June 2002

Dreamers and Doers

Recently, I had dinner with James. We talked of many things, including the odd reactions and perceptions of my changes. Somewhere in there, he shared the opinion of a mutual friend of ours on me and my writing and their pride at my recent accomplishments. When I first heard the former opinion, I got really upset, angry and sullen. It didn't help that the way it came out pretty unflattering, too.

However, 24 hours later, after I had calmed down from my anger and thought about it, I realized that our mutual friend was right. Apparently, the conversation had gone something like this...

"You know, Jennifer is a really good writer."

"Well, yes. I suppose but all she has is a website. She's just dreaming. She's not there in the pool of writers, actually doing. Until she does that, I can't even consider her."

Ow. Fucking Ow. Oh, wait, that's hurting so much because it was true. I -was- just a dreamer, constantly imagining what it would be like to be published and how it would feel. Now, I'm dreaming AND doing and I love the feeling. But... (and there is always a but...) I'm noticing that I'm beginning to think the same way about those people who are always talking about what they want to do or will do... but it doesn't get beyond the talking stage.

I am the type of person who can do anything if I put my mind to it. When big things came up, I would call it my 'current obsession' and focus on that until I did whatever needed doing. I did that with school and getting out of debt. I am doing that now with my weight and my writing. I visibly progressed from the dreamer stage to the doer stage. Because of that, I have visible accomplishments.

This isn't something I see very often with many of my friends and I'm wondering if it is what is causing the reactions. After a talk with M'ris, I decide I was just going to pretend to be a duck and let the reactions roll off my back like water. Most likely, the negative reactions really weren't about me and I shouldn't take it as such. So, that's what I'm going to do.

I'm also going to see if I can help some of my friends - if they want it - move from just dreaming to dreaming and doing.

On the writing front, the TTB is moving along, slowly but surely. The outline has been fleshed out more. The fact document is growing by leaps and bounds and I've begun writing. So far, the prologue, which is complete but I'm not that happy with the last paragraph, yet, is 1200 words. Also, I've begun the first chapter of the story. It's about 1200 words so far.

I think the most interesting things that are happening while I write this story is to remember that everything does not need a logical reason or an all encompassing reason to exist. I've been struggling with the TTB's version of the standard galactic distance measurement. I was coming up with things like:

1 sg mile = 2 earth miles
1 sg foot = 1.5 earth feet
1 sg mile = 7040 sg feet
1 sg astronomical length = 1 million sg miles = 1 sg solar year

This, of course, is if I don't decide that all distances in space are based on how long it takes to get from here to there in standard galactic days. So, instead of saying it is 200 sg als, I could say, the distance is 15 days by tunnel travel or whatever I use for interstellar travel.

But, I kept coming down to an impending conversation between Maureen and Arraquez. Who determined the standard galactic inch/foot/mile/length (in whatever I actually name them) and what was it based on? The easy part to answer was, "Well, the Imperium set up the galactic standards for everything - days, hours, times, distances, etc..." But, I really beat my head against a wall trying to first out what the Imperium based this on and where it came from.

Last night, it hit me. I don't need to have some great scientific answer. I really don't. I can keep it all very simple. The sg day is 25 hours because that is the length of day on the home planet that the Imperial family comes from. Same with the 10 day cycle, the 30 cycles per year, the length of a foot, the length of a mile, the time of an hour. All of it. Every culture has a beginning. So simple, so obvious that it should have bit me. Now that I have that worry out of the way, I can continue on with the storyline without getting bogged down in scientific details.

Sometimes, remembering the KISS rule is the best thing an author can do.

Last night was my last game at CAST for a while. I decided I needed a break from the game because of several reasons. The biggest reason being that I wasn't having fun with my character - despite the fact that so many others seemed to enjoy her. So, I told the STs to do with her as they would. In retrospect, I probably should have just asked that Anabeth go back to Boston to be with her husband and her sire and give her a quiet, happy ending. But, I didn't.

So, the STs ran with it and gave Anabeth a rather spectacular, plot-filled ending. Simply put, she got eaten from the inside out by a magically implanted snake that then exploded out of her mouth. *ew* A pretty painful way to go if you ask me. Christian almost frenzied. Or maybe he did. I was too busy confirming to people OOCly that yep, Anabeth was a pile of ash.

