August 2006

August 01: Borderlands
August 14: Voice Posts from Gen Con Indy
August 14: Thoughts from Gen Con Indy
August 18: Total Constant Amazement
August 23: Promises, Promises...

August 1

Borderlands
Eight years ago I started this online journal. Six years ago I claimed August 1st as my own personal New Years Day. I'm not sure why, but August has always been a time of change for me. For good or ill. I received my discharge papers from the Air Force in August. I bought my house in August. I've published the first of my stories in August. I've started diets and ended diets in August. I've made promised to myself and others. For me, this day is a turning day for a month of change. Going from one phase of my life to another. August is my own mental Borderlands.

I look at my life, where I want to go and I see it symbolized by the three candles lit behind me. One is for protection and courage. One is for clarity and creativity. One is for love. These are things I want in my life. I have not figured out what I will do to get there but I have all month. August is my time of change.

I've been told that today is also know as Lughnasadh - a cross-quarter day, the point between summer solstice and fall equinox. In paganism it's got a few names: Lughnasadh (Irish for the Feast of Lugh) and Lammas (Mass of Lam/Lugh) are the most common.

In truth, I have and have not thought about my own personal evolution. Usually, I like to do it in an orderly fashion. I like to list it out and make neat checkboxes. Not so this year. I think a lot of it has to do with the early frenetic planning I needed to do for my Writing Year. That will be one of the biggest changes in my life. It is not "scheduled" to commence for another 5 months or so but it will happen. I think, this month I will need to nail down a few more details about that Writing Year and the prep work I can do for it now.

This prep work is going to have to involve some of that material purging I keep threatening to do. Otherwise, I'm going to end up throw everything out without consideration or nothing at all and honor my inner packrat. I don't want to do either. I want to make a clean break with some things - in particular, my favorite fat clothing and my too tiny t-shirts.

I have to admit that I've been feel very disconnect to things for the past couple of days. I haven't wanted to do anything but read. I've stalled on my writing because... I don't know why. I just have. The only gaming I really want to do is the two LARPs I'm currently in. I don't know if that's because I can escape into those characters more easily or what.

I'm mentally wrestling with and anticipating (dreading?) Gen Con. Part of me is hoping I'm going to come back from there with a signed contract for my next big project for Sovereign Press. If it is what I think it is, it will solidify my transition into my Writing Year. Make it that much more real. At the same time, I could return from Gen Con with nothing but the lint in my pockets and a few pretty words. I don't think that's what will happen but it might.

This seems to be the crux of my weirdness right now. I know I'm in transition. I am eagerly looking forward to it but also completely terrified of it. Is it because this part of it I can't control? I'm not in control? Maybe, it's because a large contract from Sovereign Press would "legitimize" me following my dreams. I am going to take my Writing Year. I've planned for it. But, maybe I still need some sort of 'permission' or 'proof' that I'm not just pulling wishful thinking move.

Though, at the same time, I am. I have two novels to write but no agent or publisher. But, I really don't care about that. The Writing Year is for writing and nothing else. I think, maybe I just can't believe I'm going to do something this big for me. Maybe that's the real reason I'm disconnecting. What a silly thing it would be, too.

I suppose I should stop worrying at it. What will be will be. I will have a good time at Gen Con. I'm sure of it. It will be a transition point of some sort. I don't know what, yet. After that, I will have a couple of weeks until Conquest and my CA road trip. I have some friends who will be able smack me upside the head with a clue-by-four. That will help a lot. I'm spinning my wheels anticipating a future I don't have complete control over. It's making me crazy.

Welcome to my Borderlands. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.


Tarot Card for the Day: The Empress, Inverted

August 14

Voice Posts from Gen Con Indy
These are the transcripts from the voice posts I made during Gen Con Indy. I had such a fabulous time. I'm so glad I went. I will definitely be going again next year.

Thursday, August 10th - 10am EST -
Jennifer: "Hello Everybody. This is Jenn. I'm now at Gen Con or, actually, at a Starbucks before entering Gen Con. I am sitting here with my Copy Editor, Brian. He was so kind to meet up with me because, you know, I'm terrified of meeting 50,000 people by myself. I'm going to make him say hello to you now."

Brian: "Hello, this is Brian Gute. I'm a freelance editor and write. Happy to meet Jenn for the first time. Glad to have my first book with her through Sovereign Press and I'll turn you back over to her."

