March 2004

TMI

It's been a really "interesting" few days in both good and bad ways. Fortunately, each one has been solved in some manner.

The delinquent taxes on my home. No longer delinquent with my mortgage company, who failed to pay the bill, taking care of the penalties. Though, I'm still waiting for my mortgage company to explain to me what went wrong.

My refinance has been approved. Finally, the refinance is done. All that is left is the actual signing of paperwork. It took longer than I wanted but Zach called me at least twice a week to let me know what was going on. Now, I just have to find out when the actual paying off of bills will happen. I don't want to be late on a bill because I'm waiting for the loan to kick in.

My cat mauled me. There are days when I forget that my cat is a feral rescue. Last Friday was one of those days much to my detriment. I had been playing with her and, as usual, as she got more excited, she got rougher and rougher. So, I stopped playing with her. Only, she had not stopped playing with me. Next thing I know, I'm yanking my arm away from a cat who has sunk her teeth into my arm deep. The result was two deep puncture wounds. One that didn't bleed for a while. One that did bleed and got infected. My arm is healing now and the bruising is fading. But man, did I get taught one hell of a lesson.

Work is insane. I know I always say this but it keeps getting more insane. I'm thinking, next week, things should calm down. However, I am going to have to put in some overtime in order to get both the InterCall project and the Localization work done. Occasionally, throughout this process, I've gotten a couple of compliments from my boss and the main developer on the project. That's been pretty cool.

Now, for the TMI part of the story. I will start off by saying, everything is OK. I don't have to worry about this too much. The short version: About a week ago, I found a lump where there shouldn't be one in a delicate part of my anatomy. I saw a doctor about it yesterday. (For those of you who don't like biological female issues, skip the rest.)

The long version. I found the lump on the left side of my inner labia. It was small at first, then, over the next few days, it grew to the size of a marble and was just as hard. It was also very tender to the touch. You can imagine the fears going through my head... Cancer? A cyst? An STD? The plague? I ended up tossing out the last two because I had a test recently for STDs and well, the plague wouldn't be just one lump. But, cancer or a cyst? What's a cyst anyway?

Fortunately, it turned out to be a cyst and a painful one at that. My doctor said that this kind of cyst was normal but it was in an unusual place and it was just big enough to be concerning but that it had started draining on its own. (Ah, so that was what the sudden pain and blood was.) However, it was just on the verge of being big enough to warrant a doctor visit draining - IE: cutting it open. Yikes! I don't want a knife anywhere near there! Fortunately, she just prescribed hot pads and some serious horse pill antibiotics. I should be fine and cyst free in 7-10 days.

The only person I told about this was Heather. Mostly because I didn't want to worry anyone until I knew what it was and how bad. She was a great help to my mood and my sanity. It also helped prepare me for what I needed to do if it did turn out to be something really bad. I'm just glad it didn't.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Ace of Wands, Inverted

I'm Legal!

I finally got off my duff and got my Washington driver's license. I barely squeaked by with 20 correct and 5 incorrect answers but 20 correct was all I needed. More surprising, my driver's license has a good picture of me. I'm not kidding. It's not model quality but it is a lot better than any driver's license I've previously had. I won't be cringing at this thing for the next five years. I must admit, it feels good to be legal again. As an added bonus, I'm a registered voter again with absentee ballots.

Speaking of being legal, I had not one, but two break lights out. One on each side. I'm lucky I didn't get pulled over. So, Sterling is now all lubed, fixed and cleaned. It's been a long time since he had a bath and he's looking pretty good now. I suppose this means I need to clean the insides of him, too.

As an aside, did you know the Microsoft badge is accepted as a legal form of ID at the Washington DOL? Good for me. I needed two other forms of ID other than my CA driver's license. One of them had to be a picture ID. I pulled out a credit card and the only other ID I had with a picture was my badge. When I asked, "How about my badge for working at the Evil Empire?", the lady accepted it, then commented that Microsoft was not the Evil Empire. If it wasn't for them, she wouldn't have a job. She went on about as she filled out paperwork. I told her I liked working for them, great benefits but that I liked to poke fun at my employer so it kept me from being too serious about them. I was from Silicon Valley after all. She nodded and agreed. This was another reminder of how much Redmond and the surrounding area are company towns.

In some surprisingly news, I've had less than a hospitable response from MEOW Cat Rescue when I contacted them about fostering. It seems they do not approve of cages, no matter how large, for kittens during the day. Nor do they provide any sort of litter, equipment or food. Volunteers are expected to pay for that. The only things they do is "provide medical treatment, vaccines, and worming medications" outside of the general fixing of kittens.

