December 2000

Feast or Famine

On the Work Front...
Things are heating up work wise at work. To the point that I am actually -really- busy at work, doing work. We are still searching for a decent QA Lead and a Platform intergrator. My boss says we are looking to more than double the size of the QA department in the coming year. I have to admit, at the pace we are going, we'll need it.

As always in QA, it's either feast of famine. We were supposed to be in a feast period during November but various complications have pushed most of those project off to now, December, when various members of the QA department will be on vacation. Which, of course, leaves a lot more for the rest of us. Looking at the schedule, there is -no way- we are going to be able to do a decent QA job on ALL of the projects coming in at this time. Either they are going to get a lick and a promise or ... we just won't do all of them.

The situation is this: 6 QA Engineers. 1 is automation. 1 is webload/scripting. 1 is installations and performance. 1 is telephony. 1 (me) is branding/test plans/reports. 1 is compatibility. All are testing new projects. There are 3 projects already in test with 5 more on the way. Their due dates are all within ONE WEEK of each other.

You know. If you want to have a job where you will never have to worry about ever looking for another one, become a QA engineer. If you want to become gold and a resource that companies viciously fight over, become a good automation or white box engineer. You will never worry about a job. You will always be challenged and you will always be busy.

And don't forget your tums.

In the Muse...
I have been throwing around a couple of poem ideas. I need to do two this month to keep up on schedule. One of them I'm mentally calling "A Rare Indulgence" that is about a woman sitting down to eat her favorite treat of caviar on toast. The problem here is two fold. I haven't had time to sit down and enjoy such a treat in a long time that I don't remember what it's like and I can't figure out if I want to make it abstract or rhyming. I seem to get both types of stanzas for different parts of the poem but the two would not mix.

The second poem I'm struggling with is mentally called "The Window Seat." I've recently discovered an excellent anthology of some of some great poets and I'm yearning to put out something of that quality of work. Something that makes a person pause like Emily Bronte's Rememberance makes me pause and reread it, the images vividly forming in my head.

Part of me thinks some of my recent stuff has come out trit and boring... though some of my friends who actually read my poetry give some good comments. Most really like what I write. My friend Ice told me that my poetry is for more abstract, intelligent people because those who just skim will miss the nuances of my work. Part of me is flattered. Part of me just thinks he's being nice. Part of me wonders what the heck he means. Then, once more, I have to remember that people are not in my head when they read my poetry. Things I take for granted, others may never notice. It's hard to tell what a person to see when they read my words. I wish I could be in their heads sometimes.

Gamer Gossip...
Downtime for Aragon has already been extremely eventful for Kayley and it's only been a week since the last game. Heck, I've been working so much at work that I haven't turned in my IC game report yet. Already, she has had a life debt forgiven in an extremely surprising conversation with a character named Masters and she's had a rather unpleasant run-in with the unholy Trinity that has left her with both some very definite and some very mixed feelings. Hopefully, I'm going to be able to get all of THAT writing done today.

Friday was Dave's bi-weekly D&D game that started off really slow due to a faulty printer but picked up once we actually got into the game. I'm playing a charming, hedonistic halfling. I've never played a halfling before. I think the 3rd Edition write up has make them a lot more appealing. Brenna Grasshill is a vivacious and gregarious character. I think I'm going to like her.

Saturday was Rich's monthly Sekt Valir game. For us, it was actually a really quiet game action-wise. But, I think after some 2 years of action, tracking down fabled weapons and performing various great tasks, I think all of the characters needed a break and a lot of downtime. That isn't to say that things weren't exciting. We had the "wrath" of a god born. We were attacked by servitors of another god. We planned out our next tasks in order to get rid of these fabled weapons. Oh, and Eris continued to plan her wedding to the Sultan of another country.

Today was susposed to be the resurrection of Howard's Jedi game but fortunately, he postponed it for a couple of weeks, allowing me to stay home, sleep late and get some writing done. Who knows, maybe I will get a chance to have that 'rare indulgence' this afternoon.

Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Wands

From Disappointments to TMI

Things have been disappointing me all week. Including myself. I managed to make myself look really stupid in front of my boss over something trivia. The crux of the matter is that I did not write up a bug for an obvious bug because it was so obvious and I just didn't take the time to do it. I wanted to test the rest of the project. Of course, he wanted to know why not. I did not have a good answer for him. Needing to get 'a round toit' was definitely not acceptable.

Also, I have discovered that yes, indeed, my commute is now a solid 75 minutes in the morning. I used to average 50-60 minutes and I still average that coming home. But, going to work, I haven't gotten in under 70 minutes in weeks. I don't know what it is, other than the fact that there are more and more and more people moving into the Bay Area on a daily basis. So, either I just grin and bear it or I carpool. Neither option is appealing.

I've been watching Dune on the Sci-fi channel. I am definitely disappointed. While it is -very- pretty and the special affects are stunning.... and there are things I do like about it... I am disappointed in the portrayal of the story. I don't like the actors they chose for Paul or Feyd. I don't like the way it feels like they are sleepwalking through the story. I don't like the lack of feeling. In particular, I really dislike the uncanny similarity between Paul and Luke Skywalker (from A New Hope) in both image and incessant whining.

They are rabidly loyal to Herbert's dialogue and yet, they do not even hint at the inner monologues that are so vital to the soul of the story. It is like watching someone who has perfect timing on the piano but no emotional interest in the music they are playing. It is all rote. The movie does not draw me in like the original one. It has no meat behind the words. No emotion behind the tears. It lacks the soul of the imperfect, yet moving, original story.

It's a rerun for Buffy and Angel this week. *POUT*

My knee is healing wonderfully. I can almost walk without limping. I'm halfway to forgetting that I'm walking at all. At least, I think I am. I've noticed both my knees are stiffer than they were before I broke my leg. Sometimes, I feel like I'm hobbling like an old woman. I'm not old. I'm almost 30. That's not old. I shouldn't be hobbling. It might be from the arthritis. Anyone know anything about dealing with arthritis? Can it be reversed? What can I do to make it better? Are there exercises I can do? I really don't want to be crippled by this.... and the fact that it is a possibility scares the pants off of me.

Must find something good to talk about. This is a depressing entry. Let's see... James has joined Marrach. That will be fun. He seemed intrigued by premise and setting. Several of us sat around the fire and exchanged poetry. James was surprisingly talented. I never thought of him as a poet but he dashes off a sonnet called "Memories Concealed" that had me almost turning green with envy. (The only reason I didn't was because he wrote it to my character, Elea.)

That reminds me. I must be ovulating or PMSing. (Yeah, yeah, yeah... TMI. But it's my journal. Deal.) It always puts me in a strange headspace. I have been the mood to read and write about kinky smut. You know, that whole bondage, kidnap, rough sex fetish I have going on in the back of my head half the time. I got to read a little last night and it ended up giving me one hell of a pillow-biter dream last night. Enough so that I'm not going to put it in my public dream diary, Dreamlines. (Or, if I do, it will be seriously watered down.) Suffice it to say that my characters have imaginations of their own and one of them went on a wild ride last night.

Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Wands, Inverted

Being 16 Again

I was going to write a little amusing rant on there being traffic on the road, lights in office buildings and people wandering around at 4:20am. But, I'm not feeling really amusing anymore. I've been up since 3:30am, worked tech support from 5-10am while they were out on an offsite and I just had to cancel my birthday party due to lack of interest.

Yeah. It's that last one that really hurts.

40 people were invited. 21 haven't bothered to respond. 8 said no. 2 said maybe. 9 said yes. Of those 9, 2 were hosting. 1 was me. 1 was Lisa who had to cancel due to a conflict with her daughter's schedule. 1 person was actually counted twice. That left Alex, Johanna, DJ and Christina. Then, I was talking to Johanna on IM and she mentioned that their car had seriously overheated and she wasn't sure how far it could go. I realized that, suddenly, not even my best friend was going to be able to make my party.