Jennifer: "So, as you can see, he's really nice. The flight was pretty good but, apparently, sometime while I was in the air, there was a terrorist alert or something like that so I was in danger of losing my toothpaste and lotion and weird stuff like that. But, it didn't happen. In any case, I'm here. I'm fine. I will make another post sometime soon. Shane. I haven't forgotten you want me to do a drunk dial. I don't know if I will but who knows. Everyone have a great weekend. Bye."

Thursday, August 10th - 8pm EST -
Jennifer: "Hi! It's Jenn. Like it would be someone else. But, actually, it is someone else. I am sitting a restaurant at Gen Con with my TEoP authors! I'm so excited. Big news: We've decided to definitely do year two and we're going to go with a guest author every month and we're going to keep the theme the same and lots of other stuff. I'm going to do a full report afterwards. Sometime next week but not Monday because I'm really busy. Now, I'm going to force all my authors to talk to you guys. So... Here's Ivan."

Ivan: "Well. There's little point in keeping the meeting top secret if we're going to post about it on livejournal two minutes later. But, with that said, it's been a wonderful time. I'm very glad to be here and I'm going to pass it on to Ryan, having left my verbal prints across this journal."

Ryan: "You're listening to Jenn, J-E-N-N, yeah. That's right. It's on livejournal. We know drama, audio style. Yeah. Just then was a horrible cannibalism and up next will be pulp madness and right now we're going to play a little bit of crazy, insane traffic stuff. Now. Here's Rick."

Rick: "Hey! This is Rick here at Gen Con. I spent the day hanging out with Jenn and now I'm hanging out with the rest of the TEoP authors, which is very cool. Jenn showed me a thing or two about smoozing with famous fantasy authors and artists whose names I won't mention - Larry Elmore, Ed Greenwood - and we're hoping to get in lots more smoozing as we celebrate the year two of TEoP and the release of Jenn's new book, A Player's Guide to Castlemourn, which she co-authored with one of those guys I just mentioned."

Jennifer: "Now you guys see why I love these guys. Yah! Year Two is coming!"

Friday, August 11th - 1:47am EST -
Jennifer: "Hello everybody. This is Jenn, it’s a quarter till 2 in the morning, I just got out of a fabulous 7th Sea LARP where I was not given a character, but a concept – I was chaos, I was to cause much chaos, and boy … lots of chaos everywhere! It was much fun. I’m supposed to drunk-dial someone, I can’t remember who, and we did a lot of drinking in the LARP – we were stuck in a bar, so I had to play the part. Whoever I’m supposed to dial, this is for you – I had a fab time, it’s actually Saturday morning … I will call later in the day, and I’m having a fabulous time! Talk to you all later. Bye!"

Saturday, August 12th - 12:45pm EST -
Jennifer: "Oh My God! I am so having a Great Dane puppy moment. I just had a conversation with Jim Ward who recognized me, waved me over, we talked and he said he's going to write for TEoP! He also gave me a book – I'm going to read it – but I am really, really, really excited! OMG! OMG! OMG! He recognized me! Excitement! Bye!"

Saturday, August 12th - 5:45pm EST -
Jennifer: "Hey everybody. It's like, I don't know, 5:45 or so here. I just got back from an hour and a half signing session with Ed at the Sovereign Press booth. I am so exhausted. I don't think sitting down has felt so good before. It was really awesome and tiring and somewhat scary at points because, boy, Ed has some very interesting fans. But, still, it's really cool. And, I'm really tired and I can't wait to come home and right now I think I'm going to take a nap. I have all these things scheduled to do the rest of today and tomorrow. There you go. The day is looking quite well and I am really tired."

Monday, August 14th - 3:53am EST -
Jennifer: "I am currently in some airport. What airport am I in? (Rick: "Indianapolis airport.") Indianapolis airport. It's really, really early. If I were home, there would be some times when I would not have gone to bed yet. I can't check in for another half hour or so. I'm here with Rick but I'm not going to make him talk because he looks as sleepy as I feel. (Rick: "Make me talk! Make me talk!") Uh, he wants to talk and he is but I'm not going to let him do any more than that. I think by the time I get home it will be close to 2pm my time in California or Washington or God, I don't even know where I'm going. *laugh* In any case, my journey home has started. It's promising to be a lot of hurry up and wait and I will post something when I get home again. I have to say, I think Gen Con was quite the success and I have some awesome news. Totally awesome news. Bye!"