I did a bit more research and I've determined that I've been spoiled by Furry Friends Rescue. No local shelter provides equipment or food for the kittens. Only the medical treatment for the kittens and the place for them to come to adopt. It's nothing bank breaking, just unexpected.

After the unpleasant set of emails between MEOW and I, I have determined that I will not foster for them. It has nothing to do with getting my own equipment and food for the kittens and everything to do with attitude. I was volunteering to help and I got smacked down by a holier-than-thou attitude that I don't appreciate.

I've already contacted the Humane Society. Though, I know I will have to go through 5-7 hours worth of classes before I could foster for them, I am willing to give it a go. However, this whole thing has brought home to me that I might not foster kittens again. Rather unexpected and kind of sad. I'm not sure what I would do with the extra room. I'm guessing I could turn it in the guess room and leave the other room as only a library/office kind of room.

Unexpected niceness. Recently, an LJ friend of mine who is local, but I've never met told me he told of me and got me a gift. Sure, it was off the "free" table at work but it's the thought that counts. I'm pretty surprised and thankful.

I spent Saturday afternoon with Glenn and Andrew. We had the best time together. Lunch at Neville's, a bit of shopping and some excitement with my cat that involved a whole lot of yowling, snarling, hissing and spitting while they clipped her claws for her. Then, ended our time with finally watching Spirited Away. That was a marvelous movie. It was very pretty, soothing and made me smile a lot.

Tarot Card for the Day: Two of Wands

Necessary Playtime

Today was one of the most gorgeous days I've seen since I've been here. As I drove to the gym for my trainer appointment, I kept thinking, "I want to play outside! I want to play outside!" So, once I met up with my trainer, I bounced around him and asked/said, "I want to play outside today. Can we? Huh, can we? Pleeeeassee?" He laughed at me and nodded. "Sure, I guess we can do a good walk but we need to do the other stuff first.

So, for the first time since I've been working with him, Kolu had me do weights, abs and back first. It was extremely odd to do weights while I was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed since I usually do them after an hour of cardio work out. In the future, I've asked that once a week, we do the weight workout first. It breaks things up and lets me know how well things are going. Then, he got me a map and we set out for a two mile walk.

Now, just walking doesn't do a lot for my heart rate - except for the hills - of which there is one going and two coming back. He let me set the pace which was nice. The walk was very good for me. It showed me how far I could go and deal with an impact workout instead of my usual workout. My knee didn't twinge even once. My feet gave out before my knee and calf. I thought that was a great improvement.

Being out in the sun did wonders for me. It felt so good to be outside, in the sun and wind. It didn't feel like a work out even though I did the 2 miles and my heart rate did occasionally reach my target rate. It felt like playtime - something I've needed for a while. Of course, now, hours later, the various sore muscles let me know that it was both playtime and a workout.

Work has been both very busy and surprisingly good. My boss has been gone and busy so much that I've been running this project myself with the other tester. So, I've had to figure out a whole lot of things on my own. You know what? It feels damn good! In the past couple of days I have learned the following:

1. How to use SQL Server Enterprise Manager.
2. How to set up accounts in Rapid - down to the DLS config file edited in VI. (Serious kudos to Lori who writes the best "How to" documents I've ever seen.)
3. How to use Source Depot and a Source Depot browser.
4. How to remote login into another computer to use it from my desktop.
5. How to run our ImportUsers tool.
6. How to use the new project admin pages.

Some of this stuff might seem like child's play to some of you super savvy tech guys but it's hard stuff for me. I never learned to get into the virtual guts of a machine. I'm the one who breaks machines by looking at them. So getting into some of this other stuff, especially the SQL server stuff is all brand new and scary. But, it's also really cool for me. It's new. It's making me feel a little bit more confident in my ability to pick up new stuff. Maybe, this C# class on Tuesday will work out.

Though, all things must balance. Tonight, I was contacted by my credit card company. They noticed an odd charge on my account to the tune of $675. Yep. The card number was stolen. Again. How, I don't know. I haven't bought anything online in ages. The card was closed tonight, which makes things interesting for me, since I just signed my refinance papers that were going to pay of this card by sending me a check for the card.

Now, I have to call the Escrow company and find out what they need to do about this. Plus, as soon as I get the new card, I need to transfer the automatic debits I have on the old card as well as update a bunch of different places with the new number.

In truth, I'm not worried about this (yet). I'm more annoyed than anything else. It was one large charge done a week ago. The credit card company caught. They are fixed it and they are sending me an affidavit to sign. Since the card was used for an online purchase, the police will have a really good chance of catching and prosecuting those responsible.

