December 2001

The Morning Of & The Day After

November 30, 2001
The morning of my LASIK surgery, I was incredibly sentimental. As I took my glasses off for my shower I thought, "This is the last time I will be doing this." As I did my little ritual of cleaning my glasses after my shower and stepping into the hallway before putting them on so they wouldn't fog up, again, I thought, "This is the last time I will be doing this."

I was just very aware of each little thing that I did that involved my glasses... that which has been a part of me since I was 10 or so. Then, I made myself as busy as possible getting my article done for Black Gate and working on bills and doing laundry. I didn't want to think about my upcoming surgery. I was nervous enough as it was.

Laurel arrived at 12pmish, we went out to lunch, then headed out for Dr. Furlong's office. Once there, I signed the consent forms and handed over my check. Yes, it was a very expensive birthday present for myself. I was given the sedative, then I waited.

When we were all called in, I was mildly surprised. There were five of us. We were all prepped at once. I wasn't aware that Dr. Furlong did a series of surgeries in a row. But, in retrospect, as short as the surgeries are, it makes sense. The five of us joked nervously as we sat in that freezing waiting room. The air was so cold because it was constantly cycling through a filter to ensure high air quality.

I was the third of the five of us called in. The assistant asked how I was. When I answered, "Nervous. Very nervous." I was promptly given a small stuffed Tigger to hold onto. Surprisingly enough, that was very comforting for me.

Then, it was time for the surgery. Now, I am not going to say that it was painless. Because, for me, it wasn't. But, the pain wasn't sharp like a cut. It was more like a major discomfort. I had two problems. First, The speculum used to keep the eye open was uncomfortable to me. I was able to feel it. Second, and worse, was the bright light that you had to stare at, even when it was too bright for comfort.

As the Doc said, the second eye is always harder than the first one. That one was really hard for me. I was acutely aware of the speculum and since my eye had been closed during the first eye's operation, it was even more sensitive to the light. However, the surgery for both eyes was over in less than 10 minutes. Yep. That fast. It was a tense 10 minutes for me but Dr. Furlong treated me well and explained everything I would see/feel as it happened.

Once it was all done, I relaxed and was OK. They put the eye guards and the sunglasses on my face and Laurel was able to take me home. We made it home about an hour later. (Mostly cause Laurel forgot we weren't going to HER house and when I finally asked where we were, we were in San Leandro... some 17 miles past my exit.)

At that time, the numbing drops were all worn off and I was aching in my eyes. I was really glad to get home in order to put my drops in. Ahhhhh. Much better. Then, I napped for about 2 hours. The achiness was all gone then.

I couldn't tell if I could see really because of two things. First, I wasn't supposed to open my eyes. I was supposed to have them closed as much as possible. Second, the moisture condensation that gathered on the inside of the eye guards (as it was supposed to) fogged up the plastic and made it hard to see. I have a picture of me looking like that. Can you say "Bugwoman"? There. I knew you could.

I did my drops as I was supposed to do and went to bed early.

December 1
I woke up, peeled off the eye guards... owowowowowow... and put in my drops. Then, I looked around. I could see! Wow! I could really see.

Laurel drove me to my appointment. I could see, but better safe then sorry. Much to my surprise and the tech's surprise, I could see 20/20 out of each eye individually and 20/15 out of both eyes together! Wow! Talk about near instant gratification! Also, there was no pain at all. Just a little dryness. Dr. Furlong looked at my eyes and liked what he saw. Always a good thing. So, off I was sent and I'll see him in about 10 days. (barring complications, of course)

Some Observations:
1. Eye drops taste nasty! They never tell you this, but, your tear ducts are connected to your nasal cavities which are connected to your throat. I was noticing that within 2-3 minutes of putting in my antibiotics and inflammatory drops, I would get a nasty taste in the back of my throat. Yep, the medicine drops working their way through the connected systems.
2. Expect to get the drops all over your face. I got shown a neat trick of dropping the drop in the corner of the eye and rolling it into the eye by tilting my head.
3. Expect to use your drops more than once an hour. I'm using my tears every 30-40 minutes.
4. Expect to avoid books and the computer for a couple of days. I'm actually typing this with my eyes mostly closed. No joke. Focusing is annoying to begin with.
5. Expect your sight to be a little blurry after the drops. Has to do with extra moisture in the eye.
6. The tape used on the protective night shields hurts worse than the surgery did.
7. I've noticed that my left eye is feeling better than my right one most of the time.
8. The saline from the tears will crust in your lashes. Be very careful getting the gunk out.
9. Nighttime halos? Huh? You mean those things I've always seen? Oh, ok. No worries there.
10. Excedrin PM is great for getting to sleep when dealing with that uncomfortable tape.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Pentacles

A Surprisingly Good Monday

Ta-DA! I've reached Goal #3 in a stunning 8 pound drop from last week to this week. I am now at 287. Granted, I'm mildly suspicious but I'm all for rationalization. So, here goes:

The week after Thanksgiving, I had a four pound weight gain. That's was in part due to my food debauchery from the Thanksgiving feast. This was also in part due to my PMS - which is usually under control on the water weight gain side due to the diet but, since I wasn't following, the water weight came back.

The large loss is due to the following factors: I'm done with my period; all dieters know that water weight is easy to gain and lose; I was -really- good this last week; I had LASIK eye surgery - stress is a huge factor in weight loss for me; and I was due for a large drop based the cycle I have been keeping up: 3-4 weeks of small losses then one week of a big loss. At the end of the year, I'll show you the cycle.

In any case, I've made year end goal of Goal #3, 290 pounds. So, I can get my bed. Unfortunately, since my bedroom is -still- a disaster, I'm going to wait until I can get that cleaned up a bit. Also, I'll wait until after the holiday season to avoid the holiday crowds and catch the Januarysales.

So, Goal #4, 280 pounds will give me the reward of a new PDA/Visor thingy. Yeah! Maybe... if I'm really good, I can reach that before I leave. But, I won't be upset if I don't make it. However, I am going to try.

I'm still feeling good with my eyes. They are awesome. I am having to break myself of some habits - like trying to push my glasses back up my nose, take them off before my shower and reaching for them when I wake up. I'm really pleased that I can see so well.

Of course, though, I'm just a tear dropping fool at this time. Especially now that I'm on the computer again. I actually am doing my best to not be online as much as possible, to give my eyes a rest. Also, I spend a lot of time typing with my eyes closed. Ah, the joy of a touch-typist.

Well, @Home bit the big one. Fortunately for me, I still have my dial up connection - which is slow and clunky but usable. Unfortunately, though, I cannot use my Netscape browser because it is an @Home Netscape browser. I'm either going to have to install another one or wait until AT&T bails us out - which is supposed to be by Tuesday. We'll see what happens. I'm just glad I had my back up ISP.

Ah, yes. Because I was frantically reading my Star Wars RPG book, the Dark Side Sourcebook, (which is excellent reading, BTW) I ended up dreaming of Dark Jedi on 1st.

Jedi Within: What starts out to be a very strange problem of real vampires on a college campus, turns out to be the illusion of a Dark Sith Master and his apprentice... forcing a ritual combat between my Jedi Master and the Sith apprentice. Of course, the Sith Master is hoping they both dieso I can become his new apprentice.

On the LARPing front, the CAST game has now gone into its winter break - and none too soon. This is a very busy time of the year for me. When it picks up back in January, it will be on every other Saturday night. This might run into some of my other games, but I think I'll be able to work it out.

I do have to give massive kudos to the STs though. I was really wondering what they were going to do to follow up on the Tundress plot, afraid whatever it is would be really, really lame. However, I was very surprised and actually shocked at the new plotline. It has so much potential for good and bad it isn't funny.

Basically, our city was chosen to host a West coast kindred conclave dealing with the invasion of the Eastern kindred. This means, we will be hosting some 200-300 extra kindred for up to two weeks of the formal conclave, including elders. Not to mention all of the kindred coming into the city beforehand to set things up for their VIP. This might also include a contingent of Sabbat. *shudder* What a nightmare for the hosting city.

This is a dubious honor - with a great potential for massive boons or bashes. It all depends on how well the hosting city pulls it off.

Tarot Card for the Day: Seven of Wands, Inverted

How Cool is That?!

I am just too cool for words. I made a suggestion to my ultra-cool VP of Engineering about a possible Engineering off-site to reward all of us who have been working so hard to get our release out the door so we can get revenue from it. He LOVED the idea!

So, now, not only do I get to see "Lord of the Rings" on opening day, I don't have to pay for it AND I get to take off work to see it! How cool is that?! I guess it pays to be a 'proactive employee who takes the initiative to ensue the quality of the Engineering department's morale.' (Enough buzz words for you?) *heh*

Oh, boy. More interesting dreams again. Yes, Kevin, I'm back to dreaming IN character. Not only that, my character, Anabeth, is having strange dreams, too! Man, I wonder what sparked this dream this time.

4 December 2001: Kindred Spirits - Not only do I dream in character, I have a dream within a dream. Anabeth dreaming of Patricia, Christian and Anabeth dealing with strange aquatic kindred - who might have known Anabeth in a past life.

I've handed this dream off to the storytellers of the CAST game, who seem to find it very amusing. They might use it. They might not. Alex has invited me to see if I can't make a plot line out of it - to hand to the storytellers, who will - of course - modify it. So, my brain is in a tizzy over it.

Surprisingly enough, I discovered that I have nothing planned for me this Saturday and Sunday. I decided, on the way home last night, that I didn't want to have my birthday to go by without at least a little nod in its direction.

When I got home, Serendipity was on my side. Donna asked me if I had any plans for Sunday and if not, could she take me out to dinner. Yeah! We decided on Nijo Castle, a great Japanese restaurant. They cook the food right in front of you. I like it. But, it is fairly expensive, So, I don't go there that often.

Saturday is still open. So, maybe I'll go see a movie or something like that.

Oh! Happy early Birthday to my psychic twin, William! He'll be in Tahoe (lucky dog) living it up (I think) at some conference.

I'm still working on my "Faces fears. Take risks. Dare more." mantra. It's all about the little things. I was debating about waxing my underarms... because it might hurt too much. Then, I decided, I'll never know until I try. Time to dare. I was rewarded because it didn't hurt that much at all and I'm all smooth now. Cool!

I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done now. Of course, I did most of it online because I absolutely hate Christmas crowds. Johanna and Alex swear that all shopping malls turn into Black Spiral Hives of Despair the day after Thanksgiving due to all of the misery and pain that permeates the shopping malls from that point until just after the first of the new year. I'm inclined to agree with them.

The only time I want to Christmas shopping with the Christmas crowd is when I really don't have to buy anything for anyone. Then, I can browse and people watch, pitying the poor fools who are killing themselves to get Uncle Joe that 'perfect gift' that either he will leave in the box and never use/wear/look at or he will trade in for something he -really- wants.

Cynical? Yeah. I know. Ah, well.

I finally updated the SFBAJ page and did maintenance on it. I checked all of the links and updates. Net result: 2 new added. 3 old deleted and several inquiries about return links and updates. Not too bad, really. You know... I just realized something. I have no idea of how old the SFBAJ burb is now. It's got to be over a year by now. Huh. Maybe time to go trolling for new recruits or to have a January party.

Tarot Card for the Day: Five of Cups, Inverted

The Birthday Weekend

Friday was the usual Star Wars game. We've added Howard to the mix which was going swimmingly well until he pulled a blaster on a team member due to his past. Then, of course, the ritual fighting and sniping commenced. I'm not sure how long all of this is going to go on before we get back to bonding again. Ah, well. Currently, Alicia wants to just space the 'diplomat.'

In another amusing point, Alex had to point out something that I had written (literally) years ago in Alicia's background... The system we've been playing in, Atrivis Sector.... Well, I kinda, sorta, wrote that Alicia's problems with the Empire started in the Atrivis Sector, near Generis. Guess where we are going to be stationed for the Rebellion... Oh, crap. That means the space pirates and the rebel spy who got Alicia in all this trouble might be lurking. Whee! What fun.

I spent the night at Alex and Johanna's house so we could hang out the next day. They bought me brunch and we went book buying at Half Price Books and Bay Books.

At Half Price Books, I found the coolest set of 1910-1930's books on mysticism. A couple were from the Rosicrucian Order. One tries to explain the Order of Hermes and the last book is called "Practical Mysticism" - It's 'a little book for normal people.' How could I resist? Also, I picked up a book on the lost tales from Tolkien in Middle Earth, a sequel to "Mutant Season" called "Mutant Prime."

At Bay Books, I finally picked up Heinlein's "Expanded Universe" and Harrison's "The Stainless Steel Rat" trilogy. Also, I finally found Charles De Lint's "Mulengro." I've been looking for that book for ages. It was one of his first novels. This is why I love Bay Books. I can find all of these books I've been looking for over the years. Even better, Alex and Johanna bought the books for me as my Birthday present. Gift books! Yah!

Now... if I could only clean up my den enough so I could get the new bookcases (that I still have to buy) in there.... so I could find all of my books. I can only dream of neat rows of books in alphabetical order by author. *sigh*

Sunday was pretty quiet most of the day. I hung out online, read some. Actually, read a lot. I absolutely swallowed the third B5 Technomage book whole. Wow. There were some pretty stunning revelations in it. I haven't decided if I like or hate the things we discovered about the Technomages. Their greatest dark secret was a big one.

Then, Donna and Scott, took me out to Nijo Castle, a Teppan room, for dinner. It was -really- good. And I absolutely went off my diet for the meal. I had some pork fried dumplings and sushi for an appetizer. Then, steak and scallops for the meal. I had some fried rice. About half the portion and about half of the portion of the raspberry sherbert with whipped cream for desert. Quite yummy. Very filling and well worth it.

Admittedly, it was pretty tame for a Birthday weekend. Turning 31 was no big deal. I don't feel bad about it at all. Though, I'll admit that I'm pouting over my parents not calling me for my Birthday. I'll have to razz them for that when I see them later this month.

This being my Birthday weekend and knowing that I was going to cheat, I prepared myself for no loss or some gain. Well, looks like my body gave me my own present. A three pound loss. I'm at 284 now. Considering that I did cheat twice, once on Thursday, eating chocolate and, of course, on Sunday for my Birthday dinner, this is excellent.

My punishment for the chocolate showed up on Sunday in the form of a pimple. Great. That's one thing about this diet, it really clears up your skin. I haven't had almost any problems with break outs - except when I cheat and eat badly.

The other thing I noticed this week, as I was eating my Birthday dinner... I was eating the rice only because I could. As I had a couple of last bites, I really slowed down and tasted them. Then, I asked myself "Are you really enjoying this or are you eating it because you can? Will you lose anything by stopping?" I discovered that my answers were: I'm eating it because I can and I would lose anything by stopping because I was full.

I ended up doing the same thing with the sherbert - though, I had to ask myself twice before I came up with the right answers to make me stop. I really do have a sweet tooth and I love sherbert.

You know, it's possible for me to break goal #4 before I go visit my parents. I'm shooting for it. Because, I know I'm going to end up cheating like crazy from the 20th to the 31st. So, the more I lose now, the less I'll have to lose later on the backslide.

If I were a work of art, I would be M. C. Escher's Lizards. I am a bizarre juxtaposition of the real and the unreal. Based in the realm of mathematics, my two-dimensional appearance belies a complex and free-willed behaviour which both delights and confuses people. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Cups, Inverted

Runaway Time & a Moral Dilemma

Wow. A whole week since I posted. Admittedly, not too much has occurred in the last week that is that interesting. I actually spent a lot of it sleeping. When I wasn't sleeping, I was at work or gaming. Wednesday was the Psi Factor game. Friday was the Amaranth LARP. Saturday was Bob's AD&D game.

Amaranth was pretty cool due to the unity that Clan Toreador is putting up. We had one wonderfully dramatic moment when a Gangrel was trying to make some be announcement about making himself leader to go Sabbat hunting, but he had no speaking presence and the private promises made to Clan Toreador about boons/power was no where in sight - and Clan Toreador, as a whole, all got up and left, dissing the gangrel and his sputtering supporter. I heard someone announce as we all walked out, "Clan Toreador has left da house!"

Bob, on the other hand, has utterly lost his mind in the AD&D game. But, we're rolling with it.

There was one thing that occurred that has me in a serious moral quandary. I gave blood on Friday. However, based on the new CJD rules, I shouldn't give blood anymore. Why? Because I have spent more than 6 months in Belgium since 1980. (Actually, I wasn't sure when we returned to the US - 1980 or 1981. I had to call my Mom and ask. It was 1981.)

So, now due to the Mad Cow disease scare, no one who has lived/visited Western European Countries for more than a total of 6 months since 1980 can donate anymore. This makes me unhappy. I had just gotten back into the habit of donating blood. I have donated blood many times since 1980. Now, I'm not suppose to.

This is where the moral dilemma comes in. I know my blood is fine. I've many, many tests since being back - over 20 years now. I want to donate blood because it saves lives. But, due to regulations, I can't. So, what do I do? Not donate because they say so or lie and donate blood anyway? I've been wrestling with this for a couple days now.

When I talked to Alex about it, he said that I'll be allowed to donate since it has been over 10 years since I was in Belgium. Apparently, he will be allowed to donate blood next year, which is his 10 year mark from leaving England. I really hope this is true. I'll have to ask the next time they call me to come donate.

I'm back up to 287. Yeah, obviously, I went off my diet last week and pretty much, I'm not going to be on my diet again between now and January 2nd. However, I am going to try to stick to it somewhat. Mostly meats and veggies. The problem is, simply, carbohydrates are addicting. It's a hard thing to get over.

I stick to my diet. I eat good, I feel good. I go off my diet. I eat like crap, I feel like crap. It's a pretty clear one-to-one correspondence. Yet, I continue to eat the crap and I don't really understand why I do it. Which is really stupid to me. It makes me angry. But, I still go on and munch happily on that holiday cookie/cake/pie/treat and I so regret it later.

I guess, at this point, I should be happy that I have made my year-end goal and should not beat myself up over the inevitable holiday weight gain. Also, hope that I don't end up gaining too much back. January will be a tough month but, at least, I won't be alone in it.

Tarot Card for the Day: Three of Wands, Inverted

Packing Queen & I'm Off!

I am the packing queen! One hour, from the time I started, I was done packing. Of course, I was armed with a list that I had made up during the day - several lists, in fact. The first list was clothing. The second list was non-clothing. The third list was what should go into my purse. The fourth list was what I still needed to buy; stuff like: Dramamine, Sudafed and extra eye drops.

So, I stopped at the store on the way home, picked up what needed to be picked up, came home and took 30 minutes to just eat and unwind. Then, the packing began. 54 minutes later, I was sitting at my computer patting myself on the back. Of course, I've forgotten something but I don't know what. Ah, well. Half of my Christmas gifts for my family didn't get here, either.

Also, I thoroughly went through my purse, since that's the only thing I'm taking on the plane with me. Took out all of my dice, nail file, nail clippers, small mag flashlight, etc... Anything that could possibly be misconstrued as a weapon. The dice got me searched the last time I went to Texas. I am fully expecting a search tomorrow, simply because I look too normal or because I have a HUGE purse.

I'm sure I will have many adventures to tell you all when I get back. I'll be gone until the 29th. Don't expect to hear from me until the 30th. And in the meantime, GO SEE LORD OF THE RINGS!! It is so worth it! Wow. I immediately want to see it again. It really wets the appetite for a good story! The visual effects are stunning. The story is well written and it's just over all cool!

Well, I'm off like a bodice in the hayloft. Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice and Happy Holidays to one and all!

Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Cups, Inverted

On vacation, in North Carolina, with my immediate family and my brother-in-law's immediate family. We're going to be stuck in a mountain cabin with no access to the internet. Yes. I'm taking a few books with me.

It's Good to be Home Again...

Here is the trip report. Happily, it went a lot better than I expected. The only person I got mad at was my 4 year old niece, Emily. Considering my family, that's an amazing accomplishment.

Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad are doing pretty good. However, Dad is still hurting from his surgery and they are fighting with long-term disability over it. Both have been sick with the flu and I was worried about Mom turning it into Bronchitis as she often does. But, she was feeling a lot better by the time I left. Money is tight but not strangling and soon, Mom, won't be babysitting for Shannon anymore. She's looking forward to the break.

My parents really want me to come live near them but accept it when I tell them that there is no chance of that. I don't want to live on the East coast again. Besides, I think we all get along better when I'm not so close to them physically.

On an interesting note, after years of trying to get me to buy a house, my parents have reversed that decision and are totally recommending that I don't buy a house in the SF Bay area and they are fully supporting my harebrained idea about New Zealand. (That's a story for another time.)

Shannon, John, Emily and Amanda. Shannon is finally separating from the Air Force in January after getting her waiver approved. She has decided that she would rather be home with her family, home schooling her children since the NC school system sucks and she wants to be there for her family. She decided that she did not have the energy to be a full-time AF officer and mommy at the same time. It's going to be a huge change for her but I think she'll be happier for it.

John and I got along really well, staying up way, way, way too late - just talking about various things. Emily is a willful four year old who, while cute and precious at times, is at an age I've discovered that I cannot stand. Amanda, at 18 months, is just adorable but is also strong willed and is showing distinct signs of becoming a holy terror by the time she is two years old. I love my sister's kids... but as I honestly told Shannon - they are the BEST birth control I could ever have.

It was nice to visit but I'm really glad that I don't have to be around the kids a lot.

Scott. My dear brother had the most startling news for Christmas... He's getting married to his long-distance girlfriend from LA next July. They've known each other for almost a year and he's been spending most of his weekends with her. He'll be moving to LA in June, after he graduates from Electrician's school.

His fiancée comes with an eight year old son named Devon - whose father has not been too interested into the boy until Scott came along. Now, it seems that Devon's lazy father has suddenly become much more possessive and keen on keeping in touch with his son. This is a new development that promises to become really nasty in the future - especially if Scott and Susanne decide they want to move out of the LA area.

While Scott and I got along really well this trip (I really made the effort), I do not like the person he has become. He is the kind of man I could see heading an Inquisition - intolerant, hateful, inflexible, fanatically religious and very domineering. It's pretty disturbing that he and I are twins. In truth, if I did not have to see him as my brother, I would never choose to be around him. I can only hope that married life will mellow him out some.

Mark, Carol, Pat, Jill and Matt. On John's side of the immediately family, they were are pretty nice and easy going. Though, Mark and Carol, John's parents, are much too permissive with Amanda and Emily. However, since they don't see their granddaughters that often, that is to be expected. Matt is John's brother - a nice guy who is much too shy for his good looks. So, unfortunately, he didn't make too much of an impression on me. Jill, John's sister, and her husband, Pat, popped in only for Christmas Day and left the next day. Both were pretty nice.

Christmas. Christmas was a hectic, confusing, joyful day of gift giving and much eating. That was the one day that EVERYONE was there. 11 adults and 2 children. 0 fights. Amazing. The girls got over stimulated on all of the gifts they got. My Christmas was small but good - new slippers, a George Foreman grill and a couple DVDs. In truth, 90% of the gifts were for the girls and we ended up having several gift openings for them because they'd get too excited. Still, it was fun.

Religion. Yep. Religion was all over the place as expected. I was forced into only one service that was pretty nice. I had the required talks with Mom and Shannon. Fortunately, this time around, unlike previous sessions, both actually listened to what I had to say. I guess it is time for me to get over my teenage rebellion and finally look at the question of Jesus and make a decision for myself.

That's one of the few decent things Shannon said about the subject because I flat out told her if being Christian meant that I had to be like my brother - bigoted, intolerant and double standards - I would rather not. She told me that the one thing I should do is NOT compare myself to other but to look at Jesus' life and compare myself to him. Other people don't matter in this. It's not a competition.

That was nice to hear. I have other friends, like Rich and Cil, who are Christian, extremely tolerant and still sane. But, I still have a problem with the thought that people like Gandhi are in hell because they did not accept Jesus as their savior. I guess I'm going to have to really read the bible and see what it has to say.

Over All. Over all, it was a really good trip despite the awful lines in Oakland Airport. I had a lot of fun up at the ski lodge, going snow tubing, eating like crazy, visiting with family and all that sort of thing. It was a really nice break... but man, it's good to be home again. I'm actually looking forward to my diet and to getting back into a routine.

Tarot Card for the Day: King of Cups, Inverted