Tarot Card for the Day: The Emperor

August 14

Thoughts from Gen Con Indy
Right now, I'm not really coherent and I still have all of my TEoP author stories to go over today for posting tomorrow. However, there are a few things I wanted to comment on and let people know about.

Lukas - I got the thing you wanted me to find and more! It really cool. You owe me $40. We can make the exchange this week if you like.

Hans - I got the two things you wanted me to find and one of them, I went above the call of duty for you. I think you will be very pleased. You owe me $65. Let's have sushi soon!

Cherie - Larry (Elmore) wants you to contact him to talk about your career. No, seriously, he does. That's what he said. He gave me his email address and asked me to get you to contact him. Something about having story ideas.

Heather - Remind Ryan that I got you something. I saw it and thought of you.

Rick, Ryan and I got together and voted Ivan as the "coolest, f*cking person at the convention" because, well, he was. What a great meeting that was between the TEoP authors. There will be a full TEoP Gen Con report later in the week.

Holy Toledo! Jim Ward said he'll write for TEoP!

Ed Greenwood is the most fun, easy going amazingly incorrigible man I have ever met. Really. I think it was his goal to make me blush every single time we met up. You have not been to Gen Con until Ed embarrasses you. I have so many more good things to say about him as a person and co-author. Those will come once I've had sleep and time to collect my thoughts. He also said he would write for TEoP if he found the time. That man is so busy!

Ryan earned two titles from me. The first is "My Champion of All Things Penis Related" (in regards to Ed Greenwood) and you really had to be there to understand how this happened. Suffice it to say that Ryan was willing to take one for the team and Ed was willing to dish it out..

The second title is "The High Priest of ChadU" because Ryan did something I never thought possible: After lauding ChadU's praises and game system, he got me to really enjoy a superhero game. The Truth & Justice system was so amazingly good/simple that we went from nothing to characters generated, to plot created, to satisfying adventure run in about two hours. I was so impressed and amazed with the Truth & Justice system that I bought the RPG and I'm going to suggest it for review for Black Gate Magazine. I'm half tempted to switch my Big Demons in Little China game from the Unisystem to the T&J system.

Rick earned the title of the nicest Evil GM because he seems so sweet and kind. Then, he'll mention something so totally evil out of the blue in a game context that it is jarring. You'd never expect such evilness from such a kind face.

The crew at Sovereign Press: Jamie, Renee and Sean, were totally awesome and were as nice as could be. Made me feel welcome and always made sure I was doing well. I got introduced to Margaret Weis and had a lovely chat with her. She gave me three signed books that relate to my next project and thanked me for doing such good work.

I also know what my next project is and it is another co-authorship. However, it is a companion novel and will be sold as a trade paperback or mass market paperback for sure. I can't remember if I can actually announce what the project is based on or who my co-author is except to say that she was mentioned in this entry already.

I have a few copies of my book (squee) to show around. We sold more of them than expected. So, I didn't get to bring back a box of them to give out at Conquest as I had hoped. I'm not going to be working on the Core sourcebook for Castlemourn unless something drastic happens but I will work on any supplements after that. Currently, we have the Player Setting Guide, the Core book and an adventure module. After that, things are up in the air.

Tomorrow, I will (hopefully) give you all a more coherent over all write up on Gen Con Indy. It was a great time and successful in many ways. I'm pretty much planning to go to it again next year.


Tarot Card for the Day: The Emperor, Inverted

August 18

Total Constant Amazement
Now that I've had some time and distance (not to mention some sleep in a real bed) to get my head on straight, I'm thinking about, and processing, everything that happened at Gen Con. It was an amazing trip. I'm so glad I went. It did so much for me as a person and as an author, I can't really express how much.

On the Game Writing Front...

I went to Gen Con mainly to meet up with my editors from Sovereign Press, Jamie and Sean. As a bonus, I got to also meet Renee (office guru and art director), Brian (freelance copy editor) who was my editor on my book The Player's Setting Guide to Castlemourn. Each of these people made me feel so welcome and wanted. It made me wish I could sit down with them over coffee or a meal and leisurely get to know them. For the most part, that was impossible for Gen Con.

