JANUARY 2005

A New Year
Well, the new year has begun and coming back to work after vacation was both hard and easy. I was to a point where I was ready for a normal routine again but I really wanted that routine not to be a "9-5 work from someone else" job. I spent time over the vacation mentally putting together my ideal of a writing schedule. Then, I mournfully had to put it away and put together a more reality laced writing schedule to work around my 'pay the bills' job because, Lord knows, you can't pay the bills in writing unless you are a King or Rowland of the writing world.

Getting back to work has been pretty good. The schedule we have set for the next couple of weeks is easy stuff. It's a good buffer for the much harder stuff that we are going to have to do in the future. The coding we will all have to be doing. I'm nervous about it. I've never wanted to be a coder but, with the new titles and expectations, it looks like I have no real choice.

On the gaming front, things seem to be gearing up again. I have a couple of new games starting up and I have decided to try and run my own 7th Sea game. So, right now, I have a regular monthly LARP: Shadows of a Crimson Dawn, which is fabulous and I'm having a wonderful time with. I have my Sunset gaming group that meets twice a month and will be starting up Star Wars soon. Also, I have Paul's monthly semi-superhero, semi-horror game that's really hard to describe but a whole lot of fun.. Oh, yes. There is NERO Seattle with its meetings, events and game days.

On the upcoming front, there is the new Heirs to the Fall 2.0 monthly LARP and a possible new one that Corey will be putting together in the new World of Darkness Requiem world. Also, Hans has a Middle Earth game he is interested in running. Finally, it looks like if I want a 7th Sea game to be in, I'm going to have to run it for a while. So, I have one that I am starting up that is going to be vaguely linked to Rich's 7th Sea game.

I'm not sure how all of this is going to with my possible new writing contract for Painted Horse Games. I will probably have to drop a couple of the games.

Weather-wise, we finally got snow here in Redmond. I'm not that thrilled about it because it is cold and wet and I prefer warm weather. At least, no snow. Hopefully, this will be it on the snow front. It's already knocked out my internet connection for most of the weekend which I did not enjoy since I had emailed myself the latest work I had on the DDC LARP that Bill and I are putting together. Instead of getting it done this weekend, I will now have to wait to get it done this week. This is really too bad. I had wanted to get that done this weekend so Bill would have a week or two for his additions. No matter what, the game will be finished before the convention. I'm not going to be stuffing packets an hour before like last time.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Cups, Inverted

Upcoming Changes
On the Writing side of things, it is all a go. Well, sorta but that's OK. I just finished my part of writing up 30 characters for the DundraCon 7th Sea LARP, A Dance of Fate, that Bill and I are going to be running. It's taken me a whole lot longer than I thought it would. But, I think it going to be a really good game. Now, it is off to Bill for his pass then a final pass by me. This time, the LARP will be -done- before the day of the LARP, much less the convention.

Also, I'm all over the White Wolf novel writing contest like white on rice. I hear that a lot of the WW novels aren't so good but I have to admit, I've never actually read one of them. So, I don't know. I just know that I already have 2-3 ideas to write up for the contest.

I'm still waiting for the writing contracts for the Painted Horse Games RPG. But, after an informal discussion with them, I'm feeling a lot more comfortable/positive about the contract and my duties. Now, I'm looking forward to the project again. In the meantime, I'm pondering brushing the dirt off of Regresser's Evolution to finally-finally-finally do that last set of edits and start sending it out the door. [Cue: new freelance contract from Sovereign Press, please. *grin* Cause you know something always stops me from getting to RE.]

I had a wonderfully nasty shock at work this last week. The short of it is that my group is being split up because our features are now legacy. I looked it up. It turns out, I've been working on this product for only 2.5 years. I thought it was closer to 3.5 years. In any case, it's been a long, long time. For me to have worked on one product for so long. Now, it's "legacy" and I'm being moved to something new to me. The client side product things. This is a good thing.