That kinda of cemented it for me. Originally, when Mary first asked to throw me a party, I was leery. But she was so enthusiastic and happy that I decided "Why the heck not?" It's just a birthday party. The last good birthday party I had I was 18. Why not kick in year 30 with another party?

Well, we see why not. Suddenly, I'm 16 again. Shy, insecure, feeling very unpopular and unloved. Nobody wants to come to my birthday party.

My whole drive home, I fought back tears, quietly swearing to myself that it was nothing. I didn't really care. That I was going to go over to Alex and Johanna's tomorrow and we were going to have a good time, a small group of intimate friends helping me celebrate my birthday. That's the way I prefer it anyway. I keep telling myself that, hoping I'll believe it.

But, the fact remains: I had to cancel my birthday party due to lack of interest.

Fuck, that hurts. Not a big hurt. More like the stinging pain of a thousand hidden paper cuts suddenly sprinkled with lemon juice. An ephemeral yet tangible pain. So many tiny hurts that together they make up one not-so-small throbbing wound.

I swore I wouldn't cry over this. I swore it. I'm not. Those aren't tears. I'm just really tired from getting about 4 hours of sleep and having to be up too damned early. That's all. No tears. This isn't worth tears.

Yeah. Maybe someday I'll actually believe that.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Wands

Dungeons & Dragons & Birthdays

Thank you to everyone who sent me well wishes and birthday wishes and, in some cases, the story of their worst birthday. My. I definitely do -not- corner the market on sucky birthdays. Friday did get much better for me. The 3 hour nap helped immensely. I played online, then went out to Concord to meet up with Johanna, Alex, James, Dave, Bob and Chris for dinner and then to see the new Dungeons & Dragons movie.

Oh dear. I knew the movie was going to be bad. I knew it was going to be cheesy. I knew it would have no substance. But I didn't know it was going to be THAT bad! It was awful. Truly awful. The clothing was nice, but the acting stunk. Really stunk bad. And even though Jeremy Irons was very, very obviously playing THE OVERLY DRAMATICALLY CAMPY BAD GUY, he still acted rings around everyone else in that film. Thora as the Empress was doing her best William Shatner impersonation. Marlon was doing his best to ensure that he was the most hated character around. And Justin was doing his best smarmy anti-hero impression.

I will, however, give kudos to Kirsten Wilson as Norda, the Elven Tracker. She played an excellent elf. From her features to her mannerisms. Now... if they could just get rid of that obscene plate mail! Did they really have to form it so anatomically correct? Complete with nipples? Never mind the fact that a Ranger doesn't wear plate armor.

Ah well. I will admit, I just let myself enjoy the movie will it was going on. Sort of did an MSTK3 on it. The movie is good for a cheesy laugh but that's about it. Oh, and for trying to figure out what kind of D&D game would have 3 artifacts, two named swords and a zillion dragons for the first level characters to deal with.

The evening didn't stop there. James, Dave and I headed out for food at the local Denny's and was happily told by our 50 year old Irish waiter that he was quitting that night. So, he kept us entertained. Though, I'll admit... I could barely understand a word he said. He spoke quickly in a soft accented voice. I did a lot of smile and nod with him.

By the time we were done, it was about 2am. Revitalized by the food, none of us were tired. So, James and Dave introduced me to something they called "A lap around the Mountain." We drove around Mount Diablo and talked. A lot. It was really interesting and rather eye-opening. I hope I get to do it again.

As I was driving home at 4am in the morning, I realized that this was the second time in as many weeks that I had stayed up for over 24 hours with a short nap in the middle of the day. It was also the second time in as many weeks that I had an internal rant about people being up at this time of night.

Dammit. When I drive home (or to work) after 3am, I want the world to seem deserted. I want desolate roads with nary another car in sight for miles. I want all buildings to be darkened with eerie shadows lingering from that one barely luminescent street light. I want to be able to imagine myself in a post apocalyptic world where monsters run along side my car, frightened of the light but drawn by the scent of blood. I want my fantasy!