The next reason I went to Gen Con was to sign my book and talk about upcoming work. Honestly, I was not looking for more work outside of Sovereign Press and maybe Shadowrun. I knew I had Sovereign Press and Otherworld Creations. Shadowrun is just one of my favorite settings. I did not need more. Not with a full time job and my Writing Year coming up.

I did get information on my next SP project. It is, for me, fricking amazing. I'm thrilled at the project and my new co-author. I'm totally dancing in the streets over it. Also, I have my Shadowrun contact. I walked up to the SP booth where Sean waved me over.

"Sprite, this is Jennifer, one of my best writers and just co-wrote a book with Ed Greenwood. She really likes Shadowrun and said she'd like to write for you."

Green haired "Sprite" smiled at me, "Oh, really?" *whips out a business card and hands it to me* "That's great. I'm looking for new developers. Email me."

*blink*blink*blink* "Sure!"

One of my best contacts was with Brian Gute, my copy editor. He was very interesting. The second day, he pulled me aside, "Yesterday, you asked me what I thought of your work and I said I liked it. I did and still do. However, now that I've figured out you are confident person and author, here are some issues I saw." He sat me down and pointed out some issues. A couple minor, one big one. The big one was so glaring that I wished I had been able to work with him in a back and forth manner instead of writing the whole darned thing and tossing it over the wall at him. We talked pretty deeply about writing and editing. I was so impressed that I asked Sean that if he was going to get a freelance copy editor for the new SP project, I would really like it to be Brian. It looks like that is a done deal now.


Ed Greenwood and Our Book...

Meeting Ed and seeing our book in hardcopy was too cool for words. There it was, in print, my name on the cover of a book. The first of many, I hope. Ed was an outrageous flirt and tease. When I didn't react in horror, he poured it on, making sure to get me to blush every single time we met. Other than that, he was kind, generous and helpful. I learned a whole lot about the writing business and about being a minor celebrity by watching him.

At one point, after one guy had regaled Ed with his character's "No shit, there I was..." story (which he had done for the past 6 Gen Cons running; picking up the story exactly where he left off), then went to buy the Castlemourn book, Ed leaned to me and said, "Imagine being stuck in a room filled with 5000 clones of that guy and everyone of them wants to make love to you." Aghast, I asked, "Why on earth would I want to do that?" "Because..." he said, "when you can handle that, you will be able to handle anything." It was quite the revelation.

He never had to let me sign with him. The only Sov Press signing was the one on Sunday. The rest, he was signing in the WotC booth and simply told them that he'd like me there with him. Please. They, of course, said yes and I got to talk to other copy editors about their opinions. It was very interesting.

The other really cool thing Ed did was constantly tell people that I did all the work on the book. His name was slapped on there for good measure. I was pretty pleased. I did do the bulk of the work on that book but it was all based on pages and pages of his work. All I had to do was reference it and spin a tale around it.


People I met - Famous, Sorta Famous and Not Famous...

I met a number of very interesting folk. The ones I'm listing are the ones I had a meaningful interaction with. There are probably more but I don't really remember right now.

Famous: Ed Greenwood, Larry Elmore, Donato Giancola, Margaret Weis, James Ward

Famous people, by and large, are really nice people. At least at Gen Con they were. Every one greeted me warmly and spoke to me like I was a real human being. Watching Ed, Larry and Margaret graciously deal with rabid fanboys was amazing to see. They were patient and attentive. It was a good learning experience for me.

Sorta Famous: Jamie & Renae Chambers, Sean Everette, Brian Gute, Rob Boyle, Cam Banks

These known-within-the-business people were also really great to be around. Each one of them made me feel welcome and checked on me from time to time. They also endured lots and lots and lots of questions from me on how things worked. Plus, when I really liked one artist, Renae allowed me to drag her over to see his work. Looks like I got him a couple of starter contracts because of it. That makes me feel good.

Not Famous (yet and still cool): Eddy, Ari, Ivan, Rick, Ryan, Adam

Meeting my TEoP authors was beyond excellent and I will wax lyrical about them soon. There were two other people from LJ that I knew were coming - Eddy and Ari. I sought out Eddy and found him. We had a short talk that made me wish we could talk quietly elsewhere but that was not to be. Ari sought me out and I felt terrible when I discovered it. I was talking the only other female freelance author at Sov Press that I know of and there was a guy waiting patiently nearby. I thought he was waiting for her. So, ten minutes later when she left, I expected him to go with her. But, instead, he introduced himself to me, said hello from Matt and asked me to sign his book. I was so surprised and pleased that I think I made a fool of myself. I honestly can't remember what I said.

