March 02 - 08
March 16 - 22
March 23 - 29
March 30 - 31
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| March 3 Inherited Panic We are back to working weekends. It's, as Hans puts it, the Beta death march. Crush time always sucks. It sucks worse in this case because of what meeting our deadlines means to the world at large and MS in particular. "Jenn, everything is back to resting on QA to get Beta out the door." Sure, no pressure. Thanks. Get the bloody bugs fixed. Work with realistic timelines. No wonder I've started the walking urge again. It's a physical manifestation of my need to be in control and to direct where I'm going. Obviously, I'm not getting at work. Not with this build cycle. Oh, and btw, we're still waiting to hear official word on the buy out. It will be weeks, yet before we hear official words on buy out and relocation offers. I've never been good on waiting. Never. It is an inherited trait from my mom's side. I actually remembered to call her for her birthday. We talked about it. I think I amused her with my agreement on not handling the waiting and wondering very well:
Me: I need to know if I should be panicking about moving or panicking about not having a job. Despite working this weekend, it was still a good weekend. Especially Sunday. I had lunch with James. It's been a while since we've seen each other in the flesh. So, it was really good to get out and chat, one on one. He's got some major decisions brewing in his head about his future. I just hope my advice was useful to me. If nothing else, we had a good time. Can't wait to see how our characters meet up again in Revelations. Sunday afternoon, I went to Dana street to meet up with Monte for some dueling keyboards. Hans was already there, working on something sufficiently geekish. Fairly soon after I had settled in for a long editing session, I was slightly startled by a hand on my shoulder. It was Yony. He had arrived to delve into some physics work. I have to say, there was something incredibly comfy and comforting about having all of them at Dana street with me - but not with me - working on stuff. Monte was the only one who had come to meet me. I had grabbed the two open spots at the dining room table. As soon as the others left, Monte got Yony to move and Hans was already moving by the time I was turning to get his attention. The four of us had the center spot for a couple of hours. It was very cool to work on our stuff individually while being there together to occasionally share something with one another. Towards the end of the session, Hans ducked out for some crack (Anime, not the illegal drug) and Robert had shown up to share some time with us. He was looking good and relaxed. On the spur of the moment, as Dana street closed, we made plans to watch Anime at Thea and Monte's new place. They, along with Hans, had treated me to some Lodoss Saturday night. It was Kenshin Hiruma Sunday night. Talk about amusing and fun. I haven't watched this much Anime in ages. I've missed it. Fortunately, I don't think anyone is going to let me off the hook again any time soon. On the writing front, I've finished the next section of Regresser's Evolution and I've put it up for review. I'm really chugging along on it. I'm 2/3rds of the way through with just three chapters left. I guess, having something else I really want to work on is a good motivator. Having two somethings to work on is an even better motivator (Breaking the Chains and short story fiction submissions.) Thinking of submissions... I've just realized that I have four days to get my next Hucked Tankard tale in for Campaign magazine and my next review into Games Unplugged. Ah, well. I work better under pressure. *grin* Email to my family to let them know I'm still alive: Hello Everyone, I know it has been a long time since I contacted any of you in a meaningful manner since Scott and Suzanne's wedding except for Mom. I'm really sorry about that. Pretty much, ever since the wedding, I've hit the ground running. Things are just that much more busy these days. In case you have not heard yet, Microsoft is in the process of buying my company, PlaceWare. Currently, we are still two separate companies and it is "business as usual" (Yeah, right.). In a few weeks, I will find out if I am going to be offered a relocation package to Seattle or if I will be out of a job by August 2003. I'm really hoping for the former. Especially in this economy. So, the project schedule is insane as you might imagine. Worse for me as one of the team leads. All excuses aside, I just wanted you all to know that I /do/ think of you. I even remember the birthdays and anniversaries... Granted, it is usually while I'm driving or sleeping or doing something where I don't have access to a phone, but my thoughts and love are still with you all. Scott, Suzanne - Could you email me your full contact information? Thanks. Shannon, John - Any more pictures of the family coming my way soon? I have them up on my wall at work and show them off to my co-workers. Mom, Dad - Get well soon and I'll try to get you those snapshots ASAP.