Saturday, the actual day of my birthday, I pretty much stayed at home and hid. I played online, watched movies and ate poorly. I had fun. The people at Skotos knew it was my birthday, so a couple of my characters got extra gifts like a mirror and a magic ring. It was pretty nice of them.

However, Johanna, being my best friend and all, is determined not to let my birthday go without some sort of acknowledgement. So, I told her what I really wanted: A Wrasslin' party with friends, pizza and general rowdiness. So, she's going to make that happen tonight. We're all meeting at her place, ordering pizza and the WWF pay-per-view and going to sit around, screw around and have fun. Exactly what I want.

We can save the fancy dinner for another, less pressured, night.

Tarot Card for the Day: Nine of Wands, Inverted

It's All About the Money

I got some interesting things for my birthday but one of the coolest things I got was a pair of the gold one dollar coins. I really think these coins are neat-o keen. They are slightly bigger than quarters and have a nice weight to them. Perfect for storing as treasure.... in fact, that's my newest goal! I want to have a small treasure chest -filled- with gold coins. Yeah... not too big. Say, a small chest 12 inches wide by18 inches long by 10 inches tall. Something I can lock. And it's got to be lined with felt or some such. Yeah... I want a treasure chest! Must find treasure chest! Must get more gold coins!!

Speaking of money, I did something extremely scary... I just signed 3/4 of my savings account over to my new financial advisor. A check to start off my long term investments. A check to start my ROTH IRA and a check to start my short term investments in the money market.

It's really scary for me to do this. Suddenly, my savings account looks bare and I'm having those small hyper-ventilating fits of "what if" going on in the back of my head. But, I -know- if I want to retire in any sort of comfort... I need to start planning now. I know I sure as hell am not going to see any of that money I'm 'donating' to Social Security. I say donating because that's pretty much all it is now. A forced donation. I'm figuring the whole Social Security thing is going to collapse in on itself in around the year 2010.

By that time, with good investments, I will be able to start working only 1/2 time and living off the interest my investments are earning. At least, that's how I hope it will go. This investment stuff is a complex and scary business.

As for Bush being President... two things immediately come to mind. The first is Gary Oldman's character, Zorg, in 5th Element - the scene where he is shouting "I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED!" That's exactly how I feel. I am extremely disappointed and annoyed.

The other thought is a little song we like to sing when we've just discovered that we've stumbled into the Monster's lair in a game. I think it's really appropriate at this juncture. It's sung to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club theme song.

F U C, - See, you messed up real good...
K E D, - Damn, that's gonna hurt...
A G A I N
Fucked again. Fucked again.

Who's the wielder of the club
That thwacks you in the knee?
F U C, K E D, A G A I N!

Fucked again (NOT AGAIN!)
Fucked again (Oh shit!)
Just bend over and take it like a man! (OW OW OW!)

Mistakes were made now you get laid
Enjoy the sodomy
F U C, K E D, A G A I N!

Christmas shopping still sucks. So do periods. Now, I'm going to see if I can't think up an adventure for the game tonight.

Tarot Card for the Day: Ten of Wands

Tears

Tears...
These past few days have been an emotional mess for me. Mostly, honestly, I think it's been because of my period. No, really. I generally try not to blame too much on that particular biological function but I do know it causes some emotional imbalances. Periods are different for each woman. Hell, they are different every month for me. But, they do have some similar symptoms each month.

Not this last one. I didn't get the usual cravings or body reactions. In fact, I was rather surprised by its early appearance. That should have given me a warning that this one wasn't like 'normal' for me. Nope. I was totally unprepared for the onslaught of emotional peaks and valleys.