Adam was unexpected. You see, I used to work with Adam at EED. So, when Renae shouted at me and pointed at me, I was startled, thinking I had messed up somehow. Then, Adam showed up with his girlfriend and we talked. He got a couple of Castlemourn books and I promised to get Ed to sign them. As it turned out, they found Ed earlier and asked him where I was! He pointed them at the Sov Press booth and told them that I did all the work on the book. It was way cool. Both books got signed; one for Elspeth back home, one for Adam.


Gaming...

Why yes, I did game at Gen Con. Four times, even. No one is more surprised than I at this fact. I thought I would get to game once, maybe, in a Thursday night pick up game.

Ferstaal - Ferstaal is a fantasy based game that Ivan and I play online that Rick GMs. We invited Ryan to come play too because we all wanted to game together and it would be right after the TEoP meeting Thursday night. It was a great pick up game that advanced the plot in the LJ community a whole lot. Plus, there will be much angst soon due to the Romeo and Juliet Not-Romance that two of the characters are in.

7th Sea - Friday night, Ivan invited me to go play 7th Sea with him. I didn't think I'd get in but I did. Not sure what Ivan said to the GM but it must have been good because I was pretty much told to go screw with everyone's head. The only background I was given was that I was a "Free Thinker" - anti-government. Therefore, I pulled out a very old darling, Cathena Rivera, and played her to the hilt. I completely mucked up two plotlines with the GM's blessing and had a marvelous time. Next year, I will definitely sign up for this event.

Truth & Justice - Saturday morning, we decided to make Ryan run Truth & Justice, Chad Underkoffler's game. He had been raving about it all weekend and it was time to put up or shut up. I know I was a hard sell. My goodness, not only did he put up, he anty-ed up. I don't like superhero games. I don't really like superhero comics. Most superhero games are so complicated that you need calculators to work it all out. By the time I'm done making the character, trying to express a straight forward concept in complex stats, I don't want to have anything to do with the bloody character.

Not so with T&J. I came up with a concept: A woman who can look at a situation, assess it and then manipulate the probabilities (or fate or luck) around it to make things go the way she wants them to. It's a hard one for some games to put into stats. However, less than 10 minutes later, I had a full character sheet. Settling on her name took me longer than figuring out her stats.

Ryan then meshed the three characters together and had a really good adventure set and played in under two hours. I really like the way the dice rolling went. It augmented the game instead of interrupting it. I was so impressed with this game that I went out and bought it. It was the last copy on the shelf. I am seriously considering turning my Conquest game from Unisystem to T&J.

Burning Wheel - Saturday night, I got abandoned by everyone. So, I meekly called up Ivan and asked if I could come over and hang out with him and his crew. It was good timing since they were done with a board game and were about to start Burning Wheel. Unlike T&J, character creation was a bit crunchy and confusing. However, we had a Burning Wheel expert there who ran us through character creation quickly when we got bogged down.

However, once creation was done, the system played well. I really liked the "What is your intent?" question when making decisions. Ivan had a really good grasp of the GM narrative to reflect the players' intent whether or not they succeeded. I really enjoyed the game once it started.


The Edge of Propinquity...

At the end of 2005, I had an idea for a webzine I wanted to do. I wanted it to be a collaborative effort with 3-4 other authors. I put a call out on the net for this to see who might be interested. I got several responses and talked to them all about my vision and what I wanted to see. To my amazement, everyone seemed to like it - from the theme of the webzine, to the look of it, to the rules and schedules I wanted to put in place. Every one of us could see the potential in it for a wonderful creative endeavor.

Here we are eight months later and I still see the enthusiasm from myself and my authors: Ivan Ewert, Ryan Macklin and Rick Silva. I said thank you to them at Gen Con and I hope I was able to express how grateful and pleased I have been that they have all followed my vision and helped make it better than I ever thought possible. I can't say enough good things about them. So, guys - thank you for everything.

Now, on to the business part of things.

1. The first question was - Are we willing to do a second year? I was but I wanted to make sure they were, too. They were. So, I unveiled my thoughts for Year Two. As Year One was all about Revelations, Year Two would encompass the Consequences of those Revelations. However, since no mystery is truly known and more that is known, the more we realize how little we do know. So, Year Two is officially "Revelations & Consequences."