I'll probably eventually return to CAST but it will be a while. There is another, closer, non-vampire LARP that Rich and I are interested in that we are going to begin in a couple of weeks. It's called Unknown Armies. I've been told that it is like cross between Call of Cthulhu and Mage: the Ascension. I'm just glad it's not dreary, angsty vampire.

On other things, I've updated both the Book of Blood and Dreamlines...

07: Kidnapped - Cathena and Eric have made it back to Bucca but their enemies still seem one step ahead. Javier, Cathena's brother, is kidnapped in an effort to keep her from looking for book. Fortunately for Cathena, this ominous turn of events proves to the Counsel that Eric did not steal the book from them.

1 June: Dream Couplet - A couple of short dreams. The first involves a historical book on the first LARPers run by an old friend of mine. The second one involves me failing my Tuesday and Thursday classes (again) and what I plan to do about it the next semester.

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Tower, Inverted

Annual Spats

Is that time again? Already? Yep. It's time for the annual spat between Johanna and I. We're a little later than last year. It was in mid-May last year - a spat about something said at LARP. At least, it seems that the annual spats are getting shorter and less explosive. This year, I took exception to Johanna's treatment of James and told her so. In return, she called me a hypocrite for while telling her about James' feelings on the matter, then later, me asking her not to mention to Alex that I was bored with his Star Wars plotline.

I responded that she was comparing two very different things. One was the way she was already treating a friend that had no end in sight and could lead to a serious blow up between her and James while Alex already knew that the gaming group was tired of the current plotline. Besides, Star Wars is just a game with a definite ending in sight where there was no predictable end to the thing she was doing to piss off James. Not telling Alex something he already knew was akin to telling a social white lie.

It went on a little bit longer than that... However, the end results include James and Johanna speaking on a human level to one another - which is what I wanted. While Johanna and I are doing what we always do when we realize we're having our annual spat - retreating to our separate corners for a couple of weeks to let the storm blow over.

Really not bad for an annual spat.

I've written another 2000 words on the TTB. Maureen has been rescued from the hunters by Arraquez now. I'm about to have her wake up on the ship and start the story explanation. I just have to decide what the ship's interior looks like.

I finally got the other assignment to review from Don for Black Gate. I'm going to be reviewing "Forbidden Kingdoms" from Other Worlds Creations, written by my friend Dave. I was really excited about this at first. Now, I'm worried. What if I don't like the book? Don pressed me to remember that this review would be like any other. If I don't like it, I'm suppose to say so; the author being a friend or not. I haven't seen the book yet, so I don't know. I guess I shouldn't worry until I see the book, huh.

This weekend, I have got to get the KublaCon review done for Games Unplugged. The deadline is looming and I've put it off too long. Too bad the guy from the KublaCon staff didn't get back to me. Now, I have to write the article without his input. Ah, well.

In other stupidity, I have some woman emailing me with a copy of one of her Gorean dances, written in March of 1997, deciding that the Gorean Veil dance that I wrote back in early 1997 was "obviously stolen" from her and she is demanding that I remove the dance from my Gorean website and/or give her credit for the dance or she will sue me and have me arrested. (Though, she didn't mention where I was supposed to have stolen it from. I'm still not sure if she had it on a website or what.)

Considering that everything I've written and posted on my website is original work and I haven't played around in the Gorean arena since 1999, I find this both annoying and amusing. Not to mention the fact that it is usually me, politely emailing people who have copied, word for word, one of my pieces of work, asking them to put proper credit on the work.

I read her work. I read my work. I noted some of the similar terms and phrasing but it was pretty clear to me that neither of us copied the actual dance from each other. I also noted how similar a format her dance was to the 'dance class' I left online to help people create their own works. So, I wrote her back, telling her all of this, noting the similarities but that neither dance was copied from the other. And, believe it or not, the online Gorean society was small, so similar phrases where not uncommon. I also invited her to speak to her lawyer about the issue since it was my work and I wasn't changing the website.

Her response to this: "Thank you for the reply. This email has been sent to my lawyer and the Federal Marshalls who are looking into the matter."

Federal Marshals? Huh? What do they have to do with copyright infringement? I mentioned this to Bill, who is pretty knowledgeable in this sort of thing. His response...

"I have to laugh about the crazy chick, the Federal Marshals office has absolutely nothing to do with copyright infringement. Here is a direct quote from their website regarding their duties:

Since 1789, U.S. Marshals and their Deputies have answered the call to service of the American people. From taking the census to protecting the President, the missions of the Service have changed to meet the needs of the nation. Today, the Marshals Service is responsible for providing protection for the federal judiciary, transporting federal prisoners, protecting endangered federal witnesses and managing assets seized from criminal enterprises. In addition, the men and women of the Marshals Service pursue and arrest 55 percent of all federal fugitives, more than all other federal agencies combined.

So unless you are convicted in a federal court and then escape custody I would not worry about the marshals too much. I would just block her email account in your filters and ignore her, she is obviously desperate for attention or something."

The saddest thing about all this is that, most likely, the dance was stolen - but from me. Most likely, one of this woman's friends found my original on my website and spoke to her about it. Even though it is changed enough that I wouldn't consider it plagiarized from me, the format is definitely mine. So, in order to save face in front of her friends, she has to make this huge display in an attempt to 'prove' to her friends that the work is hers.

This is just one of the many, many reasons I stopped playing in the Gorean arena. The high number of liars and manipulators. Not to mention the pathetic quality of most (but not all) of those people who look for fulfillment in that kind of adolescent fantasy.

I think I'll stop now before I get on a rant about that issue.

I've finally finished American Gods by Neil Gaiman. This book was extremely satisfying, chewy, thought provoking and fun. The book actually had three endings. The first ending ended the main story. The second ending wrapped up a small mystery that Shadow, the protagonist, discovered. The third ending fulfilled a promise that Shadow had made near the beginning of the book and wrapped up the end of that part of Shadow's life while leaving his future wide open. All three of these endings were satisfying in their own way and were very necessary.

I have decided that I want to own this book, so when I have lots of time, I can read it on my own. I want to be able to reread certain sections, have time to look up the many Gods that I didn't recognize and be able to pause, close the book and hold it while I think about what was just said. There were a lot of little 'throw away' comments by lesser characters in the book that have a lot of meaning behind them.

It was good to listen to, if a bit long. Twenty hours is a lot of listening time. I think my limit on a single book is somewhere in the ten to twelve hour range. This, of course, mean I need to avoid authors like Stephen King like the plague. I want to listen to Neverwhere by Gaiman or his newest book, Caroline soon. But, I think I'm going to move to something a bit more lighthearted for this next book.

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Swords

Too Many Emotions

I picked up the audio book Merrick by Anne Rice. I know it isn't the 'lighthearted' story that I was looking for after American Gods, but it sufficiently different - and fluffy - to be the wanted contrast of stories I was looking for. In fact, read by the melodic Sir Derek Jacobi, it is a most wonderfully Gothic and enjoyable story to listen to. Though, the author does have a tendency to tangent off into barely related lush side stories and side notes. Still, even they are interesting to hear about.

But, as it is whenever I read something by Anne Rice or I watch either Poltergeist the Legacy or Highlander the Series, I am over run with the wistful desire to become part of the Talamasca... or the Legacy... or the Watchers or the more modern OSIR. I want to know of these secret hidden things - both the groups and the supernatural. I want to be able to wander through their archives, reading those things stranger than fiction. I want to know that some things are more than just fantasy. I want to be in the middle of it all.

I don't know why I keep coming back to this sort of thought line. Maybe because my head is too far in the clouds of want to listen to the rational me say things like, "Such organizations do not exist. Even if they did exist, they wouldn't have a need for someone like you. You have nothing to offer them that would be valuable to such a group. You're a tech geek - not even that good of one - and you spend more of your life in fantasy than reality. What could you offer them?" I never answer this question. More because I don't want to argue with my sensible side and lose. But, I think I do have something to offer them - attention to detail... enthusiasm... desire... a willingness to learn and to be open-minded.

*sigh* But, most likely, I'd be that poor red shirt at the beginning of each episode. The one who was the loyal member of the organization that had to die to either provide the mystery for the episode or to show the audience how the monster worked.

I've been accepted as feline foster home for the Furry Friends Rescue Organization. This week, sometime, the foster supervisor is going to come over, check out my apartment and hand over three kittens to foster. Luckily for me, FFR will be providing everything: litter, food, cat box, collars, leashes, toys, scratching post, sleeping cage and anything else they think I'll need. What I have to provide is a safe, stable home and lots of love for the three kittens and, if I can, transportation to and from the showcases. I think I can handle that.

Yes, I will be having visiting hours for all my friends to come see the kittens. *smile* I have to make sure that they are socialized. So, as soon as I have them, the visitation hours will begin as well.

I'm really glad I'm getting these kittens to foster. Lately, I've been having weird and unpleasant changes of mood - even when I haven't been eating poorly. Mostly, the moods have been: unnecessary anger, loneliness, sorrow, restlessness and depression. It's frustrating because nothing is wrong with me. I'm eating right. I'm exercising. I'm not in my period. I'm not even ovulating.

So, why do I find myself sobbing and I don't know what I'm sobbing about? Why do I find my anger flaring over stupid, small, petty things so that I find myself swearing and cursing in a manner that I never do that makes me feel both guilty and embarrassed? Why am I alternating between intense restlessness with the desire to abandon all that I know then, switching over to intense loneliness that has me considering... considering I don't know what. I generally try to distract myself when I get that lonely.

I don't know what's going on with me and I'm hoping that having something else to care for besides me will shake me from these unwarranted and unwanted emotions. Kittens always make me smile.

Maybe there's something in the water or air. I've noticed that I'm not the only one having these black moods. Whatever it is, I hope it passes soon.

I was supposed to write this weekend. I haven't. Not the KublaCon article nor the Threats 2 review. Not on the TTB, even though that next piece is impatiently waiting for me, nor on Bill's opening scene for the new PBM Star Wars adventure I'm going to be running for him called "Double Duty."

The only writing related stuff I've done this weekend is a little bit of information for Bob's AD&D game and a lot of crits for the ERA writers list and a crit on the opening chapter of a friend's mystery book. Oh, and journal writing, of course.

I could make a list of things I need to and should write but, I don't want to. I don't really want to do anything except, maybe, get lost in a fantasy world in a way that means no work for me. I suppose that means TV or DVD/movies.

I did watch Perfect Blue, an extremely surreal anime that I borrowed from GregE. It was a good story but, man, was it confusing at times. I read that it was based on a book. I think I'd like to see the book it was based on to see if a text narration would be less (or more) confusing and bizarre.

I think, now, I'm going to put on my copy of the Buffy Musical that Peg made for me. It's nice and fluffy and I can sing along with the words.

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Four of Cups, Inverted

All About Kittens

I have finally become a foster home for kittens for the Furry Friend Rescue organization. Boy, they weren't messing around when they told me "three or four" kittens to foster since this is kitten season. Monday night, I had four adorable balls of fluff delivered, along with most of the needed supplies.

After one night, the four of them had names: Sheridan, Sinclair, Delenn and Morden. Yes. I'm a geek but the names suit the personalities. (If you don't recognize the names, turn in your geek card. :))

Sheridan - He is a male brown tabby with tan colored eyes. Originally dubbed "Cassanova" because he is the most adventurous, aggressive and attention hound of the lot. He is the one who figured out how to get passed my first barrier to get into my bedroom. He is also the only one of the bunch who seeks me out to cuddle with and sleep on. He's also the one who is the most aggressive about food. Yes, I'll admit, the loveable scamp is my favorite thus far. I'm betting he's adopted first.

Delenn - She is a shy gray female tabby with blue eyes. I was told upfront that she was really shy and would need some extra care and handling to get her socialized. So far, I've found her to be shy but loving. She is happy on her own but also happy cuddling in my arms. She hasn't started seeking me out yet, but she does meow at me when I'm around. She's my 2nd favorite. She's going to be the second to go, I'm sure.

Sinclair - He is a male brown tabby with tan colored eyes. Admittedly, with his brother, Sheridan, around, he really doesn't seem to have much of a personality. (Thus, the name.) Though, he can be as aggressive about food as his brother. Also, he has the best purr of the lot. He doesn't seek me out but he does seem to enjoy being held and pet. All in all, he's a fairly standard generically cute kitten.

Morden - He is a black and white mutt of a kitten with blue eyes and feral roots. Morden is well named. When I got him, I was told that he was clinging to his feral roots with all of his pointy bits. So far, he's the only kitten who has hissed at me and clawed me - though the clawing was accidental in an attempt to spring off of me. Morden is the most skittish of the lot and is the trouble maker. He's the one who found a way into the -walls- of my vanity, causing me to minorly panic. He's the one who, apparently, decided my walk-in closet was a litter box. He's the one I have carefully chase down to hold. Granted, he hasn't bit me when I've picked him up. He's only struggled to get away. I'm working with him slowly. Standing near when he eats without touching him. Being very gentle when I do pick him up and hold him to pet and try to socialize. It'll take time but I think I will get him to calm down and trust more.

There have been several lessons I have learned in this short time...

All this in just two days. Four kittens is a lot. I'll admit that. I feel like I don't have enough time to properly spend time with them all. It's much easier to cuddle and coo over the ones who want your attention than the ones who are too shy/feral. I know it’s the shy feral ones I need to be paying more attention to... but I can't resist when Sheridan sits in the middle of the hallway and calls for me or seeks me out in the living room.

Next batch, I'm going to request less kittens. I want a lot less poop and more time with the little darlings. In the meantime, I need to hit the store to get more food, deodorizer for the litter, a super industrial odor eater for the bathroom and whatever else I can think of.

I have finished Merrick by Anne Rice. Not a bad story. Though, I have to admit by 2/3rds of the way through the book I was begging Louie to just off himself so I wouldn't have to listen to his whining anymore. For such an interesting character, Ms. Rice really drives his depressions and weaknesses into the ground. I kept thinking, "Alright already. I get it. You're depressed. You feel guilty for the death of Claudia. I get it. Just off yourself and be done with it."

I don't know if Ms. Rice has put out any more vampire chronicle books, yet, but the end of Merrick is a little bit depressing. From the way she ended it, it seems that the Talamasca and the Lestat's coterie are going to end up in a head on fight. No one can win that way. Either the coterie will be destroyed or the Talamasca will be destroyed. At best, the Talamasca will have its mysterious elders revealed and its mission changed. At worst, this millennia old secret organization will be wiped out. I don't like either situation.

In any case, I've decided that the next book needs to be definitely sci-fi. Heinlein or Bujold or McCaffrey. I'm going to leave the Pern series for later. Most likely, I'm going to go with McCaffrey's Gestalt series. (I don't remember what its actually called. It's the series with Damia and Damia's Children.) All space ships and ESP. I read the first couple and liked them but I didn't keep up with them. Now is as good of a time as any.

I've decided to become a redhead again. Well, more of a redhead than the natural red highlights I have now. I'm going to go for a dark auburn... We'll see what I actually end up with. My hairdresser is really pretty good. So, I'm not too worried. I'll have to post pictures when its done.

Strangely enough, one of my Russian co-workers asked me today if I had dyed my hair recently. I haven't noticed, but apparently my morning walks in the sun have been doing more than bringing out my freckles on my cheeks. Seems I now have some very nice red-gold highlights - not that I can tell.

She also seems to think that with all my weight loss, my eyes look bigger. Again, I had not noticed but I can see how that could be since I'm very good at loosing weight in my face.

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Wands, Inverted

Sun and Sand

I finished Steve Perry's The Digital Effect this weekend. I didn't like it as much I did his Matador series or his novel, Spin Doctor. It was published in 1997. So, I guess, since it was one of his later works, I expected something more. As usual, there was plenty of martial arts descriptions that were well done but I thought the storyline was a little weak. Really, the reader had no chance of solving the murder mystery storyline because 90% of the important clues showed up in the last 60 pages of the 255 page book.

I don't like books like that. I dislike it when the author holds back crucial information until the end of the book or has the protagonist magically manifest it in the explanation of Who Dun It and Why. Yes, the book was a light, fluffy read and I like the setting of the cylindrical wheel worlds but, over all, I was disappointed in the actual storyline and the execution of it.

Thinking of writing. I've been bad and good. Bad in the fact that I still haven't done the Kublacon review - mostly because I'm so unenthusiastic about it and bad in the fact that I haven't written the next scene in the TTB. But, on the good side of that, I've made some factual changes in the history of the universe and added to that aspect of it.

Also, I edited an older story of mine called First Time Client, had it critted - most people liked the intensity of the writing, if not the subject matter and submitted it to an e-zine called Bloodfetish. It's been about a month since I submitted something, so this made me feed good. I know I have a few things still out in circulation, but it is about time for the rejections (or acceptance *crossed fingers*) to start coming back. So, I figured it's about time for me to start submitting stuff again. I really need to go through the Ralan list again.

I love my kittens. I hate the mess and the smell. Fortunately, Lori and David pointed me at something called Litter Pearls. It isn't like traditional litter. It's plastic little round pearls that have some mystical, magical thing in them that absorbs the smell of my little stinkers' waste. It is working -wonders-. If you have a problem with litter box smell, I highly recommend litter pearls.

On the up side of things, Sheridan is doing much better. He's hardly limping at all. He's started playing again. Morden and I had 'words' this weekend when he didn't want me to pick him up and it was time for his twice daily pettage. Again, he didn't bite or scratch me. Just hissed and growled a lot. So, I held him until he relaxed. A good 5-10 minutes. When I put him down, he didn't run away. In fact, we seem to have had some sort of breakthrough. He's let me pet him a couple of times since then and pick him up without running away. Of course, that last one could have been because he was sleepy.

On the down side of things, I've discovered who my closet messer is - Sinclair. *mutter* He's also my little pee-pot. I've caught him peeing in all of the corners of their enclosure. I've been running behind him, cleaning up the mess with special cat/dog stain and odor remover. Oh, yes. He's also the one with diarrhea. Joy. I know he's the most affectionate of them, constantly claiming me with ankle rubs and head-butts, but the peeing everywhere is getting old quick.

Delenn has started getting into the habit of hunkering down on my shoulder when I hold her. She still likes to be held and petted, but I've discovered that she really likes to sit on the highest point available and look down on things. Very cute until I try to put her down and scrabbles over to my shoulder blade so I can't reach her.

I called my Dad for Father's day last night. He was very sentimental and I think he was well into his cups, watching some golf open. I can always tell when he's been drinking because he picks a topic and gets really passionate about it. Last night, it was learning to greet my Russian co-workers in Russian because if I did, they'd follow me anywhere. I understood what he was trying to tell me but I don't think it needed a twenty minute lecture.

When he wasn't talking about that, he wanted to know why I didn't drown the fluffy balls. You see, dad is extremely allergic to felines. Break-out-in-hives-and-can't-breath allergic - which is why this is a testing period for me. I inherited some of the allergies but, so far, it has been a week and I'm still alright. Of course, I'm washing my hands about 15 times a day now...

Apparently, it's been really hot in North Carolina and Dad is selling American Express cards for Costco at a gas station? I didn't quite understand the chain there but I did understand that Dad is outside most of the day and that has to suck. Oh, he did come through his cataract surgery with flying colors and he can see again. Definitely a good thing.

I know I'm looking forward to seeing my family for the short time of my brother's wedding. I got the official wedding invitation this weekend as well. My sister-in-law-to-be, Suzanne, seems really quite nice and she's even put up a website for their coming wedding. (Didn't want to say impending... that would make it sound ominous.) I'll be driving down on Friday, the wedding is on Saturday and I'll be driving back on Sunday. A nice trip. Short and sweet.

That reminds me. I need to get those professional pictures done ASAP.

Thinking of pictures, I weighed in at 271. Not bad for indulging almost every day last week. Fortunately, most of my indulging came from stuff from Synergy Diet. I enjoyed having toast for sandwiches and caramels that actually tasted like caramel. I'm still iffy on the chocolate sauce and I haven't made up the Keto ice cream, yet. Soon. I'll let you know how 4 carbs per serving of low carb ice cream tastes when I do.

The beach with Bill was awesome but the ocean was cold. I didn't spend much time in the water at all. I watched the waves and Bill make a nice sandcastle with a moat and a parapet. It was pretty neat.

There were some annoyances - the girl to our right, about 50 meters away, kept talking so loudly on her cellphone (nonstop for about two hours) and letting her adorable black lab run free (the beach has a leash law) and she complained loudly to someone on the phone when the lifeguard came by and told her if she let her dog off the leash again, she would be asked to leave. She just didn't see the harm in letting her dog run free when it ran up to and jumped on every other dog it met.

On our left were three young teen boys who kept wrestling, arguing and throwing sand at one another while they kept getting closer and closer to us. I know they knew we were there, because one of them used the sand castle as an excuse not to have sand tossed at him. Bill finally uttered a sharp "Hey!" when they got too close. They retreated.

Bill was such a sweetie the whole day. I took off my sneakers before I realized how hot the sand was and he gave me his huge sandals to walk down in to where we set up. I must have looked really amusing with them on. Also, he went with me to the water to make sure I wouldn't fall down and even let me have his sandals on the way back out when even he was admitting the sand was pretty darned hot.

We both got a lot of sun. I am burned, even though I put on sunscreen twice in the three hours we were there. My face is tender and I utterly missed a patch on my left arm that is bright red at the moment and there are parts of my inner upper thighs that are burned. Owwie!

Still , we both really enjoyed it. Next time, we need to bring a beach umbrella so wimps like me don't burn so quickly and Bill can have time to dig out his throne while we watch the tide come in and flood his sand castle.

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Pentacles, Inverted

Café Envy

I have found myself having very odd feelings about a restaurant in Berkeley I have never been to. It is called Au Coquelet. I have heard about it through many of the local journals I read - all of them authors and/or poets of some sort. Karen wrote about going there when she had her journal. M'ris, Tim and Heather all write about it. Mary Anne always makes a point of visiting it when she's in the bay area.

I wonder what it is like. I wonder if it is some mysterious hub of creative energy. I wonder what I would get out of it if I went there or if I would be missing something if I never made it. I have all sorts of weird ideas of what I would see. Would it be a café filled with people and their laptops quietly clicking away In The Zone? Would it be a café of people having esoteric discussions on literature and/or their latest story sale? I can only imagine.

Reading the various journals that I do, I can almost see Mary Anne, M'ris, Tim and Heather all sitting around one table laughing and talking. Of course, since I don't really know them, I don't know what they would be talking about. Except, I could imagine Mary Anne discussing her latest erotica anthology and M'ris talking about her Not Moose book and Tim chatting about either RangerGirl or a new poem in his Bestiary collection.

I find myself wanting to be there and to be a part of it but I'm not even sure what it would be that I would a part of. I guess it is some mystical authors circle of those who have made it in some fashion or another. I know I have completely romanticized the whole notion, but I can't help it. That's just the way I am.

I can easily imagine walking into Au Coquelet, waving languidly to various author friends before I sit down to create, only to be interrupted by a person asking, "Are you Jennifer Brozek? The author of the Hucked Tankard series? I -love- your stuff! Could you autograph my magazine?" Of course, I would graciously do so because what is an author without their adoring, admiring audience?

Ah, such pleasant day dreams.

Now, I am torn between actually going to the café to see what it is like and not going to it so I can keep my fantastical notion of the whole affair. You see, fantasy rarely, if ever, meets reality. Most likely, Au Coquelet is just a quaint little café in the college town of Berkeley, made special only by those people who visit it that I admire so much.

Still, maybe I should invite M'ris out to lunch or dinner sometime to go there and experience it with her there. That way, maybe I can merge the fantasy with the reality just a little bit. Ever the optimistic dreamer. That's me.

Thinking of my own writing, I've finally finished my KublaCon review for Games Unplugged. It sucks when it takes weeks for someone to get back to you so you can finish your article. I had giving up on them and just as I finished my rough draft without their quotes, I got the email. Of course, my Word document crashing when I went to save it sucked horribly. I ended up losing, and having to rewrite, about 400 words on the article. Boy, was I pissed.

I got some great feedback from the Shapers writing group on my writing assignment. It's nice to know you are on the right track and just need to tighten things a bit. Though, I hope the others didn't think my crits of their work was too harsh. I'm still getting the feel of how each person responds to various crit styles.

Our second assignment is to write a dialogue. Just a simple dialogue. I'm not sure what I'm going to do mine on. Maybe I'll go to Au Coquelet and eavesdrop on a conversation, turning into my dialogue. Anyone going anytime soon? *wink*

Finally, the TTB is languishing but not for lack of interest. More due to lack of time and some serious stress. I have a much harder time being creative when I'm stressed. Work has sucked. Too much to really go into right now. Sinclair is sick with "kitty syndrome" and has dropped to 1/2 pound so I'm having to feed him a special mixture of kitten formula and super-duper nutritional kitten food.

Still, that next scene in the TTB is sitting in my head, just waiting to go.

A new dream: Savage Ocean: A couple of disturbing ocean dreams. Both dreams involved the ocean flooding the coasts. In the first dream, while rising water is calm, the rest of the world is not and I am reunited with my family. In the second dream, everyone thinks the Big Flood is all over but I know better and preparing for it. This time, when the ocean floods, it is much more savage about it... but it still leaves room for hope.

Normally, ocean dreams do not scare or disturb me. I supposed because I know it is supposed to represent the mind, emotions, empathy and ESP. This time, I have no idea what it is supposed to represent. Perhaps, in this case, a cigar is just a cigar.

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Three of Swords, Inverted

Scary Being Brave

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Magician

The Unquiet Mind

Ok. It is official. I -suck- at guessing the gender of kittens. Delenn is male and the rest are all female. Yep, exactly opposite of what I thought. I just had the kittens weighed as well. Sheridan/Sinclair: 1 pound each. Morden: 1.25 pounds. Delenn: 1.75 pounds. So, it looks like a minimum of 3-4 weeks before they can be fixed. Though, I'm thinking Delenn might be ready in 2 weeks. In any case, I'm going to start feeding them even more - adding a third can every other day. I want to fatten up my kittens. Jean says that they are all a little skinny.

Well, I have to admit it. I was wrong. Absolutely wrong. The whole cable fiasco, that left me without TV or internet for 5 days, was not caused by what I thought it was caused by - AT&T turning off all of my services in order to turn off the phantom service. Nor do I have two separate cables into the apartment. It's just one, split in the wall.

Do you know what caused the whole mess? "Poor line signal." I was, apparently, getting only 10-20% of the signal required. That's it. Nothing else. Everything else is working great.

Don't ask me why the TV cable guy who came out on Sunday didn't find this. I don't know. I'm still vexed about the situation... but, at least, I get to tell the TV cable guy (who has yet to arrive) that the Internet guy fixed everything and he can continue on about his day.

Later...
The TV cable guy showed up and it is definitely a line problem but it is worse than first thought. The internet guy did fix it some, but, it appears that the 'tap' that gets the signal is defective and the line signal is still all over the place. He's going to wrote up an "SRO" and show it to his supervisor because, officially, it is a network problem that is going to require a replacement 'tap.'

In the few days without cable TV or internet, I've finished the "Tao of Pooh," "The Riddle of the Wren," "Falling Free" and "Dune: House Atreides" all in a strange effort to avoid working on the TTB. I've even worked on my assignment for the Shapers group and started on my book reviews for Black Gate.

The "Tao of Pooh" was interesting in its way of attempting to easily and simply explain what Taoism is. After reading this book, I understand it more and figure I could never be a Taoist. I don't think I could even get my mind to quiet enough to experience Nothing - much less understand it.

"The Riddle of the Wren" by Charles De Lint was fascinating in it use of Celtic legends. But, set purely in a fantasy world, I found that I didn't like the book as much as I do his urban fantasies. Oh, I did like the book. It was a fluffy, fun read with plenty of mystery to the main character. I just think he does much better in his modern fantasy settings.

"Falling Free" by Bujold was really interesting. I was intrigued by the genetically created Quaddies and how their freedom was gained. It's a good story when I'm wincing, knowing and/or predicting the coming trouble in vague terms and groaning when it happens, wondering how they are going to get out of it this time. My only complaint about the book was the pseudo-romance beginning of Silver and Leo at the end. It felt forced and tacked on like Bujold was saying, "Oh, yeah... and a happy ending for Leo, too."

"Dune: House Atreides" was really pretty good. Not as rich in the style of Frank Herbert's "Dune," (maybe because it was the abridged version being read by Tim Curry) it was still satisfying as a precursor to that wonderful epic series. Good enough that I'm definitely going for "Dune: House Harkkonen" next. However, I have one major complaint. While it was important to know what was going on around House Atreides to know how they got to where they ended up, there wasn't enough about the Atreides themselves!

There were too many questions left unanswered. How did Thufir become the Atreides mentat to begin with? What happened to Lady Helena? I can't believe she just meekly let herself be banished. Why was the arranged marriage done in the first place? What about Duncan's training to become one of Leto's personal guards? Are some of these questions covered in the next book in the series? I want to know!

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

JUNE'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: Rambles by Mike. Rambles is a fun journal that updates only on Sundays (if Mike is on time) and is always worth reading. He likes to pick out little slices of life that happen to him, and see if anyone else has had the same sort of things happen to them as well. He talks about everything from overheard cafe conversations to being wiped out by rugrats on the slope to his experiments in actual cooking. I have to admit, I often check back during the week to see if Mike got a wild hair and updated sooner than Sundays. Check him out. Especially dig into the archives. They are worth it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Six of Wands