Tarot Card for the Day: Two of Wands, Inverted

Changes Are Happening

I got my refinance done and in the bag. I'm very happy for that. In fact, I paid off my car yesterday. That felt good. If my credit card number had not been stolen, that would have been paid off, too. But, now, I have to wait until I get the new card with the new number to do it. But, after that, I'm back to my "debt free" status except for the house mortgage which I don't mind because I feel like I'm investing in my future when I pay those bills.

The refinance has left me with a decent amount of money that get to decide what I want to do with. I could pay off the 20/20 program. Or finally get a dirt devil and those new curtains I've been wanting. I don't know how much I owe on the 20/20 program but I might have enough to do both. In any case, it feels good to be flush with cash to do what I want - if I want to do something with it. Plus, it looks like I'm getting a tax refund of some sort. I don't know how much but I do know that I need to use some of this money to invest towards my future.

In the meantime, I'm working hard on my present in the form of the 20/20 program and my new C# class. I have now lost 20 pounds in 8 weeks and it is feeling good. I've decided that I will reward myself with an iPod. I just don't know which one, yet. I've also decided, when I've completed 10 weeks of the program, I'm going to treat myself to a 1/2 day at the spa which includes a manicure, a pedicure and an hour massage. I think I deserve it.

I started my C# class last night. Thank goodness I haven't forgotten everything about programming. This professor is assuming that you already know how to program and are just learning C#. He moves very fast and you need to keep up. So far, I'm the only one brave enough to stop him when I'm having problems. For example, I was having problems opening a particular file. After about three minutes of him going on without me, I stopped him. When he asked the rest of the class if any of them were having problems, half the class indicated that they were. He shook his head and stated, "You must tell me if you are having problems. If you don't, I won't know and won't be able to help you." So, that was pretty good. He didn't make me feel stupid.

I'll tell you now. I -miss- learning. I -miss- being in a classroom setting. I got so excited at writing my first "Hello World" program in class that it made me realize that part of my mind has been dormant for far too long. I NEED to stretch my mind. I NEED to expand my mental horizons. I'm tired of being in the same damn rut. My only thought is how I'm going to do this and when. It will happen. After this class, I think I will start another night course but this one focused on psychology or sociology. Something in the direction of where I want to go - and will eventually end up.

But, all is not perfect in Jenn's world. I'm starting to have some serious issues with Esme. On the not serious side, she left a 'present' for me in the middle of my bedroom and it wasn't a hair ball. Such acting out usually means the cat isn't happy with something. I haven't figured out what. I'm going to see if she prefers a regular litter pan with crystals. If she does, I'll put the LitterMate away. If that isn't the issue, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

On the serious side, I'm having issues with her biting me. She punctured me again last night. I wasn't even playing with her. I was sitting there watching TV and I had stopped petting her. Without warning, as I held the remote, she launched herself at my arm and punctured me. It hurt a lot. This is the second time she's done this. I think it was because my arm was up and she gets aggressive if my arm is in that position. (Harkening back to that whole thought of her being abused by a previous owner.) In any case, this is not something I'm sure I want to deal with in the long term. She's bitten me twice and drawn blood on guests twice. I'm going to get a water bottle and see if that will curb her biting tendencies. If not, I think I'm going to have to contact the person who asked me to take her and return the cat to her.

I feel guilty thinking about returning the cat. But, so far, I know I do really well with kittens and most non-formerly feral cats. This is an adult cat that was feral and seems to have some really nasty ingrained habits that I'm not sure I can break. I rather not end up resenting the cat because, when she isn't attacking me or my guests, she's a really cool cat. Very loving and warm. Right now, this situation just bites.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Three of Wands

Goal Oriented

I went to see Dawn of the Dead with Patrick and Jeffrey. I don't unusually go to gory movies. It's just not my thing. However, I like both Patrick and Jeffrey and decided to go anyway. Well, that was a mistake. Mostly because the guys declared that the movie was a decent remake of the original. Also, because I've discovered I'm a serious wuss when it comes to the concept of zombies. I'm all over people fighting nature, demons, Satan himself, vampires and such. But, when it comes to the undead who have no real intelligence and no motivation except to eat the living flesh of humans and who spread their 'disease' through a bite, I can't deal with it.

I don't know why. Maybe because it is such an anathema to me because it is the opposite of all I hold dear: Life and sentient. It is a kind of supernatural that freaks me out. The overactive imagination doesn't help. To the point that for the last few days, before I leave my home, I look outside to see if anyone is acting unusual. When I walk to my car, I am hyper alert for strangers and bad things. I know it is silly but I can't help it.

I can't decide if this makes me normal or not.

The odd dreams are back: Gates of Heaven - Once again, another screwy dream with appearances by Yony, Robert and Heather. I'm left behind after a robbery. Angry, I seek out Yony who is working on an odd project that will get him to the "Gates of Heaven" where he's going to by his way in. If Robert doesn't kill him first.

