January 2003

A Mighty Fine Start

Last night was Dana's 21st birthday party and New Year's Eve party. It was one awesome party. About an hour before I had to leave, I got my usual pre-party jitters, wondering if I was going to have a good time or not. Phoebe was online and we talked about it. She was having the same jitters. We finally decided if the party sucked, we'd just hang out with each other. That said, both of us got over our jitters.

Now, I must say, while the house itself was fantastic, the drive there was really scary. I don't really like Oakland at all. It was like a war zone outside. At least, that it what it felt like to me. Not only that, I couldn't see a single house number. With really creepy people around and me feeling lost, I finally called Bob. He came out and directed me to the right spot.

I was, of course, the first person there even though I specifically left late. But, that was not a problem. I was introduced to the hosts and the feline of the place. Then, I chatted with everyone until the other guests began to arrive. There were a lot of people I knew and a lot of people I didn't. I met some cool new people and partied with my friends.

I admit, I was feeling mighty fine and felt I looked just as good. (Thank god I called and discovered the dress code was "nicer than normal" to "almost formal.") I couldn't find my red dress. So, I opted for one of my velvet gowns. It was a bit big but it still fit. I got many compliments. It made me feel very good. I also got a quite playful. I ended up biting DaveW on the ass (though, I can't remember how that came about) and kissing Ari's ass, too. (To make it feel better.)

After the New Year rolled around, there were many New Year's kisses to be had. Man, many of my friends are excellent kissers. I have heard that they say that you know how your year is going to be based on the New Year's kiss you get. If that is so, based on the many, many kisses I got, I am going to have one fantastic year with some of my fondest desires coming true. I can definitely handle that. Le *purrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrr*

I ended up heading home around 2am while I was still awake. The party was starting to wind down into pockets of tipsy, semi-drunk and drunk party-goers who were getting into that quiet talking phase that usually happens towards the end of a party. While I would have liked to have joined, I felt it best that I be on my way. Go me! Intelligence in the face of hedonism. (Now, if I had not been driving....)

I made it home safe and sound. Took some aspirin, ended up chatting with James online a bit before he went to work, then collapsing into bed somewhere around 3-3:30am What an awesome night.

On the Writing front, I need to reset my scorecard and tally the final results from 2002 and start a 2003 scorecard. I feel in no rush to do this. Soon.

I managed to do NO redlining at all over my vacation. There just wasn't time. So, I'm still about fifty percent of the way through Regresser's Evolution. I also did no outlining on Breaking the Chains. However, Ice and I did have some really good conversations to flesh out the Antagonist's religion solely on reincarnation. Boy, Ice sure has a brutal side to him but that was exactly what that religion needed. I'm far too nice. So, if it disturbs me, it should do a nice job of disturbing my readers - which is what I'm going for. I should start on more outlining of that novel in the next week or so.

Plus, I need to start looking into the Ralan and EWRA submission lists. By the end of January, I want my first set of submissions to go out.

I resolve to make no resolutions this year. So there. *smile*

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: Three of Swords

Starting Over

Today is the first Monday of the New Year. You know, for a Monday, it's not half bad. The sun is shining, the sky is clear. It's supposed to be about 70 degrees today. Not bad at all.

As it is the first Monday of the New Year, it has the dubious honor of being the beginning point for me to start over on my diet and exercise routine. Obviously, I've been off it for a few weeks - about six weeks, actually. However, surprisingly, I haven't gained that much back. In fact, I am two pounds under the weight I was at this time last year. While I haven't lost a lot, nor have I gained and I count this as a good thing.

So, I am kick starting this off by doing the first two weeks of Atkins induction in a strict sense. This has the advantage of pushing me into the right frame of mind from the beginning which helps when my co-workers come around with chocolates and such. However, I've also started looking into the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet. This diet has the advantage of allowing reward dinners and such. I'm still reading it and investigating it to see what other people have to say about it. In the end, I may mix the two a bit. We'll see.

I've also started exercising again. The walk wasn't that hard this morning but it wasn't easy. My ankle was bothered more than my knee but neither gave out. A very good thing. I'm going to start with three times a week and work up to five times.

