March 2001

Tonsilitis and Broncitis

The Bad News is that I have both Tonsilitis and Broncitis and am -mildly- infectious (don't kiss me, don't use my spoon, basically don't touch me). The doctor, a Dr. Lu, who is much nicer than Dr. Garcia, has me on a super antibotic: Zithromax. I should be better in about 5 days. The Good News is that I don't have Pneumonia (I probably had it earlier in the month) and somehow, I've managed to lose SIXTEEN pounds! (*amazed fanfare*)

The reason I can't hear on my right side is probably due to the swelling of the tonsils on that side, putting pressure on the ear canal and blocking it. She thought that I -might- have a problem with my left ear with inner ear wax build up. She's not immediately sure what's going on but is pretty positive that the antibiotics will clear it up. As for my eye... she hasn't a clue and suggests that if it doesn't clear up with the rest of the symptoms, I should go see an eye doctor.

The other fall out of this is that Johanna has nicely asked me not to come over tonight for the game. Alex's mom used to smoke, so if you say the word "Broncitis" at him, his lungs start acting up. I totally understand but I'm a lot pouty about this. I wanted to get out tonight but I know that it really is better to stay home.

Also, on that same thread, Ed, the host of the Amtgard event, has politely requested that if it does rain and they have to take the event indoors (his house) to please not come. He's not particularly worried for himself but he has several animals that he really cares for and doesn't want to take chances on.

Man, I totally understand but this has me so seriously pouty right now. I feel like I'm being rejected "Back, back! Unclean, diseased creature! Go back to the depths from which you came!"

Well, I guess I'm going to go pout to myself and play Marrach all evening.

Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Cups, Inverted

Lessons of History

This weekend was a fairly good weekend despite my being confined pretty much to the house. Yes, I'm feeling lots better. The super antibiotics are helping a lot. My throat is almost healed and I'm hardly coughing. However, I still can't hear. I will finish the antibiotics Tuesday night. If I still can't hear by Thursday, I'm heading back to the doctor's for something to clear out my ears. I -hate- not being able to hear.

Saturday, I helped James run an online workshop on "How to Play a Villain" for Castle Marrach. I was the moderator. The 2 hour class turned out to be 3 hours long and 78 pages of raw log. I've edited it down to 39 pages with mostly just the class and the audience responses.

Afterwards, James came over and we had Japanese food and talked. It was actually really nice to get away from the computer after that draining class. It was a huge success but still hard to manage. People get really rowdy in online classes. We talked about all sorts of things. The only problem was me having to ask him to repeat himself.

Oh, yeah. It was my Mom's birthday. So, I gave her a call. We had a really nice chat up until she started on the Jesus thing. With Grandma dying, she's all worried again that I'm going to hell and told me so - again. "I'm just so afraid. You know, things happen. I want to make sure I see you in heaven when I get there." Gee, thanks. I needed that. Then, she told me she's sending me a book to read about Jesus for Agonists and made me promise to read it. That pretty much shut down the phone call. *sigh*

Sunday was pretty much a day for reading (Kormarr by Bujold) and playing on Marrach again. I was still a little pouty that I couldn't go to Amtgard with James. However, it turns out that it was probably a good thing for me. While in Berkeley, James' truck was broken into and a lot of his and other people's stuff was stolen.

Poor James, he felt -so- bad about it. He was really beating himself up as if it was his fault that his truck was broken into. Nothing I said would make him feel any better. He went to bed early at my urging and I told him to call. I was worried enough that I moved the phone to next to my bed for just in case he did call. Fortunately, he felt a bit better in the morning.

Random thought: It's amazing the lengths people will go through to hide a shameful national history. Recently, I read an article about how all over the US, people are changing the names of places because the names are 'disrespectful.' Like, changing "Squaw Lake" to "Serenity Lake" or "Negro Gulch" to "Last Chance Gulch."

