA person. But, I can't help it. As optimistic as I want to be, I am a realist. Stuff happens. I try to prepare for it. (Like deciding that I should get my eyes fixed before I buy my house, just in case something goes wrong - so I don't have a house payment hanging over my head. But, that's another story.)

Well... I'm just going to have to sit back and take calming breathes. This is a perfect opportunity for Johanna to finally get a job much closer to home instead of commuting to the City all the time. Maybe, this is the best thing that could have happened to her.

I watched Buffy's musical show, "Once More With Feeling," last night. Ok, that was the best thing I've seen in a long time on TV and I'm still humming the tunes. If you didn't see it, you gotta. I know I'm going to buy the episode's soundtrack. I won't say any more because I don't want to spoil anything.

(The next day since I left this at work...)

Back on the train of Buffy... Johanna was an absolute dream and got a bunch of MP3s from Buffy the Musical and gave them to me. I have them at home and work.... and -still- want to buy the soundtrack if they sell it. I have been playing them non-stop since I got them. The tunes are so catchy. Man! I love Giles' voice. Gorgeous, smart, ecletic with a hint of danger AND he sings. I want to find my own Giles! *wistful sigh* Also, Tara's voice is incredible. The duet between Tara and Giles "I Want To Stay" almost brings tears to my eyes.

Speaking of music, I got my CD, Peace 2001, from Alison. Woo-hoo! That's next on the playlist... once I get my fill of Buffy. Very cool.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Sun

Being Honked At

I got to see a TRIPLE RAINBOW this morning! It was so cool! Talk about a cinematic moment. I walked out and saw that the sky was still doing its best impression of a schizophrenic - white fluffy clouds intermingling with dark heavy clouds bloated with rain, blue sky and sunlight peeking in here and there between layers of morose grayness. I like it when the weather is like this.

In any case, I walked out, looked around and watched the sky for a moment. Looked like lots of rain was coming. Then, I turned as I got to my car and was utterly shocked to find myself facing a triple rainbow that was perfectly framing my house. I stared, feasting my eyes on them.

The bottom one was the double rainbow - 16 stripes of ROY G BIV, twice. The top half was a lot brighter than the bottom half. Then, fainter, above it was the third rainbow. I must have looked funny, staring at the sky like that but it was so pretty, I couldn't take my eyes away from the three arches. The top one faded fairly quickly as the rain moved in and the bottom one shrunk to just a single rainbow but held on and chased me half way to work, fending off the rain.

Man, I wish I had a digital camera. That would have been one heck of a picture.

Well, well, well. Despite my rampant cheating this week (Chocolate on Friday, Pizza on Saturday and La Fondue on Sunday), I still lost another pound! How cool is that? I suspect that this week would have been one of my "big loss" weeks (4-5 pounds) if it hadn't been for all the cheating. Oh, well. A pound is a pound is a pound. 292 with 3 more to go to reach my year end goal. I'm definitely going to go back on the straight and narrow until Thanksgiving.

This last week was also the first time that I really felt -good- while walking. I'm walking faster and stronger with less pain in my left leg. The pain it still there but, it is lessening. Also, I'm starting to -feel- smaller. Granted, my self image is one of me from college... so, looking in a mirror is sometimes a bit of a shock but... that doesn't stop the feeling of being lighter. It's a very cool feeling.

Friday night was an awesome ego boost for me. First, as I was driving Alex to the game, he glanced at me and said, "I can tell you're really losing weight. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but I've just noticed that your thighs don't touch the bottom of the steering wheel anymore. You're really getting smaller."

*blink*blink* I looked down and it was too dark for me to see. So, I slipped a hand down to my thigh and realized that I could put fingers inbetween my leg and the steering wheel without force. Oh, wow. He's right! I didn't even notice that I wasn't squeezing into the car anymore! Cool.

Second, I was driving home and it was really late, like 2:00am. I stopped at the offramp stoplight and there was a car full of guys turning the other direction. The car honked and I looked over. The guy in the passenger seat motioned for me to roll down my window. I figured they were lost.

Jenn rolls down her window

Guy: *dancing in his seat* You feeling the groove?

Jenn: *confused* What?

Guy: *grinning and winking* What's up, girl?

Jenn: *blink*blink*laugh*light turns green*waves at them at she continues on her way*

Guy: *shouting as the car honks its horn* You fine, baby!!

Ok, maybe the guys in the car were drunk, I don't know - but I got flirted with by total strangers!! Woo-hoo! It was a nice karmic balance to "Being Barked At" back three weeks ago on October 15.