I have cried every day since last Thursday. Over anything and everything. Dave was joking with me about the D&D game on Friday and I suddenly felt defenseless and vulnerable. I cried over it even as I calmly told Dave that I was freaking out on my end. Johanna told me something really, really sweet about one of our friends in regards to me and I was so overwhelmed by it that I burst into tears over this happy thing. A sad scene came on TV and, you guessed it, total water works. These scenes repeated throughout the weekend.

This is so weird for me. I hate crying. Especially in front of other people. It makes me feel vulnerable, weak, stupid and unprofessional. Yet, at the same time, tears seem to be one of my main forms of stress relief. Some sort of chemical reaction in the brain that makes me calm down and deal with whatever is happening.

Things finally came to a head and worked themselves out late last night as I was pondering running away. I had played hooky on Thursday and Friday (which got turned into vacation days) because I just could not see myself at work. Last night, I wondered what it would be like to just not go back. The urge to just up and leave everything was really very strong last night. But, then... something clicked in the back of my mind and said "It's alright. Sleep on it and decide in the morning."

I feel much better now. I'm really glad for that.

Gamer Gossip...
Saturday, Dave resurrected his 7th Sea game for the third time and I have to admit, I'm getting really depressed by the results. The first time, it was awesome. It started out with me and Alex, our characters bonded, then we slowly added the rest of the group in a logical, meaningful fashion.

The second time, we decided to keep a lot of the same background, so we all had a common background and enemy, but some key elements were changed so some of that camaraderie was lost. Still, we stuck to it and hung on to make a good game.

This last time, we had no common background and different reasons for being where we were. This time, we ended up arguing for 4 of the 5 hours of the game. Everyone was guilty. Including myself. I realized it after I had snapped something at James' character [which was IC for Katerina at the time] but realized right afterwards that that was one of the worst things I could have done. If I had just kept quiet, there might have been a reason for Brand and Katerina to become friends. (He was moving to protect her and she was doing the "I'm woman enough to protect myself thankyouverymuch!" thing.)

I ended up just totally shutting down and watching because with the mood, I and the others were in, I was certain to say or do the wrong thing. Which, of course, I did - repeatedly. The problem this time is that there is no friendship, no trust and no camaraderie to fall back on when we make mistakes. By all rights, there are almost no reasons why this group should stay together - much less, WANT to stay together. Except maybe for guilt reasons.

I really miss the teasing fun and friendship that Ian and Katerina had the first time around. I'm not sure how we, as a group, can get that back.

Going Meta...
I've found out I've been linked to a new journal... The Fifth Wheel written by a young woman, Rene, going by the handle Peregryn. She's 19, from New Jersey and is pretty keen if I do say so myself. No. It's not just cause she's linked me. There are a couple of reasons.

First of which is her handle - Peregryn. Peregrines and red tailed hawks are good omens for me. Actually, seeing a perched bird of prey is a good omen for me. And since I usually can't tell from a distance which kind it is, they are all called Peregrine... "Hello and good morning, Mr. Peregrine."

Second is that I like her writing. She writes with the same sense of openness and vulnerability and chattiness that I do. It's more like having a conversation with her than just reading her journal. I like that kind of a journal. It always seems much more welcoming and personal.

Third... the things she writes about are intriguing. Today's entry is about the soul and her thoughts on it. In a previous entry, she writes about how she feels betrayed by her Mom who isn't trusting her anymore because of something she told her Mom. I would feel betrayed too. My Mom and I have good relationship. She promises to listen whenever I want to talk and not to condemn me - though she does have the right to disagree and/or disapprove.

So, in any case, take a wander over to her journal. It's pretty interesting.

In the Muse...
I have given myself a new writing project. It's called "Musings of a Subtle Villainess." I'm putting my Marrach character, Elea, into the POV of a Villainess in this writings to see what happens. I think it will be really neat because ... well... just because. I had a ball amusing myself with several monologues (in the car) about herself, power, control, ambition, competition and the like. It all started off with the thought - No good Villain ever believes they are truly evil.

I'll post the results here when I've written some. The only Marrach players on this list are a couple of guys I've pondered at about this train of thought for Elea.