I think this is the wrong thing to do. Changing the name of a place doesn't change the shameful history. All it does is hide what we once did, what we once were. As the famous quote goes, "Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it." Without these constant reminders... people very quickly forget the horrible things of the past.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Cups

The Guilt of Success

Once again, I have had it accidentally pointed out to me just how well I am doing in my life. My concept of the value of money has been severely skewed by my success as an Engineer and by living in the Silicon Valley. My concept of what money is worth, what things are worth, is radically different that most of the people I know.

I was talking to James about a friend of mine, Shawn. It looks like he has to be absent from Marrach for an extended period of time. His character is definitely linked to James and my characters. In April, Marrach goes to pay for play at $10/month. A very good price all things considered. I mean, I do spend a lot of time in the game and enjoy it a lot.

I've been worrying about Shawn being able to keep his character for when he comes back. I don't know how he could work it with him being away from the computer and money being tight. He will come back but it just wouldn't be the same if he couldn't have Doren to play with. So, I suggested to James that maybe I could just buy him a one year subscription to Marrach and that way, he could keep his character. Also, if necessary, I could occasionally log Doren in to go collect his scrolls and such.

James was amazed at my generosity. My comment was "What? It's only $120." James made a comment back about "only $120" that made me think... 'Oh, crap... did I just insult him? Was I flaunting my good fortune? Crap. That wasn't my intention.' We got off the topic but the thought stayed with me.

I kept thinking about it and wondering how I must look to my friends who are struggling with kids and super high electricity bills and such. Here I am. A single engineer in Silicon Valley with no kids and no major debts. I spend more on my investments than I ever did on my student loans. I started feeling really, really guilty for being so well off.

Then, I really thought about it. It was absurd for me to feel guilty for making a success of myself. I never intentionally flaunt it to my friends. I often treat them to dinner and stuff... because I LIKE to and WANT to. Not out of guilt. My thought is, "What good is money if you can't share it and make your friends happy." I've always thought that.

It got me to thinking about this paradoxical society where it both encourages you to succeed, then makes you feel incredibly guilty for doing so. It makes me want to shout "It's not fair! I worked hard to get where I am, dammit! I went to college. I paid off my student loans! Why can't I just be happy for myself for my success without feeling guilt? What a screwed up way to live!"

*sigh* I'm just nattering about this because it annoys me. I don't like feeling guilty for being successful. None of my friends have ever, ever said anything to me about my success or done anything on purpose to make me feel guilty. It's just me who is doing it. Hmmm. You know, I think there was something I read about "White Man's Guilt." Something about middle aged white men becoming depressed because they are middle aged white men and something to do with the history of middle aged white men in power doing awful things. I don't really remember but I think this might be a similar syndrome-thingy.

People I have been that I can remember.

Online: Starfire, Starkitten, Elea Versaw, Elea Clearlight, Edanya Warrens, Sara Topaz, Wren, Skitten, Gwennyth, Lynn Ferguson, Guardian Zarea, Eden, Zjiria, Deara, Deety Shepard and Madison.

Table Top: Marlena Braddock, Elea Clearlight, Brianna Starfire, Talena Vesper, Duvessa LiCidan, Tayler Christensen, Shannon Braorian, Cathena Jones, Hertha, Katerina Katsula, Alicia Ebara, Genna Se'Perdre, Fiona Goldenfields, Deirdre Lodema, Bethany Versaw and Morgana Blackwell.

LARP: Sara Novakowski, Amara Song, Christine Black/Stephanie White/Kayla Versaw, Lady Elizabeth Bannister, Kayley Allard, Genevieve Ambroius, Isabeau of Acquaitaine, Marlena Whittaker and Alexia Vanderbilt.

Don't ask why. I just felt like writing it out. I know I missed some, too.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Cups, Inverted

But, it's GREEN!

This particular section is about body functions. If that grosses you out, skip ahead. Yes, I am feeling 100% better. No sore throat. No cough. I can even almost hear these days. More out of my left ear than right. I guess I had/have a lot of fluid in my ears. I have moments where every movement will cause shifting, popping, crack and occasional nanoseconds of pure hearing clarity before I go back to being blocked again. So, I'm hoping that it will finish healing up naturally and I can hear soon.