The play test of "Big Dragons in Little China" went over really well. Everyone who was there had a good time (only one no call, no show due to dealing with family). It also really helped me figured out what needs doing or added to character sheets. Things like Initiative and Soak scores. An easier cross reference of who knows who and what they think of them in the game. Also, for the mystics, a better explanation of various powers.

The character sheets were a hit. To the point that Rich wants to steal some of my lay out and picture ideas - to which I gladly say "Steal away." The over all plotline (the one about Wen Chung-Li) was good but it turns out the secondary plotline (kidnapped blond-haired, blue-eyed co-eds for a white slavery ring - I need to get some pictures of them.) was the glue that got everyone hooked in and working together. I'm really glad I thought of that one to go along with the first one.

I know I need to rewrite the opening scene and to add one or two cut scenes for the -players- to enjoy (IE: the ritual testing scene) while the characters sneak closer and closer to their doom... er... to saving the girls and killing the bad guy.

The one thing I did notice about the game was that it really would have been better as a 2-4 session game, rather than a one shot. But, that's OK.

La Fondue was fantastic! Wow. It was good. But, it was too much food. At least, at the end for me. The white chocolate amaretto fondue for desert just killed me. I was so full I was still feeling full this morning! But, man, it was good. Johanna and I had the "surf and turf" while Greg and David had the "wild things" selection. The waiter was a bit odd to deal with but we still had a lot of fun.

Tarot Card for the Day: Three of Swords

Jeepers, Creepers - Look at them Peepers!

Talk about impulsive and daring - which is what I'm going for these days. Tuesday, I stayed home to work on a test plan, called back the people at Furlong Vision and ended up at their office that afternoon for a free evaluation. It was so cool. They tested my eyes for all sorts of things - including measuring the thickness of my cornea and the width of my pupils.

The cornea thing creeped me out. They put in numbing drops, then touched a thingy (it's a medical term) to my eye. I was freaked out at first because of this thingy so close to my eye. Then, she, the tech, touched my eye - I SAW it. There was a ripple in my sight. But, I didn't feel anything. At all. So, that calmed me down a lot. Believe me though, I'm still creeped out just thinking about it.

Then, there was a presentation on why we each had different risk factors. I am in a medium risk because of the width of my pupil. It's 7.5 mm. The risk is permanent night vision halos. But, the risk is a minor one. The reason is that most LASIK laser machines only work in a 6 mm area. Dr. Furlong's machine is the top-of-the-line-with-all-of-the-gadgets machine and it works with a 8.2 mm area. Cool.

Incidentally, this all makes sense to me. Did you know that dilated pupils is a sign of attraction/arousal? So, people with larger pupils are often instinctively looked at with more interest. I'm not surprised that I have large pupils. My eyes have remained one of the few things about me that has always been beautiful. The one thing that people always compliment me on.

After the presentation, we got to talk to Dr. Furlong. He's the one who will be doing the surgery. Not one of his juniors. This is all he does. It was frightening to hear that an ophthalmologist only needs a 2 day course to be certified on the LASIK machine. That's it. Dr. Furlong spent a full year in a fellowship, learning to do what he does. He's rated the best LASIK doctor on the West coast.

I asked a bunch of questions about recovery times and traveling and all my answers came up good... so, I decided to go ahead and get my eyes done before I fly to N. Carolina to see my family. I'm going to surprise them.... if I can keep the secret that long. I don't know if I will or not. The trip is about 5 weeks away.

I'm going in for another exam on Wednesday and then the surgery on November 30th at 1:30. Laurel is going to come stay with me for a couple of days to drive me to and from my appointments on the 30th and 1st. I'm really happy she's going to be with me. It gives me an extra bit of security that I need. I'm already so nervous and excited, I can barely contemplate it all.

What a nice birthday present for myself... new eyes!

Tarot Card for the Day: Penticle of Knights, Inverted

Impatience

On the good side, I've lost another pound. That puts me at 291. On the bad side, I'm getting impatient. I'm only 2 pounds from my year-end goal and I'm starting to ponder cheating to make sure I get it next week. By cheating, I mean not eating on Sunday, so I can ensure a larger weight drop on Monday. This, of course, is a bad thing. It sabotages you for the next week or puts you in a nasty cycle of starving yourself the day before your weigh-in. I won't do that. I'm going to be good.

