January 2001

A Fairly Auspicious Start

New Year's Eve was fun and sedate for the most part. I had to reluctantly turn down James' invitation for an orgy on the beach. *grin* [Kinda hard to have an orgy with just 4 people. Besides, bonfire or no... that would have been -cold-.] So, I headed over to Rob and Lisa's for the evening. Again, their kids are growing like weeds. Kyle more than Kristina. Rob is looking good. He's definitely losing weight. It's a long, slow, agonizing process but I can see the results.

DJ, Christina, Nichelle (Christina's daughter), and EricL showed up, too. I got more birthday and Christmas gifts - a DVD of Fright Night, a little devil ducky, book three of the "Legions of Fire" series and "Kormarr" by Bujold. I am a very happy camper.

For the most part, we just hung out, watched "Scary Movie" (which was amusing), and talked. There was only one mild heart attack situation. At Midnight, we set off little firework poppers. Each one of the kids (ages 4, 5 and 8) got one to set off with parental supervision. As everyone was hugging and doing their well wishing, somehow, Nichelle, the four year old, got hold of the last popper. I'm not sure how. All I know is that I happened to look over to see Nichelle, trying to set off the popper, with it mere inches from her - pointed directly at her face!

I'm sure, it if had been a movie, it would have been one of those slow motion shots as I'm half diving over the table, shouting "NICHELLE! NO!" and grabbing it from her. Unfortunately, I scared Nichelle in the process. Mom had to calm her down and explain to her that all I was doing was protecting her. Fortunately, the popper didn't go off and we didn't have to rush her to the hospital for burns on her face. (You ever notice the fire-flash when you set off a popper? Now, imagine what would happen if a kid set it off in their face. *shudder*) I'd much rather Nichelle be frightened of me for 30 minutes than see her hurt.

I headed home around 1am to a good night's sleep. It had been a really evening. Not an 'alone in a crowd' one.... which is what I was aiming for. An auspicious start to the New Year.

The New Year also greeted me with an intriguing, pillow-biting dream which caused me to revamp Dreamlines... Realities Within. Well, not really revamp. Just update. New Year, new addition to the page. One of these days, I may revamp my dream journal page totally but for the moment, I'll just stick to the addition.

The Choice - The leader of the group that has captured my rebellion cell offers me much more than just a chance at a new life.

What is it with me and Alien invasions and being part of the Rebellion? I've had several dreams about this in the past couple of years. A couple of them could be turned into some interesting stories. Granted, I like the idea of me being a kick-ass good guy but I'm wondering what alien invasion is really representing to me. Here are some of the other Alien Invasion/Rebellion dreams I've had.

Aliens Among Us - I was with all my friends from both the BDSM and vanilla and gaming groups. Visiting and partying.... Then, they began to change. (1997)

Love & War - On a world that is not Earth, a world where the rebels were losing a vicious war of invasion by a more advanced neighboring planet. I was the Prophesized One who would lead my people to freedom. However, my love for the Inquisitor's son brings me both heartbreak and opportunity. (1999)

Running... - Stuck on a colony world, I am in enemy territory with no way home. (2000)

Invasion Force - After our world has been invaded, some humans possessed by aliens, as part of the Rebellion, I have to try to rescue a savior child who is half human and half alien. Unfortunately, my competition is the head of intelligence who has taken over Avery Brooks' body. (2000)

If you've been reading my journal or know me at all, you probably know all about my *ahem* interests and that period in my life where I was very interested in an online Gorean role-play. As always, when really interested in something, I ended up creating a Gorean slave page for my character Eden. This website is still up... mostly for vanity reasons. It has been hailed as one of the all time best Gorean Slave pages. So, I keep it up and accept the praises, still giving advice when asked... even though I don't play in that arena anymore.