However. Something has come to my attention that perplexes me. For the past two days, I have had green bowel movements. I feel fine, but... it's GREEN! Not lightly green. No, this is fresh-spring-grass green and I can't figure out what the heck is going on! I mean, I know it's March and all ... but this is a bit much. After some thought, the only conclusion I can come to is that it is from the cucumbers at lunch. They stopped peeling them but I'm still eating them. It's about the right shade of green. Kinda pretty when you don't think about how I discovered the color. Still... green?

For the first time in four years, the neighbors on the right-hand side have come over to introduce themselves. Oh, yeah. I have new neighbors. They moved in the end of last week. It's a family of four. It didn't meet the mom, but I did meet Greg (Dad), Amber (daughter) and Michael (son). Amber is 9. Michael is 8. The two of them now worship Scott because he will come out and play with them.

It's actually really nice to have neighbors that I can wave at and not be scowled at for it. They seem really normal. I know he's a tow truck driver. I don't know what the mom does. Either it's high tech or tow truck drivers make a lot more than I thought. I suspect I'll be seeing a lot more of Michael and Amber. This might not be such a bad thing.

I have been having a series of dreams lately (no, I haven't written them up - bad Jenn) about me or one of my friends inheriting a huge Victorian mansion in Sacramento. First, it was me who inherited it. Then, it was Dave. I told these dreams to Dave last night. I think he was amused and a bit frightened by it.

I think I know where these dreams come from. I've been reading about generosity and unexpected returns lately. Things like, people giving a homeless man $50 and discovering two years later that he was a million when he arrives in his limo and rewards them with a check for $500,000.

Or, like the guy who had stopped at a small church to pray during a road trip, discovered that there was an unattended Wake for a man, prayed for his soul, signed the guest book and 3 weeks later, received a phone call from the dead man's lawyer, stating that he was now the sole inheritor for this man's multi-million dollar fortune because, in the Will, the man acknowledged that he had not been pleasant in life and had no family... so, anyone who had prayed for his soul at his Wake would become his inheritor.

About 6-7 years ago, while I was on my way to visit my grandfather in the hospital, I had to stop and answer a page. Walking back to my car from the phone, an older woman - early 50's drove up to me. She looked very nice and had a nice car. She looked quite distressed. She told me that she had had her purse stolen, that she lived in Sacramento and that she did not have enough gas to get her home. Could I help her out? She promised she would pay me back.

Normally, I would say no. I'm often cynical that way. But... I didn't. However, I only had two $20's in my wallet and back then, $20 went a LONG, LONG way for me. I made the decision that it would be better to be taken for the $20 than to allow someone's grandmother to be stranded. Also, if she was begging... she was very good at it. So, I gave her $20 and my business card from 3DO and told her she could send the money there.

No. I never heard back from her. I was never paid back. But, occasionally, I ponder that day and wonder if I did do a good deed or if I got taken for the gullible person that I often am. I prefer to think that I did the good deed and helped out a sweet old lady who really needed it at the time.

Tarot Card for the Day: Ten of Cups

Mystery Solved

Johanna: I don't suppose you've eaten caviar lately, have you? That could turn your excrement green - as I discovered to my utter surprise one morning... ;)

Jennifer: REALLY? I just got some caviar. I've been munching on it for the last two days. That's funny.

Johanna: that's it then. More than a tablespoon or so in 24 hours and your poop goes emerald green. It's something to do with some enzyme in the caviar - I'm a wealth of trivial knowledge. :)

Jennifer: *LOL*

Johanna: The morning after my first serious binge on caviar, whoa nelly! ;)

Jennifer: Too funny

Johanna: yeah, well, in hindsight (so to speak) it was...

Jennifer: *snicker*

So, there you have it. The mystery of the green poop solved. Amusing to the last.

Saturday night, I was over at DJ's house for a joint birthday party for DJ and Rob. It was a good time. DJ, Kristina, Rob, Lisa, Alex, Johanna, Rory (who haven't seen in forever), Eric and myself. DJ BBQed like half a cow. It was so good. He marinated the meat for two days. Yum! I happily munched on that, garlic bread and Sprite.