On the writing front, I'm making a big push to finish red lining Regresser's Evolution in next couple of weeks. Though, I have to admit, this may force me to do some red lining on my lunch break at work due to the high number of social events stacking up on my calendar that I'm not willing to give up. Damn you all for being so cool and so interesting! *hehehehe*

I've been talking to my two favorite guys about the political and religious machinations of Breaking the Chains and I've come to the conclusion that I am far nicer than most of the world and if I really do want to disturb my readers with the slaver culture that I'm creating, I'm going to have to work harder at it. I'm putting off more outlining until I get the first draft of Regresser's Evolution done.

Somewhere in all this, I need to continue writing the Tales of the Hucked Tankard for Campaign magazine and start up a new set of submissions. My personal goal is to submit 3 to 5 stories/poems per month for possible publication. I just have to find time to do so.

I've been hit with a nasty case of Post Holiday Blues for the past couple of days. It's been really bad. Depression and some anger issues. Not directed at anyone or anything really. I know a big part of it was Garibaldi going to his new home and leaving my apartment empty of kittens. It's getting to that point where I need to be getting my own kitty cat. I know it.

I've really appreciated the support and bolstering I've received from my friends during this time. I have some of the coolest friends around. Especially those friends of mine who listen to my pathetic whimpering about wanting to not work a 9 to 5 job and to write fiction for a living instead. Hell, how about being a house wife-writer? Of course, there is the whole problem of the husband part of being a house wife. *smile*

I think I'm mostly over it now. It helps to have a couple of projects on tap. The biggest one being to clean my apartment from top to bottom - especially the front rooms. I've been invaded by ants in the bathroom and the kitchen and I need to do some serious cleaning there to get rid of them before I ping management about spraying. Though, I think, more importantly, is going to simply be having a clean apartment. A clean living space is healthy for good energy flow and an uncluttered mind.

Perhaps, in the near future, I'm going to have some time to just sit and read. That would be nice, too.

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Swords

Kinky Wants Vs. Needs

This is one of those entries that is all about sex and BDSM if you couldn't tell by the title. So, if you have delicate sensibilities, you might not want to read any further.

In a surprising and enlightening conversation about BDSM I recently had with a friend (who shall remain nameless to protect the Definitely-Not-Innocent), I was asked "Are your kinks a NEED or just an indulgence?" The question pretty much floored me because I had no idea how to answer to that. I've always known I was wanton creature but are my far-from-mundane proclivities a want or a need...? I told him I would have to answer him another time after I've thought it over for a bit.

My first inclination was to immediately say "No. Of course not. I don't -need- anything like that. I just like it." Then, based on that immediate reaction, I started thinking more carefully about the subject. My first answer had come too quickly. I didn't enter into the BDSM scene until about 1997 but I had been sexually active since about 1990, so it couldn't be a need, right? No, not necessarily. I've been having BDSM fantasies about kidnappings and bondage since I was about six years old. So, that means it's a need, right? Again, not necessarily.

After going round and round in my head for bit I finally decided to come at the subject from another path. What was it that I "needed" in a romantic relationship? Well, I need to feel secure, respected, wanted, needed and loved. A fairly common set of needs as romantic relationships go. Most people want such things in their relationships. So, what make me difference is how I get these feelings. What I do and what my lover does.

This is where the BDSM comes in. The power exchange in a BDSM relationship can be extremely powerful. It can make you feel all of the feelings mentioned above. Often, far more blatantly than in a non-BDSM type of relationship. This isn't say that a vanilla relationship can't be just as profound as a BDSM one. But, for me, I occasionally need that blatancy to feel comfortable. I need to hear that I am important, loved, wanted and safe. I can hear these things in a vanilla relationship but, often, hearing them in a BDSM context can be a lot more fun.

I also have a great want/need (?) to play. To be someone else. To be captured. To capture. To play in a complex, intriguing and thrilling situation that one normally doesn't get out of everyday life. To have that thrill and excitement. The perception of threat with the knowledge of safety. I have heard, the more complex the person, the more need of complex play.

In the end, I finally decided that my 'perverse' desires and fetishes are a want and not a need. If they were a need, I would not have been able to leave the BDSM scene for a couple years while I dealt with a couple of inner issues that I figured out were not being helped by the "dungeon therapy." I've recently started getting back into it but, as always, I am cautious and moving slowly.

That said, I have to admit, occasionally, I REALLY crave the endorphin rush of a good beating or the thrill of fear play. I often fantasize in BDSM contexts. That's where some of my best erotica comes from. However, at the same time, there is a definite lure of simply being yourself with someone - curled up in their arms, kissing and touching intimately, as you talk about whatever comes up.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that BDSM is like gaming for me. It is a delicious pastime and quite a plus in any relationship. I would seriously miss it if I could no longer indulge in it. But, it not something I have to have to enjoy life.

Since I've been in such a lascivious mood lately, discussing BDSM and sex with friends, I've been pondering my non-traditional erogenous zones. I have several: hair, back, hand and neck. Some are more common than others. Some are odd comparatively.

My hair. Oh, my. I absolutely adore having the right people touching my hair. Pulling it or brushing it or braiding it or just running their fingers through it. *whew* That gets me warm very quickly. Now that I can put my hair up neatly, I can indulge in this somewhat by putting up my hair slightly tightly so it feels like someone is tugging my hair. I find myself daydreaming a lot more like that.

My lower back. Especially if I am standing or walking with someone I am attracted to. Having their hand resting on my lower back sends tingles up and down my spine. It seems like such an intimate touch that one can do in public without too much impropriety. It also makes me blush from time to time as well. I don't think this is such a bad thing either.

My hands. My hands have always been very sensitive. Especially my palms. Stroking my hands with light fingertips or my palm with the thumb can be incredibly erotic. Heaven help me if any nibbling occurs. I am helpless at that point. Happy but helpless. *grin*

My neck. I love to have my neck nibbled and kissed. Plus, having my neck bit on the sweet spot at the base of it is definitely pounce worthy. I have kind of a neck fetish when it comes to guys, too. I really enjoy nipping, kissing and sucking on them. It's just one of those things.

The best thing about non-traditional erogenous zones is that you can tease and please them in public with your clothing on. Also, it is a way of being close and intimate without having intercourse. For me, not everything is about intercourse. (Granted, I really, really like sex, but that's not the point here.) There is a sensual journey that can go along with it.

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Chariot

The Comfort of Touch

Well, week one of the restarted diet done and I'm five pounds down. Normally, I'd be suspicious but I know a lot of it is the first week of induction which does involve some water weight loss along with everything else. It was hard to start this again. I'll admit it. Kind of tiresome, really. But, I'm sure my enthusiasm will pick up once the weight continues to drop.

I finished red lining Regresser's Evolution this weekend. *cheer* Now, I have to start on the red line edits in the actual document. I want to send out the first three chapters to my first pass test group within two weeks. I'm really excited about this. It is thirteen chapters long. I'll send the Prologue and chapters 1-3, then chapters 4-6, then 7-10, then 11-13.

Though, now I have a new quandry. My mom is in my first pass test group. She requested it. Regresser's Evolution has some adult themes, including sex and violence. I'm wondering if I should send out some sort of warning email that the first chapters are coming and that the book is, while not X-Rated, could be classified as R-Rated due to the adult themes. I think I will. Just to give everyone a heads up. But, I'm still worried at my Mom's reactions to my novel.

Other than that, I'm really hoping to get the redline edits done fairly quickly. I really want to devote myself to Breaking the Chains for a while. I need to finish outlining it and start writing the novel.

I just have to say... I -adore- my techogeek friends. I really do. If I didn't have them to hang around, I wouldn't have some of the knowledge and none of the neat toys I have now. I got my iBook laptop, Princess, as a hand-me-down from Will. Now, I have a hand-me-down Visor Edge, that I've dubbed Little Miss, from Hans.

I'm just trying it out for a couple of weeks to see if it will suit me. I think it will but I have to remember that, right now, I'm in the throes of New Toy syndrome. My Visor Edge is sleek, silver, sexy and is very neat to play with. I'm just wondering if I will still feel that way next week. But, for now, I'm enjoying exploring the Little Miss' options and such.

This weekend was pretty good on the gaming front. Saturday was the finale of the Unknown Armies LARP. For a LARP that has been struggling a bit to keep players interested, it had an excellent end. My one and only most minor grip was that it felt as if my character had -no- chance at all to ascend. Once I got over that little bump, I spent the rest of the game, helping other PCs ascend. The most noteable being Ari/Kat as the Martyr, Tony/Dale as Nyarlathotep (which I find to be very creepy) and Yony/Max as the Inventor. All in all, I had a pretty good time.

Sunday was the Port Townsend game and Alex is back up to his usual high quality GMing again. I think he managed to tweak everyone's buttons at least once. I particularly enjoyed his GM evilness towards my character, Delphi. Plus, I really like having a character who is about as subtle as a lead pipe to the back of your favorite head. That lead to an excellent end scene where a lot of plot arc information was discovered by my character and we were all left on a cliffhanger moment. I can't wait to see the write up Alex does for this one.

I recently had a short discussion with James that had me thinking about the human need for touch. Not sex. Just touch. Good old fashion human contact. There was a long time where I didn't touch anyone. Especially after the fiasco with the psycho. I didn't trust my own instincts any more. I withdrew from society and from human contact. I visited only those people that I knew well. We didn't touch. If we did, it was the most polite of hugs.

I was trying to think of what brought me out of this. I think it was Bill, my psychic twin. When I first met him at DunDraCon 2002, I was my usual stand-offish self. I had all my barriers up. He didn't. He liked to stand very close to me. Well within my personal space. But, I found that I didn't mind it so much. He would put his hand on my shoulder and I wouldn't flinch away. Bill is also very tall. I've always like that in a guy. He radiates safety and security.

That started it all off. A few months later, at another gaming convention, Bill and I shared a bed in the most platonic of manners. But, it still had a profound affect on me; waking up next to someone I trusted. A warm, comforting presence. It really opened up the door to that need for simple human contact. I had convinced myself that I was better off alone. That I was happier that way. I was wrong and there was no way for me to convince myself that I could hide again.

It's been interesting for me. Not easy for sure but not as hard as I thought it would be. The need for the comfort of touch has been helped a lot by the Palo Alto group. They are a very touch-friendly and hug-happy group. I must admit, when I first entered the group, I felt both very left out and very odd about all of it. None of my other friends made such overt affectionate demonstrations. Or, maybe, I had just stopped them from doing so with me.

I've changed a lot in the last year. I've opened up. I've accepted the genuine affection of my friends. I've accepted the fact that I crave simple human contact. There have been a couple of really big steps in there for me. It's hard to imagine my life without human contact now. I think ... I would be very sad if I had to lose the connections I have forged again.

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: Six of Swords

Impulsive

I am a strange, strange lass. But, at least, I'm consistant. Tuesday, I went and did the beauty thing - hair and waxing. On an impulsive whim, I had Michelle cut my hair off. Snip! Snip! Five inches shorter. My hair is back into its usual semi-bob hair cut and looks pretty good, if I do say so myself. It's funny. I always get bored of my usual hair cut. I become determined to grow it out long and the very moment I can finally put my hair up in a pretty French twist without any of it falling out... I freak out at the length and weight of my hair and have it hacked off.

In a strange way, this cycle is very cathartic. It gives me a measure of control. It also helps that I have a hair dresser I've known longer than most of my friends - going on 16 years now. So, when I say "Michelle! Do something with it!!" I know she will and will do something I like. Plus, she won't let me do anything too bad to my hair. "Are you -sure- you want a tight perm? Over the top of the color... it would dry your hair out. Plus, it really wouldn't look that good." She has this way of wrinkling her nose, even when she's trying to be tactful that tells me my idea is a bad one.

So, I have short, burgundy hair. I like it. But, I keep having moments where I think I look like a boy. I have been assured by my friends that no one is going to accuse me of ever looking like a boy. Paradoxically, there's more I can do to style my hair now that it is short. That's fun. I can feel myself moving into a more girly phase. That means I must be feeling good about myself and care more about my appearance. I'm not sure if it's just the haircut or not.

I've started in on the redline edits for Regresser's Evolution. As happy as I am to be doing so and getting that much closer to sending out the first chapters, I'm starting to get really nervous. REALLY nervous. What if everyone hates it? What if everyone things it is crap? What if... *sigh* I won't know until I send it out. It could be ... what if everyone loves it and wants more NOW? Heh. That would be good.

I'm still chomping at the bit to really sink my mind into working on Breaking the Chains. I know I am going to take a lot more care with writing it. For one, I will actually have a full outline for it. I have the feeling for this novel, I'm going to need it. Especially since I know the beginning and the end so very well. It's the middle bits I'm a little fuzzy on. Plus, writing it 1st person is going to be much different than Regresser's Evolution.