But, I just want to acknowledge that the urge is there. I know I'm not the only who has these urges from time to time in this success-driven society. But, the best course of action is to continue on the straight and narrow. No cheating. No fudging. No tricks. It's harder to do it honestly but in the end, you will be a lot prouder and happier with yourself for it.

I should have expected a smaller weight drop. I had knocked myself out of ketosis and it takes about four days to get your body back into ketosis. That means, I wasn't in ketosis until like Friday. A pound loss for 3 days is actually pretty good.

But that doesn't stop me from gnashing my teeth and wanting to reach goal #3 as quickly as possible.

Here's the latest dreamage: 17 November 2001: Spike & I - Another one of my "I've been watching way too much Buffy & Angel" dreams as my mind decides write its own happy ending to the Spike/Buffy sexual tension situation, incorporating what it saw last.

I think this is the third dream I've had in the Buffy Universe. One more and I think I may create a new dream theme on the Buffy Universe. After all, dream theme: 'The Kiss' only has four dreams in it.

Buffy Universe Dreams:

On the gaming front, Friday night was an at home at quiet night. Saturday was an amusing AD&D game at Bob's house. Fairly fluffy if you discount us having our butts handed to us by various specters that suddenly were invading our house from a magical portal. In the end, we prevailed. Also, Anya had a rank challenge for her Order. She did well, defeating her opponent in twelve rounds.

Sunday's CAST game was really cool. We were all transported to the Island of Tundress, where we assumed the identities of the former (?) inhabitants. Only, we had a partial memory. Obviously, things were wonky. I ended up assuming the identity of Alexandrea, the Prince of Tanaq Buless. So, I was being all regal, ordering people around without a second thought, claiming everything and everyone as "mine" (My royal poet. My blacksmith) and tried to make everything as perfect as possible.

Of course, this was when I wasn't under the spell of the Assistant Librarian that made me like him and want to destroy the city - I ordered the destruction of both the stables and the piers. That was fun. Also, this wasn't during the few times that I was a very confused Anabeth who was trying to figure out what was going on.

People seemed to enjoy the way I got into the role. I was one of the people who got the extra XP from the group for role playing. That was nice. But, I have to admit, I don't think I would want to play the Prince in a Vampire game. Too much responsibility. It doesn't look like there would be time to do enough character development.

The best things about this last game? First, the Tundress plot is over and done with. (*small cheer*). Second, the Tundress plot ended up rewriting a lot of the character's histories. Basically, the GMs yanked the angst out of a lot of the characters. Like, for Anabeth, her biggest antsy moment in her history was the ghoul attack on her and her husband which caused a car accident that immediately killed her husband and made it necessary for Anabeth to be embraced immediately or die.

Well, the attack still happened, but David was thrown from the car and was only mildly injured, while Anabeth still needed to be embraced immediately or die. We haven't figured out if David is still a ghoul and if he is Benjamin's (Anabeth's sire) ghoul or if he has been embraced but hasn't been released, yet. Personally, I would -love- to find someone to play Anabeth's husband. I would have the two characters get the merit "True Love."

The third best thing about this last game...? I get to go prop shopping for Anabeth. Now that her husband is still alive, she would still be wearing her wedding rings. So, I need to go shopping for a fake wedding set. Something with lots of diamonds. *grin* I love having an excuse to buy something so frivolous.

My little black purse has given up the ghost. The shoulder strap broke. It looks like I need to move back to the big black purse. To guys, this is no big thing. To girls, switching purses is a major undertaking. You have to find the new purse - fortunately, I already have mine - go through your old one; every pocket and section, examining every bit and piece that comes out to determine if you need it or not; then figure out where everything is going to go in the new purse.

Once the new purse is all together, you have to make sure that everything really is settled and happy. It could take one to three tries to get a purse exactly right. I will also have the added bit of cleaning out the big purse before I move the little purse into it. Reason being: I got the little purse when I broke my leg and needed to move the necessities immediately.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Pentacles

Dum...dum...dum, Da-De-dum, Da-De-dum...

From the Scale...
Oh, yes... The Darth Vader theme music cued up as I walked to the scale this morning. (Dum-dum-dum Da-De-dum, Da-De-dum) Rightly so. You just know there's going to be a weight gain after six days of [food] debauchery. I was fully prepared to accept the consequences of my recent weak will. In fact, I guessed the return weight gain exactly. 4 pounds. I'm back up to 295. There goes a month of being good down the drain (or gullet as the case may be).