DJ did insist that we all have a shot of 18 year old rum in a toast to friends and birthdays. Apparently, for rum, it was very good. Me? I did my disgruntled cat impression - You know, the one that cats do when they smell or taste something they don't like. I needed a lot of Sprite after that. I mean... it made my whole face tingle!

We watched Rory, Alex and Eric play on the PS2 for a little bit. Impressive graphics even I will admit. Then, we played "Act One." Basically, a game about guessing the movie or TV show by a quote from it. There were different levels of hardness, based on points. My team (Me, Alex and DJ) got smoked. The other teams would get stuff like "Laverne & Shirley" or "Scarface" and we would get stuff like "Wild Kingdom" or "My Left Foot." Not fair, I tell ya.

I rounded out the evening with the group playing with the pinata. Everyone got a whack or two. I actually managed to hit it once. Unfortunately, I had to go in early cause the cold and smoke were getting to my lungs. I'm pretty much well now. I don't want to give my lungs an excuse to be sick again. I ended up going home around 11:30pm. Apparently, the rest of the crew stayed up until 6:15am. Groo. Too late for me.

Sunday was a chore day for me, even though I didn't get all that I wanted done, done. I did do my bills, all my old email, did maintanence on the SFBAJ site and did my taxes. I'm getting a -nice- refund. I'm seriously considering using it to buy a flat screen monitor. Maybe. I don't know for sure yet.

However, I didn't get to my clothes or write on my articles. Bad Jenn. I suppose because I'm not under a deadline pressure, I'm still not that worried about it. But, I do want to get at least a rough draft of the feature article before I am put under the gun. That way I won't have as much to freak out about when the deadline comes due.

Johanna pointed out to me that a couple of my friends have an online comic now that is basically them being them. Now, if you know Casey & Andy, the comic really is just them and some of their outlandish conversations/thoughts. I find it highly amusing. I don't know if those of you who don't know them will or not, but I do recommend the comic.

Warning: It loads very, very slowly for the moment. Casey promises me it will get faster.

It's not often that I jump up and say "READ THIS JOURNAL!" But, after today's entry, I just gotta. Ellipses... is one of my favor journals to read. Eleanor is funny, sophisticated and poignant at times. Today, I was laughing so hard, I nearly fell out of my chair and had to share the entry with some friends. Johanna told me she was almost snorting rice out of her nose at it. Other days, I'm almost in tears. Especially when she talks about Bill. Sometimes, it reminds me of Chris. In any case, I strongly recommend you start reading this journal.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Cups

Cornucopia

Not too much has happened in the last four days, thus no entry. Let's see. I did get four inches chopped off my hair and I've finally... very reluctantly... am conceding maybe I do look better with shorter hair and my want to grow my hair out long is a silly one.

I've received several compliments on my new hair cut from my co-workers. Some of them have been really nice (Hey, Jenn. I really like your new hair cut. It's very stylish.). Some of them have been down right painful (I really like your new hair cut. It looks so much better than the way you were wearing it.). *ow* Damn. Was I ugly before or just sloppy because it was growing out? I don't know. But it's enough to make me wince and really consider before I grow my hair out long again.

However, now that the color is all finally out of it, I'm pondering something different. Either a loopy perm for body or saying "Screw it!" I'm going back to the red. I really don't know what to do. Perm, red or leaving it natural for a while. Any thoughts?

Wednesday, there was sort of a mini-gathering of Marrach players at my friend Kimberly's house. James and Laurel were there and I got to meet two other Marrach players. As much as we tried not to, we gossiped the whole night about the game. After a while, we stopped trying to not talk about it. Mostly because we had so much gossip and it was something we all knew about. I'll admit that I really did have a lot of fun.

I -finally- wrote up those dreams from earlier about inheriting the Victorian manner house and got them posted.

The first is: The Inherited Bird - Along with a beautiful Victorian manor house, I also inherited a pretty little bird that seems to love me on sight. Of course, no one believes me.

The second is: The Gatehouse - I travel with Dave to Sacramento to visit the Victorian manor house that he is about to inherit. While there, Dave discovers much more about his own heritage and a disturbing prophecy that apparently, I am about to set off by my mere presence as a non-family member.