I got sick this week. Amazingly enough, the worst of it was over in just one day. Usually, colds knock me on my butt for 3-4 days at a time, plus the 2-3 days of lingering crap. I started getting sick Wednesday night. Thursday, I felt really crappy. But, on the suggestion of a co-worker, I tried Comtrex. I've never tried it before. It really worked. Plus all of the water and vitamin C didn't hurt. So, by the time Yony dropped by with dinner and a little TLC, I was only exhausted and not really hacking up a lung. It was too bad that I had no appetite to eat.

I still stayed home on Friday, even though I spent half the day in meetings by phone and answering work emails when I wasn't napping. By Friday night, I was 100%. I swear, it amazed me. Maybe, losing weight and being more active is helping my immune system too. That would be very cool.

I'm getting really excited for the new Vampire LARP, Revelations: Shadow of the Cross. I've started having small downtime RP sessions with the couple other people my character is going to know. So far, it looks like Theodora is going to have strong ties to the Tremere clan. I would like to have a couple of contacts outside of the Tremere clan. However, since my character is arriving in the area the night of the first game, beggars can't be choosers.

The rest of this weekend promises to be a lot of fun, if a clash of ideas. Tonight is Gary's Little Fears game. He's really big on atmosphere. So, we're going to be wearing our PJs, eating kid food and setting up sheet tents for the game. From the sounds of it, pretty much all of us are going to be playing a version of ourselves as children with some tweaks. I bought the cutest set of pink flannel PJs with hearts on them for the game. Plus, I'm going to be taking my cheetah slippers, my crown and Rufus with me.

Sunday, in a complete opposite event, a group of us are going to be meeting up to do a reading of King Lear at Hans and Jeff's place. Not a performance or anything. Just a reading. It should be a lot of fun. I just hope I don't trip over my tongue too badly when it comes to Shakespeare's dialogue.

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: Seven of Swords

Bought and Sold

A quote that must be saved for posterity:

So often are hopes dashed to naught by circumstance... but how can I bring myself to be angry at the world, filled as it is with such awkward wonders and shy, fortuitous moments? - Hans Christian Andersen the Fifth.

No. I don't know the story behind the quote. But, I do know I very much like it.

Saturday night was the Little Fears game at Gary and Phoebe's place. Gary is a good GM. Excellent at setting the scene. The prop-age and kid food (tater-tots, fish sticks, corndogs and chocolate milk) helped a lot to put us in the little kid mindset. I ended up playing a little kid who was very opposite of myself as a kid. The younger sister, Suzy, to Tony's character, Scotty. He was the favorite kid while I was the black sheep. Our family was big into books and stuff. So, was Scotty. Not Suzy. She was the athletic one of the family, not very smart and she wanted to be a ballerina.

The storyline was a lot of fun and pretty scary. I really liked the way everyone got into their little kid roles. Hans as the know-it-all 'older' kid, Phoebe as the bossy popular one, Robert as the whiney teacher's pet, Tony as the whiny smart guy and Ari as the guided, strange girl. We did save the one missing girl... but that means we still have to go back and save the rest... *shudder* I was particular creeped out by the clown face and the circus music.

Sunday, I spent some time at Dana street doing redline edits to Regresser's Evolution. I'm just six pages away from sending out the first section to be read and critiqued. I'm nervous but excited. Jeanne met up with me to do some dueling keyboard stuff but, after a short time, we ended up just gossiping about our weekend and other things. Robert and Yony showed up for a snack before King Lear and joined us for a short time.

King Lear, in my not-so-humble opinion, is one of Shakespeare's better tragedies. I got to play parts of both Goneril and Regan. King Lear is much easier to read than A Winter's Tale. Or, at least, it seemed it to me. Though, a couple of times, my brain freezed on simple words like "ceased" or "still." I don't know why. It was a little weird. Maybe, because I had not read Lear before and my mind was casting ahead to see if it could understand what it was I was actually saying.

By the way, while Jeff did an excellent Lear... But, Hans did a perfect Edmund. Oh, my! Was he ever a bastard! I really got into listening to him read that character. He put just the right spin on the tone of his voice when he was scheming and conniving. I loved it.