Surprisingly, I'm not too upset. Mostly, I suppose, because I knew it was coming and I kept pigging out anyway. I'm not going to say I regret my debauchery but I am going to whine. How come everything yummy is so bad for you? My skin has broken out due to the crap I've been eating. I haven't had that in a couple of months. Plus, my acid tummy is back full force. Just more things for me to remember for later when I'm struggling a bit to be good on my diet.

Holidays suck for diets. My only saving grace is that beginning in January, EVERYONE is going to be on the diet/health/exercise bandwagon. So, do I think I can loose the 6 pounds by December 20th? I don't know but I'm sure going to try. There is a definite incentive to stay on the straight and narrow between now and then.

Feast Central...
This year, I went to Shauna's family's Thanksgiving meal. Pretty much, every Thanksgiving and Christmas, Shauna's parent gather all of the 'orphans' of Shauna's friends and have them over for the special day. I had never been to one of this gatherings. It was pretty darned cool. I'm glad I went.

It was Matt, GregM, Georgia, Rich, Cil, Shauna and me trekking off to Sacramento. The traffic going there sucked but Matt is good to follow. He obeys the rules to following: no running yellow lights, slowing down when loosing the follower due to stupid traffic and not speeding too much.

I don't think I've ever eaten so much in my entire life. At least, that's what it felt like. Dorothy, Shauna's mom, had one heck of a spread: 2 turkeys (one traditionally roasted with butter, one brine marinated and roasted), 2 kinds of sweet potato casserole, stuffing, broccoli and cauliflower in cheese sauce, ham, rice, bread, cranberry sauce, cranberry jelly and then... there were the deserted: carrot cake, chocolate brownie pie, pumpkin pie and pumpkin cheese cake. I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff, too. Oh, and this doesn't count all of the appetizers Dorothy had set out before the meal.

After the meal, I ended up dozing on the couch, listening to Shauna, Greg and Georgia play 'Lord of the Fries" with Kirsten, Shauna's daughter. Dude! That little girl has gotten so big! She's only nine but about 3.5 feet tall. She's going to be one heck of a tall and beautiful young lady. Heartbreaker in the making. At first, she didn't remember me but she recognized my face. So, she hugged me anyway. Later, she remembered me and we had a nice cuddle on the couch as I was waking up. It was cool getting reacquainted with her. Precocious kid.

The drive home was much easier to deal with as we left around 9:30. Once we hit 580, I knew how to get home - though Rich and Cil pointed me at an easier way to get off of 680 than Automall. It's a new route I've tried a couple of times now and I like it.

Movie Mania...
Over the past week, I've finally gotten around to watching some old movies, as well as some new ones too.

Hannibal - Oh, man. Interesting but gross. I never want to watch someone be fed their own brain again. *shudder* I do have the complaint that ending of the movie was nothing like the ending of the book. Most likely because the movie company who made it probably didn't think the audience could handle Agent Starling being brainwashed and running off with Doctor Lector. Ah, well. It was still an interesting movie.

The Mummy Returns - *Mmmmm* Eye candy at its best! I really enjoyed the movie up until the horribly rendered return of the Scorpion King. They could have skipped that. Amusing premise that various people were the reincarnation of people from the time long before. Very much a stop at the back of the eyeballs movie.

Harry Potter - I got to see this one with James and Laurel. It was fantastic! I really enjoyed it. I love the way it was so true to the book. I know some people are complaining about that (Go figure) but I thought it was great. The Quidditch match was even better than I had thought it would be. I thought all of the actors were well suited to the characters with one exception. Neville Longbottom. I thought he was a skinny, gawky kid instead of a pudgy gawky kid. Other than that, unlike Michael, I thought that Snape wasn't malevolent enough. He was more arch and disapproving than scary in my opinion. But, he was still played well by Alan Rickman. Well worth seeing again.

The One - I got to see this one with Greg and David. Definitely worth a matinee. I'm not sure about full price though. Plot holes you could drive a Mack truck through but very cool to watch. Of course, this is not a movie to watch for the plot. This is a movie to watch Jet Li kick everyone's butt. Jet Li vs. Jet Li was well done. I liked the special effects. Nice eye candy. Very much a 'stop at the back of the eyeballs' movie.

Tales of the Lambient IV...
Yep. The bi-weekly Friday game has now switched back over to Star Wars and Alex is just filled with ideas. Not only that, we're going to be linking this into Howard's Jedi game and my Star Wars game. It seems that we have accidentally created a shared Star Wars Universe. One of these days, I'm going to sit down and plot out a timeline of Alex's game(s), Howard's game and my game. I think it would be an amusing side project.