Searching for Eden Blackthorn...
You know, someone or someones keep looking up "Eden Blackthorn" in search engines. Obviously, they keep hitting my pages. [And another gaming page about Eden.]

As this is my writer's name, I find this both fascinating and curious. Where did they get that name? Why are they looking it up? Is it because of my *ahem* stuff... or my poetry... or what? Who are you seeks out Eden Blackthorn? Why do you search for her? Inquiring minds want to know!

Tarot Card for the Day: Ten of Wands, Inverted

Socially Phobic? WTF?

OK. I suck. No. Really. I do. I'm not joking. I just got off the phone with JenB to tell her I could not go to her little party tonight. Why? I didn't tell her. I don't want to admit it now. Granted, there are some valid reasons for me begging off tonight. Yes, my car is starting to make a rather strange keening noise that I haven't identified. Yes, it is a 50 mile drive one way. Yes, I do have work tomorrow. But none of those things is the real reason for me not going. The real reason seems to be that I was afraid.

Afraid? WTF? Afraid of what? People. People I don't know. In a situation I have no control over. I don't know where this comes from. When the hell did I become socially phobic? Huh? Me? Miss Military Brat who is used to a new influx of people into her life on a regular basis? Miss Boldly-Going-Forth-to-deal-with-whatever.

Honestly, I don't understand what's happening to me. I had forgotten about the party until a little before I had to leave work. Then, I had a panic attack. I can't understand this. I can't really describe the feeling of dread I had about going. All I know is my mouth got dry, my stomach dropped to the floor and I felt ill. After mentally scolding myself for a bit, I had gotten my courage back up. After all, there were going to be people I knew there like James and Dave.

But, as I drove closer to home where I knew I needed to stop for gas, I got tenser and tenser, mentally arguing back and forth with myself over this. I even imagined a journal entry about how I had been so scared but, of course, I went and it was nothing. Then, as I leaned more and more towards not going, I started thinking about not writing an entry at all or ... hiding it... in my private journal. I was shocked to discover that I wanted to hide this. Suddenly, I felt like I was in a Paxil commercial for "Social Anxiety Disorder."

I finally just decided that if I was getting this worked up over this, I should not go. I would not be any fun at the party and I needed to figure out what was wrong with me. [That's rationalization for you.] Immediately, I relaxed as soon as I made my final decision.... at least, until the guilt kicked in. I made myself promise to answer truthfully if Jen asked me why I wasn't going to come. Though... in all blunt honesty... I'm really not sure what I would have told her.

This sucks. Really sucks. I like Jen a lot. I do want to get to know her better. She sounded so disappointed on the phone that I felt like a real heel. Unfortunately, she works Retail, so she is pretty much working every day for the next two weeks... So, my idea of taking her out to lunch has to wait.

But I'm still disturbed by this panic attack. I can only remember one other time that I had something like this and that was last year for going to Ren Faire with Alex and Johanna after I got mugged. Back then, I thought I had a legitimate reason for being a social phobe... now, I'm not so sure. I'm wondering if it was a precursor to this... whatever this is.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Wands

Winter Solstice

In 1555, Nostradamus wrote:

Come the millennium, month 12,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot will come forth,
To be acclaimed the leader.

This is, of course, a hoax... but I wish it weren't. It's really amusing.

However, this is not a hoax. Two days ago, in a press conference, George W. Bush said, "This would be a lot easier if this were a dictatorship... and I was the dictator." Yes. He really said that. Hands up for people who find this really frightening. Yeah. Me, too.

One of the newest Webrats, Hilary, has invited me into a "Make Your Own" writing dare. Usually these dares have something specific like: "write a novel from scratch in 30 days" or "write 5 short stories and submit them to magazines in 30 days". This particular one is for you to make up your own dare, announce it and keep track of it in your journal.