This is so cool. I've just discovered that one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, does the same thing I do with dreams AND nightmares. He takes his dreams and nightmares and turns them into stories. In fact, he looks forward to the nightmares more than the dreams sometimes. I used to think I was the only one who did this. Especially with nightmares.

I look forward to nightmares in a weird way. Especially those ones with some sort of epic feel to them. One, I like to be scared. Two, once I stop shaking, I like to take the nightmare, tweak it and turn it into a story. Often, I'll think about the nightmare, semi-daydreaming, taking it and molding it. Turning it this way and that to see what else I can come up with. Also, to see if I can understand why I had the nightmare. It's been a while since I've had an honest-to-goodness nightmare. In a perverse way, I miss it.

Seriously. Nightmares are different than bad dreams. I have bad or unpleasant dreams all the time. The last one was a snippet of an elevator door opening, there being a collie dog in there, sniffing around but, when he turned to look at me, he became a great Dane with all teeth and attacked me. I immediately woke up. That sort of dream, I can't do anything with. It's a waste of good emotion in my opinion.

No, I like the long drawn out nightmare stories that have a fairly coherent plotline and progression from start to finish. Death of a Slave Girl was like that. Admittedly, it was pretty darned awful but it turned into an interesting bit of writing.

Today, I had my worldview readjusted in a big way. In short, my company was bought ... er... acquired... by Microsoft. This means that by Aug 1, 2003, either I will be looking for a new job or I will be relocated to Redmond. This is an either or situation. Microsoft has stated that all of Engineering, Ops and Hosting are to be relocated and that "most" of the current employees will receive a relocation offer after the five month routine government inquiry.

Yep, less than half a year until my world completely changes. I am looking at this as a positive thing. Completely terrifying but positive. If I'm going to move, being paid to move with a job waiting for me plus friends and co-workers that I already know there. Plus, it is the Pacific Northwest. I've wanted to return there for ten years and I have college friends there, too. Now, I have a better than average chance.

At the same time, I'm feeling spastic and panicked. I've been positive all day... but I broke down and cried a little this evening. Mostly because of the excess of emotions. But, also because of the possibility that I might not get an offer. I might simply be out of a job in this horrible economy. At the same time, I am feeling the loss of new friends... those people I will be leaving behind.

I have far too much to consider right now. Talk about having your perspectives and priorities shifted.

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Empress, Inverted

Ripples & Sparks

Friday, I got the opportunity to see Chicago with Jeanne, Tony, Hans, Albert, Robert and Yony. What a fantastic movie! I'm already ordering the soundtrack and I'm going to own the DVD when it comes out. I really enjoyed the Jazz music and the rather cynical storyline. Most of all, I'm really impressed with the fact that the stars; Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Richard Gere, did all of their own singing and dancing. I had no idea they were talented in that direction, too. It's definitely a movie worth seeing.

Saturday, the day started off poorly when I discovered that Little Miss stopped working. My guess was that the battery had been drained - which was confirmed this morning. The problem with this is that I had recharged her on Friday. So, I'm not sure what I did to make the battery drain overnight. I'll talk to Hans about this later.

Later was the Ethyria game. We had only four of the seven players. However, that didn't stop us. One of the missing players, Ben, left a plotline with the GM, Rich. This was BRILLIANT plotline. One that I need to beat Ben for. *grin* It looked like Lord Gloucester, our group's leader, died in tragic but common accident - choking on a chicken bone. Then, we started seeing signs that, no... he actually committed suicide. WTF?? Lord Gloucester? No way. There were enough people blocking our way that it was a really good thing that it takes Zjiria a full minute to shift into dragon form. Otherwise, someone would have been bit or flamed. Note to self: Write an IC letter to Gloucester complimenting the loyalty of his manservant.

What actually happened was that the Texans (those dammed ruffians) had kidnapped him to stand trial and left the doppelganger as a ruse. How we found this out... I'm still amazed. Ranji (Matt's character) summoned and dominated a demon - who is aspiring to Godhood. In the end, we got in, and even though it was really scary for Zjiria because the Order of Saint George was there, specifically to kill her, saved Gloucester. It was a very clever plan that used all of the particular skills of the characters there.