I wonder if these dreams actually mean anything or this is just another case of random neurons firing in a complex but meaningless pattern.

As the end of the Thursday game finally draws to a close. I have been having more and more thoughts about the game that is to replace it. I have been becoming less and less interested in actually playing it because it doesn't really interest me and it was looking like the Tuesday Aberrant game was going to be starting up again and I had already decided that I could handle only one weekday game a week.

So, when Rich emailed me and flat out asked me what I was thinking of the new Thursday game and commented he wouldn't be upset if I wasn't excited about it, I figured that honesty was the best policy and told him the truth about both my disinterest in the new Thursday game and wanting to play only one weekday game per week. Apparently, Rich had already figured this out about me.

We talked some more and he told me about a storyboard game he's been thinking of running - something of a wild mixture of Buffy, Ran-ma 1/2 and Harry Potter. Immediately, that got my attention. The more we talked about it, the more I felt the normal enthusiasm and creative juices going. That's always a good feeling.

So, Rich has done some rearranging of things and move the game that was going to be on Thursday to Tuesday and this game, which I'm currently dubbing the Happy Valley game to Thursdays. Unfortunately, that bumps Aberrant into the background for a while longer but I think it is a livable situation

In other gaming, I've finally made it to the Star Wars game for the first time in weeks. It ran very well. I'm quite happy with the new crew set up and the way the characters are gelling. I mean, we're to the point of happily insulting each other and no one takes offense because there is no offense intended. It's a nice place to be for role-playing.

Speaking of role-playing and new games, Bob is starting up a new monthly AD&D campaign. I finally decided to do what I'm calling a 'shadow warrior.' Based on the Bard stats and such, she will have both fighting and magic but all of her magic is shadow based. As in, I'll be converting the standard AD&D spells to my flavor of them. Like magic missile will become shadow snap - all of the stats are the same but the visual effect will be shadow daggers being thrown from my hand. Or hold person will become shadow pin - the stats the same but the visual effect will be me throwing a dagger (real or shadow) onto a person's shadow and trapping them to the spot.

Bob's pretty keen on the idea. I haven't told him this, but I might chronicle this adventure because it's monthly. We'll see.

Speaking of the Harry Potter books, I've started reading them and I have found them surprisingly enchanting. A very nice, easy, piece of fluff to read. Quite enjoyable. However, Dave, ever filled with weird facts, has pointed out to me that that book is filled with 1960's drug slang. I have no idea whether this is true or not, but it sure is amusing to think about.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Cups, Inverted

Owwie-owwie-owwie!

Boy, is my face red. Not because I did anything stupid. .... Well, ok... I did do something stupid. I spent 6 hours in the sun on Sunday with no sunscreen. My face is burned to a crisp. *ow* I guess I'm starting early this year. Usually, I don't do something this until at least May.

However, burned face and all, I still had a grand time. I went with James and Laurel to Ceasar Chavez park at the Berkeley marina. Now, mind you.... this was not on my game plan for Sunday. Nope. Sunday, I had planned to finish the Harry Potter book, wash clothing and play around on the computer. But, the phone call at 11:45am woke me up (Bob's D&D game ran late, Saturday night. I got to bed around 2:30am).

James' message asked if I was going to go to Amtgard. I had totally forgot. So, I got him on the computer and was in the process of begging off because I didn't want to drive by myself when James told me that he and Laurel would wait for me to get to their place so we could come together. Hrm. Ok. 15 minutes later, I was showered, dressed and out the door to make it to their place by 1pm.

Turns out we were massively early as the rest of the group didn't arrive until almost 3pm. I will have to admit, I was going to be joining to play and fight but after one look at the 16-18 year old hyper-testosteroned males in the group, I decided against it. There is no way I would be able to keep up with them. James and Ed (who are both my junior by about 6 years) were the old men of the group. Oh, yeah. I think I'll just sit back with Laurel and enjoy the weather.

Laurel and I watched the guys beat up on each other and snickered at the antics for a while. Then, we took a walk around the park as they disappeared into the small forested area to have their war games there. She and I gossiped about Marrach (of course) and watched the kites.

Now, I have to say something about these kites we saw. WOW. Some were your standard little kites but some... there was this one guy who was flying two kites at once and each kite had a 50 foot tail that he was weaving into various figure eights and knots and such.... in tandum with each other! I was so impressed.

Then, a second group came out with some monster sized kites that were so big they had to anchor them in to the ground so they wouldn't fly away. The coolest kite they had was this giant Cthulu/octopus kite that had a much smaller panda kite flying beneath it. It looked like it was chasing the panda to eat it. This doesn't cover the kite parasailg guy nor the guys on skates or a wheely being dragged along by the kites they were flying. It was very cool to watch.

Both Laurel and I have decided that we will continue to come out every other Sunday, just to enjoy the fresh air and get out of the house, and, of course, watch the guys beat on each other. She was talking about teaching me to make lace or something like that. I was also considering taking up embroidery or painting or something that I can do with my hands while I people and kite watch. Next time though, I'll remember the sunscreen. I am one crispy critter at the moment.

We rounded out the evening at Outback Steak house, talking about the day and helping James plot out a fun plot for Marrach. We hope it goes over well.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Cups

Link-age, Slack-age & Whine-age

Jenn goes along reading one of her favorite journals, giggling about this and that, always touched by various small comments. She tilts her head as she comes to the end of the entry and sees "Free Tarot Readings" *hmmmm* No link. Oh, look, "Hi Jennifer." Wonder which Jennifer that is. Probably Jen Wade... *blink*blink* Wait... that's -my- URL. *click* And my page! *silly ear-to-ear grin* Scott linked me! Cool!! Scott actually linked me!

Yep, the wonderful Dr. Scott of Medea Sin linked me at the end of today's entry. It was very cool. Definitely made me smile (and my hit count sore - 56 from there alone so far). Scott and I have had what I call an "on again, off again" relationship. *grin* I keep being linked to his Supermortals page, then, somehow, I get unlinked. This has happened several times. Thus, not being linked, Scott loses me for a while. A little while back, Scott had to switch notify lists and I missed it somehow... thus, I lost him for a little bit. But, I found him and he's found me and I guess we're all happy again.

In any case, it was very nice and unexpected surprise.

I'm surprised that the Head Cheese of the Webrats hasn't asked me to turn in my Webrats badge yet. I haven't done any writing for the past six weeks. Oh, there was the one poem and those two dreams, but that isn't anything. I know being sick saps the creativity and all but, reading all of the other Webrats' journals makes me feel like a serious slacker.

A bunch of Webrats are heading to the East and West Clarion workshops. A bunch of Webrats are talking about stories written, Dares taken and rejections received. Me? I'm pondering how I'm going to manage to get my three articles done for Black Gate in the next 10 days. (Two 500 word reviews and one 1500 word feature.)

I've totally dropped the ball on "Through Raphael's Ring" again. I've totally dropped the ball on the secret project I was working on. I keep thinking of marvelous plans for new character sites and tales but they never get beyond my head. At least, they aren't right now.

Instead, I'm happily reading again. The "Psi Man" series by Peter David. The "Harry Potter" books. The "Adept" series (again). [I haven't managed to force myself to read the two Christianity books my Mom sent me: "A Case for Christ" and ... something else about Christianity and the Agnostic.]

In any case, I really do want to get back to writing again but I can't seem to get my act together. I'm enjoying reading and am way too scattered to write. Not a good combination. I guess it really is as I have observed before. I can write or I can read. I just can't seem to do both at the same time. I don't know if it just the way I'm wired or what.

Just thinking about writing and such has me thinking about KT again. She wanted some feedback on a recent story and told me the first draft of her novel was done. Oh, the envy abounds! I want to live at home and just work on my novel, too. This, of course, leads me to thinking about Julie, who recently left the world of the 9-5 job and is foraying into the work of working at home and being a house wife. She sounds so very happy. Again, envy rears its ugly head and makes me pout.

I want to work at home. I want to be able to work on my novel, sleep until 8 and not feel guilty. I want to be adopted by someone with more money than brains or to be a housewife. I've been working since I was 16 and I'm really ready for a change. I want to be able to spend 2-3 days just cleaning out my rooms and setting things up again, just the way I want them to be.

*sigh* I should go get myself a nice chunk of cheese to go with all this whining.

*hmmm* For an entry that started out so pleasant, this is becoming a real downer. Must do something about that. OK. Good things for the day...

...I met Sandra of Ramblings due to Scott's link. We've chatted and I've discovered that she's linked me, too.
...The commute home didn't suck.
...My steak supreme chalupas for dinner were VERY yummy.
...My boss hasn't yelled at me lately.
...My dentist is so cool. They called to check up on me, remembering that I had had a broken leg and they want to remind me to come on back soon.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Cups, Inverted

Temporary Things

We have been moving things around at work - adding more power to the QA lab and such. This requires a new switch panel to be put in the lab - right where our cabinet is. So, da Boss sent out an email, asking for suggestions on where we should put our cabinet. Knowing that we are going to be moving cubes (yet, AGAIN) in a few weeks, I wrote back:

If is a temporary move, next to my cube would be fine.
Jenn

There is a spot next to the window that would be acceptable for a few weeks. That was what I was thinking of. As 70% of my department is Russian I should not have been surprised to get the following email back from one of my co-workers. However, it did surprise me and did make me laugh a lot.

Russians say:
Nothing is more permanent than temporary things.

*giggle* Now that I think of it... and look at my room and such... I can't help but realize just how right that Russian saying is.

Last night was Aragon. I spent some time helping set up the hotel room with Dave, Laurel, James, Casey and Andy. Several others came in to help towards the end as well. WOW, Dave Laurel and James did a great job on decorating. It really changed the ambiance of the room and helped with the suspension of disbelief. They did an excellent job turning that hotel conference room into Tommy Wong's Club, The Plum Tree.

The game was a good one. Adam (as the Prince) had fun getting back at me (as Kayley) for making sure he became the prince by dumping all of the problems that came about onto me. "I trust you to fix this, Kayley." "Yes, my Prince." *mutter*

I'll admit, I was way, way tired by the end of the game. I didn't realize it until I got home and took off my shoes. Suddenly, my whole body was aching from the set up, game and what little of the take down I did. The body feels like it's getting too darned old for this stuff, while the spirit is still very much young at heart.

Mel of the Webrats emailed me to tell me not to worry about my off writing phase. We all have other interests. Sometimes, you have to do one or the other. So, I'll just let my brain rest and get ready for the next writing bout because you and I both know it's coming. Still, I was really glad to get that email from Mel. Her email did make me feel lots better.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Cups

A Child's Explanation

A Child's Explanation
When children have no answers, they make up their own.
Something to explain no food, nor house, nor home.
Legends of abandoned angels drinking from neon lights,
and loving words of the Blue Lady get them through the night.

Then, there are the nightmares of Bloody Mary covered in red
who drinks their pain and tells them soon they will be dead.
Legends and stories of a great war against demons set free,
slipping through refrigerators and driving Jeep Cherokees.

The children have no haven, no shelter to lay their heads.
No understanding of childhood play or warm comfy beds.
Their world is filled with nothing but cold, hunger and pain.
The only thing they can do, is explain it in ways that make it seem sane.

Heaven is in ruins, since God fled the betrayal of the One.
Only the "Special Girl" can reveal the Mother of God's Son.
The angels have been abandoned, for who knows how long.
It is left to the children to remain steadfast and strong.

These stories so solemnly told from child to child
may seem ridiculous and of an imagination gone wild.
But what comforting platitudes or explainations can you say
to the little girl whose self-protrait is a tombstone, carefully drawn in gray?

Tears burn my eyes as I read this sad story one more,
wishing that it was only a fiction of a heart grown sore.
For the children living on the streets it's all so terribly true.
I realized it now... and so do you.