2. The next order of business was the addition of another regular TEoP author. I have been talking back and forth with a friend for some time about this and he wants to do it. Now that the crew has approved this, I need to have an editor/writer talk with him. He may decline the invitation to join because I'm a big meanie when it comes to herding cats. If he accepts, there will be an announcement later in the year.

3. The next big change will involve Guest Authors. Instead of having two guest authors on the cardinal months, we will be having one guest author every month. We will be holding open an open Call for Submission. That means you do not need to be invited to write for TEoP to get in. However, I suspect I will be inviting people to submit on a regular basis. Also, TEoP is a paying market. We will be paying a flat fee per story. That fee will be announced when the Call for Submissions goes up.

4. Once we move to Year Two, we will be hosting permanent archives for the regular TEoP authors and guest author stories will stay in the archives for one year.

5. We decided not to host a private forum as we do have a LiveJournal where people can give us feedback. We really do want to hear what you guys think of our work. Every author wants to know if they connected emotionally to a reader.

6. We discussed all sorts of interesting marketing strategies. Nothing definite. More to come as it warrants.

7. Finally, we will be instituting an RSS Feed for the front page of the Edge of Propinquity. So, if you don't want to be on the yahoo group notify list or the various livejournals, this will be one more way for you to be reminded when we have updated.

We wanted to thank everyone who supported us thus far and hope you will all join us for Year Two of the Edge of Propinquity!


Tarot Card for the Day: The Hierophant

August 23

Promises, Promises...
Last night, I went out to dinner with a guy I had been 'sort of' interested in. He's a good guy; a gamer, a tech geek, taller than me, etc. He has a lot of the qualities I look for in a guy except one: That sense of connection. You know, the one you get when you meet a truly kindred spirit.

Up until yesterday, I thought I wanted to date this guy. But, I just wasn't sure and I didn't know why not. The reason became obvious when I meet someone I did have that "click" with at Gen Con. It had been so long since I had had that sense of connection, that I had forgotten what it was like to have it. How good it felt. The memory of that connection held up in comparison to the relationship and feelings I had towards my friend made me feel silly for even thinking in that direction with him.

The truth was that I had been settling. Not that this guy was bad or not worthy. It is simply that he wasn't for me. I had picked out a number of qualities within him that I was looking for and by process of elimination had somehow come to the conclusion that, sure, this guy was someone I wanted to date. When, in reality, he was just a good friend.

The icing on the cake was the fact that I felt both genuine pleasure and genuine relief when he told me he had met someone a couple weeks back (while I was at Gen Con) and they were dating pretty heavily. I no longer had to worry about hurting his feelings.

Settling is an insidious thing. I did not realize that I had been sliding into that settling mode. I'm really thankful that I got this jolt of perspective at Gen Con. I know there are still people out there that will make me grin like a loon and play silly word games with me. I know there are people out there that I will have that sense of connection with and there is no need to settle for anything less.


Thinking about settling and how we often treat ourselves so much worse than we do friends got me to thinking about the practice of breaking promises to oneself and why we feel that is acceptable. I stand by the creed "My word is my bond." Except - I don't always - if that word and bond is with me. I'm trying to figure out why.

I think, part of it is, that I look for outside approval. My own opinion of myself isn't as important and that's wrong. I have been doing much better lately. For the most part. Though, I have just recently broken an agreement with myself in the matter of silly bets with my psychic twin, Bill.

Every convention we (Team Volare) get together at we motivate each other to better health and fitness through silly bets that involve weight loss and/or fitness goals. If we lose that bet, we owe the other a service or booze or some such. Bill called for silly bets for Conquest. I responded. I wanted to motivate him. Turns out he wanted to motivate me. Now that I look back on it, I didn't want to be motivated. I didn't want to motivate myself. I wanted to help him out. That was it. My big 'silly bet' motivation convention is Dundracon. Looking back, I should have just cancelled the bet and left it at that. Instead, I made the agreement with him and myself.

I think it is pretty obvious now that I'm not going to win my side of the bet. I cannot lose 10 pounds in less than 10 days. As soon as Bill won his, I was under no obligation (in my mind) to win mine because I knew I would not have to worry about he and I both losing and thus becoming Tiki for a day each (and my concern was more for him than me) and because the bet was really with myself and it was OK to break that.