Sunday was a very interesting day for me. I had the first showing of House of Cards. Yony was the only one who made it. The rest had to bow out due to: illness, illness, work, prior plans, prior plans and bad timing. I was kind of disappointed and feeling mildly rejected. However, Yony convinced me it was OK and no one was rejecting me. *smile* He's so sweet. Plus, he adored House of Cards and does agree it is definitely a Vampire primer.

He was over early to fix Albrecht. My computer has been making very disturbing failing fan noises. At first, we thought it was the power supply fan. So, off we went to Fry's to get a new one. Problem. All of the new power supplies have a switch where my old one didn't. Thus, it was time to modify the computer case... So, off to OSH to get appropriate tools only to discover that those tools weren't good enough. *sigh*

Yony decided to make sure the new power supply was good. From the kitchen, I heard a sharp *BANG* and "OH SHIT!" from the den. I rushed in there to discover an adrenalized Yony who explained that the new power supply -exploded- in foot high sparks and red glowy flames inside!! Yikes! Worried for my computer (I was more worried for him), he plugged in the old power supply to make sure my computer was still working. Where upon he discovered that not only was the computer working but that it was NOT the power supply fan that had been making all the noise. It was the CPU fan.

So, back we went to Fry's to return the exploding power supply and to get a new CPU fan. Then, back home to put everything back together. It wasn't flawless, but in the end, everything was put back together and it worked! Albrecht is much happier and quieter now. I'm pretty happy, too. It was an interesting day of lessons on computer repair and computer safety.

Oh, yeah. I heard that there was a really disappointing Super Bowl game somewhere in there. *shrug*

Well, I'm back on Atkins full time and it is showing. I'm down five pounds this week. A good thing for me. I needed some good news like that. The exercise has been coming easier and my mood is elevated despite the incredibly emotional week I had last week.

Now, I am pondering the idea of Atkins hard core on Sunday through Thursday and modified Atkins on Friday and Saturday so I can go out with friends without too much worrying about food. I don't want to get back into obsessing about food. That's not healthy and what I'm going for is a healthy body with a healthy attitude about food.

I spent a lot of last week thinking about possibility of moving to Seattle. In a rather amusingly arrogant conversation with Hans, we came to the conclusion that when we left, we would be ripping out a lot of the stability (and sometimes sanity) from the group. Especially with the fact that we know Will and Cynthia will be leaving soon to go somewhere for her degree and Yony will be leaving for his post doc around the same time.

I'm rather amazed at the ripples this impending move is making through our friends. If it was just one or the other of us, I don't think it would matter as much. But, the fact that both Hans and I will be leaving, at the same time, to go to the same place, has a lot of people thinking or rethinking their own future plans. I know Lori and David have considered moving to Seattle because David has family there. I know Will and Cyn will be moving up to Seattle because Will has family there - it's just a matter of when. I know both Jeanne and Tony have been considering that option now because there really isn't that much here in the bay area for either of them. Even Monte and Thea have been discussing possible moves... though, probably not to Seattle.

Part of me is really hoping that all of my friends really move up there. They are family by choice and heart. Moving to a place is hard. But, if you have a support group there and settled, it makes it that much easier. Hans and I both agree that this move up north is going to be so much easier with the other going. We've been discussing a possible road trip up there to look around and figure out where to live (Redmond? Suburbs of Seattle? Downtown Seattle?). We aren't going to live together but we want to be near to each other.

Once I'm up there and settled, you can bet I'm going to be peppering my friends with the open job offers that I see up there. (From what I read, MS has 2000 open reqs!) I plan to be the evil temptress who makes everyone rethink their lives and situation. Yeah, it is a bit selfish of me but, you know what? I want my friends with me and I think there is more of a future in Seattle for me and a lot of my friends than there is in the Bay area. Yes! I want them all to join the Great Gamer Migration.

JANUARY'S JOURNAL SPOTLIGHT: BaronLaw by Bill. My wonderful psychic twin. Gamer, father, tech guy and good friend. He started his journal because I browbeat him into it. (Though, I didn't have to bruise him too badly.) I met him via email. Then, I met him at a gaming convention and we totally hit it off. His journal is like mine: ranging from fluffy to introspective. I always enjoy reading about things from his point of view. Most of the time, we agree. Though, once in a while, he startles me and that's a good thing. Well worth reading in my not so humble opinion.

Tarot Card for the Day: Two of Cups