The bad thing is the fact that I'm now losing my fabulous team. Worse, I'm losing my fabulous team lead. We are all going to be in the same test group, still. Seeing each other every day. But, I will have a new lead as of March. A new way of doing things again. From the Clueless Boss Beast to the Fab Boss in June. Now, to who knows what. I know the two leads. One, I know nothing about his leadership style. The other seems like he would be a good lead and he is the one I'm most likely going to.

Still, it just makes me upset. I'm really going to miss Patrick as my lead.

On the TMI side of things, I've been thinking about sex and BDSM a lot lately. Part of this is because I have a new crush despite my best efforts not to. It's a far too complicated situation. (What is it about me and complicated men? If the object of my crush isn't gay, he's complicated.) Part of it is a reaction to the recent out-of-control and frustrated feelings I have been having with upcoming changes at work.

This is not unexpected. New crushes always make me think about sex. Though, it's interesting how the thought of a simple good-night kiss is so arousing when, normally, I gloss such things and think about something more hot and heavy. It was something I noticed after yanking myself out of a fantasy at work.

The BDSM stuff is also not unexpected. The more I feel out of control or frustrated, the more I want physical sensation to distract me from my mental woes. Not to mention there is that whole bit about letting go of control and giving it over to someone else so I don't have to worry about the whole reality based mess for a while. Of course, the direct one on one attention isn't bad at all. Having someone completely focused on you. Nothing like it in the world to make you feel special.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Cups

Pushing Comfort Zones
It appears that this week is going to be all about pushing myself out of my comfort zones. First, I had a scheduled lunch with a friend at the British Pantry. After waiting outside for her for about 25 minutes, it looked like she was a no-show. No idea why. I’m sure I will find out soon enough. It being lunchtime, I was hungry and decided to go eat at the restaurant by myself.

This is a huge deal for me. I've gotten to the point of getting over being uncomfortable at going shopping and to the movies by myself but eating in a restaurant alone makes me feel like Steve Martin in LA Story. You know, the part where the person seating you looks at you funny when you ask for a table for one. I got that questioning look. But, I was hungry and I wasn't going to back out now.

More over, because I'm wearing my usual black and have my funky new hair do, the patrons in this small proper British restaurant kept looking at me askance. Really, I didn't look -that- gothic. Though, enough to get people's attention. Finally, I started looking directly at the people stealing glances, cocking my head and giving them a slight "Yes?" smile. The looks stopped and I felt victorious. Not a bad lunch, considering.

Next up, getting me finally all set up on my new computer. It took a bit more than I expected and I discovered the bastards didn't send me a cord I need for my new printer but, other than that (and one document I forgot to transfer over), it all went fairly smoothly. I always get nervous about dealing with new hardware. The last new computer I bought was over 5 years ago. So, now I have my new one, Roland (named both for the Roland in M. Lackey Valdemar books and the Roland from King's Gunslinger series), and he is doing fine. We are still getting to know one another but I think it will be a very happy and long relationship.

Since I appear to be addicting myself to mochas to the point of craving them at 3pm, one of my victory conditions for the week is to go the full week without caffeine. This should be an interesting challenge. Not too hard since I don't drink sodas and I only drink the mochas at the office. Still, I'm going to have to do something at 3pm. I have found I enjoy "Coffee O'Clock" for the break of getting away from my desk as much as I like the taste of the liquid candy bar I purchase. It will be good for me money and calorie wise.

I've started this new little organizational thing for me by week called "Victory Conditions." Basically, I'm going to be giving myself 2-5 tasks that I really need to get done for the next week, announce them ask my victory conditions for the week and try to get them done. If I do, I win. If I don't, I lose. Pretty simple and kind of cheesy when you think about it, but effective for me. I will probably add little treats for myself for winning a "flawless victory" or a "partial victory" because I like to treat myself.