But, it's not OK. It's not right to make an agreement with yourself and then break it. It's even worse when it is a promise. Granted, this wasn't a promise but still. It is not something that I should allow to go unnoticed like I have so many times before.

My mind has been chasing its tail over this for a couple days now. I think I'm coming to the conclusion that:

1. I cannot be motivated to do something through agreements or promises to myself if I don't really want to be motivated AKA you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped.

2. I need to be a lot more conscious and thoughtful when it comes to making agreements or promises with me. They need to be meant. They cannot be tossed out there without thought, consideration and real consequences if I don't follow through. I am worth more that what I have been giving myself and I need to start that right now.

That all said and done, I find that I do want to be motivated again and I seem to have decided that September 15th is a good day to start something new in regards to health and fitness. I want to do a September 15th to December 1st span. Silly bets are a good motivation. I think I will be looking closer to home for motivational partners. People who have already expressed an interest in improving their health and fitness.

December 1st will be 2 years with the lap band. I need to think up a decent goal and a decent prize. I'll probably be pinging friends for both.


The Firefly foster kittens are ready for adoption but I'm about to go on vacation. I'm going to have to call my case worker lead and ask her what she wants me to do. If I put them up on Petfinder, people will call for them and I won't be there to show them off. If I don't put them up, they won't be available for adoption. This sucks. I'm not sure what to do. These four beautiful kittens are in need of homes. I don't want them to become 'too grown up' for adoption.


The writing front is looking really quite good. I almost couldn't be happier with it except to receive news that TOR and/or DAW want to pick up both Grants Pass and the Edge of Propinquity for hard copy.

Grants Pass - I had a late entry into the Grants Pass anthology. A writer pinged me, asking about the anthology, noting that it was marked closed on the Ralan list and still open on my website. I told him to send it in due to my mistake. I would look at it. I'm glad I did. It is a short-short story. Barely 1000 words but it has the same kind of punch that "Babycakes" by Neil Gaiman gave me. Needless to say, he is in.

The Edge of Propinquity - TEoP has been moving along great. I've drafted up the Call for Submissions that will go up in mid-to-late September with a little help from Brian. James Ward is writing for me for December. Ed said he would write for me after the new year. I'm really happy to hear that. I'm really looking forward to seeing what he's going to come up with for me.

Shadowrun a la FanPro - Just over three years ago, I received my first game writing contract for Sovereign Press. Back then, I was already doing RPG reviews. Shadowrun is one of the genres I got to review and I thought back then that I would love to write for Shadowrun. In fact, I would. It looks like my desire is going to come true. I have been added to Fan Pro's pool of freelance authors for Shadowrun. I'm just waiting for my first assignment from them. I'm just pleased as punch over this.

The THING Reborn - I have been squeaking and squee-ing about this for a couple of days now. I have my new project from Margaret Weis Productions. It is going to be a mass market paperback book with a cover by Stephen Youll. It is another co-authorship but one that I certainly don't mind and would, in fact, chose to do it over having a solo project. The THING will be officially announced sometime at the end of September or the beginning of October. The book is due out in March 2007.

Now, I have not seen the outline yet. Nor have I signed my contract. But both are coming within the next 2-3 weeks. Then, I will be spending a couple of months focused on it and my 9-5 job. I will, most likely, turn down a number of social engagements because this book is incredibly important to me.

I do not know how to express it except to say that this book is the manifestation of one of my main life goals. I have had this particular goal for over ten years: To have a paperback book in the fiction section of any bookstore that sells Sci-fi/Fantasy with my name on the cover of it. The fact that it is so close to reality for me makes me lose my breath. Yes, I have more goals in life than this one but this one has been my main focus for such a long time. It will be strange to not have this particular goal.

My Writing Year - I picked up a "Time Left" timer for my laptop. I have it set to count down until my Writing Year begins. That date is currently set for 1 January 2007. That is 130 days away. My Writing Year may start sooner or later than that, based on my MS contract. I am thinking probably sooner and I won't be upset at that. But, even if it is later, the countdown is there to remind me that this has been another goal of mine that I have worked towards for a long time - to take a year to write for me.

I was about to wax lyrical about being scared stupid over this Writing Year but I think I'll save it for next week when I go sign the loan papers.


Tarot Card for the Day: The Hierophant, Inverted

August

Continue on to: SEPTEMBER 2006
(Created by JLB)