I love you! MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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| March 8 Work & Play Little Miss is dead. Long live Little Miss. Yepyep. My PDA is no more. Ah, well. It was fun while it lasts. She just was too old and battery all wonky. Now, I need to look for another decent PDA. Something for around $100. I'm not looking for anything too fancy. Mostly for the calendar and address book. Oh, and I won't stick my nose up at any games. Thinking about working in an odd tangent... I'm working this weekend, all weekend. It's been productive and dull. I was the only one in the office today for most of the day. While I was being virtuously busy, I kept glancing at the window at the wonderfully beautiful day and sighing forlornly. I don't like working weekends but, there are days when it is necessary. Last night's Revelations LARP was really busy and interesting. Unfortunately, I didn't get /anything/ of Dora's personal goals done. However, in a strange twist of circumstance, Dora has been introduced to several new-to-her plotlines and, it seems, she might have picked up an new position. In addition to being the Prince's Seer, she might now be the Prince's secretary - thanks to my really good memory. I'm not sure, I will have to have an IC discussing with the Prince about it. In the meantime, the visions about Dora's impending future (doom?) are terrifying her to pieces and she is looking for heroes wherever she can find them. Then, there are the visions, from people who are not supposed to be having visions, about angels or spirits in a mirror as well as the visions from the other seers. Oh, and the fact that if she wants a divination done, she is going to have to talk to the Giovanni about it. Though, on the bright side, Dora does have two doctors (Uncle Jan and Trish) offering to look at the scar on her face once it heals in order to see if they can do something for it. Most likely, it will work and Dora will have the scar for only a few more weeks. I think. However, I'm wondering what the price for such a healing work will be. *smile* Nothing in this world is free. On the writing front, I'm getting some really good feedback on Regresser's Evolution. I'm 2/3rds of the way through the book and hoping I can finish it off in the next week or so. As much as the criticisms are coming it, I'm also getting a lot of compliments on the plotline of the story. The biggest problems seem to be in making the personalities distinct enough as well as getting reactions to the situations and each other right. I did get my article for Games Unplugged done on time, thankfully. It wasn't as hard to write as I thought it was going to be. 90 minutes and 850 words. Though, I have to admit, if the pressure at work keeps up, I may drop back to doing only the Hucked Tankard tales for Campaign magazine for a while. Thinking of the Hucked Tankard tales, apparently, the one I sent in on Friday I had already sent in before. I'm not sure what happened to the one I was suppose to send in... but since it was AWOL, I spent the evening polishing off a new one and sent it off my editor this evening. I'm still itchy to get to a couple of regular submissions off of the Ralan or ERWA lists. Hopefully by the end of the month. That way, I won't feel like such a slacker. MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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| March 16 A Week in Review My goodness, time does fly when your life is chaotic. I'm been trying to get to an Abstract Thoughts entry all week and I just haven't found the time to sit down and do it. So, a week in review. Sunday: I worked most of Sunday, but the suckage from that was alleviated by me meeting up with Yony at the coffee shop, then going for a walk in the sun and for some sushi afterwards. We then watched the first Kenshin OVA - Kenshin Trust & Betrayal. Wow. Kenshin Trust & Betrayal has to be one of the most beautiful, sad and poignant Japanese animations I have ever seen. It is a true tragic romance. The storyline is just amazing. The animation is just divine. I have not had a movie affect me like that in ages. After that, Yony and I spent a decent amount of quality time together, talking and connecting. Monday: Worked like crazy on the Beta candidate at work. After work, I finally finished up the redline edits of Regresser's Evolution and sent it off to my first pass readers! Woo-hoo! That's a good milestone to tuck a feather in. Tuesday: I took a mental health from work this day because I had worked the last two weekends and I was exhausted. Only, I suck because I couldn't even play hooky right. I dialed into work and worked from home. Mostly because the Beta candidate was getting a new build. Plus, we had Buffy night with the gang and I really, really very much appreciated seeing everyone. Wednesday: Work. Work. Work. Then, to Dana street to work on Breaking the Chains. I sat down and started naming everything for it because not having names for anything was blocking my outlining. It felt really good to be working on something that was not Regresser's Evolution. Also, I started research on how to write a story from the first person perspective. It is not as easy as it first seemed. Also, I wrote my Mom kind of a "life update" email so she would stop nattering at me about not knowing enough about my life. Thursday: I spent most of the day in Beta candidate hell, having to sit on testers and engineers alike to make sure all of the Beta showstoppers were finished before Friday. Thursday night was Will's Plainscape game, Anagamin. It was a lot of fun. We're down to four players with no fighters. That is making for some rather interesting roleplaying because we -don't- have the fighter to pull our asses out of the fire when we get sent to one of the Abyssal planes. Friday: We FINALLY shipped the Beta candidate! No weekend work for Jennifer. And there was much rejoicing. One of the program managers took me out to lunch, just because she wanted to because QA has been working their butts off. Also, had a meeting with the CEO who gave us all an informal, "Here's what's going on with the buy out..." speech. It was actually rather informative and it has soothed my panic for a bit. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Finally, Friday ended with a bang at Revelations. Oh my! I had an awesome scene with Monte that really got my heart thumping. He plays a very good psychotic person... I'm just waiting for Dante's last order of not to talk about something to come back and bite Dora/him in the ass because Dora happens to touch Dante, gets a vision about DA SUBJECT and has to remind Dante he told her not to talk to him about DA SUBJECT to him again when he demands to know what Dora saw... [amused understatement] Oh, and there was a little bit with the Prince that was minorly interesting. [/amused understatement] Saturday: I spent the day with Kevin, Johanna, Alex, Logan and Brian (who was visiting Johanna from Connecticut). We had a good but sedate Port Townsend game as we completely missed the plotline and chased after the red herring, holding onto it with clutched hands. Seeing Colette and playing with their 100 pound "puppy" Aghared, who really likes to slobber on me, was a real treat. Sunday: I have dedicated this day to cleaning up the apartment somewhat, updated my two author sites, writing this entry, doing laundry, paying bills and other general maintenance that has languished for far too long. On a very cool side of things, I got paid from both Campaign and Black Gate magazines for some past work. It's what sparked the author website updates. On the unfortunate side of things, today is a high pain day. I seem to have slept wrong on my knee and has been going in and out all day. To the point that I'm much too unsure of my mobile stability that I did not go out shopping today like I really wanted to. Also, it seems that my left arm was either slept on wrong, or I'm starting to get some sort of carpal tunnel thing going on. After this entry, I'm going to get away from the computer for a while. On the really good side of things, tonight, Yony and I have a dinner party engagement with M'ris to celebrate the completion of one of her novels in progress. Having just finished the first set of edits on Regresser's Evolution, I might 'co-opt' a little of the party for my own celebration. MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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| March 17 48 Hours I listened to the President's speech on the impending war with Iraq. These are the main points that I got out of it. 1. Saddam and his family are to get out of Baghdad within 48 hours or war will start. 2. "The UN security council has not lived up to its responsibility. So, we must live up to ours." IE - The US tried to work within the UN's peaceful rules. They failed. So, the US has a sovereign right to protect itself. 3. If you (the people of Iraq) are attacked, surrender and no harm will come to you. We will be there to rebuild afterwards. 4. Don't burn the oil fields. Don't use weapons of mass destruction. This whole thing makes me so sad. I agree that Saddam is a bastard but I'm far more into the idea of political assassination rather than war. Not political to admit but it is true. I guess that's all I have to say about this for now. I had a really bad experience with a sports doctor today. It's been playing havoc with my emotions because it dealt with a doctor dismissing my weight loss as "just not enough." For weeks now, I've been thinking about the drastic action of weight loss surgery because I have over 100 pounds to loose to be healthy. Some days, I think it is the only thing I can do. Some days, I rail at myself for being too weak and for 'needing' it. Then again, part of me is more determined than ever to lose the weight "naturally" - though, many would vigorously debate whether or not the Atkins diet is natural or not. I think, I need to make a decision of what I will do by April 1st. By that time, some of the stress from work should be gone and I should be able to concentrate on my weight and my diet. I have two urges - first, to go back to the Atkins program because I -know- it works if I actually follow it. Second, to try something new like Weight Watchers. I don't know if it will work but since it is different, it might keep my interest longer. With all this heavy emotional stuff going on with work and weight, my life is not all pain. Really, it isn't. It's just that I generally don't talk about the light in my life in order to protect it from prying eyes and nasty gossip. So, I suppose I should mention that in my personal private life, things could not be better and I'm really looking forward to personal plans coming up in a few weeks. I've even shared a few girlish squeals with some friends lately. On the writing side of life, things are moving along. I was seriously stuck on Breaking the Chains because I had not named anything. So, I sat down and named a whole bunch of stuff. I was recently asked how I name things in a far future realm such as the one I'm creating for Breaking the Chains. In truth, mostly what I do is bastardize words around me. For example, in Breaking the Chains, I have twelve Great Houses and twenty to twenty-five Lesser Houses. I, first, decided that the Great and Lesser Houses needed a prefix to set them apart. So, after some careful thought and research into words and their synonyms, I came up with "Ori-" for the Great Houses and "Deri-" for the Lesser Houses. Ori- is from "Originals" and Deri- is from "Derivatives." The people themselves ended up being known as the Oriderians. Then, there was the matter of the actual family names. I totally cheated in this. I looked for something that had twelve in it. Months were too similar to each other. I ended up bastardizing the twelve astrological signs for Great House names. Thus, Sagittarius became Gattarius. So, my main anti-hero is named: Ethon Ori-Gattarius. I was really stuck on the names for the Lesser Houses. Until I looked at my AIM/YIM buddy list and realized that I had a wealth of odd names to choose from. There, I bastardized the first twenty buddy list names for the my Lesser houses. So, yes, some of you helped me name some of the houses in my newest novel. So, now that I have my names, the outlining can begin again. However, I'm going back and forth between wanting to write this story solely in the first person from the protagonist's point of view - her thoughts, her view, her misconceptions... and wanting to write it in a limited third person point of view in order to impart more of the truth of what is going on to the reader but I'm not sure that the third person would be powerful enough. 1st person provides an intimacy that can really draw in the audience. MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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| March 20 Imaginary Worlds I fall in love with imaginary people, things, worlds and realms. I do it all the time. Valdemar. The Gay Deceiver. Vlad Taltos. The Well of Souls. River World. Dune. Hogwarts... the list goes on and on for pages in my head. People, places and things that I like to return to whenever I have the whim. All of the ones just mentioned before are in books. So, this is an easy enough thing to do. Just pick up the appropriate book and Viola... my beloved world and characters are there. There are others, too. Furtoonia. Twilight. SPR. Marrach. All interactive text based worlds that I used to spend many hours a week in. A couple of them, I even helped build. Castle Marrach was one of those imaginary worlds that I have helped build and do love. Which is why this forthcoming decision of whether or not to stay or go is going to be so hard for me. Especially since I have some really good friends I only "see" in that realm. I left Castle Marrach on a break for four months after Storyplotting in it for six months. I needed the break. I came back and slowly got my three characters back. However, also in that time, work has become insane, I joined a new social group that is very active, written 1.3 novels, started fostering kittens, started actively dating again and had a myriad of other things happen in my life. Needless to say, I have not had very much time for my beloved text world of Castle Marrach. This is a bit of a problem since two of my three characters are in leadership-ish positions. I already need to have one, Elea, drop out of the head of the Sorcerers - even though she is most visible sorceress outside of the NPC Royal Sorceress. I'm just not there enough to justify the position. I don't know enough about the magic system these days to do any sort of teaching. It is a position that requires more time than I have right now. I will have to talk to the storyplotter in charge of sorcery for that. Then, there is Sara. My sweet, lovable handmaiden to the Queen who is almost a master seamstress. I got an in-character message from another of the handmaidens noting my absence and asking if the job is too hard. No, it's not. It's just that I haven't been around. So, I've written her an out-of-character note explaining my real world situation and asked what she would like me to do about Sara. IC, I have no excuse not to have her there. OOC, my schedule is not matching with the player who plays Queen Vivienne. Though, I suppose, I could work out some times with her offline and see if we can't get Sara a little bit more involved with her handmaiden duties. Finally, there is Edanya. My sassy, sensual (ex?) duelist troublemaker. I've successfully got her out of all her leadership positions. She -should- be the easiest to leave. But, she isn't. It is because of Edanya that I'm getting my Hucked Tankard tales published in Campaign magazine. Plus, I've been enticed by Todd to stay so Sansamor and Edanya can reunite. I'm such a sucker for romances. Not to mention enticed by Sean to have Whyndam notice her again. I'm also a sucker for complications. My year subscription is up with Skotos in August. What a pain-in-the-butt timing. With Microsquish buying my company, I will be relocated in the month of July (most likely) up to Seattle. That should take a lot of my time to get settled there. But, once settled, I don't know how much time I'm going to have again. Will I work on my novels? Will my social calendar fill? Or, will I find myself with a lot of time on my hands and end back up in Marrach? I don't know. I won't know for a while. Thus, my dilemma on whether or not to cancel my subscription or let it go on for another year - that I might or might not use. If I'm going to cancel, I should give appropriate people warning. If not, I should make the effort to play in the game. Part of me wants to just cut ties and be done with it - cold turkey. Part of me wants to get much more involved again like I had once before. Part of me wants to take a "wait and see" attitude. My future is so bloody uncertain at the moment that it is silly to be considering these future plans. The problem is that, despite my absence in the game, I am still emotionally invested in this imaginary world. I do not let go of my loves easily. I never have. Especially in a world I helped shape. Perhaps it is the writer in me. Damn. I was hoping that something would occur to me as I wrote about this particular quandary. That happens from time to time. Write about a problem in my journal and a solution will present itself while I'm sussing things out. This time, I'm no closer to a decision than I was when I first started writing this. MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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| March 23 Gaming, Partying, Recovering I had one of the best and most political Revelations games last Friday that I have ever had in any Vampire LARP. With the old prince gone, while we are in the process of getting the next prince, Dora's position is both tenuous and strangely strong. She was certain to inform people in high places, who were her allies, before the whole situation was officially announced. She made a couple of political suggestions - most of which I'm sure were discarded - and reminded some of the higher ups how useful and valuable she could be. You see, Dora is a danger, a tool and a prize. From the sounds of it, people were actually asking, "So, what do we do about Dora now?" to which most of those people asked responded with "Let's deal with the prince issue first. Then, deal with the seer." Heh! I'm actually worthy of notice in this game as a resource to keep track of. Maybe because every single one of my insights has been spot on from the beginning. Dora has made it known that for some prince candidates, she would immediately offer her skills and talents for their use. For some, she would immediately offer only her best wishes as she left town to return to New Orleans. For a select few, that she does not know, she would offer an interview to see if they wanted her talents and if she wanted to give it. She does have a small bit of political power in having been a gift from the Prince New Orleans. It is assumed, he has a vested interest in seeing his gift treated well. So, now, I get to wait and see what happens, guessing as to whom will be the next prince. In the meantime, I have like six downtime meetings with people from game and several deals to hammer out ASAP. Power is useless if you are dead-dead. Oh! The best part? A couple of people told me that I seem to be one of two people who are slowly, but assuredly, taking the harpy positions in the game. You see, we don't have an official "harpy" position. We don't have status points and we aren't going to. What we have is a flow of information and gossip. Who is doing what. Who is helping whom. Who is really frickin' scary. Who is in the dumps for a stupid move. It's really fascinating and cool to watch. I now having people specifically looking for me to tell me things so they get spread around or so I'm aware of the political maneuvers going on. I'm starting to get a contact in every clan so that the flow of information can move more freely when I want it to. This whole thing makes me happy. I went to Robert's going away party and the break of that household (dubbed the 370 party) on Saturday night. I went with the express intention of getting happily tipsy, to mingle with everyone and to de-stress from work for a bit. I