After a bit of thought, I have decided to accept the dare. I figured this might be the kick in the pants I need to work on "Through Raphael's Ring" again. My dare is to do four things:

1. Edit Chapter One: Pangborn Nomads
2. Finish Chapter Two: Pride of Bramsburg
3. Outline Chapter Three
4. Begin writing on Chapter Three

I know it doesn't seem like a lot but to me, it is. I between work, games, Marrach, and general social life, really don't have that much time to write or edit. I'm hoping this will give me back some of my lost discipline.

Other Webrats that I know are in the dare are: Karina and Trey.

The Winter Solstice has come and gone and I didn't get to do anything to celebrate it. *frown* It was on a Thursday and I had forgotten that that was my gaming night - and I was GMing. So, I didn't get to sit with my candle to contemplate things and send out good vibrations.

So, I guess I'll do that on Christmas night. Maybe. I don't know if I will have the chance. Donna comes home from Florida that day and I can't seem to ever do my contemplations during the day. It has to be at night, when the world around me is slowing down. Perhaps that's a flaw on my part but that's the way it needs to be.

Last night was our Star Wars game and I know all of us were more than a bit gun-shy after the 7th Sea game. Fortunately, Dave, James and I had come to a consensus before the game on how we were going to handle things with Johanna's (old but) new character, Yahnna, joining things. I felt a little bad for Johanna since we had to exclude her at first, until we found a reason for us to want her to join the crew, rather than have a 'hand of God' decision being tossed at us.

In the end, every thing worked out well. Yahnna is a part of the crew. She's gained a bit of trust from the rest of us and soon, we'll be able to relax a bit more around her. I like the new Yahnna. She's calmer, more laid back and a bit more open in this version. Then again, Johanna is playing her 5 years older and after the previous Star Wars game. 5 years in smuggler's years is like 15 years in the "I've seen the universe. Relax. We'll get out of this." arena.

I have the next four days off. It should be really nice. I have a couple of social engagements that I plan to go to: A party tonight and Brunch on Christmas, but other than that.... my time is my own. I've set myself a series of fun little tasks like Doing up a new yearly calendar for 2001 and a new look for my journal. Updating my Elea page and writing some more on "Musings of a Subtle Villainess." Also, wrapping last minute gifts, cleaning out my car and possibly tackling my den. Some nice, homey, just for me stuff. It should be a lot of fun.

Tarot Card for the Day: Page of Wands, Inverted

Present Giving Day

Happy Holidays to you all. I hope you had a wonderful Present Giving Day, no matter how you celebrate it. My Christmas was quite good. I slept in late, then headed over to Miskatonic Acres for a relaxed Christmas brunch with Alex, Johanna, James and Dave. To my most pleasant surprised, Chris and Jenny Lynn were there, too.

Let me tell you, Johanna and Alex put out a nice spread: pasties, bagels with three different types of cream cheese (the salmon one was particularly good), fresh strawberries, bacon and scrambled eggs. We all just ate and chatted until Johanna and Alex headed out to other family obligations.

So, that left the rest of us deciding what to do. I had brought over my DVD of "Into the Woods" to show James and Dave, and I had also -for just in case purposes- brought "Big Trouble in Little China" and "Labyrinth." Alas, no one was in the mood for the musical, so "Big Trouble in Little China" was popped into the VCR. That led to a series of bad jokes, gamer memories and a strange craving for Chinese food. Go figure.

We ordered some Chinese food and dug in. The conversation started out on gaming and favorite gaming stories... then dove deeply into the Valley of Bad Taste. I'm not really sure how that kept happening but it did. To the point that James finally popped in "Labyrinth" just to save us from ourselves.

I headed off after that, getting home at a reasonable hour, so I could work on a lot of my little projects. I've managed to get most of it done. I'm still missing "Tap Dancing on Thin Ice" and my last two poems for the year. And, after I finish up doing my journal stuff... I'm off to clean out the car. Let me tell you... THAT is going to be a major project in and of itself.

