AUGUST 1998

August 1:

Angst alert! Why do I always seem to start a diary during an angsty period in my life? Maybe cause it's cathartic. This time, though, it's coincidence. Over all, my life is good. I'm just depressed about the weight factor and lack of a love life. I know, build a bridge and get over it. I'm trying.

Did do the beauty thing today. Waxing and hair stuff. It's nice to have someone wait on me. My hair turned out pretty good.

Visited with Mom. I love her a lot. It's good to see her. Though, I did discover that they are seriously thinking about moving to North Carolina to be close to my sister, Shannon and the baby, Emily. I just about burst into tears when Mom told me in the resturaunt. I have gotten used to my parents being close. Honestly, it makes sense. Mom and Dad want to be Grandparents. Neither Scott nor I have plans of having kids in the near future. Being Grandparents makes them happy.

Now, they are going to sell our house if they go. *ACK* We've had that house for 11 years! It's the only place I can really call a family home. Sometimes being a military brat sucks. So, of course, my mind is spinning on how I can buy the house for myself when they leave to keep it in the family. It's not like they are leaving tomorrow but I'll bet that they will be gone within 2 years. Living in the Silicon Valley is expensive and they really miss my sister's family. (Hmmmm. I guess this means my brother, Scott, will have to actually move out on his own now. Gee, too bad.)

On another note, Scott was actually nice to me today. Wow. Big change. He's usually an obnxious, self-righteous know-it-all. (Then again, most people say that about their brothers.) I guess this means that the world is coming to an end.

Mom made me get new tires for my car. $400+ worth. *Oy* I'm glad I'm in a position that I can afford to do that.

Oh! Both Mom and Dad were tickled pink that I won the "Editor's Choice" Award from the National Library of Poetry for my poem, Moment, and will be published in their yearly poetry publication. This year, it's called: "An Eternity of Beauty." I have to admit, I'm pretty pleased myself.

Sunday. Did bills. I have money left over. Cool. Though, I know, honestly, it's mostly already spent on bills later in the month. Still, it's nice to look at the checkbook and see it in the black. Even threw some money into Savings. I really want to have a decent savings for when I move out of my current place.

I hired Lisa to come over and help me clean my 2 rooms for $10/hour. Boy, were my rooms dirty. They really needed the cleaning. I could have done it myself with out much of a fuss, but I really did it so I could give Lisa money without her feeling bad. Also, it was nice to have the company.

Rob and Lisa are proud people, but with only one income, a car that just died and two children (3 & 6), they *really* need the money. They won't accept charity. Flat out. So, since I can afford it and they need it, I want to give them some cash to help them out a bit. They want to earn they money they make. Therefore, I have to be really creative on how I give it to them. Mostly, I'll hire Lisa to do jobs for me. It gets them the money with out it being charity and gets Lisa out of the house so she doesn't go crazy. She told me that the 8 hours that she had away from the kids was worth more to her than I ever knew.

I have to agree with her. I have become apart of their family. The kids like me when they aren't being Holy Terrors. I told Lisa recently, "I love your kids but they are the best birth control I could ever have." She laughed and understood what I meant.

All in all, it was a really good day. And I am SO happy to have clean rooms again!!!

August 3

Monday. I really hate Mondays. Especially when I have an early morning meeting. At least the commute wasn't too bad. Less than an hour this morning. Came in, did all the necessary reports and stuff.

I was thinking about the value of a dollar and how my perceptions have changed over these past 5 years on my own. I think it was Lisa saying, "Heck, for $10, I'll wash your car!" When I asked if her sister would be interested in doing so. It startled me a bit. To me, $10 is nothing. But, I thought about when I was laid off. $10 could be stretched a long way to buy food.

I remembered when I had to break down and actually ask my Mom to buy me groceries back in 1994. I remember crying when I asked. I was so ashamed. It was so hard for me to swallow my pride, but, I knew I had to ask. Both my other roommates parents had kicked in to help us out. (2 of the 3 of us were laid off within a month of each other.)

It made me realize just how good I have it now. Yes, I have some major debts that I'm paying on now but I can afford it. I bought new tires when I needed them. I said a little pray of thanks to the Big Guy out there for the life I have now. It may not be perfect but it could be a lot worse.

Robert is supposed to be flying in tomorrow and staying until the 8th. I'm not sure when/where/etc. I hope he gets back to me. I wonder if he even knows my new address. I have missed him. He was my first love. My first lover. I remember when I wrote Forever & Always to him. It makes me smile. He's getting married next year to his home town sweetheart and I wish him all the luck in the world. He deserves happiness.

August 4

Talked to Robert. He'll be making it in about 2pm in SFO. Good deal. 5 minutes from the office. Though, I feel sorry for him. We are in the middle of a massive heat wave, 100+ degrees all over the Bay Area.

Talked with Joice, the new VP of Support, yesterday. She's nothing like what I would have expected Jay to hire. On the good side, she and I seem to have many of the same idealogies concerning the Chain of Command and focusing on creating an efficient information/management network. On the bad side, I think she is going to be difficult to deal with. She has a set idea in her head and she seems pretty determined to stick to it. If nothing else, it should be interesting.

Fred, my boss, said something yesterday that's made me a little uneasy. We were talking about QA and getting Oracle up on my extra computer. During the conversation, he said "Well, I don't think we've gotten an good QA done on the product." I -think- he was talking about the Alpha Testers. I hope he wasn't talking about my job performance. I was too chicken to ask him yesterday. I guess I need to bite the bullet and ask today. I need to know if my performance isn't up to par.

August 5

OK. I chickened out on asking Fred about the QA comment. And today he's in LA with a client. I'm debating about emailing the question (which is a chicken, safer way to do it) or waiting until he gets back (which is a scarey but more honest way to do it).

Robert's here. *smile* We have become such good friends. It's nice having him around to talk with. I'm really happy for him. I've discovered that 80% of the old gang is getting married:
Dana - This August
Trost - Next Jan
Jara - Next April
Robert - Next April
Not to mention my current friends Chris (Aug) and Johanna/Alex (Next May) and Greg/Dave (Sometime). This leaves only me, Debi and Ice single. (From the friends I keep in touch with.) It's like a disease or something. *smile*

Some days, I can't decide if I want this disease or not.

August 6

Thursday! Cool. The weekend is almost here. It hasn't been a bad week, really. And I actually found a pretty critical bug in the software yesterday that caused a minor flurry of activity. Of course, this was -after- I sent the product to the Alpha testers. Doesn't it figure. Oh well, I'll send out the new build today.

Finally finished writing "Topsy Turvy" part 1. I told Treasure that I've started on the second half of the story. He's all excited. I guess everyone likes to be immortalized in print. It's the last scene story in the book. *yeah* Then, all I'll have to do is: Write the introduction, then write the 'year in review' and 'final comments' and then put into order all the stories and poems, then polish them into a coherent, flowing document and then begin the submitting process to various publication companies. *whew* Lots of work but, who knows, maybe I'll have a book contract by the end of the year!

I do plan to start working on "Swan Sottall" and "Black Premiere" again. Swan is an episodic serial story that I plan to post to my site 2-3 times a month. But I want to have a bunch of the episodes written already so that I'm not forced to produce something every week or so. Black Premiere is a spy novel that I dreamed about and outlined about 3 years ago. I've got the first two chapters written but I really need to crack down on it.

Of course, there is the North Kingdom Campaign Serial that I'm writing to chronicle the adventures of one of my AD&D campaigns. That's taken on a life of it's own. The GM *loves* the writing and uses it as history to the game.

Not to mention all the other little character scenes, stories and backgrounds that crop up here and there for me to write. Or the short stories that pop in my head, begging to be written up.

Geez. I think I have too full of a writing plate.

*grin* And I love it.

August 7

Friday. Thank Goodness. *whew* Work has been just hell these last couple of days. Crisis after crisis, political power plays by clients and now I'm seeing an unpleasant trend with Joice. She seems to be disbelieving and disapproving of QA in general. It looks like she will be pulling all of the Install and CRM people into the TSA group and focusing them there. Which is all well and good for them but it sucks for me. Big time. She is not going to allow QA to take time away from her people. *SIGH* And, she seems to disapprove of the process I have put in place. She doesn't like my report structure. I want Joice as an allie, not as an enemy. I suspect things are going to get really tough in a big hurry.

Took Robert to "The Great Wall" last night. It's one of my favorite Chinese resturaunts. I should have known not to take someone who lived in Korea for a couple of years and regularly visited the Arab nations to an ethic resturaunt. He was less than impressed. Though, even he had to admit they have great potstickers.