© 2000 Eden Blackthorn

This poem is based on the article "Myths Over Miami" by Lynda Edwards. She reports the story of homeless children who have created an oral tradition of near-religious stories to explain their situation. These stories are a tightly guarded secret, telling the tale of an abandoned Heaven, demons walking the earth, of angels who drink neon lights, of a Great War between the Angels and Demons, of Satan that no one but they can see. These stories are told between children whose ages range from 6 to 12. It is an extremely sad story. One that I had to put down twice before I could finish reading it. Tears still burn my eyes every time I think of it.

I finally got to see Fight Club. Ok. That was a good movie. A seriously screwy movie... but a good movie nonetheless. I'm really glad that no one spoiled the twist in the movie for me. I will happily admit that I never saw it coming. It is definitely a movie I want to get on DVD.

I think, though, my favorite line in the whole movie was... "I wanted to destroy something beautiful."

To tell you the honest truth... I've had moments like that. Where I've wanted to destroy something incredibly beautiful with utter abandon. Just to do it. Just to see what it felt like during the destruction... and afterwards, looking at the ruins of what was once so beautiful. I often wonder if such destruction would also be beautiful, too. I think it would be - in a strange and twisted way. There is beauty in Chaos.

Or, maybe that's just me.

Donna told me that she is getting baptised this weekend. I'm not quite sure how to react. I'm glad that she is happy but I have to suppress my urge to roll my eyes when she shows me the wedding band she had made with the inscription: With gratitude 4-01-01. I also have to suppress my urge to remind her of the Greek mythology of Zeus making Promethus wear a link of his chains once he was free as a reminder of his servitude.

Then again, I'm not sure that would make any impact on Donna. She has begun talking like my parents, saying that she is no longer in charge of her life. If God wants something to happen or God wants Donna to do something, he will let her know. She thinks His decisions will be better than hers.

I just don't get this way of thinking. God gave us free will for a reason. Not so we can turn around and say, "Nope. God will tell me what to do."

In all honesty, I think my biggest concern is wondering when Donna's going to start trying to convert me. Or whenever she starts having a prayer group over, when they are going to start trying to convert me. I'm cynical enough to think that's going to start happening sooner or later. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own home. That's what I'm most afraid of at this point.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Cups, Inverted

Stuff

In the Muse...
Well, I've started to get back into the writing scene. In the past couple of days, I've written up my Aragon report as Kayley, written a "Dear Jane" letter for her and finally completed the first of my three articles for Black Gate magazine. I did a review of the awesome LARP troupe: Dreams of Deirdre. I'll have to admit, I had a heck of a time limiting my review to 500 words. At first, it was 700 words. I managed to trim it down to about 600 words. I've sent it off to my editor for his two cents. Now, let's see if I can get the other two articles done within the next two weeks.

In the Body...
Well, crap. It seems either I haven't really gotten over my cold or I have a new one that is exactly the same as before - coughing, sore throat and problems with my ears. I think, this time, I won't wait so long to see what's wrong with me. Monday, if I'm sick, I'll be calling my doctor. I figure, another Z-pack should clear me up again.

On a related note, I'm wondering if this 'cold' isn't an allergic reaction to caviar. The last time I had caviar, I got sick - coughing, ear problems, tonsillitis. That would really suck. I like caviar but not enough to get sick every time I eat it. (Also, in case you are wondering, you sick people you, yes, it's green again.)

Gamer Gossip...
Alex's Star Wars game was cancelled this week. James was going to run a Changling game but, as usual, he couldn't get hold of the one person who has been holding up the game since we put it on hiatus. (Apparently, he's moved and left no forwarding address or phone number.) So, I've been chilling at home, reading the second Harry Potter book and playing Marrach.

Today is my Sekt Valir game. We are about to go to Heaven to talk to the Gods about not sinking the island that we just raised. *sigh* I don't think Eris is ever going to get married. We've only been working towards that for 6 games now.

General Rant...
It's that stupid time again. Daylights Saving Time. Spring forward. Fall back. If you've been reading my journal for any length of time, you know I have a huge grudge against this archaic, outdated custom that was created so that farmers would have more time with their fields. Why we still do it, I don't know. Habit, I suppose. I know it's not out of a sense of tradition or a want to preserve the past. In any case, don't forget to move your clocks forward one hour before you go to bed tonight.

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Cups