Thinking of presents, I did really well this year. A couple of books, a couple of DVDs, a bunch of crafty type stuff, and a couple of treasure chests. That last was a surprise to me. I really didn't realize that mentioning treasure chests in my journal would get people to buy them for me. One is filled with chocolate treasures. The other is a silver music box and is filled with a few of the gold one dollar coins. I was really touched by these gifts. So, now, I have two treasure chests to put things in.

Also, I did get one intriguing mystery gift. Yesterday, when I went out to my car, I found a tiny present. Someone had stuck a tiny bag of evergreen clippings under my washer blade. P'nuck? *blink*blink*blink*? OK... Then, I thought, maybe someone did this to everyone's cars... but no, I did not see the same any other car. I thought about it and honestly, I cannot think of anyone who would do something like this. The last time someone left me a gift on my car, it was a red rose from (ex-boyfriend) Chris about .... 5 years ago.

So, if this came from you and you are reading this.... please let me know.... and thank you.

Finally, some family stuff... Here's a picture of Emmy at three years old. Here's a picture of Mandy at six months old. And here's that family picture we took the day after Thanksgiving in the mall. John (brother in law) and Scott (twin brother) are on the top. Shannon (sister) and Me are on the second row. Mom and Dad are on the third row. Emily and Amanda are sitting in my parent's laps.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Wands

General Kabitzing

[2002.09.13 - Edited due to personal reasons.]

January 6th is my company's Holiday party. This year, it's going to be at Exploratorium in San Francisco. Our theme is: You are the Magic. *grin* Kinda cheesy but cool. It's nice when the company acknowledges their employees. It's going to be a formal affair and is black tie optional. Which means, either I wear the same dress I did last year or I go and try to find a new dressy dress.

Oh, yeah. And see if I can find a date, too. Last year, I went to my holiday with Johanna and we had a blast.

As I mentioned before, my car, Dante, is making a strange noise. It could be something as simple are a loose or worn belt... or it could be something as heinous as my transmission going. *sigh* Gary, my mechanic, was over having dinner with Donna last night. I stopped by on my way to the kitchen to say hello. As we were chatting, I mentioned that I needed to bring my car back into the shop again.. (I just put $700 into it last month)... and I thought it might be my transmission. Gary's response made my heart sink.

He said, "Hoo-boy. If it's your transmission, you'd better just get a new car. It's a '91... so... a new transmission on that car would be about $2500. I wouldn't want to do that to you."

*sigh* I do not want to have to buy a new car. I've only had Dante for four years. Becky (Scott's girlfriend) quipped "It's not like you can't afford it." It was all I could do to keep from snapping back at her that even if I could afford it, I didn't -want- to afford it. I'm trying to save money here.

So, now I have to think about the real possibility of a new car. I wouldn't buy a brand new car, personally, because it loses it's value too quickly. So, now, I have to look for a car that gets decent mileage, has AC and is comfortable to me.

Ah, well. I should probably take the car into the shop before I start wringing my hands about having to buy a new car.

I'm getting myself ready for the Webrats' January Writing Dare. It's a little hard not to start immediately but that would be cheating.... in some fashion, I think. I don't know. Either cheating me out of showing some of my work or cheating by starting it early. In any case, I -am- thinking about it.

I've been having the urge to write again but nothing is coming to mind or fingertips. Part of me wonders if it's because I'm spending too much time in Marrach. *grin* Probably. I'm going to have to start disciplining myself with it. We're coming up on a New Year. I can be good.

In the meantime, we have a couple new poems to round out the year (and finish out last year's resolution):

• Home Again - a fanciful recounting of one of my late night drives from Johanna's house to my own.

• Ultimatum - I wanted to write it from her point of view, this difficult choice. Then, I realized that it would be more interesting to write it from his point of view. I think it will intrigue a couple of my Marrach friends.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Wands, Inverted

A Year in Review

Well, we are on the dawn of the new Millenium, or the dawn of the first year of the new Millenium, depending on how you look at things. So, I like to take a look at what I've done and haven't done and see what I'm planning for the future.

Last Year's Resolutions:

This Year's Resolutions: