January 2009

January 12: It's a Brand New Day...
January 17: It Begins Again
January 28: Grumpy for a Reason

January 12

It's a Brand New Day…
It's a brand new year with fresh new goals and the potential for rise (or fall) is endless. Or something like that. Most of the time, when the New Year comes around, I am just thankful that the holidays are over and I can relax again. No parties or presents to remember for at least a month.

All my writing scorecards have been brushed clean and the new goals for the year are up. I've started the year off on a good foot, being productive. Unfortunately, I've been nursing a killer sinus headache for about a week, too. That hasn't helped. But it hasn't hindered too much expect allow me to sleep a little more than usual.

This is my second year of doing that "writing for a living" thing. I've got my freelance tech writing, my RPG writing and my fiction writing. I'm looking to pick up more tech writing and maybe an editing gig or two along the way. I'm still looking for an agent. I'm still writing novels and short stories on the side. I'm still editing The Edge of Propinquity.

Everything changes while everything stays the same. I can't say I'm unhappy. This year, I won't be writing for TEoP, just editing it. I want to focus on outward submissions to other anthologies and websites. Three years in Kendrick was enough for now. That's not to say that some of the stories I write won't be based in the mythical city.

The husband is awesome and we are doing that "fat and happy" thing in marital bliss – along with the reality of being married, living with and sharing with another person. It's not all roses but it really is a wonderful thing. Occasionally, I look at my life and wonder how I got so lucky. I need to make sure I don't get too "fat" in all the happiness. I guess that's why we bought ourselves an elliptical machine.


I've got my convention schedule set up for this year. At least, which ones I will be a pro at.

RadCon, Feb 13-15 (Panelist)
Friday – 4pm – Writing for the Game Industry
Friday – 6pm – Online Gaming Addiction

Saturday 11am – Why Do Women No Game
Saturday 4pm – End of the World
Saturday 5pm – First Readers
Saturday 7pm – Guest player in Frank Reinart's 7th Sea game

Sunday 10am – Game Masters' Nightmares
Sunday 12pm – Manuscript Format 101

Norwescon, 9-12 (Panelist, Volunteer) – Schedule pending but you can see me hanging around the registration table handing out badges or, when I'm on IT duty, attempting to put out IT fires.

BayCon, May 22-25 (Toastmistress/Panelist) – Schedule pending but I'm sure I'll be all over the place.

GenCon August 13-16 (Panelist) – Schedule pending but if I'm not in a panel, I'll either be in author's alley or hanging out at the Margaret Weis Productions booth.

I may go to San Deigo Comicon to meet my Morrigan Books publisher and to be on hand for when the book, GRANTS PASS, is debuted there. I'm not completely sure. It depends on my publisher and what is set up there.

January 17

It Begins Again
Every year, people face the same hurdle, the same, obstacle, the same enemy. That most hated thing is known as THE SCALE. The scale mocks you when you step on it and see just how much celebrating you have done has gone to your hips, butt, thighs and waist. Every year, thousands of people swear to do something about it. Every year, thousands of people start some sort of health regime only to lose it by February.

I am no different. Ok. So, last year, I didn't lose it until April but I still lost it – the drive to exercise because, with two jobs, it was just too much trouble to get to the gym. I haven't gained anything but I haven't lost it either and, really, I should be losing. Or, at least getting healthy. I do have high blood pressure. Exercise will help with that. I sometimes have insomnia. Exercise is supposed to help with that, too.

So, Jeff and I decided to DO something about this again. We bought the Pro-Form elliptical. But, this time, we are doing something different. The machine is in the family room and not hidden in the bedroom where it would make for a lovely clothes rack. We also have agreed upon a system. He gets up first, works out, then comes up and wakes me up. I get up and work out while he gets himself ready for work.

It's a system. A routine. One that even has days off – Looks like Thursdays and Sundays for him, Sundays for me. We'll see. But, we have a plan and no excuses. I think it will work out better than the gym we paid for but never used. So far, it is working. My overall goal is to average 4 times a week, 20 minutes minimum each session.