The Shadow Run gaming group is going to drive up to Novato tonight and get a hotel room since we are all going to be going to Ren Faire tomorrow. We'll game until way too late, sleep, then get up and wear ourselves out at the Faire. (Then me and Robert will head to Johanna and Alex's to game in a side adventure of the North Kingdom campaign.) It's going to be a full weekend.

August 8

Went to the Ren Faire today. It was a lot of of fun. I enjoyed myself. I didn't get too burned, which is a good thing. I bought a wench's outfit, too. I'll be wearing it tomorrow at the Bedrest LARP.

I spent a long time listening to Robert talk about Kelly. He is so much in love with her. So incredibly happy. Watching his face and the look in his eyes made me wish to be in love again. But there's no one like that for me. Not now, in any case.

I had my cards read while at the Faire. It certainly satisfied a curiosity. It was an interesting reading - even if it wasn't mine. It was Robert's.

"Are you getting married?"
"No." (Robert is)

"I see a change, flux, in your job."
"Oh?" (My job is nice and stable, if stressful. Robert is getting out of the military.)

"Your whole life is in an uproar. Nothing is stable."
"I see." (Um? Good house. Good job. Finacially stable. Good friends. Only lacking a love life.)

"I see a new relationship. He will treat you better than the last guy."
(Oh geez. What a pat statement to make to an overweight woman going to a cardreading. Nothing else has been right. Might as well make a stereotypical assumption. Bitter? Me? Nah... Why do you ask?)

"You have a major project coming to a close."
(This is correct. My book is almost finished.)

"I see a mentor coming into your life. A dark haired, dark eyed man. He will teach you much about business. And, I see him bringing you someone to train. You will to guide this new person."
(?? OK. We'll wait on this one.)

"Final outcome: The Tower. In a year from now, there will be a major upheaval in your life - for good or bad. Your whole life will change but you do have a year to prepare for it."
(Oh. Goodie. The Tower. I read Tarot, too. I even wrote my own couplets for the cards. Well. OK. That was fun. $25 down the tubes.)

I guess I'll have to watch and see if any of this comes true. Especially a year from now. It will be interesting to see if my life is in turmoil next year. I guess it's obvious to say that I was not impressed.

August 9

Bedrest LARP today. It turned out pretty good. About 45 people and nothing was broken. *yeah* And my character, Marlena, seems to be actually getting in good with the rest of the Primogen. Levi (Gangrel), Victoria (Toreador), and Mouse (Nos) were very pleasant to her. Pete (Brujah) is a working relationship. I don't know the new Venture Primogen and with all the infighting, the Tremere Primogen seat seems to be in flux. I'll wait this one out.

Of course, there are all the rumors that Marlena (me) is now the Prince's woman. It's not true - yet. I think I'll have to settle that with Kevin soon. She's reaping the rewards of the rumor - perhaps Prince Morgan should reap a bit of the rewards on a private level. Hehehehe.

Seriously, though. Someone is going to get uppity and try to kill Marlena or get anal about Camarilla tradition and get her seat booted off the Primogen. I need to make sure that she has a spot of power - even if it's from the Prince's bed. Besides, I like Kevin and Marlena is growing fond of Sir Kenneth Morgan. We'll see what happens.

August 10

*argh* *groan* Monday. Got up late. Life sucks. On the good side, Rhysanus is back from vacation and I'll get to spend time with him tonight.

August 11

Yesterday was interesting. With the Joice thing going on, I decided to talk to Jay and ask what was up. It seems that they are going to create a proposal for QA between the two of them and then run it by me. I finally decided that my job was cushy enough that I could ignore most the toe stepping, swallow my pride and smile. I'll see what they have for me when it gets to me.

Fred being on vacation this week sucks a bit. Found a show stopper yesterday. Fortunately, a fix is ready and waiting for us. But this means that it needs to be held until Thursday when the rest of the Dev team gets back from the Borland conference.

On a lighter note, my secret plan in Bedrest is going well. Hehehehe. No one knows who I am. And I am drumming up curiosity and "business" with a little bit of solicitation.

*

Hmmm. My ISP appears to be down. I guess I'll have to post this tomorrow.

August 12

Wednesday. Geez. Suddenly, I don't remember anything that I wanted to write about.
*Think*Think*Think*
Nope. Mind is blank.
I'll get back to you if I remember anything of substance.

***

You ever have one of those days where you just can't seem to focus at all? I will have a plan in my head, a task that needs to be done but still, I can't seem to focus on it for more than 5 minutes. Now, I can't seem to remember anything else I was supposed to do.

Lists are really handy at a time like this. OK... now. Where is my list?

It's really going to be one of those days.

August 13

Wow. The trials and tribulations of IRC continue on. Fortunately, not for me. For Cathie, a beloved friend. How would you like to find out your favor sub was actually a switch and turned out to be a Dom who had once terrorized your friend (me) so that neither of us would suspect? It's hit Cathie much harder than I. I left IRC Gor some time ago because of the psycho.

The thing that people forget about online relationships is that it's mostly just text on a screen. The emotions are concentrated and that much more potent. I'm not saying that online relationships don't work but I am saying that 20 fizzle, dying horribly sometimes, for every 1 that succeeds. Rule #3 of my Rules of Life: "You never know what you will get until it is in front of your face. Until then, it's just pixels on the screen; have fun but don't over do it."

This reminded me of that rule once again.

*

I had another thought. It got away. Maybe later.

August 14

Friday! *argh* WAY UNDER THE GUN TODAY! Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. Ohmygosh! The sky is falling! Run! Run for your lives! Wait! Test this! It's gotta be done by noon! *ARRRGHHH*

Such is the life a Senior QA Engineer and Manger. Especially when working with software that moves hundreds of millions of dollars a day.

Thank God, I have a Shadow Run game tonight. Maybe I'll get to kill something. I need a good 'bad guy' to go against. I'm more than a little stressed.

*

*GROWL*GRUMBLE*GRUMP* Darned Support department. Joice and I have come to an understanding. That's a good thing. Now I hear from Jay that the Support department is "Carrying around a banner saying that 'QA is inadequate. There isn't enough QA.'" Well, guess what folks. QA is just me and anyone else I can wrangle into it. The Support department has almost 20 people to just me. Now, I have to waste time writing up a summary of the testing I did and the problems I found - just to prove that I've been testing. You know, there is a reason I'm not in support or PR. I'm ready to tell everyone to shove it.

*

Holy moodswing. *sigh* I just discovered that my friend, Regan's, dog, Buster, died Tuesday night. It's suddenly got me in tears, remembering when Beau, my favorite mutt died. He died Feb 14th, 1990, during my freshman year at college. I remember the letter my Mom wrote me about it. I burst into tears in the elevator. I still have the letter. I still can't read it without crying. We had Beau for 14 years. I loved him so much. I still do. I'm crying now. Damn. I hate crying at work.

My sympathies to you, Regan.

Go swiftly, little one. We will miss you, Buster.

August 15

Saturday. A nice, nice lazy day of sleeping until noon. It was very cool. The weird thing was that I dreamed of my character, Mist, from the ShadowRun game. It's not surprising, really. We had an awesome game last night - not one but *two* perfect runs: A willing extraction and a data snatch. No alarms. No causalities. It was cool. Over kill, almost. Then again, a paranoid ShadowRunner is an alive one.

In any case, I dreamed I was Mist - at a ShadowRunners Conclave, got kidnapped by an Ex and getting up being forced to help him. Then there was a raid by the Knight Errants and I was able to convince them that I was a kidnapped Corp Shaman. It was interesting.

North Kingdom Campaign tonight. I really need to get caught up on my stories. Heck, I need to get caught up on my Stories of RL, too.

August 16

Good game last night, but I have to say that I'm starting to get tired of having Elea be the focus of the game. Hopefully, all the major personal stuff was finished up last night. Basically setting up Elea as a "Merlin" type character. I noticed that a lot of the rest of the group was looking bored. Even Alex commented to me about it. If Bob continues, I'll have to speak to him about it.

Decided that I'm going to get my second tattoo. A celtic knot on my sternum with a small black rose in the middle. I'm doing that on the 23rd. The Third Tattoo will be a long time going - on my upper back, the Tree of Life with 7 runestones: Above: Journey; Below: wholeness; To the left: Strength & Wisdom; To the Right: Protection and Joy and in the center of the tree trunk: The Unknown. I really need someone to sketch it out for me.

August 17

Monday. Well. What can you say about Mondays. They generally suck. This one is no exception but it is not as bad as it could be.

Saw "The Avengers" yesterday. Beyond the fact that the previews don't have anything to do with the movie, I found it quite enjoyable. And if I could have meetings like they had in that movie, I would LOVE meetings. Also... John Steed... oh my! He is sauve, proper and yummy. There were a couple of times in the movie that I just wanted to melt at the look on his face.

Rhysanus' computers died. Both of them. It really bites a lot. I don't know when I'll see him next. I can pass notes to him via Fallon and Abi but that's it. Damn. This sucks. I will reallyreally miss him.

On a good note, the SPIF munch is one year old tomorrow. I'm wondering how many people will show up. More than the usual 40-50? I can't believe we've hung on for a full year! Pretty cool, huh.

August 18

Dreams again. Interesting one this morning. I'm not sure where I was, but it was a small town where everyone knew everyone. There was one man that I liked but I kept myself away from him because I was shy. Then, suddenly, all the men in the town got together and decided to claim all the women as slaves - Gorean style. It was weird.

They set up these long black ropes all over everywhere. I was making sure I stayed out of the center of them, sensing something was wrong. Then, on a signal, all the ropes closed in and tightened. The men on the inside of the ropes pretended to be confused and then grabbed the women. As soon as I saw what was happening, I fled.

There was much raping, collaring and branding going on. I fled to my secret home. I notice that I wasn't fighting what was going on, just evading the men who sought to capture me. I knew that that eventually, I would be caught. I wanted to be sure that I was claimed by the Right Guy.

Once in my secret place, I hid in a closet. I knew the man was coming for me but as much as I wanted him, I could not go without a fight. He ransacked my home and then finally came to the closet, opening the door. He grabbed me by the wrists and yanked me from the closet, saying that he was now my Master and that I had worried him for disappearing. He then threw me to two other men who subdued and bound me. Then they branded me with the Master's mark.

That's when I woke up. I remember being rather pleased in the dream. I wonder what this is saying about me. Maybe it's just one of my personal quirks.

August 19

Wednesday. Hump day. Blah day. I should have made it a mental health day and 'worked' at home. Except there was a meeting today that I *had* to be at. So, I decided the mental health day would be tomorrow... but guess what. They moved that oh-SO-important until tomorrow. *sigh*

Newest update on the inter-office politics. OK. Joice and I have come to an agreement. She even complimented me on my work for the last couple of days. (Nice to know that someone noticed that I've been busting my ass to get this release out.) We actually got V 2.2 to go to Final Candidate, official release. I went home happy. Tired but happy. I come into today to find out that the TSAs want me to post my test scripts for all of them to critique.

OK. *deep breath* Take away all of my Alpha testers, Fine. Chop my Release process to bits, Fine. Have a bunch of TSA's who had never even seen a QA process before 6 months ago critique my test script? Not Fine. This is from Michelle. You remember... the one that almost made me quit my job 3 months ago. *grump* You know. I said I was going to deal with the toe stomping but this is starting to annoy me. Joice can critique it. Even Michelle and Gary. They are the management of the TSAs.

In fact, fine, give it to the TSAs but I do NOT want to hear from the TSAs - only Joice, Michelle or Gari. I will not post it. But I am tired of being target practice for the Support department. I think I'll let Jay know how I feel.

I'm seeing a trend here. Work makes me grumpy. A bad sign. Maybe I should go back to QAing Video games.

August 20

Jay is THE MAN and my hero! I sent him an email on how I was feeling and he jumped right on it. He had not caught the email with the request for my Test Scripts to be posted. He had a talk with Joice and Michelle. I don't know what he said but when he came to me, he explained some of the politics involved and then went on to explain that the Support Department could suggest all they like but all decisions about QA come from Me, Fred and him. Yepyep. There is a reason I call him the "Good VP."

I will be working at home tomorrow so that I don't have to worry about interruptions.

On a lighter note, I think I managed to sow the right seeds to get some interesting RP going in BedRest. Not the usual politicing. A more personal thing to feed my particular fetishes. If all goes well, I will have someone tightening the reins on Marlena in a rather yummy fashion.

Thought for the Day: Black holes are where God divided by Zero.

August 21

Friday. I worked at home. It was so nice. I got my work-work done in half the time it takes me at the office and then spent the rest of the day writing on "The Girl Next Door" - 60,000+ words. I have only one story left to do and then it's to editing and then submissions.

The ShadowRun game was cancelled. I was bummed. Oh well. Hung out with Rob and Lisa - staying up until 4am. Oy. I'm getting too old for this.

Thought for the Day: 90% of the Homes in Finland have an internet connection.

August 22

Saturday! Saw Blade. It was good movie. Very fast and action packed. I really liked it. It was a very relaxed day today. Had one of those rare Saturdays were I had nothing to do and no where to be. It was odd at first, then I just chilled and enjoyed.

Thought for the Day: Can you name the two mammals that lay eggs?

August 23

Sunday. Wow. What a day. I got a new tattoo!! I got a tarot card, the High Priestess on my tummy/sternum. It hurt a LOT. OwwieOwwieOwwie! But it looks so cool. Rather ambitious for a second tattoo.

On a sad/bad note, Johanna and Alex jumped all over Rob about BedRest. It really upset me. They sandbagged him hard after we did a little RP to end the Garou war. They started in on him about one of his rules. When he refused to back down, they both said "OK." And turned in their characters and started to leave, saying that they would make new ones.

It was completely unfair and uncalled for. I'm not sure what I will do about it. It was like: You won't do what I want and therefore I'm taking me toys and going home. It also seemed very contrived. Like they had been planning to gang up on him. It makes me really sad that they would do this over a game.

Part of me knows that they want to take over the game from Rob. Man, I don't know what to do.

Thought for the Day: No game is worth losing a friendship over.

August 24

Monday morning and, of course, the sky is falling. The world is coming to an end. Problems with clients, problems with software, problems, problems everywhere and not a solution to see. *sigh* Certainly makes for an interesting morning.

Oh! Rob just got the lead of Prospero in "The Tempest" for Lake Chabot College. I'm very proud of him. Of course, there will be no living with him now. *grin* Better a cocky friend than a depressed one.

I'm wondering how Alex/Johanna and Lisa/Rob are doing this morning. I still think Alex and Johanna where way out of line.

Thought for the Day: To win can be a different way to lose.

August 25

I was over at Rob and Lisa's last night. We watched "House of Cards." It's British (fictional) series about how a Majority Whip becomes the Prime Minister through his backend scheming. UrqHart, the Majority Whip, is devious gentleman. His political manuvering is astonishing. And his moral ethic and rationalizationing of his actions was educational. No good bad guy ever thinks he is evil. I found myself cheering for him, even though he was the "bad guy." Then again, you all know my love of the ronin. I highly recommend "House of Cards" to any with an interest in politics. And if you play Vampire: The Masquerade, it should be required viewing.

The thing with Alex/Johanna against Rob seems to have blown over. At least, it appears so at this time. We'll see for the future. I know Rob will be trusting them with less. And I got a chance to get my feelings off of my chest to Johanna about what happened.

Found out the office is going to Great America on Thursday. I haven't decided if I'm going yet. It depends on my mood and the state of the testing of 2.2.1.152. We'll see. It's supposed to be a 'bonding experience' for ICMS. Maybe. We'll see.

My tummy still hurts from getting the tattoo. Anyone who says it doesn't is a liar! So, why am I already mentally designing the Celtic knotwork for either side of the card? *grin* Tattoos are addicting!

Thought for the Day: "You might think so, Maddie, but I couldn't possibly comment."

August 26

OHMYGOSH!!! *HAPPY DANCE* WHOO-HOOO!! It's official! It really happened! I'm a published poet! I got the book in hand! It's in black and white and everything! I won the "Editor's Choice" Award from the National Library of Poetry for my poem, Moment. It's on p. 99 of "An Eternity of Beauty."

This was one of my New Year's Resolutions: To be published this year. Man, I am so happy!

Thought for the Day: If you want someone to think of you - sleep with them. If you want them to obsess over you - deny them.

August 27

Rhysanus asked me to write a poem for him. So I did.
Words
All we have is words.
Words blur my eyes like tears.
The mind reaches for them;
Caresses them.
Obeys them.
Needs them.
Holds them close to my heart.

The careless word can break the soul.
You have never been careless.
Your words reaching to me;
Guiding me.
Commanding me.
Loving me.
Holding me close to your heart.

All we have is words.
Words that bind two souls together.
For now -
It is enough.

He really liked it. I was thinking about it as I stood naked in front of the mirror this morning, picking at my peeling tattoo. That's something they forget to tell you. Tattoos peel. You're supposed to keep lotion on them to keep from peeling.

I've always liked peeling stuff off of me. I was kid who always made the "glue hands" with elmer's glue so I could peel it off like skin. Several years back, when I started not liking my body, I had the most spectacular dream of waking up and discovering that my skin was too big for me. I went through an amazing number of gyrations to peel my skin from me. It was tough, like rubber. When I was done, there I stood: the butterfly. I had my idea of a perfect body. I will always remember that scene. Me standing in perfect nakedness with the shreds of the skin I had just shed in tatters at my feet.

Somedays, I really wish my dream would come true. Haven't you ever wished that you could peel yourself out of your skin and become the person you've always wanted to be?

Thought for the Day: Laziness is the mother of Invention. Not Neccessity

August 28

I finally finished 11. A New Beginning of the North Kingdom Campaign on my Serial stories page and posted it last night. So now, I'm only 5 stories behind in that. Wheee.

Found out last night that James moved again. He's living with a fur named Dalia. I don't know if Dalia is a he or she RL but I'm suspecting she, knowing James. He showed up on SPR for the first time in a long time and we got to RP as Elea and Srakkt. It was a lot of fun. I think I'm starting to be able to distance me from the RL side of things that used to be. Remember, James is the one that I wrote The One Who Got Away for. Ah well. Such is life.

Thought for the Day: Hate is not the opposite of Love. Indifference is.

August 29

Last night's ShadowRun game was a party night. Basically, we set up the background for the real chronicle. I'm not going to write it up like I am the North Kingdom Campaign(NKC) - mostly because I don't have the time. I have to work on finishing up my book and the episodes of NKC.

I've also offered to help Michael look for a job. I have a lot of Silicon Valley contacts. Maybe I can do something for him.

Thought for the Day: The Three-Fold Law of Karma - what you send out into this world will be returned to you, three-fold. Every good thought. Every bad deed. Think about it.

August 30

Oh! I actually got a for real fortune in my fortune cookie last night. "A golden opportunity is coming your way very soon." Amazing. Usually, I get philosophy. Something like: "To have a friend is to be a friend." Oh yeah, don't forget to add 'in bed.' to the end of each fortune. *hmmm* Since I'm not dating anyone, unless I get a new gold vibrator, I won't be having any 'golden opportunities in bed' anytime soon.

Speaking of which, I'm going to have to thank Rob for planting ideas in my head that cause me to have erotic dreams. We were discussing "the annointed one" in the Bedrest game. 'He shall be known by his innocence...' (ala Buffy, the Vampire Slayer) and somehow, that sparked a dream about a fantasy LARP where everyone picked props before the game and then were told after the game started what the props meant. Somehow, I had choosen the two props (A bracelet and a pocket watch) that marked me as the 'innocent.'

Now, this is supposed to be just a LARP - a game, but there were two guys there that were playing for real: Brook and someone I didn't know. I don't know why Brook keeps showing up in my dreams as psychotic bad guys. He's one of the sweetest people I know. In any case, I was the "Innocent One" and the "Seed of the Choosen One" would herald in the new order of Darkness. So, Brook Icly convinces me that he's there to protect me and gets me alone. Then there is this huge, delicious seduction scene where I end up shackled to a bed (that's really an altar) and having a lot of yummy sex. Right after Brook finishes and I'm still shackled, the one guy comes in and the two of them have a huge fight about who is the "Choosen One." The other guy wins and then proceeds to have his way with me - but before he can let loose, Brook gets back up, pulls him off me and kills him, dead-dead. I woke up just as Brook was mounting me again. It was quite the dream, eh?

Thought for the Day: Is Life nothing more than a dream within a dream?

August 31

Oh yeah, started my period today, too. Great. What a perfect way to start off the week.

On a *little* better of a note, I was asked to consider a freelance QA position by some friends in the scene. This would be in addition to my regular job. It occurred to me, on the way into work, that this just might be that 'golden opportunity' that my fortune mentioned. Hmm. Can't hurt to look into it.

Thought for the Day: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth - but do make sure he has four legs.