One of the reasons I don't play in that arena is due to the high number of liars and plagiarists. So, while I was not surprised, I was pissed when I received both an email and an IM regarding my Eden site. Seems that a person (because you cannot assume female) portraying a female Gorean slave has not only been plagiarizing my work as her own... she actually has been telling people that the whole Eden site is hers - lock, stock and barrel!

My first thought was "What balls!"

My second thought was "What a bitch!"

My third thought was to modify my Eden site to announce that the person who had been claiming my site as their own was lying. So, I did.

See, I may not be into Gor anymore but -dammit- it is still MY stuff and I'm proud of it! It takes a special kind of talent to write erotica in a manner that is both pleasing, suggestive and not vulgar or silly. I think I do really well in that arena. Occasionally, I ponder writing smut professionally. In any case, I am extremely serious about that copyright on my stuff. It's mine! Mine! Mine! I don't want to have to take it down to protect it but I will if that's what I deem is necessary.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Wands, Inverted

More Rollercoaster Rides

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

In the Muse...
Nothing like a Writing Dare to make me feel like a slacker and a nobody. I read a lot of the Webrats' journals and I wince, thinking... "Look at them. Professional authors, every one. Where the hell do I get off even THINKING I am anywhere near their league? There they are, following their passion while I sit back, collecting a fat paycheck as an engineer, whining about how I want to write. Quit bitching and write or stop pretending to be something other than a wanna-be."

Yeah. My inner critic is very hard on me. It -is- very depressing.

I'm back to fighting with Envy and his green-eyed sister, Jealousy. KT has discovered that her hubby is making enough money now that she doesn't have to work. So, she's not. She's staying home and working on her novel that she is determined to have published.

Dammit. That's what I want. Of course, that means I have to find a husband rich enough and supportive enough to let me stay home and write. Sure. No problem. I'll just hop on down to the store and pick one up. Out of stock? Figures. *grump*

Still, I suppose some envy is good for the soul. In a fit of ... something... I completely edited Chapter 1: Pangborn Nomads. However, the word count went from 10,000 to 11,000. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. In any case, I've reached my first milestone of my Dare! Woo-hoo!

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Wands

From Left Field

Last Weekend was pleasantly quiet by my choice - sorta. Part of it was because I wasn't feeling good at all. Pounding headache and a sore throat. So, I gave my regrets to Alex and the gang, and slept... a lot. By the next morning, when I still didn't feel any better, I knew I would have to skip out on the company's holiday party. Kind of a bummer. I would have liked to have seen the Exploratorium. Sunday, I stayed home, played on Marrach and read "Out of the Darkness" the third in the "Legions of Fire" series by Peter David.

I really liked the book. It had a really satisfying end to the whole Babylon 5, Alpha Centauri plotline. The book itself was broken up by Londo Mollari's secret journal entries that usually introduced the next story plot point. The one thing that surprised me about this "Legions of Fire" series is the way I viewed one of the supporting characters - Mariel. She was almost as tragic as Londo was.

If you remember her from the TV series, she was quite the beautiful viper. In the series, she starts out using Vir for information and contacts until Vir (in a fit of rage) allows a technomage to cause Mariel to fall in love with Vir forever. After this point, Vir has to make some hard decisions and sends Mariel, as a spy, to his enemy, Durla, a man who has always loved Mariel. Mariel ends up marrying to Durla but continues to pine away for Vir. When Durla becomes abusive, she silently begs for her true love to save her but he never does. Vir tries to have the spell undone but cannot... leaving Mariel forever wanting what she cannot have. Even her very last thought is of her beloved Vir. To me, this strikes a chord... a tragic figure who, admittedly, brought her doom upon herself... but is no less tragic for that fault.

I'm starting to run into a problem with some of my friends. That is, I give them an honest rather than a sweet white lie. It's pissing my friends off. The latest backlash has come from Rob.

Rob: Heya.

Jenn: Hiya

Rob: How are you?

Jenn: Fine. You?

Rob: Pretty good. Entering some game info.