In any case, just Alicia and Doc are left of the originally Lambient crew. Yahnna is still hired on. We'll be picking up a new character with Howard and I have been asked to invite one more friend of mine to join. If he does, that will be VERY cool. He's a serious Star Wars fan.

Eyeballing It...
Only four days left until I have my corneas slit open and have a laser reshape my lens. It's really scary to hear it said like that. But, I'm trying to get myself over my squeamishness by using such shocking statements. The candy coated version is "four days until I can see without glasses or contacts!"

I ended up telling my mom. I wasn't going to. I was just going to surprise them for when I went home for Christmas. But, I decided that she should probably know - just in case something went wrong and I wasn't able to fly out.

Laurel is going to come stay with me on the 30th and the 1st. She'll be driving me to and from both appointments. I'm really happy she's going to be with me. It's good to have a friend near when doing something so... scary and exciting.

Off the Bookshelf...
Did I do any writing over the holiday? No. Did I clean my room? No. Did I do any Christmas shopping? No. But, I did drop by Borders after seeing "The One" with Greg and David. I walked out of there with 5 new books and a 2002 "Lord of the Rings" calendar.

As you might have guessed, I spent a lot of time reading. I finished a book of short Sci-fi stories by Harry Harrison, author of the "Stainless Steel Rat." Very amusing.

I'm currently working my way through "Inherit the Earth" by Brian Stableford. It's all about nanotech, the possibility of immortality and searching for the creator of the artificial womb who supposedly died some 50 years before - the same man who possibly caused human sterility in order to control the world's birthrate and to make money on his artificial womb. Oh, yeah. Someone is accusing his son, Damon, of being him and has ordered his death as being "not worthy" of immortality.

It's a bit convoluted and the adversarial relationship between Damon and his girlfriend is annoying and extraneous. I haven't guessed the mastermind behind the whole thing yet and I'm 2/3rds the way through the book. So, I suppose that's a good thing. Check that. I've made one guess and I'll be seriously disappointed if I'm right.

Tarot Card for the Day: Seven of Pentacles

Losing My Car

It's official. I'm a goober. Last night, I lost my car. You see, I went over to Lori and David's place for the OSI game. It was dark and raining. It's always a little tricky getting into their apartment complex. The first time I tried, I ended up parked next to apartment 160. Their apartment is in the low 30's. I've been there before and I've never had this problem before.

So, I got back in the car, ended up getting lost on Shoreline, got myself back to where I needed to be, thought I turned in at the right spot, parked... and when looking for their apartment again. Mind you, it's pouring down rain, dark and I have no umbrella.

After about 15 minutes of wandering through the maze of the complex, I decide "Screw this. I'm wet. I'm hungry. I'm cold. I'm going home." Only... I couldn't find my car. I got so turned around, I didn't know where I was. I ended up finding Lori and David's apartment first. So, I showed on their doorstep, wet, lost and cold. They were properly sympathic.

After the game, David walked with me to find my car. It turns out, there are TWO parking areas for the complex and they are not connected to one another. So, I had accidently pulled into the first one instead of the second one. I'll know better next time.

Yesterday, I got an apologetic email from my Editor, Don, of Black Gate magazine. It turns out that they want me to do two RPG book reviews for them but the books (there's a set, I'm to review one of them) that Don sent me were returned due to a wrong address. As he told me in the email, obviously, the book is not going to arrive in time for the deadline but, if I want to review the late book, I can have an extra week.

I wrote him back saying that was cool. I would get him the Star Wars review ASAP and depending on my eyes and when I get the other book, I'll let him know immediately if I can do the review. Of course, I had totally forgotten about 1 Dec deadline for the first review. Whoops. Guess what I'm doing tonight and tomorrow morning.

Yepyep. Still 500-600 words of a review is nothing. I should be able to do that in my sleep.

Speaking of sleep, I'm in another bout of insomnia. I don't know why. My internal clock wants to shift me over to a midnight/2am to 8/10am sleep cycle. Maybe it's nerves over the whole LASIK thing. I know I shouldn't be worried but I am. Marina, Lena, Chris, Nadia and BJ have all done it. Nadia and BJ did it less than 2 weeks ago and love it to pieces.

I've done all the prep work I can - got my eyedrops and read the consent form. I'll get the check tomorrow morning. Laurel will be over tomorrow to take me to my appointment.

Wow. After tomorrow, I shouldn't have to wear glasses. It's an overwhelming thought.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Pentacles