must say that is the best party I have been to there. I guess they saved the best for last. Some highlights of the party: ... The conversation with Heather while teasing and teaching Albert about being "Youngest Male" and what the "Youngest Male" position entails. Everything from fetching to brushing hair to massages and all of the benefits of getting/giving such attention. Albert was such a good sport about it all. ... Discovering that Dave and I were the two oldest people at the party. Le sigh. But! Zin guessed me to be only 28 and Leah guessed 25. I'll take it. ... Flaming drambuie! Whoosh! Yony makes the best drinks. ... Estrogen telepathy in action with Jeanne! *hehehe* ... I actually played DDR for the first time and really, really sucked badly. But, I'm still interested in learning to play it. Just in the privacy of my own home when I'm not drunk. ... Meeting new people, discussing the war from opposite points of view and NOT getting into an argument over it. I was way happy and impressed by that. ... The kitten pile in the back. ... The kitten pile in the kitchen. ... The many kisses that were given and received. ... Almost having my "bit of a orgy" dream come true (sans Giles) as I was leaving the party but chickening out because people were watching the three of us and I got all shy. Damn my shy streak! Now, I'm really regretting not taking the two of them up on that enticing offer. ... No hangover in the morning! Of course, I didn't get out of bed until about noon. Oh, yay. The Red Mess is here and I seem to have drawn the overly-emotional and insecure cards this time around. If I burst into tears, it's probably not you. It's probably the stress of work and hormones. Also, if I seem to be freaking out about things, just pet me and tell me I'm worrying too much. Yeah! Shapers of the Unknown, my writing group, has come out of dormancy. I had thought that it was pretty much done for but it's back. We have our first assignment - to submit something - anything - to the group for a critique. I've decided I'm going to submit my latest Hucked Tankard tale so I get it done before the due date. Plus, I didn't manage to write the story I wanted to this weekend. Too much gaming, partying and recovering. Though, maybe I'll did it Monday night. Last minute before the due date. *heh* MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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| March 31 Family Disagreements on Religion I love my family. I really do. Especially my Mom. In most things, we agree or can peacefully agree on things. Most things. Not religious. In the middle of a much longer email to my mom about life in general, I had a paragraph about the National Day of Prayer and Fasting. I nattered about my feelings on it and, I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly didn't get it. I was so irritated by the email I had to stop reading and do other things. I even had someone else read it to see if I was just having a bad knee-jerk reaction because it was my Mom and religion. No... really, I'm not.
--- Me to Mom ---
--- Mom to Me --- The church-going (i.e., Christian) portion of the population doesn't *need* a National Day of Prayer-- we've already been praying-- and been called to pray by our pastors and/or consciences. The purpose of calling a National Day to pray is to acknowledge formally that things are well beyond the scope of human endeavor AS A NATION and humble ourselves before God. The atheists/agnostics are obviously uncomfortable with this because they either acknowledge no God, or have no true knowledge of an all-powerful God... and to invoke the attention of an all-powerful Being when you don't know how to relate properly to that Being is a little scary. People (and you!) ignore the speed limit (an actual law, not just a "resolution" which "encourages" people to do something) with less heartburn than you're having about this prayer/fasting thing. For goodness sake, we have National Days for just about everything in this country..."National Be Kind to Animals Day", "National Day of Puppetry", "National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancies" (I'm not making this stuff up, I did a search to see!). Maybe what's really bothering you is that you're feeling pressured by the President's actions to acknowledge what you already know deep down is true -- that there is a Holy God and you're not "good" enough to be in His presence. That's where I was for many years. I didn't even want to think about (much less talk about) God because I didn't want there to be any reason to look at myself in the light of His Perfection. What you don't see is that NONE of us are "good" enough to be in His presence, and that He's not shocked or surprised by that concept... But has graciously prepared a covering for our sins through the Cross. I'm glad you felt you could express your feelings to me and I hope you will continue to do so. All I ask is the freedom to answer them as honestly as I can without you feeling that I'm pressuring you. I don't mean to do that, because it isn't necessary. I just want you to think.
--- Me to Mom --- The fact that the president is Christian is not the issue. The fact that he is evangelical and in the highest publicly elected office is. If he had declared a National day of Buddhism or National day of Judaism Acceptance or National day of Appreciation of the Greek Pantheon, I would -still- be having this same reaction. Simply because it is a governmental figure declaring a day for religious prayer/reflection. I don't really care about a National day of Puppetry. This country was not built on the precept "Separation of Puppetry and State." It was built on the precept "Separation of Church and State." One of the reasons I fight so hard for this particular precept is so you and I CAN continue to have these discussions. There are far too many "what if's" that could happen if the line of Church and State is blurred. An easy what if is: What if the President was Roman Catholic and called for a National day of Confession? I know how you feel about such things. What if a president or three down the line use the previously declared days of National prayer as a precedent to make the National day a Federal holiday? For all religions, you see. Agnostics? Well, they believe in God. So, no worries there. Atheists? So, they get an extra day off. No worries there. I must say that I was particularly offended by your statement: "The purpose of calling a National Day to pray is to acknowledge formally that things are well beyond the scope of human endeavor AS A NATION and humble ourselves before God. The atheists/agnostics are obviously uncomfortable with this because they either acknowledge no God, or have no true knowledge of an all-powerful God... and to invoke the attention of an all-powerful Being when you don't know how to relate properly to that Being is a little scary." In my opinion, you make a couple of extremely arrogant and unsubstantiated statements in that above paragraph that, if you were trying to upset and alienate me, you did an excellent job. Who decided that it was OK for the President to have the United States "as a Nation" to "humble ourselves before God"? Is he a religious leader? No. Does he know the mind of God? No. Is that a blanket statement that a man whose election was SO close that he did not win the Popular vote but did win the Electoral vote can speak for the ENTIRE nation? It seems to be. Or, if you weren't speaking of the president and you were speaking of just your own opinion, I still find the statement to be arrogant and judgmental in the extreme. I feel your next statement about the atheists and agnostics is inflammatory, insulting and disrespectful to people who have chosen or grew up with a different point of view. I cannot believe /you/ decided that they are "obviously" uncomfortable because this day of prayer might gets God's attention on them. That an agnostic wouldn't know how to "properly" relate to God. How on earth could you know that? How on earth could you say such a thing? Who are you do say that because someone does not worship as you do, that they "obviously cannot properly relate to God"? Perhaps, this is why I almost NEVER discuss religion with you or the rest of the family. I do not do well with blanket statements based purely on emotion and faith. Especially in this context. My dislike of this National Day of Prayer and Fasting has nothing to do with the specific religion behind the man who wants it. Only that he is in government, he is religious and he could be setting up the first domino in a chain that could reduce or remove the Freedom of Religion that we have now. Maybe not today, could it... but who knows what the world will be like in 20 or 30 or 40 years from now. As a side note, the original Pledge of Allegiance did not have the words "under God" in it. It was: "I pledge allegiance to my flag and to the Republic for which it stands -- one nation indivisible -- with liberty and justice for all." The phrase, "Under God," was added by Congress and President Eisenhower in 1954 at the urging of the Knights of Columbus. I'm not certain how much more of this discussion I want to get into with you about religion. I know neither of us is going to budge. We both feel extreme about our opinion. I don't know what it was that I was looking for when I mentioned my vexation at the national day, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't get it from you and won't. I'd much rather not argue about this with you much more. On an off note, I don't feel pressured by your last email. Rest assured that I will always listen to your honest opinion, even if I don't agree and I will try to continue to express mine when I feel that it is not too provocative a subject. I really have no idea how she's going to respond to this. I suspect she is going to get really mad at me for calling her arrogant but it was better than calling her fanatical. In any case, the email is off and waiting in her box. We'll see how it goes. MARCH'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Koga by the ever vocal James. A long time friend of mine who has had his ups and downs. Life has treated him harshly but he's bounced back and is coming into his own. Occassionally poetic. Occassionally vulgar. Always honest. Always blunt. I don't always agree with everything he says but I will always be there for him as a friend.
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