This week, my victory conditions include setting up my computer (done), getting at least one submission in for White Wolf's novel contest and signing up to work with my favorite personal trainer. Next week's will include getting to the gym three times and something else involving writing.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Cups, Inverted

Treating Myself Better
Friday night was a whole lot of fun. Leigh-Ann, Dave and I went out dancing to the Mercury. Though, I didn't do any dancing. Mostly, I just drank, listened to the music, people watched and flirted. It was a very good time despite a violent reaction to too much smoke early in the evening. After I got over that, the rest of the even was faboo.

I admit, I was a bad, bad girl and teased a certain cutie I knew was taken. I didn't expect him to kiss me but, you know, I'm not sorry at all for tempting him. It was all harmless cuddling and kissing. I was feeling wicked and he ended up in my line of sight. I am all for being "friendly" without making a relationship out of it as long as everyone is aware of that from the beginning.

Plus, after my recent rejection, it was nice to know I still had it. I think that was worth more than a dozen pep talks. Let's just hope I didn't get him in too much trouble. Heh.

Sweet! Hans and I have finally found an acceptable Chinese place to eat at! They have the best egg drop soup and really good prawns in lobster sauce. It was good enough to remind us of Chef Liu's. It's a bit out of the way but well worth going to, to satisfy the Chinese food craving. For those of you not in CA, you have no idea what a find this was for Hans and I. We used to go out for Chinese food at least once a week when we worked for PlaceWare in Mountain View.

So, now, we have a favorite British place, a favorite Japanese place, a favorite Indian place and a favorite Chinese place. I'm not sure where we are on Thai or Mexican place. I know I like Ooba's but I don't think Hans really considers that Mexican. Maybe we'll have to check out a couple of restaurants around town.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to have to treat my body better than I have. That means, I'm going to continue my limiting my caffeine intake and, after Dundracon, I think I'm going to cut alcohol out of my diet for a while. Maybe a long while. I don't know. I noticed that it was really hard for me to deal with my lack of 3pm mocha. Physically and mentally. I craved the taste of it and I missed the little ritual of going down stairs, leaving my office, to get one. I want to be able to enjoy the occasional mocha, not need it on a daily basis. Plus, saving the money and calories doesn't hurt.

As for alcohol, I've never been a big alcohol drinker. I've started drinking more than I ever did lately now that I'm going out clubbing and to parties. I actually bought some alcohol for me for home and, knowing my addictive personality, this is not a good thing. I know I've started drinking more in order to relax after work but, again, I want to be able to enjoy alcohol, not need it.

Also, it really is time for me to get back on the exercise wagon. I need to if I want to continue my weight loss and to continue making myself more healthy. I know I will never be a model but I know I want to get of my blood pressure medicine and to feel better. My vacation is over. Plus, I want to look good for my cruise, darn it!

Victory Conditions for the week of January 23rd - Partial Victory
1. Write up at least one submission for the WW novel contest. [Done - 2 submissions!]
2. Set up my new computer now that I have everything for it. [Done]
3. Set up a series of workout appointments with Matt [Called but he's only in Seattle now. *sigh*]

Victory Conditions for the week of January 30th
1. Submit my application to Gothroyalty - An LJ community. (I just love this community. Not only they very tongue-in-cheek about their gothitude, they are constantly posting links to the most awesome websites on where to get gothic clothing and accessories. Plus, there are some extremely well dressed members. I love to see the fashions. I will be wearing those fashions someday!)
2. Write up at least one more submission for the WW novel contest.
3. Set up a series of workout appointments with Emily.

My 7th Sea game is now off to a good start. So far, everyone is picking up the clues I want them to pick up and the plot line, more or less, is being followed. Of course, we've only had one game and everyone is getting warmed up to their characters. Still, I'm tickled to see how everyone is reacting to the NPCs. I spent some time this afternoon finding some NPC character pictures for the people they have encountered and will encounter.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Cups