This last week showed me something. It showed me that I could live, enjoy and still loose weight. This last week, I was not an angel. Twice I went off my diet. One of those times, I even had a drink. But, I limited my forays off the "legal" list and I made sure to work out really hard all five times this week. I still lost two pounds. Perhaps, it would have been three if I had not cheated but you know what? That's ok. It taught me a valuable lesson. Indulgence in moderation and stick to the workout plan.

I suppose, this seems like an obvious lesson to some people but there is a certain subtlety to it. Namely, you can go off the diet and you can recover from it. One "slip" does not ruin the diet. It does not give you license to run amok. So, you can enjoy with company but then, you go back to your routine. It's a cool lesson to learn by experience.

The other thing I have noticed myself doing, whether I'm indulging or not, I'm thinking about what certain foods will do to my body when I eat them. In a way, it seems the learning I'm doing with the 20/20 program is a benign sort of brainwashing.

A friend of mine from CA, Ben, came up to interview and lecture at MS this past week. It was cool seeing him. I'm really hoping he gets a good job offer from MSR and accepts it. He's a really neat guy and fun to hang out with. I think he would fit in well my group of friends up here. Also, it might spur a couple more friends of mine to move up, too.

He and I got to talking about the future I want in schooling and career. Coming out of the PH.D. system, Ben had a whole lot of really good ideas. I know it's going to be well into 2005 before I could embark on this new thing I want to do, due to my golden handcuffs (that will help me do what I want to do). However, that does not mean I need to sit idle in the meantime. In fact, it would be better that I not sit idle because of the application process I am going to go through.

The first suggestion he gave me was to go into volunteer service in the subject I am interested in. Get some real world experience and refine my ultimate goal from "psychology or social work" into something else. It will give me something concrete to put on my grad student application and it will get me familiar with local people in the area in the business I want to be it. Ideally, some of those people will be professors from my chosen college.

The second suggestion was for me to choose the college, then "cyber stalk" the various professors in a benign way. First, figure out who the professors are. Then, look up their published papers. Read the papers that interest me both (future) professionally and emotionally. Really read the papers. Then, if there are points you have good questions on and which more explanation or points you would like to intelligently comment on, contact the professor via email to discuss the matter.

Both of these suggestions are designed to do three things: get me familiar with the world that I believe I want to go into, get real world experience to put on the grad application to prove I really know what it is I am getting into and, finally, to get my name reputation out there to be recognized by the professors reviewing the grad application. According to Ben, the grad application process is a very personal and individual one. I am seeking to be accepted by a professor more than a college. It is the professor I will be working with/for on various project and eventually might be paid to work with them if I choose to go for a PH.D.

This conversation turned out to be very helpful for me. It has given me two goals to shoot for. I know I have to wait to get into school but I was chaffing at doing "nothing" in the meantime. Now, not only do I not have to wait to do "something" towards this future of mine, I really shouldn't wait. There are things I need to do now to prepare. Now that I know what they are, I'm really happy. Yes, I'm a goal oriented person and now I've got my goals.

Tarot Card for the Day: Three of Wands, Inverted

More Future Thoughts

I talked to Mom today. I'm really starting to get excited to see her. All my trepidation about her coming visit is melting away. I think we are going to have a good visit. She liked the idea of buying me a Roomba vacuum. Plus, we can always connect on diet and exercise. However, the thing I really want to talk to my Mom about is my future plans for school, volunteering and writing.

As I told Rich, I have achieved all of my mundane goals. I have the house I own, the good paying job, the college education and the quirky cat. The only "mundane" thing I haven't completed, so to speak, is my relationship goal. However, I figure that will come in time, eventually. Now, since I have achieved my mundane goals, I think it is coming to the time for me to start following my dreams. To do those maybe-not-so-practical things that I have been wanting to do all my life. To go to school for what -I- want to study. To take that time and just write, making it my job to write.

But, I think I need a bit of a reality check. Parents, in general, are good for this. My mom is excellent for it. She is very supportive but she always thinks about those things that might cause snags in my plans. Also, she can think about other things that will be able to help me with these same plans. Most of all, I want to know what she thinks. If she approves or not. I hope she does. That's very important to me.

After thinking about things, what I want to do and other such thoughts. I've decided I really need 6-12 months to just write. I have a huge writing "To Do" list of stories to write edit and rewrite stories. Currently, my list looks like this:

1. Novel: Evaluate Pangborn Nomads as a children's series
2. Novel: 3rd Round edits on Regresser's Evolution
3. Novel: Evaluate North Kingdom Campaign
4. Novel: Hucked Tankard collection
5. Novel: Start Breaking the Chains
6. World: Kendrick world