1. 20 minutes, 156 calories, 839 revolutions, resistance 0
2. 20 minutes, 161 calories, 882 revolutions, resistance 0
3. 20 minutes, 166 calories, 926 revolutions, resistance 0
4. 20 minutes, 173 calories, 973 revolutions, resistance 0


I am a little weirded out by the fact that I am interested in politics again. I am very much against dealing with and/or discussing politics in general. I always have been. For the last eight years. I have been ashamed of my government and embarrassed by the leader we elected twice. Scratch that. Not we. They elected twice. I voted but I sure as heck did not vote for W. Bush. For the last eight years, I have winced and turned away every single time W. Bush has been on the screen. Exception – W. Bush's immediate reaction to the 9/11 attacks of not immediately panicking but finishing things with the school kids was laudable. Even if he was in shock. But that's the only exception I can think of offhand.

I feel like a beaten dog that has been rescued sometimes. I am cautiously optimistic but I keep expecting to get kicked. When I watch Barack Obama speak, I keep expecting him to say something ludicrous or inane or stupid or all of the above. Instead, I am inspired and it shocks me. Having hope, even though President Obama has inherited one heck of a mess, is a strange thing. I voluntarily listen to or watch him speak. I'm interested again.

It is a strange place to be after 20 years of not caring, too busy to care and then too ashamed/embarrassed to care. I have hope again and I'm praying Barack can make good on even half of his promises.


Most of my writing time right now has been taken up by all the editing and proofreading I'm doing on a Shadowrun project. This has been a very cool project to work on but it has been work and lots of it with a tight timeline. I can't wait to see this book come out. It is going to be very keen.

In meantime, my brain has been chewing over the other two projects I'm working on. The first is the Colonial Gothic PDF setting of Elizabethtown (now known as Hagerstown) in Maryland and cursing the lack of specific information on some of the things I want to do with it. But it is moving along and will be my main focus next week.

The other project is just a short story for the "The Blackness Within" anthology. I've had the basic idea of what I wanted to tell through the story but I've been stewing over just how to say it. Fortunately, I think I've made a breakthrough in how the story will be told and in whose voice. I must say, I like the idea of horror told from the point of view of a child.

January 28

Grumpy for a Reason
I know these are hard time financially. I know the holidays messed up some pay schedules. I also know that being a freelance tech writer and an RPG/fiction author means that money coming in is slow and unpredictable for the most part. I know all this. Logically, I know it will be OK. Emotionally, I am fairly unhappy at my current financial predicament.

Every client I had from November through now owes me money except for one (Thanks, Richard!). That is a not-insignificant amount of money for me. Especially since I have a pretty stable set of bills and a limited budget. The big one already has my editor looking into it and he will make sure I get paid eventually. For that, I'm grateful. However, that doesn't help me or my bank account right now.

What this means is that I've had to turn to my husband for help to pay one of the bills I take care of and that just pushed all my buttons in the worst way possible. I feel like a failure. I feel like I don't know how to handle my money and I feel like I 'should know better.' I am aware that all of these bad feelings are panic related from my past – poor as a child and having to dig my way out of some serious debt after school/failed business venture. I am aware that I'm not a bad person and it will be ok but right now, I feel awful.

Our household budget is good. We know exactly where we would cut if we needed to. But we don't. We aren't in dire straits or anything. I'm just in an unfortunately timed position. But it is making me grumpy, edgy and not feeling good. All I can do now is work on my paying work, not to spend any unnecessary money and to hold on. It could be much worse.

What worse is that I feeling vaguely resentful at the world. I have "mad money" to spend but I won't even buy myself a pair of earrings that have caught my fancy because I'm afraid of:

1. Looking irresponsible.

2. Needing that money for something important.

3. My husband chiding me for buying something unneeded when I just asked for help on a bill.

What's worse is that I have a certain level of guilt based on the fact that it could be much-much worse. I have friends who are being forced to sell very dear possessions just to make rent. I know their problems are not my problems and that I shouldn't compare but I can't help it.

So, there's guilt, there's baggage, and there's repressed panic. Yeah. I have a reason to be grumpy. All I can do right now is hide from the world and focus on my "pays the bills" work, interspersing it between my RPG writing and editing to keep me sane. Somewhere in there, I need to get a couple short stories finished.

It will work out. I know it will. I'm just unhappy in the meantime.

January

Continue on to: FEBRUARY 2009
(Created by JLB)