Jenn: *nod*

Rob: I think I should be ready to start by late Feb/ early March. Would you be interested in checking it out?

Jenn: I don't know. It depends on my schedule

Rob: ah

Jenn: Would you rather I lie and just say yes?

Rob: No. I didn't say anything committal. Should I just not respond at all?

Jenn: *sigh*

Rob: If you'd rather hear the truth, I've pretty felt cut out of all your guys' lives lately, but I've been afraid to actually speak up because when I used to it just got thrown back at me. "Rob's just sulking". And it hurt too much having my feelings dismissed like that. But that’s off my chest, and I won’t mention it again. G'night.

And he logged off, leaving me feeling blindsided and pissed off. I didn't know "ah" was supposed to be noncommittal. I say "ah" when I'm usually upset or disapproving. He could have just said "Ok." or "Alright" or something a -little- bit more evocative of what he feeling. Instead, I made a mistake, misinterpreted and got smacked upside the head by something that I was completely NOT expecting. Also, it certainly wasn't fair of him to do that to me and then leave.

[Though, note to self: You're passive-aggressive, too. Remember this ire when you do it to someone else.]

News Flash! I actually managed to look good in front of my boss on Monday. Woo-hoo. I figured out how a really hard bug was being caused and figured out that it wasn't random after all. It was just nice to get a kudos from him.

Well, saw the doc about my knee. He was running a wee bit late... like 2 1/2 hours, not to mention the time waiting in the doctor's office. He told me what he told me last time: Your knee is healing well, you need to lose weight, you have osteoporosis arthritis of both knees and I should go to therapy.

Well, I knew the first three. I don't know if I'll have time for the last one. Maybe, maybe not. In any case, I have permission to start exercising. Both my health rider and treadmill are allowed. And, I'm supposed to come back in 6 weeks.

All that waiting for about 8 minutes of attention. What a pain in the ass.

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Wands, Inverted

Train of Thought...

In my world, the sky is on fire
with great plumes of pink flame...

That was what greeted me this morning as I walked out to my car. It was the most amazing optical display. As the sun rose, tinting the clouds a bright pink, it looked like the sky over mountains was on fire. Pink fire. It was so surreal that I had to stop and admire it for a few precious moments.

Even more interesting, as the sunrise became daylight, the world actually got darker because the clouds were no longer reflected the dawn's morning light and the rain clouds became gray with rain.

Speaking of the rain, it has been raining here for a couple of days now. Not the usual misty maybe-I-will-maybe-I-won't rain, but real rain. Real in-your-face, fat, heavy drops of rain and wind. I've been enjoying it a lot. Except when commuting and even that hasn't been too bad.

Speaking of commuting, I've got my FasTrak now. This is an electronic way to pay the bridge toll over the Dumbarton bridge. A lot of the bridges have it now. It's pretty keen if you ask me. I have this little electronic device in the car that registers with the system when I go through the toll booth. I don't have to stop, just slow to 25mph. It automatically charges it to my account which is automatically paid by my credit card approximately one month in advance. It's also cheaper for me to use the FasTrak lane. My cost is only $1.85 per toll instead of $2.00. So, now, I don't have to worry about having cash to hand over to the toll taker when I head off to work.

Oh, yeah... thinking of work, I think there is a conspiracy to get me addicted to diet Pepsi again. Or, maybe it's just caffeine that they are working on. I noticed yesterday that they took the Sprite slot out of the vending machine and replaced it with Mountain Dew. Today, I really didn't want Mountain Dew, so, I thought to myself "One diet Pepsi isn't gonna kill ya."

So, there I am, still at my desk, munching on lunch and paying attention to the computer. I absently reach over, open the diet Pepsi and drink. Wham! I am struck by yummy, not-cloying, artificially sweetened taste of diet Pepsi - along with, of course, the first-drink carbonation high. OMG... there was a moment of unexpected bliss there where I totally forgot all of the evils of additives, caffeine, carbonation, Aspartame... and just enjoyed.

Man, that was good, but I wince just thinking about all of the poisons I've just drunk... the fact that caffeine is a diuretic, the fact that Aspartame becomes a poison when heated and has been proven to inhibit learning due to its affect on the brain and the fact that it is also a diuretic. *sigh*

I sit here looking mournfully at the empty can and sip from my glass of water, knowing that I need the real hydration of water while I crave another can of the sweet, yummy poison....

Speaking of poison... After talking with James a couple nights ago, he has me thinking about the song "Poison" by Alice Cooper. It's a favorite song that I haven't heard in a long time so, the only lyrics I can remember right now are "I wanna hurt you, just to hear you screaming my name..." and "Black lace... on sweat...." It's driving me crazy. I want to hear that song! He's been unsuccessful at both emailing and ICQing it to me as an MP3... because I won't use Napster.

No, no... I'm not using Napster because of some political statement. It's just that I'm not too comfy with the whole idea of it. Call me paranoid. I'm just not comfy with people downloading things off of my computer. "But, Jenn..." You tell me, "You don't have to let them do that." Sure, right. I know. Still, I'm not comfy with the idea of Napster. So, I don't use it.

Oh, and thinking of not being comfy... *sigh* I haven't written on "Pride of Bramsburg" in the last two days. Damn. Ah, well. But, I did come up with an interesting writing thought/project that I'm going to keep under my hat for the moment... I'm not sure who told me this but someone once said, "If you have a great writing idea and you tell someone about it, it will never get written because you already gave it to an audience." With that in mind, I'll just be quietly working on this random thought that ran screaming through my head late last night.

And thinking of last night, new dreamage to read about: LARPing for $$$ - After spending a weekend in a Cthulu LARP and a couple of friends discover a lot of money that isn't what it seems to be. Then again, neither are my friends.

Tarot Card for the Day: Ace of Cups

Avoiding Reality

Gamer Gossip...
It appears that both of the Vampire LARPs I'm in are coming back from dormancy - both with a few interesting changes.

Casting the Runes , Rich's LARP, is coming back with two new co-Storytellers: Dom and Peg. I'm betting that this is really going to turn up the intrigue quite a bit in this court. This next game will be on Feb 10th and will be in the 1940's. This is the last "background" game before the modern era.

I will admit, that I am struggling a little with Isabeau's goals. I've finally figured out some with the help of Adam. (That lad is too smart/devious for his own good.) Still, this being the first elder I've played like this, it's very hard for me to figure out how to lord over my Clan any more than I already have been. It's also hard for me to know how to manuvere my character, when I know that Clan Gangrel leaves the Camarilla in the 1990's. I -know- this is going to be a drop in power for my character.

I think I do have to ask Rich to stop making comments about my character to me. I was chatting about downtime and not being sure what to do about it... wondering how much trouble I was in. His comment to me was "Oh, Isabeau is in a -lot- of trouble. You just don't know it, yet." Gee. Thanks. Just what I needed to hear. What a good way to suck the joy out of a game. He started talking to me about all the Elders needed to make and -keep- their allies. Um, isn't that what I've been trying to do? *sigh* This isn't giving me any warm fuzzy feelings about the game.

Ah, well. We'll see if I can do anything with with Adam's suggestions.

As for Aragon , Alex, Johanna and Dave's LARP, there are going to be some HUGE changes in administration. It looks like Dave will be taking over all Plotlines, Alex will keep doing logistics and Johanna (with Alex) will be working on their special one or two shot LARP events under the name of "Chuckling Cthulu." So, the Trinity is massively morphing.

I have high hopes for both Aragon and Chuckling Cthulu. I think both will do very well. At least, I'm really rooting for them all.

Speaking of one-shot events... Dave, James, Alex and I played a quick off the cuff game set in the Big Trouble In Little China universe. This game was called More Trouble in Little China. James was the Jack Burton character: Mike Dalton. Alex was the Wang Chi character: Jimmy Cho. I was sort of a cross between Gracie Law and Margo as a feisty reporter: Chastity Dixon. To put it mildly, with skills like Chutpah and Kick Butt, and super special abilities like "I've got a nose for trouble" and "I can see things no one else can see, do things no one else can do" and "It's all in the reflexes"... it was a really amusing time. I may have to ask Dave if I can rip off his idea and run a game at DundraCon in the BTiLC universe.

In the Muse...
Why is it, when I set myself a goal, I seem to do everything possible to not work on it? In the past four days, I have written a short fantasy short about 1500 words long, revamped my private rant site, wrote an introduction for it, wrote a 2000 word rant and created another short website page for Castle Marrach .

I seem to be working on anything and everything EXCEPT my January dare. It's like the moment I set myself the Dare, my mind kicked itself into overdrive to creatively work on everything but "Pride of Bramsburg." I've got the stupid thing outlined and half written. Why can't I finish it? This is incredibly frustrating.

On the other hand, for Chapter Three, still unnamed, I've figured out the setting in which I will place the story. Think of a cross between Louis the 14th's court and Fey in a toadstool ring... and toss in a wee bit of Pinocco's Pleasure Island. You are in a sumptuous mideval court where you are offered all that you want. But, there is the warning that you should not accept too many things from there, as it will change and trap you. *hmmmm* Maybe I'll just work on the outline of Chapter Three. Getting two goals of four done is better that just one. *grin*

Tarot Card for the Day: Ace of Cups, Inverted

All Gone

General Stuff...
All gone. I don't know how, but it's all gone. The ganglion cyst in my left wrist disappeared, literally overnight. I -think- it's because earlier that day, I was pressing hard on it. I was told while was at the doctor's office, they used to smack cysts with books to break them. I certainly wasn't going to do that. However, I thought, maybe... I could press some of the fluid it out. I didn't think I was successful at the time. It didn't budge. But, when I woke up, it was gone. As if it had never been there. That's very cool.

My knee is still a lot weak. But I can, sorta go up stairs. Going downstairs sucks a lot more than going up. So, I traverse the stairs no more than once a day at this point in time. My knee still gets achy and crabby upon occasion, but for the most part, I'm happy at how well it's healed.

I've just gotten back from dinner with Greg and Ben. I seriously needed some friendly, sane companionship. I was in an extremely -foul- mood. My friends know to take cover when I get like this. Hell, I know to take cover. I hate having to deal with the fall out of my own shrapnel. I hate accidentally hurting my friends with my acid tongue and blunt thoughts.

For example, on the way home from work, I was in this bad mood and I started thinking about how the Red Talons have it right. We need about 5 billion less people on the planet. Something like "Skippy, the Super Flu" from Stephen King's "The Stand" would be perfect. Then, add on 1/2 million people being sterile and the other half being required to take intelligence tests before being allowed to breed. Maybe then, we could stop destroying the planet we live on and raping it for its natural resources. And -don't- get me started on the whole rolling power blackout issue! It just pisses me off too much.

I don't want to be pissed of. I had a really nice dinner and I'm ready for a short game of Marrach and then a nice, nice sleep in my favorite bed....

In the Muse...
Success! I have fully outlined Chapter Three of my book. It's called "Gifts of Arcantis." I had a minor breakthrough on the way to work this morning. I deliberately set out to figure out the name of my chapter because that always helps me write the story. At first, I was going to jokingly call it "Gifts of Tanstaafl" but I figured that would give too much away to anyone who read Heinlein.

Then, I wandered on the track of this particular realm being the lost land of Atlantis. That this was one explanation of what had happened to it - it was taken during a realmquake and this was the result. Then, I continued wandering down the surreal path, considering ... what if Atlantis was really Arcadia? That would fit in with my thoughts of Fey court, not eating certain foods and being stuck there. But, then, I thought I couldn't call it "Gifts of Arcadia" or "Gifts of Atlantis" because... well... I didn't like either name.

That's when I hit on the idea of anagrams and making up new words by mixing the old ones. So, I got a list of combined words from Arcadia and Atlantis and came up with the favored: Arcantis and Atladia. I figured that Arcantis would be best as the name of the place and Atladia as the forbidden fruit. With that little block out of the way, I was free to sit down and figure out the story that would go with my theme, my title and my setting. It practically outlined itself with my favored characters battling it out with the NPCs for center stage.

I love it when a plan comes together!

Tarot Card for the Day: Two of Cups

Feels Like A Monday

Today has not been a great day. Just in general it has sucked. However, in specific, I have two things to consider. Work and Family.

On the Family side, I got a very nice thank you note from my sister for my Christmas gift to her. At least, it was nice until she got into the whole religion issue. She writes...

"... You have a very generous spirit. I pray for you often that you will come to understand and accept the most generous gift of God - Salvation through Jesus Christ. I know you get tired of hearing us talk about this, but I have nothing else of lasting value you to give you. Bear with us. *smile* ..."

This is the kind of stuff I've been having to deal with from my family for years now. A lot of "it's for your own good" and "we're saying this because we love you." Yeah. Just not enough to let me walk my own path unmolested. It makes me sigh in resignation, knowing that I have this to look forward to with my family for the rest of our lives. I know they love me and I love them but this is getting depressing.

As for work, I'm seriously depressed. A bit ago, I mentioned that I found out that I was not considered a Senior QA Engineer. None of us were. Well, it appears that that has changed. I know they've added that new level because two of our group have just been promoted to it and I wasn't one of them. It seems that one of the criteria of being a Senior QA Engineer here is the technical knowledge of Automated and API testing. Something I do not want to do.

This appears to be a big roadblock in my career. As much as I utterly hate the idea of it, I am going to have to go into more gray box and automated testing. Or, I can sit back continue apathetically along until I'm outclassed at work. Neither option is appealing. Not in the least. I know I have to work harder and try to be more visible as a leader but I'm finding it really hard to get up the motivation right now. I feel very much unappreciated. It makes me want to go out an look for a new job or change career paths or something. In the meantime, I've sent an email to my boss for the requirements of being a Senior QA Engineer at my company.

And people wonder why I'm more interested in fantasy than reality.

Aragon was pretty amusing. I almost died three times. Fortunately, the one time I really thought I was dead, the person who attacked me messed up how to do damage. I would have missed Kayley, but it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

The reign of the unholy trinity ended on a very surreal "and then you wake up" moment when the elders revealed that the last 4-5 months of torture in game where just part of an Elder's $1 bet and the Archon's request to make sure this court was in fighting spirit against the encroaching sabbat.

Kayley couldn't do anything more than just softly laugh as she lay slumped in a corner, crippled, as Prince Gregor dropped his "I'm an old elder, I don't like technology" act, relaxed, said something about wanting to get into jeans... and then started shaking people's hands "Good game..." He came over and kissed Kayley on the head and said something that ended in "dear." I missed the rest of his comment to me.

After that, I worked fast and furious to set up the new court the way I wanted it. I chose the Prince and Seneschal - not wanting either myself - supported the person who wanted Sheriff, supported the current Scourge and totally forgot about the Keeper position. The new Prince immediately made me the only Primogen. The whole thing took only 5 minutes and we were setting ourselves up well as the Archon came in to talk to the new Prince. I have to admit, I'm fairly proud of myself.

Now, how to hold the court together while the sharks begin to circle ever nearer.

Ah, well. The joys of online journaling. Johanna and I both have a mutual "friend" who loves to read our journals and then copy bits of it, out of context, and email them to our friends. We both know exactly who it is. Logical deduction is a wonderful thing. Actually, it is pretty damned obvious when you consider the three people who have come back to Johanna and I to ask about the stuff that has been sent to them. There are few people that we know that are this nosy, annoying and mean enough to do such an incredibly rude and inconsiderate thing, who also knows the three in question. Gosh, with friends like him, who needs enemies?

Considering I haven't actually spoken to him in a long time, I'm not sure I can consider him a friend. Check that. Considering what he's done, I know I can't consider him a friend. Friends don't fuck over people like that, just to see what happens. There are several who have expressed harsh feelings to me about the perpetrator (for other things) that I thought were a little too harsh. Seems I am wrong.

So, all I have to say now to him now is: May you get all that is coming to you.

(I considered things like "Fuck off and die!" but then I realized that I didn't have that much hate towards him. Not worth the effort. Then, I thought of "Treat people like you wish to be treated" and realized that one would fall on deaf ears.... Then, I pondered "Please stop being such a jerk" but I figured he'd be amused by that. So, I decided that I'd just leave it up to Karma. I believe in the Three-Fold Law. I will be content to let nature take its course.)

Tarot Card for the Day: Two of Cups, Inverted

Coincidences

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

The all hands meeting just happened to be at the same Hotel as the Furry Convention, Further Confusion. Oh.... dear. Furries are a strange lot. I had to be in a certain mood to deal with them. I wasn't in that mood. I was in work mode. Walking to our meeting, I saw all sorts of people that I knew, but I didn't talk to any of them because I didn't have time and I really didn't want to have to explain to my co-workers why the guy in ears and a tail was hugging me and calling me "Starkitten."

Finally, though, I thought up a pat, sanitized statement to tell them what was going on. "This is a convention called Further Confusion. It is celebrating anthropomorphic art, costuming and comics. They also are very interested in preserving wildlife habitats." Then, of course, I had to go on to explain what 'anthropomorphic' meant. At one point in the evening, one of the marketing guys sat with us and said "I will give $100 to the person who can tell me what's going on." *grin* Everyone looked at me, and I proceeded to explain it once more. I'm not sure if he'll give me the $100 or not... but I was amused by the look on his face.

On the shuttle ride home, we were talking about it again and, somehow, we turned to me and my writing. Suddenly, I had a captive audience who -wanted- to hear some of my stories. So, I told them the stories of "The Duel", "Love & War" and "The Tale of the Hucked Tankard." They were all very, very impressed and happy and I entertained them all the way back to work.

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

Tarot Card for the Day: Three of Cups

Turning Points

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

My writing has taken a turn for the better. I've completed 3 of 4 tasks and worked on my writing most every day. I got past the hump in "Pride of Bramsburg" and written the opening scene for "Gifts of Arcantis." I won't finish Chapter 2 this month, like I had hoped I would but I'm farther along than I was before. I'll just keep working on it on and on Chapter 3. At least, my mom will be happy that I'm working on 'her' story again.

With all that said about doing well in writing, I'm going to be taking a few days off. Last night, I received this in email from a mutual friend.

This message is from Julie, Carrie's sister. I am writing to let you know that Carrie was killed in an automobile accident on Thursday, January 25. She apparently died immediately--the driver of the motorhome that broadsided her on the driver's side said she was looking down and probably didn't know what hit her.

I was really shocked. Carrie was very special to me in an intimate manner. She was integral in my life during my BDSM phase. What's, I don't know, either ironic or stupid, is ... last night, about 20 minutes before I got that email, I was realizing that it had been too long since I talked to her. Last night, I decided to web publish my book "The Girl Next Door" in which she played a major role in one of the stories that I wrote about. What's worse, it that I've been considering going back into the scene and hooking up with her. Now I can't do that.

I called Johanna last night because I was basically unable to think of doing anything else. I cried on the phone to her for a little bit and she gave me a good suggestion... write Carrie a letter good-bye.

Dear Carrie,